Post by rootbeerfloat on Sept 6, 2012 20:01:31 GMT -5
One of my friends got married (and changed her name) right before I had DS. She was kind enough to send a gift, and in my post-partum haze, I sent her a thank-you note to a made-up name. (It was close to her married name, but not quite). In any case, you should be happy that I am not your friend.
This is no big deal. Continue to use the name by which you prefer to be called. People will eventually get it. Or not. But I promise it doesn't really matter.
One of my friends got married (and changed her name) right before I had DS. She was kind enough to send a gift, and in my post-partum haze, I sent her a thank-you note to a made-up name. (It was close to her married name, but not quite). In any case, you should be happy that I am not your friend.
I like that the first example of the name change wasn't getting a new driver's license or SS card... it was updating Facebook.
Seriously, though, try not to be offended. I'm sure it was just an honest mistake since your married name is so new to them.
LOL, getting a new driver's license was the first actual thing that I did; I just gave the FB example to show that others could see it publicly.
Point taken, thanks to everyone's comments, that I just need to get over it. I will, and trust me, I am not as offended IRL as I may appear to be in this post.
I still call all my childhood friends by their maiden names when referring to them. Otherwise no one knows who I am talking about. Nicole Smith has been Nicole Smith for 30 years. She has been Nicole Reallylonglastname for about a year. It is a 30 year habit.
You are overly sensitive and really need to let this go.
I didn't take my husband's last name and 5 years later I don't correct oh, every single member of his family when they address me by Firstname Hislastname, so I think you can guess my answer.
Really, it isn't that big of a deal. Getting used to a new name for someone you've known forever is tough.
It took at least a year of me being married for my BFFs/close friends and extended family to stop sending things to me or addressing me by my maiden name. Just keep reminding them and eventually it'll all work out. Just last month one of my close friends called me by my maiden name and I've been married 3 years now. Unless they're being deliberately hurtful I say it's NBD.
I know brides who change their FB status before their reception and after the ceremony. Barf worthy
Definitely. There was a bride on TK who wanted the pastor to say "you may now update your Facebook statuses" instead of "you may now kiss the bride," where they would then whip out their cell phones and pretend to update their statuses in front of all their guests. Needless to say, she got flamed pretty hard for that.
I know brides who change their FB status before their reception and after the ceremony. Barf worthy
Definitely. There was a bride on TK who wanted the pastor to say "you may now update your Facebook statuses" instead of "you may now kiss the bride," where they would then whip out their cell phones and pretend to update their statuses in front of all their guests. Needless to say, she got flamed pretty hard for that.
I have a friend who calls all her closest girlfriends by their last names. And she still calls a very old friend by her maiden name. Because she knew her for YEARS before she got married, and it was just in her head that way.
It doesn't mean she has an issue with her husband, or their marriage, or is being passive aggressive. It's just how she originally knew her.
Post by explorer2001 on Sept 6, 2012 23:59:55 GMT -5
Yeah sorry but it's not that big a deal, especially if they were friends with you for a long time first. One of my good friends from college has been married using her married name for a good 8 years and I still slip talking about her to her madien name because that's who she was when I met her and who I know her as. It's not meant to be mean it's just how you are programmed in their brain.
Post by Norticprincess on Sept 7, 2012 2:29:50 GMT -5
My mother forgets my last name quite often. She knows what it is, normally uses it. I get checks written out to maiden name. I just hand them back to her say what's wrong with this? The front desk sign in at the hospital know me by both married and maiden when she asks. She loves my DH, but it was my name for 25+ years vs 5 and is just automatic for her if she is stressed and not thinking.
In the first year I know I signed the wrong name a few times.
I think your over thinking this completely. I never changed my name and people call me DH's lastname all the time..gets to a point, you truly dont care anymore. Does it really matter what is there?
5 pieces of mail in 7 months? Really? My own mom sent me a check with my maiden name after I'd been married 4 years, and she was more excited about the name change thing than I was. It's just a slip of the tongue. Er, hand.
5 pieces of mail in 7 months? Really? My own mom sent me a check with my maiden name after I'd been married 4 years, and she was more excited about the name change thing than I was. It's just a slip of the tongue. Er, hand.
I have been married over 5 years and my mom still makes out checks to my maiden name (which is quite often since I buy her stuff online and she reimburses me a lot). And she's definitely not being passive aggressive. She also calls her best friend who has been married 40-ish years by her maiden name when referring to her
I still would like her to elaborate on the "proud of her new name" thing. Are you a Kennedy now? You have had a lot of time to correct. Can you tell me exactly what word you meant to use? Spirited, honored, appreciative??? None of them seem to fit.
I don't come from or marry into a family with a "legacy" name so maybe I just don't get it.
This thread is cracking me up. Who the hell cares? Your maiden name is how they have known you for possibly decades. It's how they think of you and will be for a loooong time. It's not an insult. It just takes time to adjust. Not everyone is as excited and proud of your new name as you apparently are. Be happy that you get mail from friends and leave it at that.
I didn't change my name. My aunt sent me an inheritance check to myfirstname H'slastname. When I called to tell her that she had made a very large check out to H's cousin, she whined, "Nooobody tells me aaaaanythiiing!!" Um, ok. What's to tell? Nothing has changed. My name is the same as it has been for the past 30 years.
If it bothers you that much, by all means say something. But I just can't imagine caring. Most of my friends from college still use one another's maiden names, and we have all been married for years.
Many of my friends have taken their H's names. Even after they got married, when I'd think about them in my head, their maiden name is just what popped up naturally. I'd have to make an effort to remember their new names because I'd known them one way for like 25 years. It is only recently that I've started to naturally think of them with their new name. Most of them have been married 5-10 years now.
Old habits die hard. They probably start writing your name and realized too late that they wrote your maiden name instead of married and didn't think it was a big enough deal to scrap the envelope. You are definitely reading too much into this.
I'm also guessing that you are in your early 20s. Because it is really silly to be PROUD of having a new name. It is not that big a deal.
Rather than being annoyed at your friends, I'd be touched to have gotten ACTUAL mail in the last 7 months. I *LOVE* getting mail, so yeah, people can address my name however they like. To take the time to send an actual piece of mail instead of a text would make me happy rather than pissed off.
I haven't read all 3 pages of responses, but I think you're overreacting.
I kept my maiden name, but people call me by my H's last name all the time. Sometimes it comes from a person who knows what my actual name is, other times it's a person who just assumes incorrectly that I have the same last name as my H. I don't make a big deal out of it either way. Sure, it's a little irritating, but oh well, I've stopped fighting that battle. Not worth getting all upset over. There are bigger problems in the world.
I only correct people if it's a situation where my name is going on some kind of legal/important document and it's imperative that my correct name is listed.
Post by MadamePresident on Sept 7, 2012 13:11:57 GMT -5
I get that it can be exciting to get married and a common part of that is changing your name. Maybe that is what you meant by proud?
Either way, don't be offended. I was a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding and I still call her by her maiden name half the time. We have a couple friends with the same first name, so I will use last names to clarify. I get it wrong half the time.
My mom misspells my married name occasionally and I've been married for over 5 years.