s/o s/o s/o s/o red flags in recent relationships

[achase123]

I'm curious about how far we've come in detecting red flags. What are recent relationship red flags you've come across that caused you to pause or even end things, since you've been SO?

-learning that V didn't want kids and didn't have a desire to get married

-when J didn't pick up the tab when we took my mom for breakfast even though I'd asked him to before we went out, because I knew she would appreciate the gesture.

-when J told his dog "don't worry, you're still my #1" when we were getting ready to go out and she looked sad

-when another J told me he loved me after two weeks of dating

-when yet another J could only bash his ex-wife, it was kind of all we talked about because I was fresh out of my marriage and mainly into bashing XH

-when ANOTHER J would only text after 10pm at night

-when C confessed he did anabolic steroids after I basically made him admit to it

-when C yelled at me at my high school reunion

[jade28]

This is a good question. I haven't dated that many people since my divorce and I am in my first real relationship but I have definitely started to understand "red flags" better and know what to avoid, including:

- Guys with sketchy or bad employment histories and no degree. Yep this has been my relationship pattern but now I see it and it's a dealbreaker if you cannot commit to a job, school or anything of importance.

- Guys who blame everyone and anyone except themselves.

- Guys who say "I Love You" or want to sleep with me when they don't even know me.

- Nice guys who are really nice but I just don't like. I do not need to be the girl who helps the nice guys. I don't need to love them.

- Co-workers.

- Selfish people.

[udscoobychick]

I noticed that I tended to feel really dumb around the guy I dated before BF. I don't think he did it intentionally (he was REALLY smart), but I didn't like it.

[jade28]

Another one:

- Guys who are not confident! Whether they act overconfident (constantly talk about how awesome they are) or lack all confidence (low self-esteem, need love/attention, etc). One thing I know is a guy with poor confidence is gonna cheat, be controlling, be indecisive and not know what they want or too needy.

[doriswe]

I've not really been in a relationship since my divorce, so I'm worried about this down the road. In dating situations lately, I think I've been pretty good about picking out red flags right off the bat, but I worry it's easier initially than after you are invested in a relationship, kwim?

[Bernadine]

I think you should not date any more Js, lol.

No red flags yet, but I haven't gone out with many guys past a second date.

[achase123]

I forgot a few:

-when one of the J's wanted to push for sex the first night we went out

-when V told me I wouldn't have a six pack before I went to Scottsdale (I told him that was my goal) and then proceeded to point out stretch marks on my hips that I never even knew existed

[marigoldgirl]

I have had one with a new guy I was dating. We were about three dates in and I found myself censoring my thoughts around him. Censoring what I was going to say. I realized I never wanted to do this again. I wanted to be able to say what I thought without worrying about what they might think.

[redredwine]

-Several of them didn't really have friends. This is a sign to me that they don't keep relationships. This is a big red flag to me.

-D asked me on the second date how many kids I wanted to have with him. Like as in we were making out and he asked "How many kids do you want to have with me?" Ugh...dude? It's a second date. yah, that was the last date.

-A didn't drink. But the red flag was because he -more recently than not-went on binges for days at a time so he dind't thave a healthy relationship with alcohol. Or his emotions, really.

-T smoked alot of pot. Not so much a red flag, but a sign that it wasn't going to work long term because there was no way I was going to change him with that. If we'd have kids, I'd want him to stop.

[emma245]

Hmmm I only had a couple very casual relationships and one serious one for a year but here goes:

1) Guys who overcommunicate (think sending me emoticons all day) and under communicate (no text in 2 days and Im dating you 6 months=annoying)
2) Guys who are obsessed with working out/eating healthy. I work out but I am not obsessive and I like happy hour so sorry.
3) Guys who ALWAYS want to do stuff with their friends-no alone time-probably means alone time=boring or well I'm boring (not sure which one)
4) Guys who own pieces of clothing for more than 15 years-Im talking shoes. There is frugal and just plain cheap. Im not a snob but honestly.....

[hobs209]

I knew I'd never actually get into a relationship with W when he told me that despite getting his PhD in physics, he had absolutely no clue what he wanted to do with his life. Also when we talked about poker and he said, "Oh I used to play seriously until I got interested in pool. I like to learn everything I can about something and then move on to something new."

Likewise, I was interested in another guy until I realized he constantly bitched about his ex and had been through several jobs in a matter of a couple of years.

I don't care if I read too much into things, it seemed like neither of these guys could buckle down and commit to anything.

[usedtobebear]

I'm learning so much from this post, thank you ladies!!

[mandimija]

-no conversational skills. At all.
-desperate for a serious relationship right. fucking. now. Screw all of the building steps. Or even being happy with yourself.
-criticizing my driving non-stop.
-sexist remarks.
-warning me that there will be traffic on game day in a city that worships football. No shit, Sherlock.
-telling me that as a woman, I can't drive in heavy traffic because it's too dangerous. Given, Mijo gets concerned now, but that's because I have a severe neck injury amd cant turn my head well after a fay if teaching, not because I lack a penis.
-little to no ambition. At 30.
-wanting me to meet his whole family. After the first date.
-bitching about every. little. thing.
-little jabs clumsily disguised as 'jokes'
-being way too interested in my divorced status
-hounding for details of my abuse with morbid fascination
-smoking
-being a teetotaler or a booze hound
-judgmental attitude

I had a lot of one-date wonders. People can be nutbags.