H Depression

[firelight1210]

My h is currently going through a bout of depression, and I'm feeling useless. He's bipolar, and this happens a few times a year or so, and every time I just feel like I'm doing useless shit.

He says he doesn't feel valuable and it's not needed by anyone. How do you make someone feel that way? I've said it, but maybe I'm nut following through in actions.

Before anyone asks, he is in therapy and has an appointment on Monday with his doc, but until then I just want to do the most I can.

Thanks for any advice!

[compassrose]

((hugs)) My BFF is bi-polar and we've been through the gamut in the last 16 years. I've tried being supportive, tough love, empathy, taking care of her, etc. She's better on the right drugs and doing CBT/DBT therapy, but she's not been going to therapy regularly and I can tell.

Truly, there's not a lot you can do besides be there and not ride the rollercoaster, too (which is incredibly hard to do). I have put up more boundaries in the last 5 years, which has helped me, but we aren't as close as we used to be, either (we used to talk for hours multiple times a week in our early 20s). It doesn't sound like as good an option for a spouse, but I do think that keeping your happiness separate from his to some extent might be necessary. It helps me be more patient.

[papie]

I'm no bipolar but I struggle with depression and anxiety.  When I'm feeling really low, like right now, I just need someone to listen without downplaying, hold my hand, and tell me it's going to get better.  I can figure out the steps to get better myself (meds/therapy), so advice is usually unwelcome.  But it is different for everyone. 

[bluelikejazz]

(hugs) DH goes through similar moods (he's not diagnosed depressed, but I'm convinced he is), but when he gets into the same "I don't feel valuable" or "everything is wrong" mentality, usually the best thing I can do for him is feed his love language (Physical touch and quality time) - so I'll pick a Netflix or Redbox movie, pour some wine or beer, and we'll cuddle on the couch watching the movie.

[sonrisa]

((hugs))

[sb]

I'm bipolar and just went through a depressive episode. I don't really have any specific advice because everyone is different.

I just wanted to say you're a good wife for looking for ways to help him. I think the biggest thing I appreciate my H doing for me is just taking care of things/giving me slack and talking to me about how I'm feeling.

[VillainV]

Is he taking any medication? Any chance he needs to change his dose?

[mrsukyankee]

You might also ask if you can talk to his therapist to see if you can get any help on how to support him. OR see your own.