Cracking up at "how to write pet condolence" page

[vanillacourage]

www.bestcardmessages.com/sympathy-messages-for-pet-loss.html

Starts off ok -

Sympathy Messages for Death of a Pet
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Sometimes you will need general pet sympathy card messages. You can use these pet condolence messages to help you get your message started or leave them the way they are.

I am sorry about your pet dying. I know it was special and became part of your family.
All good things come to an end, and I guess that even means good pets. I am sorry for your loss.
Some animals are extra special, and when we lose them, we feel a real loss. My condolences on the loss of your pet.
I don't know that I can say anything to make you feel better after losing your pet, but I would like to say I'm sorry for your loss.
Some people don't think that losing a pet is a big deal, but I know that it can be difficult. Pets can be great friends and even family members. My condolences.
I am sorry to hear that you lost your pet. Feel free to come by and take my pain in the butt pet any time you'd like to borrow him.

Sympathy Messages for Death of a Dog
Use these sympathy card messages for dogs.

When they say a dog is man's best friend, it's easy to understand why it's so difficult to lose a great dog. Losing your best friend is difficult.
There is something special about dogs to be able to bond with their owners. That relationship can be difficult to lose. I am sorry you lost your dog.
Life is too short for dogs. We get to watch them as puppies all the way through old age. A dog will give it's entire life to pleasing us. My condolences on the loss of your dog.
They're cute, funny, happy, protective, sweet, and understanding. What more could you ask from a pet or even a person? Your dog was all of these things. My condolences.
They broke the mold when your dog died. There will never be another one like him. I am sorry for your loss.

Sympathy Messages for Death of a Cat
When someone's cat dies, you can use these messages for your sympathy card.

Although cats are relatively independent creatures, you get used to having them around and miss them when they are gone. Sorry for your loss.
I wish cats did have nine lives. Then I wouldn't have to say "My condolences for the loss of your cat."
Cats entertain us with their athletic abilities. They pounce several feet, sprint quickly, and land on their feet. I am sorry for the loss of the athletic member of your family.
It's amazing how much you can miss a cat. My condolences.
Dogs may be man's best friend, but cats are members of the family. Sorry for the loss of your family member.

But then - Wait for it!!!

Condolence Messages for Loss of a Fish
Use these fish sympathy card messages when you don't know what to say in a pet condolence card. These can be used for a variety of fish species whether goldfish or shark.

Something is fishy about the way your fish died. I am sorry about your loss.
My condolences on your fish dying. It was a blessing that it didn't drown to death.
It's a good thing fish can't drown, but I am sorry your fish floated.
I will miss watching your fish swim around. I am sorry for your loss of enjoyment of your fish.
I can't believe how much I miss your fish. He was really cool and seemed to relax me. My condolences on the loss of your fish.

:-(

[loveday]

My condolences on your fish dying. It was a blessing that it didn't drown to death.

I am howling with laughter. I have no empathy.