Thank you Question

[MrsMB]

MIL and I are estranged. It's a long weird story. We're not really speaking. I just email her baby pictures once a week to satisfy my performance requirements and that's it.

She sent me a very generous birthday check in the mail. Normally, she sends me a ton of clothes. I assume she took her normal budget and just sent it in a check. I appreciate the check more, to be honest.

In the past, I'd call her to thank her and we would chat for a while. We aren't really speaking. Even her normal flowery card was very short/blunt.

Normally, I'd write a thank you note to most people. Their family tends to get weirded out regarding thank you notes for birthday/Christmas gifts, so I've always called.

So...call, text, email, or write a thank you?

[m1and1m]

Without knowing the background it's hard to really say, because I can't imagine receiving a birthday gift from somebody I'm estranged from. <--- the grammar is terrible in that sentence but I think you can understand what I'm trying to say.
My guess is that she has some desire for reconciliation or else she's doing it out of obligation and nothing more. If you don't wish to reconcile or it's the latter, I would send a thank you note. If it's the former and you do desire to reconcile I would call. Otherwise I imagine the phone call would be very stilted and uncomfortable for both of you.

[MrsMB]

Sept 17, 2016 20:10:07 GMT -5 m1and1m said:

Without knowing the background it's hard to really say, because I can't imagine receiving a birthday gift from somebody I'm estranged from. <--- the grammar is terrible in that sentence but I think you can understand what I'm trying to say.
My guess is that she has some desire for reconciliation or else she's doing it out of obligation and nothing more. If you don't wish to reconcile or it's the latter, I would send a thank you note. If it's the former and you do desire to reconcile I would call. Otherwise I imagine the phone call would be very stilted and uncomfortable for both of you.

I can't provide background.....it would take too long. (Plus, it's emotionally draining.) I can say it was out of obligation from her....I certainly didn't expect anything.

[m1and1m]

You're grammar is fine, mine is the one all jumbled, haha. I think there's supposed to be a whom in that sentence somewhere but I can't think well enough to piece it out properly right now.

[luv2rn4fun]

That's a hard one, even knowing some of the background (and having a similar relationship with my own MIL). Do you want to reconcile or hope to in the future? I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation as I could see myself doing any of the above except a text message.

[Deleted]

Me personally I would send a thank you card. Honestly I let my DH handle talking with his parents and I handle talking to my mom. We aren't estranged, its just easier that way. I would send a nice thank you card just to show my appreciation and to be civil. Anything beyond that, I would have H deliver the message verbally since its easier. Granted my ILs are over 1000 miles away and I do love them, h and I were just raised differently and it can be obvious at times.

[MrsMB]

Sept 17, 2016 20:40:07 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

That's a hard one, even knowing some of the background (and having a similar relationship with my own MIL). Do you want to reconcile or hope to in the future? I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation as I could see myself doing any of the above except a text message.

I don't know where I stand long term....the whole thing escalated more than I've shared. DH even agreed it was messed up behavior on their part.

Right now, I can love and forgive them from afar.

I may send an email since that's been somewhat of a safer zone as of recently.

[bk1]

I would avoid a phone call since it would be very uncomfortable. If you are already emailing photos then email might be the best way to go. You can say thank you but minimize the awkwardness.

[travelbug]

I'm also going to suggest the email route, I would include it in the next set of baby photos. Maybe tell her something you purchased with the check, I don't know if that's something they are into without knowing them of course! Sorry you have to deal with this. My MIL and I are also currently not speaking, but H's side of the family typically never speaks to us except my FIL.

[luv2rn4fun]

Sept 17, 2016 21:42:23 GMT -5 bk1 said:

I would avoid a phone call since it would be very uncomfortable. If you are already emailing photos then email might be the best way to go. You can say thank you but minimize the awkwardness.

MrsMB- based on your last response, I agree with this.

[MrsAggie]

Ditto previous posters, I'd send a thank you via email with pictures. Baby pictures make everything go smoother in my experience.

[awick14]

Sept 17, 2016 22:36:00 GMT -5 MrsAggie said:

Ditto previous posters, I'd send a thank you via email with pictures. Baby pictures make everything go smoother in my experience.

This! And I agree adding baby photos to things seems to smooth things out a little.

[wanderingenough]

I'd send an email. I'm a thank you card person also, but H's family isn't so it would be easy to forego that obligation in that case as well.

[Deleted]

I agree with PPs, adding it to your weekly baby pics email seems the least awkward and trouble causing.
Other than that, if YH is still calling/texting his parents he could thank her for you? (This is what I do for H sometimes & vice versa)

[MrsMB]

Sept 18, 2016 7:22:25 GMT -5 wanderingenough said:

I'd send an email. I'm a thank you card person also, but H's family isn't so it would be easy to forego that obligation in that case as well.

It's the weirdest thing. When we were newly married, they told DH it made them uncomfortable when I sent thank you notes. They don't send them, so maybe it's a cultural thing? Like, I send them to everyone else.

I am going to add it in my weekly pic email. I'd have DH do it.....but that was one small facet of their original beef with me.

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2016 10:30:21 GMT -5 MrsMB said:

*snip*
I am going to add it in my weekly pic email. I'd have DH do it.....but that was one small facet of their original beef with me.

In that case, I definitely wouldn't have him do it for you!