My Saturday Saga

[katespade]

You guys will probably be the only people I share this full story with, other than my therapist and H.

All things considered, I did pretty well throughout the day yesterday. I was calm and collected and ready to follow through with my plans. I told myself that if I could get up there and stay through the VIP pre-show I would feel good about my accomplishment, even if I didn't stay through the actual concert.

The drive should take an hour and fifteen minutes, so I planned to leave two hours early to make sure I had extra time for traffic, parking, etc. I got out of the house on time with no issues, which is rare in situations like this, so I was feeling pretty good. When I stopped by the bank on my way out of time I smacked my back tire on the curb, but didn't think much of it.

I got about 20 minutes into the drive there, and my low tire pressure light came on. Oooooooh shit. I pulled over at a rest stop, checked my tires, and didn't see any obvious issues with any of them. I called H from the rest stop and asked him what to do.

He was able to convince me to keep going instead of turning around and going home, but now I was freaking out about having a tire blow out on the freeway. Then, the drizzle of rain turned into a downpour. For most of my drive there, it was raining so hard that I could barely see the lines on the road. So, of course, everyone was driving super slow, which added extra time to my drive.

I got into the city with about 20 minutes to spare, but couldn't find the venue. It took me another 10 minutes and two stops to check my GPS to find it. Then, there was no parking. 30 minutes later, I was 20 minutes late for the pre-show and still couldn't find a place to park.

At this point, I was completely freaking out. Like, screaming, sobbing, hysterically freaking out. I called H again, and he listened to me scream and sob for a few minutes before he helped me calm down and try to figure out what to do.

I ended up parking in a grocery store lot, which was only good for 90 minutes, and walking through the store to make it look like I was a customer. I ended up being 30 minutes late and missed the actual music part of the pre-show, but got to hear them answer a few questions, talked to them for a couple of minutes, got some signed stuff, and took a picture with them.

Then, I had a decision to make. I could either sit around for two hours waiting for the actual concert to start (which would involve finding a new parking spot), or I could call it a day and go home while it was still light out (in case my tire decided to blow out on the way home).

At that point, I was done. I was upset, I was disappointed in myself for not getting there on time, I was nervous about getting home, and I was exhausted. So, I went back to the grocery store, bought a bottle of water because my throat hurt from my freak out, and went home. I listened to one of their CDs during my drive back, and felt guilty and shameful that I didn't suck it up and stay for the actual concert after missing the beginning of the pre-show.

I'm trying to think about it positively - I made it there, which is better than I did last time. But I'm struggling to ignore the guilt and shame. I'm really glad that I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, because I think it will help to talk about it while it's fresh.


This got really long. If you made it to the end, congratulations and thank you. If you didn't, I don't blame you.

[MrsAggie]

((Hugs)) I think it's impressive that after all that you still made it in for the pre-show! After looking for parking that long, I would have been tempted to throw in the towel.

[katespade]

MrsAggie - It was insane! What kind of music venue is in the middle of a big city and doesn't have any type of designated parking area? Like, there was nothing. No parking lot that just happened to be full or anything. Just, "Good luck, figure it out." Every parking zone I found was designated as "Customers Only" for other businesses in the area.

[melsamoony]

katespade you did great!!!! You had a lot of obstsacles to overcome without even considering your anxiety. You overcame them all and made it to the preshow which was your goal. It sucks that you missed the music part but you did what you aimed to do. Give yourself a big pat on the back and a hug.

[katespade]

Thank you, melsamoony. I really appreciate hearing that.

[bk1]

You did awesome! You overcame so many things just to get to the pre-show. And I completely understand with wanting to get home while it was still light. I would have had too much anxiety about going alone that I never would have made the plans. I'm super impressed with all you did! Don't get down on yourself, truly.

[travelbug]

I think you did great!!! You accomplished so many awesome things even if you didn't get to see the full concert. You should be so proud of yourself

[Deleted]

I'm the same as bk1, I wouldn't have been able to go alone. That in itself is a great accomplishment.

Plus you have all these accomplishments:
You made it there despite car & weather issues.
When you felt lost you relied on YH for help.
You resolved a seemingly impossible parking situation.
You didn't allow onslaught of unforeseen issues or your anxiety to stop you from enjoying what you could of the pre-show.
&& You did better than last time -- never ever feel shame about improvement!

So... that was a really long response, but I just wanted to emphasize how great you did. <3

[katespade]

bk1, travelbug, @opal - Thank you all so much. I can't even describe how much your support means to me. It's actually really helpful to hear that I'm not alone in feeling like there were a ridiculous amount of issues that I had to fight through, even on top of my anxiety making everything seem worse than it was.

[katespade]

@opal - When you list it out like that, it does feel like I accomplished a lot! I think it's easier for me to see all of the things I didn't do, without taking time to stop and list out all of the things I accomplished like you did. Thank you for that. I really needed to see that perspective.

[Deleted]

Sending huge hugs!!! Don't feel guilty or shame about that! You made a huge accomplishment!

Trying to find a parking spot, I may of thrown in the towel too. That's why I hardly ever drive anywhere.

Just know you did awesome and I am so proud of you!

[estrellita]

*hugs* finding parking and driving around a big city definitely gives me anxiety. You did great! So proud of you

[wanderingenough]

I give you props just for going to a concert alone! That's brave as it is! Way to go!

[awick14]

Wow you did way better then I would have. I would have given up at finding parking. Congrats on making it as far as you did.