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[mrsukyankee]

As a teacher - yes. I would move her. And I would talk to the head about the substitute who blew off your daughter.

[Deleted]

Yes I would. I would go talk to the school counselor or the principal about the situation. In my school we would talk to the student and the parent about his behavior.

[dowagercountess]

Yes. And ffs, talk to the teacher before the principal. And if she gives you shit tell her I'll come kick her assistant.

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[dowagercountess]

Assembly.

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[joenali]

I'd move her.

[dowagercountess]

Ass. ASS.

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[iamgrace]

She should, yes.

[joenali]

Actually I would move him, to his own special spot in the classroom!

[speckledfrog]

tators, amber likes to say inflammatory things. It's her schtick.

[Deleted]

this happened to me in 5th grade, and the teacher just did a "hey! the whole class is moving and everyone is being rearranged!" my parents were telling me to suck it up until the shitthead girl next door ordered like twenty pizzas and had them delivered to our house one night.

[Deleted]

I have a weak stomach. Lice alone would be a good reason for me to want the kid moved. And yes, I had lice once when I was a kid, and I know everyone gets it, and clean people get it, etc. But still.

[imimahoney]

Lurker and teacher here...

That response was not acceptable especially because bullying is involved.

I would tell the teacher to move his seat/make it so your daughter is not singled out. If the teacher does not comply I would go to her supervisor.

[nsl]

Another lurker/teacher who thinks the teacher's response was bullshit. This isn't a "we'll talk about it" scenario, this is a "of course, and I'll speak with the kid/his parents immediately" scenario. I'd e-mail again, a bit more forcefully this time, and depending on her response I'd elevate it to the principal/assistant principal.

[3rdgrdteach]

Sept 9, 2012 11:16:25 GMT -5 joenali said:

Actually I would move him, to his own special spot in the classroom!

Yup

[julesf84]

Yep! I would definitely move her and handle the situation. I agree with DC. Go to the teacher first to have the situation handled.

[wildfloweragain]

Did you really come off as "I want them separated immediately?" If you did, that could be why the teacher is pushing back.

I would have moved the kids, and maybe she did, but didn't respond to your demand.

It is physically impossible to accommodate every parent's (do this, do that, and I want my kid by this other kid but not that kid" request/demand.

If you didn't really demand it that way and you feel like you went to the teacher and she is not protecting your child, it's time to move up to the assistant principle.

[rugbywife]

One day of a kid taking stuff from a kid's desk isn't bullying. It's a conflict. Children need to learn the difference between the two. Yes, he did something repeatedly even though she asked him to stop. This in and of itself is not bullying, unless there were other incidents.

I think the teacher should move her desk but that won't necessarily solve any of the issues and does not in any way guarantee that the kid won't bug your child again.

[Deleted]

Pinky was being picked on by some shit kid up in her class in the second grade and I asked that the other girl be moved. Pinky's bff sat on the other side of them and I didn't think it fair that this kid was being the jerk but mine should have to give up her spot next to her friend.

If it helps me to sound less crazy, pinky only mentioned this girl a handful of times. But when I went up there to see her for some reason or another, all pinky's little friends bumrushed me to tell me all about how this little shit picked on pinky "and I don't know why, pinky's mom, because pinky is always nice to everyone but she picks on her anyway."

[speckledfrog]

My guess is that she wants to get back in the classroom before she agrees to anything.

[Deleted]

Let me preface this with, I, in no way disagree with saying that this boy is bullying. He was doing this to get a negative reaction from your daughter and he got it. That is bullying.

It makes me wonder though about the boy's life. It seems like he is trying to get attention, any kind of attention and will take what he gets. Some kids act out like this because they don't have friends and don't know how to go about making them. This could be the only way he knows how to interact with other kids. I could be way off, but am just going off the details provided. I agree, though, that the teacher needs to handle this because, for 7 year-olds, this behavior is not acceptable.

[rugbywife]

Sept 9, 2012 21:30:59 GMT -5 @amber said:

Sept 9, 2012 19:34:12 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

One day of a kid taking stuff from a kid's desk isn't bullying. It's a conflict. Children need to learn the difference between the two. Yes, he did something repeatedly even though she asked him to stop. This in and of itself is not bullying, unless there were other incidents.

I think the teacher should move her desk but that won't necessarily solve any of the issues and does not in any way guarantee that the kid won't bug your child again.

I disagree. My daughter is one of the smallest children in her grade (and youngest). That boy is one of the largest. This kid taking her things even once is bullying. These are 7 yr olds, not coworkers or a court of law. This fucking kid was being a dick to my kid to the point it made her cry. That is bullying. That is not a conflict my 7 year old needs to learn to resolve on her own. She's sitting at her desk and a kid is grabbing things and throwing them? No.
Also, this teacher has already told me my daughter may need to stay back next year. So maybe we shouldn't put the already struggling kid into a social conflict as well. She doesn't need to be next to the one that is very clearly the misfit.

I realize that you don't want to hear that it wasn't bullying but the reality is that you heard one side of it. Bullying, in particular when it doesn't involve fear of physical or sexual harm, must be repeated and sustained over a period of time. That is what makes a behaviour bullying. Yes, your child cried, children cry all the time. The teacher needs to speak to both children in order to get a better understanding of the events that took place, at this point all she has heard is what you have said. I am not saying your daughter shouldn't have her seat moved, I am saying that kid sitting at his desk and pulling stuff out of her desk isn't bullying in an of itself, it could just be a kid trying to bug another kid. It happens. Or at least, it did when I was kid. If that type of behaviour happened for a week on end, with teacher involvement and coaching on the matter, then I would thin that it could be defined as bullying. But again, I am playing devil's advocate with the fact that there is only one side being told here and the fact that I see children interact with each other all the time. Kids come running up to me on the play ground claiming that Billy bullied Sally because Billy took her ball. That's not bullying, that's a conflict. And whilst I don't suggest that your daughter has to resolve all conflicts on her own, if she is indeed the smallest in her class and facing academic challenges, I suggest working with her now on how she deals with conflict because she has many years of schooling ahead of her and her ability to work through conflict (yes, as young as 7) will help her. Obviously she has some skills, because she spoke to a supply teacher, which many younger students won't do, so that much is good. And while it must have been disheartening to her that he brushed her off, it is also possible that that is her interpretation of the events and not entirely what happened.

[Deleted]

If he can carry on adult conversations, it sounds like he might have trouble relating to kids his own age. I see this in my own classroom often, it's common for kids with older siblings.

[rugbywife]

Sept 9, 2012 21:47:43 GMT -5 @amber said:

In kindergarten, I did a little 5 minute assessment with each kid as one of the volunteer things. He was one of those really smart kids who carry on adult conversations- he talked about football and his numerous older siblings.
I think I'm super sensitive because she's struggling so hard in school.

You are being sensitive because you love your daughter and you want her to love school too, which is especially important when a child is struggling in school. That is good. And it is good that you advocate for your child too. But as an educator I don't make any promises to parents until I do my due diligence and talk to all the parties involved. I also know that not being at school makes it very difficult to deal with these kinds of situations, she wants to do something but she needs to be there to do it.

[statlerwaldorf]

I can understand the teacher not wanting to change the seating arrangement while they have a substitute.

[kradleygirl]

Sept 9, 2012 23:41:58 GMT -5 @amber said:

I think that's nice and all, rugby, but no. Moving a kids seat takes like 2.5 seconds. This is not rocket science. This is not a conflict that needs mediation and discussions. The kid was a fuckface and he needs to be reprimanded. I don't need the other side. There is no justification for being a fuckface.

Lurking teacher coming out here.

It is possible that the other child needs a reprimand, and it is sucky that the substitute didn't investigate the issue, but it sounds like your teacher will deal with it once she's back at school. I'm guessing she doesn't want to promise something without hearing the full story herself.

Even if you don't want to hear the other side, professionally it would be amiss for the teacher to not investigate both sides herself before getting back to you.


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[rugbywife]

Sept 9, 2012 23:41:58 GMT -5 @amber said:

I think that's nice and all, rugby, but no. Moving a kids seat takes like 2.5 seconds. This is not rocket science. This is not a conflict that needs mediation and discussions. The kid was a fuckface and he needs to be reprimanded. I don't need the other side. There is no justification for being a fuckface.

Hmm, so what you are saying is that you think it's bullying but you DON'T want the teacher to do any mediation between the parties? Even though that is generally the first step needs to take place, some 'teaching' about how people should behave? And you don't think she should even discuss it with the other child first, at the very least listen to what the other child has to say? She should only listen to your child's story and then act immediately?

Maybe you should see if from the side of the parent of the other child...what if you child was being called a bully (or a fuckface for that matter, or a crazy mormon) by someone and the teacher simply took it as truth and never even spoke to your child to hear what he/she had to say? I can guarantee you that parent wouldn't be happy.

Give the teacher a chance, it was a weekend and clearly she was out of the classroom Friday and Monday. I am not saying that it doesn't warrant a seat change, I am saying that in a classroom these things involve more steps, your child isn't the only party involved.

[ohiowan]

(Another teacher) Let the teacher get back to find out what's happening. There are a lot of things that could be happening here. The kid could just be finding out what he can get away with while the teacher has a sub (which is still shitty); your daughter may have done something to start the conflict that she doesn't want to tell you about; the boy could have a crush on her and is doing typical little boy crush things.

How have you approached the situation with your daughter? Have you told her what to say to the boy if he does it again? to the sub?

[hubes]

Some of the teachers in this thread have really disappointed me.

[ohiowan]

Sept 10, 2012 7:07:19 GMT -5 hubes said:

Some of the teachers in this thread have really disappointed me.

It's hard to give advice not being part of the situation. Most schools have their own policies and procedures to follow on this sort of thing, and as a teacher, you have to be careful of EVERYTHING you do, because everyone is waiting to tear you apart if you "pick on" their kid. I think the teacher is right to handle it when she's there, but I also think she should ask the sub to move the daughter or boy until she returns and can see what's happening.

ETA - half the time, even on this anonymous site, I still go back and make sure my language isn't reprehensible in case my students happen upon it. 'Cause let me tell ya, I curse like a sailor when it's just fam, close friends, and the h. Coworkers, facebook, or online? um no.

[needlenosened]

I agree that this one case isn't "bullying". If it is part of a larger problem, it could be. But not this one incident.

Also, some posters are jumping on the substitute teacher, give them a break. Who knows what actually happened, what your daughter actually told the teacher, if it was an appropriate time to tell, etc.