Do men really prefer bitches?

[Deleted]

Was just browsing through the book "why men love bitches" and I think there are some valid points. Not being too available to them in the beginning, not acting overly interested, not noticing if they forget to call, not giving them too much too soon--like cooking for them and sex too early on.
My question is, doesn't it seem like a fine line between being strong and giving them the feeling that you're not interested? I obviously need to be schooled. What are your thoughts?

[bullygirl979]

I think there is something to be said for having your own life vs. being desperate vs. playing games.

I think men ARE turned off by women who give too much too soon. Hell, I am turned off by guys who give too much too soon. But I also don't believe in playing games. I am not going to change who I am or how I act to get a guy to chase me. Because, IMHO, if a guy is interested because of the chase, what happens when you are a couple and there is no more chasing? Then he is going to get bored and move on.

If you have your own life and therefore are not totally available at the drop of a hat and putting your stuff on hold for a guy, this is attractive to men (and women). I don't consider it "bitchy" to say "Oh, I can't go out again until 5 days from now" if you already have other plans---it just means you have a life. KWIM?

[Deleted]

I agree, I'm also turned off by too much too soon. I get the whole having a life and room to breathe thing.. But, for me it's confusing with guys because it can be hard to tell if they're not really that into you, or just playing it cool in the beginning by not calling too often etc. I try and roll with the punches and I won't call if they don't, but sometimes they are just hard to read in the beginning. KWIM?

[bullygirl979]

Sept 9, 2012 11:59:55 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

I agree, I'm also turned off by too much too soon. I get the whole having a life and room to breathe thing.. But, for me it's confusing with guys because it can be hard to tell if they're not really that into you, or just playing it cool in the beginning by not calling too often etc. I try and roll with the punches and I won't call if they don't, but sometimes they are just hard to read in the beginning. KWIM?

I do but I guess I don't know what your definition of "too often" is. If I am dating/talking to someone I expect to be in touch every few days. I don't adhere to that "if they don't call, then I won't either rule" with one exception: if they don't call or text I will. Once. But if they don't respond to that call or text, I take it they are not interested and I move on.

For example, the guy I am chatting with now. We "chat" via text about every other day. Sometimes it is just a quick "hey when are you free this week?". If I don't hear from him I don't fret about it. And some days I initiate the texting. But we touch base at least 2-3 times a week.

[Deleted]

I hear you. Well the guy I'm talking to have been texting for a while. We work in the same place. went out weds, we thought of doing something fri, but he said he wasn't feeling well. I told him to give me a call sun(today) so now we'll see. If I don't hear from him, then I guess that's it.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 9, 2012 12:21:32 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

I hear you. Well the guy I'm talking to have been texting for a while. We work in the same place. went out weds, we thought of doing something fri, but he said he wasn't feeling well. I told him to give me a call sun(today) so now we'll see. If I don't hear from him, then I guess that's it.

Eh, I might reach out once but if you don't hear back, I would let it go.

[jojoandleo]

Sept 9, 2012 11:50:56 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

I think there is something to be said for having your own life vs. being desperate vs. playing games.

:Y: :Y: I think you should be who you are, not what some book tells you to be. I think the book doesn't mean "bitches" but women with independence. (I HATE that strong women get called bitches, so that book can go fuck itself, FYI). I think that is one of the reasons this board pushes therapy so hard. You aren't going to find someone to love you until you love yourself.

I think there is also something to be said for not putting up with being treated like crap (which also gets women called bitches 8-D ). If you stand up for yourself and what you want and leave if the guy can't provide it, you will eventually find the right guy rather than settling.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2012 13:29:26 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Sept 9, 2012 11:50:56 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

I think there is something to be said for having your own life vs. being desperate vs. playing games.

I think you should be who you are, not what some book tells you to be. I think the book doesn't mean "bitches" but women with independence. (I HATE that strong women get called bitches, so that book can go fuck itself, FYI). I think that is one of the reasons this board pushes therapy so hard. You aren't going to find someone to love you until you love yourself.

I think there is also something to be said for not putting up with being treated like crap (which also gets women called bitches ). If you stand up for yourself and what you want and leave if the guy can't provide it, you will eventually find the right guy rather than settling.

Im in love with jojo today.

i have been told by a few men that i was too independent for them. how can being independent be a bad thing? my response...you cant handle a strong woman who doesnt need you to need them so much.

i can provide for myself, i am not needy, not jealous, like my alone time....etc...does that make me a bitch? no

we see women constantly who build themselves around their partner at the time...they rearrange schedules, change clothing, eat differently, drop their friends etc...so, i dont think that mean like bitches more. i think they like strong independent women who can have their own views, not be so needy and dependent and not have their whole lives revolve around them.

[gozf]

I love JoJo always.

[doriswe]

Stumbled on this, which sort of speaks to this topic:

yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=9247&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1368047

[blackkitty]

I think men prefer women that don't read books to figure out what men prefer. They like women who are comfortable in their own skin and happy with who they are. I know it's corny, but be yourself. Unless you are a shitty person, then work on changing what is shitty about you. But no in the interest of landing a man.

[bumpushounds]

I don't think reading books that are obviously misogynistic is going to be helpful to any woman in her dating life.

[jojoandleo]

Sept 9, 2012 17:51:31 GMT -5 gozf said:

I love JoJo always.

Aww, thanks guys.

[dakotadangerdog]

LoL I don't see how the book is misogynistic.

[achase123]

I haven't read the book but it seems like a lot of intentional game playing.

I say be indepedent, confident, have your own life and know your own worth. That message will subtly come across to anyone you are dating and that, in itself, is a turn on.

I don't like books that tell you to do x,w, and z all in the name of appearing a certain way, which is ultimately to make you more appealing to the opposite sex. It's ridiculous.

[livinitup]

I don't think that "bitchy" advice is all about snagging a guy. I think it helped ME not get too invested in the wrong guy too soon. I did have my own life, so when I met a guy I liked, I didn't drop eveything and get totally into him (early sex, too much calling, expecting plans, getting disppointed). I didn't realy notice if he didn't call too much and I turned down plans when I was busy and said yes when I meant it. And it was a delight when someone clicked and did call and we got to know each other. So, it weeded out the guys who wanted a doormat and it made the gems try harder to get my attention.

I'm not trying to make this sound easy, but I learn not to be too available too soon. But that benefitted me, too. Not just some game playing that I didn't really mean.

[dakotadangerdog]

Sept 10, 2012 10:52:55 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I don't think that "bitchy" advice is all about snagging a guy. I think it helped ME not get too invested in the wrong guy too soon. I did have my own life, so when I met a guy I liked, I didn't drop eveything and get totally into him (early sex, too much calling, expecting plans, getting disppointed). I didn't realy notice if he didn't call too much and I turned down plans when I was busy and said yes when I meant it. And it was a delight when someone clicked and did call and we got to know each other. So, it weeded out the guys who wanted a doormat and it made the gems try harder to get my attention.

I'm not trying to make this sound easy, but I learn not to be too available too soon. But that benefitted me, too. Not just some game playing that I didn't really mean.

And that's what I recall the book saying, not telling you to play games, but just saying to keep your independence and don't drop everything every time you start seeing a new guy you like.

[bumpushounds]

Sept 10, 2012 10:21:50 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

LoL I don't see how the book is misogynistic.

Really, you don't see how a book that makes sweeping generalizations based on the gender binary and conflates independent, self-confident, straightforward women with bitches is misogynistic? lol.

[dakotadangerdog]

Sept 10, 2012 15:25:15 GMT -5 bumpushounds said:

Sept 10, 2012 10:21:50 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

LoL I don't see how the book is misogynistic.

Really, you don't see how a book that makes sweeping generalizations based on the gender binary and conflates independent, self-confident, straightforward women with bitches is misogynistic? lol.

Have you actually read this book or are you just guessing based on the title and what people have said about it? They're just using the word "bitch" to try to grab your attention. They aren't really saying that independent women are bitches.

[wrathofkuus]

I think humans are understandably turned off by people who reek of desperation.

[livinitup]

Sept 10, 2012 15:25:15 GMT -5 bumpushounds said:

Sept 10, 2012 10:21:50 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

LoL I don't see how the book is misogynistic.

Really, you don't see how a book that makes sweeping generalizations based on the gender binary and conflates independent, self-confident, straightforward women with bitches is misogynistic? lol.

I really want to start using the word conflate more often. I want ot use it in daily language. And binary. But I don't think I could pull off binary with any regularity or credibilty. I can do conflates if I focus. This whole post is awesome.