It totally depends on who is getting married. But the most we've ever given was for superclose friends and that was $150 (per couple). I know a lot of people on this board live in HCOL areas, but wow. I'm kind of jealous! We didn't receive anything over $150-$200 at our wedding and we do have some very well to-do family members. Larger amounts just aren't the norm in our area.
You shouldn't be jealous! Sure, we received larger gifts than people in other areas of the country may have, but we also give larger gifts. So it all kind of evens out. If we went to five weddings and gave $100 gifts each time, and then those couples gave us $100 each, we end up with $0 net. If we went to five weddings and gave $500 gifts each time, and then those couples gave us $500 each, we end up with $0 net. And honestly, I think the amounts people here give are ridiculous and showy... but you kind of have to do what others do.
yup.
My wedding was almost 7 years ago. The money I got as gifts is long gone, but I'm still shelling out $200-400 a wedding and will be for a long time. (if not more as time goes on)
And its so bad that I felt GUILTY giving "only" $200 yesterday because I am not close with the couple. $200 is on the very low end of what we give- we usually give more- but DH didn't even meet the couple until yesterday and said because of that alone, he didn't want to give more.
We never give cash. We spend anywhere from $100-200 on a wedding gift as a couple. $50-100 on a shower gift. We live in MCOL, but we do the same for small town weddings in LCOL areas and fancy weddings in HCOL areas on the coasts.
I assume the "per person" thing comes from the idea of covering your plate. So if you have 2 people it costs 2x as much to host you, so the gift should be higher.
BUT I don't go by that theory. I don't feel it is up to me to cover my plate at your wedding, since I didn't choose the level of fanciness that you decided to go with. I don't think someone who throws a backyard BBQ should get less than someone who hosts a black tie event, nor does the fact that someone is paying $200 a head for their wedding mean that I can afford a $400 gift.
To answer the question, I usually give $50 as a gift. If someone I was close with was getting married and I was not in the wedding party I'd probably give more like $100, but I haven't had that happen yet. As a member of the wedding party in 2 weddings this fall, I'm giving a $50ish actual gift (not money) to each couple. I've already spent hundreds on my dresses, throwing showers/bachelorettes, shower gifts, hair, shoes, travel, etc so I can't spend more than that.
Most gifts from friends at my wedding (even those unmarried who I haven't given gifts to previously) were about $50. Some more, some less.