Broke up with BF :(

[angieawesome]

I pulled the plug on our 5 month relationship last night. I just had to. We wanted different things and were just different people. It wasn't a fit. I feel horrible and guilty. He was devestated. I want to be supportive to him right now because I want him to know I do care a lot about him and that he is a wonderful person, just not the right one for me. He texted me all night about trying to get me to reconsider. I just don't know the best way to handle all this. I know I'm not going to change my mind. Ugh, this sucks. Any advice or words of wisdom for a lurker? :-(

[blackkitty]

Why feel guilty? Trying to fit a square fit into a round hole isn't a good idea for you or for him. You've done him and yourself a favor in the long run. It's not your job to pick up his pieces. The kindest thing you can do for him if you have made up your mind is sever ties.

[angieawesome]

I just feel guilty that I hurt him. I was hurt in my last relationship and I know how much it sucks. I know I should sever ties, but I am feeling stressed and bad about turning my back on him. UGH.

[blackkitty]

Sept 10, 2012 8:48:06 GMT -5 angieawesome said:

I just feel guilty that I hurt him. I was hurt in my last relationship and I know how much it sucks. I know I should sever ties, but I am feeling stressed and bad about turning my back on him. UGH.

I know but nothing. If you know it's the right thing to do, just do it. Do what is kind to him, not what is going to make YOU feel better. You didn't hurt him in the long run. Yet. Let him move on, on his own.

[gozf]

BK and MCC are right. Stop engaging. You aren't responsible for his feelings and continuing contact will only prolong his current state and further upset you.

[angieawesome]

I know y'all are right. I had hoped we could stay friends, but based on his reaction, I can see that it isn't possible right now. I just have so much going on in my life right now. I'm moving in a few weeks plus my parents are moving over ten hours away. I just couldn't take the guilt of knowing he and I weren't right for each other on top of all that stress. I'm putting my own needs first here and my therapist would be proud lol. I do have a tendency to be a people pleaser and I've known for a few weeks that this wasn't right so I know I'm doing a favor, but it just SUCKS right now.

[doriswe]

Social worker, yes??

ITA with PP's....let it go, not your place to help him cope.

[angieawesome]

Yes Doris! Social workers unite, lol. It doesn't help that my clients have been having breakdowns left and right. Crisis after crisis over here!

[blackkitty]

Sept 10, 2012 9:01:00 GMT -5 angieawesome said:

I'm putting my own needs first here and my therapist would be proud lol.

If you were putting your own needs first you wouldn't allow yourself to feel guilt over something that is best for both of you in the long run.
And doing something to make your therapist proud is a pretty crazy reason to do something.

[angieawesome]

Sept 10, 2012 9:05:27 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 10, 2012 9:01:00 GMT -5 angieawesome said:

I'm putting my own needs first here and my therapist would be proud lol.

If you were putting your own needs first you wouldn't allow yourself to feel guilt over something that is best for both of you in the long run.
And doing something to make your therapist proud is a pretty crazy reason to do something.

Dude thats not why I did it at all. I did it because I knew it was the right thing for me to do. I'm just a human being and feel bad for the guy.

[doriswe]

Sept 10, 2012 9:03:12 GMT -5 angieawesome said:

Yes Doris! Social workers unite, lol. It doesn't help that my clients have been having breakdowns left and right. Crisis after crisis over here!

We're trained to put ourselves last....but we really need to put ourselves first in cases like this.

You said yourself this is the right thing to do....stop second guessing yourself!

[starburst604]

Sept 10, 2012 8:52:46 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 10, 2012 8:48:06 GMT -5 angieawesome said:

I just feel guilty that I hurt him. I was hurt in my last relationship and I know how much it sucks. I know I should sever ties, but I am feeling stressed and bad about turning my back on him. UGH.

I know but nothing. If you know it's the right thing to do, just do it. Do what is kind to him, not what is going to make YOU feel better. You didn't hurt him in the long run. Yet. Let him move on, on his own.

It just happened last night. I think it's pretty normal to feel a little bad at knowing she's hurt him.

OP, this happened with my last relationship except unlike you I made the mistake of stretching it out for 9 months. He took the breakup pretty hard and I felt awful for about a month. But over that month our conversations just reaffirmed why I ended it and my guilt subsided. Yours will too. PP's are right, don't engage him if you can avoid it.

[angieawesome]

Sept 10, 2012 9:30:24 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Sept 10, 2012 8:52:46 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I know but nothing. If you know it's the right thing to do, just do it. Do what is kind to him, not what is going to make YOU feel better. You didn't hurt him in the long run. Yet. Let him move on, on his own.

It just happened last night. I think it's pretty normal to feel a little bad at knowing she's hurt him.

OP, this happened with my last relationship except unlike you I made the mistake of stretching it out for 9 months. He took the breakup pretty hard and I felt awful for about a month. But over that month our conversations just reaffirmed why I ended it and my guilt subsided. Yours will too. PP's are right, don't engage him if you can avoid it.

Thank you. I know your right and that this feeling will subside, it is just shitty right now, thats all.

[missbetty1]

Sept 10, 2012 9:30:24 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Sept 10, 2012 8:52:46 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I know but nothing. If you know it's the right thing to do, just do it. Do what is kind to him, not what is going to make YOU feel better. You didn't hurt him in the long run. Yet. Let him move on, on his own.

It just happened last night. I think it's pretty normal to feel a little bad at knowing she's hurt him.

OP, this happened with my last relationship except unlike you I made the mistake of stretching it out for 9 months. He took the breakup pretty hard and I felt awful for about a month. But over that month our conversations just reaffirmed why I ended it and my guilt subsided. Yours will too. PP's are right, don't engage him if you can avoid it.

I made the mistake of stretching it out over 6 YEARS! OP you did the right thing...if you aren't already I suggest journaling, so when you have those moments of sadness or weakness you can go back to your journal and read the reasons why you chose to leave and be reminded that you made the best decision.

[achase123]

I'm sorry

I remember you have been feeling like this for awhile but it's never easy. Hugs to you.

[angieawesome]

Sept 10, 2012 10:35:18 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I'm sorry

I remember you have been feeling like this for awhile but it's never easy. Hugs to you.

Thank you

[explorer2001]

You did the right thing. Have confidence in that. Dont try to be friends with him right away. It won't allow closure for him even if you have it. Sadly I know from experience. I tried to be friends with ExBF. He never got closure and always came back expecting that I was just waiting to pick up where we left off. I wasn't. He did deal with it well.