I need friend advice please

[gozf]

Ugh, this is hard.

I don't think any of your advice was out of line at all, but it sounds like she's super sensitive right now. If you do really value her friendship, I'd maybe reiterate that you aren't choosing sides and that you didn't mean to offend her. She said she doesn't want "honesty" right now, she wants support. I'd maybe back off with the advice, and just let her vent.

[blackkitty]

What in particular would you like advice on? I understand the situation, I have been in a similar situation with a good friend and maybe I can help...

[starburst604]

I have no real advice but you have my sympathy. I have similar convos with my cousin who I'm very close with. Like your friend it was a mutually bad marriage but she wants everyone to choose sides. Of course I'm always on her side, and he's made a lot of bad choices, but I don't agree with her turning her parents against him - especially when they have 2 kids and her parents live in the in law apartment in their house. Their divorce will be final the end of this month but I'm sure the badmouthing won't end there.

ETA: What GOZF said is what I eventually had to do, just listen and not really comment. It's SO hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes though when I feel like she needs a reality check!

[naeljun]

I guess I just don't know what to say to her. I honestly can't listen to this anymore though. I don't have the time in my life for others drama. I am not picking sides at all and if anything I am on her side. I don't know what she wants me to say. I have agreed with her in saying that she is right. She is right. I don't think there was anything I said that would make her think I was choosing her H side. He should move out. She should divorce the prick.

I guess I am just sick of hearing it. It's not like I am the only friend she has. All of her friends know what is going on. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I sound mean, don't I?

My reply to her was I agree and I am sorry.

[awick14]

I am currently going through a similar situation.

I found its best to just listen to her.
Only give advice if asked.

I sorry you are going through this.

FWIW my friend is back with her DH. There was no cheating or suspicions of cheating though. She is just unrealistic an is realizing that she is unrealistic. She is now in counselling.

[blackkitty]

Sept 10, 2012 9:48:25 GMT -5 naeljun said:

I guess I just don't know what to say to her. I honestly can't listen to this anymore though. I don't have the time in my life for others drama. I am not picking sides at all and if anything I am on her side. I don't know what she wants me to say. I have agreed with her in saying that she is right. She is right. I don't think there was anything I said that would make her think I was choosing her H side. He should move out. She should divorce the prick.

I guess I am just sick of hearing it. It's not like I am the only friend she has. All of her friends know what is going on. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I sound mean, don't I?

My reply to her was I agree and I am sorry.

I hear what you are saying. I got to that point with my friend too.
What worked for us was I basically told her... you know where I stand on this. I can't support your decision to stay with him, and I can't continue to help you wallow in a state of limbo where you know what the right thing to do is but you aren't willing to do it.
She understood and we are still friends but we don't discuss their relationship any more.

ETA: Listening is an important part of being someone's friend, but just letting them use you as a "dump" for all their negative crap is not your job.