Moving to a different state... Just for fun??

[jmc325]

Hi,

So my husband and I have been considering an out of state move over the last few years. Some background (PDQ), my mom passed away very unexpectedly while we were on our honeymoon 3 years ago. Home just hasn't felt like home without her, even though all of my immediate family still lives here. I'm ok with my job, but would be lying if I say I haven't considered leaving.

More recently my husband and I have been waffling with leaving Texas and moving to Denver. Neither of us have jobs where we could relocate, so we would be required to find something new. I work in the law enforcement arena and my husband in finance, so I like to believe there's ample opportunity for us both. My husband and I feel like this move isn't in the immediate future and realistically wouldn't do it until 2018 (because of H's current career). The plan is to rent for a year to figure the city out and discover which neighborhoods best suit us. The move would purely be just to do something new. We have no ties to Denver other than an old high school acquaintance who now lives there. 


I'm just curious for to hear from those of you who upped and moved. Were you happy with your decision? How did you handle homesickness? I'm nervous at the thought of leaving my family behind (especially now that I've recently become an aunt for the 1st time), but at the same time the idea of starting somewhere new excites me.

ETA: My H and I have no kids and are currently renting, if you're curious. 

[Deleted]

I've only moved for college/a job in the past, but I've moved to a new state a couple of times as an adult. FI and I plan to do this in a few years when he's all done with his PhD, and we'll obviously seek employment in a new place but we plan to move somewhere we want to live and then find jobs there (or do it simultaneously, I guess) - not just move for a specific job. 

I think the biggest thing for me to decide would be WHY I am moving. I know for us, it will be because we both want to live in a city, we want to live somewhere with more diversity, more cultural activities, and somewhere with natural beauty. And better weather. I actually love a lot of things about where we live now, but it lacks all of those things I listed so I know we will want to move at some point. I don't think I'd move "just because" but since there are specific things we want that our current place lacks - I think it will be worthwhile.

Homesickness - I guess you just get used to it. I have lived a few hours from my family for all of my adult life and it was a lot harder when I was younger, but now it just is what it is. My parents and sister actually just moved to TX and I'm having a harder time with that since they are so far away. I guess I just try to be realistic and recognize that our relationships will always be different than they would be if we lived closer together, but we can still do what we can to stay in each others' lives and see each other at least once a year or so. My new goal since they are a flight away is to start making our own traditions for things like holidays, since the old traditions aren't quite possible anymore. I want to look forward to our stuff happening instead of missing the family stuff, KWIM?

[underwaterrhymes]

I've lived in several different states, as well as overseas twice, and I've loved every move I've made (with the exception of South Florida, which was only okay).

That said, I haven't lived in the same state as my family since 2001, and H also lived in a different state / country up until the last two years when we moved back to his home state of IL. And I have literally moved every single year with the exception of four since 1992. So homesickness isn't something I've felt in long while.

Have you visited Denver before? Can you plan a longer trip there? We have just picked up and moved a few times now to a new area where we know no one and it's been remarkably awesome for us, but this would not be the case for everyone.

[kevin arnold]

Dec 9, 2016 14:28:41 GMT -5 jmc325 said:

ETA: My H and I have no kids and are currently renting, if you're curious. 

That's different. Is it a month-to-month thing, or do you have to keep the same kids for a year?

[pantsparty]

H and I moved to southern California from Michigan 9 years ago this December. Is there a reason you're considering the two cities you mentioned? We didn't move on a whim - my H got transferred with his company, and they paid for the move.

I'm happy with the move. We also don't have kids, but if we were planning on having kids, we may have stayed closer to home.

A big downside is being away from family. I'm fortunate in that my parents come out at least once a year, and I'm able to get back to Michigan 2-3 times per year. But it does get expensive, accounting for both travel expenses and taking vacation time. And it does bum me out sometimes I can't just, say, call up one of my brothers to hang out or take out my parents to dinner. Going back to town every time feels like a whirlwind packing everything in.

As I said, though, I don't regret moving and we're happy in southern California.

[katietornado]

I think a lot of it depends on a lot of things.

I graduated from college in Maryland at 24 and got a job in California. I'd been in Maryland my whole life. I was miserable in my new job, and didn't love where I was living (south of San Jose). I desperately missed my family, even though I had moved there with my partner (we'd been together 1.5 years at that point).

For zero reason, we moved to Ohio when I was 26. I'd never even BEEN to Ohio before then. We just thought we could move there, so we did. I ended up really loving it, and making some lifelong friends. I was sad to leave last year when I finished grad school and got a job ... back in California. I loved our house, our neighborhood, the city, the people, the restaurants, the proximity to Maryland, etc.

Moved to SoCal last year at 32. It turns out California is pretty awesome when you love your job, you love your home, you love your town, and you make new friends. We're really happy here now, though of course I miss home from time to time. I am always evaluating the things that make me happy and the things I can change. I'm really envious of my friends here in SoCal who have family here, and I wish I could do their weekly Sunday dinners with parents. But I'm also glad not to be living in a place that has winter, like my hometown in Maryland does. And I might feel differently if we had kids, but we are CFBC forever, so that's not a consideration for us.

It sounds like you're giving a good amount of thought to it, and I think that the older you get, the better you're able to process your own feelings and needs and be rational about dealing with the downsides to things like this.

Good luck!

[Deleted]

Well, I move for work. I've lived in four states in 8 years and another country. It's easier moving when I was married because I had my spouse. I make friends through work, volunteering at a local shelter, and a yoga class I take. I got roadside assistance and ensured I had rental car coverage in case my car broke down because I had no one to drive me to and from work or whatever.

I don't get homesick but a lot of my leave is taken up by visiting family and friends that are all over. I don't try and make it home for the holidays. It's been 6 years since I've done Christmas with family. I rather travel when it's inexpensive and less crowded. I do a lot of facetiming and skype "dates" with family and friends. It's cool moving and seeing new places. I am very happy that I left my hometown and I like the moving.

[underwaterrhymes]

I should add that our most recent move was to IL specifically to be near family (and to live somewhere cheaper so we could afford a second baby, whom we had in August of 2015.)

So although family didn't factor into any of our previous moves, it did for this one.

[kicks]

I moved a lot as a kid and in to adulthood. I've never lived anywhere for more than 4 years, I think I've lived in 9 states or something like that. I'm glad I've gotten to see a lot of places, including living overseas. No regrets. I would encourage anyone who's never lived in different places to give it a try. You can always move again if it doesn't work out in a few years. I would line up at least 1 job before moving, that's what happened when I was married and it worked out well.

[kevin arnold]

To counter Pants' point (a counterpants, if you will), I only have to see my Mom like once a year. So if you're trying to maintain only the most tenuous of connection to family, it's a win.

[jmc325]

Thank you everyone for your responses. It's given me a lot to think about. For whoever asked, we have been to Denver before, but we said we would head out there 2 times throughout 2017 to spend more significant time there (and with more focus).

I know I said the move would be "just for fun" and while we aren't in a position where we HAVE to move, we want to live somewhere that's more beautiful nature wise, with more to do, better weather (and experience all 4 seasons). We are outdoorsy people and Denver is definitely more geared for that than Houston.

My biggest fear of moving is definitely leaving my family. I mentioned my mom, but I'm also very close to my dad and sisters. My H and I always said that if we moved we wouldn't live more than 1 plane ride away and Denver checks that box. With that, flying back and forth would be easy, but I know will add up fast.

I liked the mention of focusing on creating new things to look forward to than so much on what I'd be missing out on. I almost wish the move would be for job reasons, then it wouldn't feel so optional... Thanks again everyone, I've enjoyed reading about everyone's experiences.

[mdgirl]

My husband and I are childfree and have done 6 interstate moves (including Hawaii and back) over the past 16 years, the latest being this past September. Four of those were determined by school/training assignments and weren't permanent, but the last two were to cities we just wanted to live in, and were potentially permanent. For the temporary locations we mostly rented, although we bought a house in one place where we knew we'd be for four years. In our last "permanent" city we rented for a year before buying so we could figure out where we wanted to be, and we're doing the same right now.



I'd recommend at least one of you having a job lined up before you move. Even as many times as we've moved it's still stressful and putting job searches on top of it makes it even worse. It can also be a bit lonely when you don't know anyone, especially if you're coming from a big group of friends/family. Because of those two things you need to have a strong relationship. You're going to be relying on each other a lot, and just spending a lot of time together. I've also gotten good at spending time alone because some of these moves involved heavy work hours for my husband.



No real issue with homesickness as we're OK with the amount we see our families. And as kicks said, if you hate it you can always move again after a year or two.

[Deleted]

Dec 9, 2016 15:17:01 GMT -5 jmc325 said:

I know I said the move would be "just for fun" and while we aren't in a position where we HAVE to move, we want to live somewhere that's more beautiful nature wise, with more to do, better weather (and experience all 4 seasons). We are outdoorsy people and Denver is definitely more geared for that than Houston.

I hear you there! My parents/sister just moved to Houston and would love us to move there too. But we're not likely to do that - we are looking at Denver/Seattle/somewhere west coast to settle. They love Houston so far, but if I'm going to move far from home, I want it to be somewhere beautiful where I can be outdoors more. 

Maybe someday you and I can carpool between the two places, lol. 

[sonrisa]

This was the first move I've made in a long time that wasn't about going to a new destination (we moved back to CA to be near family). I have many friends who moved here by choice. Fewer people grew up around here than moved in later. Even the people who grew up around here usually left before returning. It's easier to be a transplant to a community with lots of other transplants than one where most people stayed local.

[googled]

We moved for my H to start a new career almost 1.5 years ago. I didn't have a job, just a three month contract to continue with the employer I had at the time. 

It took me about three months to find a job and longer for my H's job to really pick up and bring in income. We decided to rent our house out rather than sell it right away and that was a big mistake. If I were to do it again, I would definitely sell the house and then move. We spent so much money repairing dumb shit for our picky tenants and then it took forever to sell the house after they moved out, so paid rent + mortgage for months. 

I love where we are now, but it's been a struggle at times for sure. My biggest advice to anyone who's looking to do the same is to talk to a financial planner first and figure out the best course of action. Have a BIG emergency fund set aside.

[Deleted]

DH and I did this the year after we got married and it was the best decision we ever made. We did move to a state though where we have family already (cousins, Aunts and Uncles) so it wasn't that hard on us in that respect. It was great though to start over in a new place and learn and explore together. We have been here now over 10 years and it has been amazing. Even though we have family here they are not as supportive as we would like since we have had kids. We do holidays with them but that is it. We have found our "friend family" and they have been amazing and have become our little village. Also, my mom drives me insane and she was part of the reason why we moved and having some distance from her probably helped the longevity of my marriage. 

I would try to plan as many trips to Denver as you can in each season and see if you like it. We visited probably 10 times before we moved and knew exactly what city and location we wanted to be in and knowing that ahead of time really helped. Good luck!

[lust2hart]

Dec 9, 2016 15:17:01 GMT -5 jmc325 said:

Thank you everyone for your responses. It's given me a lot to think about. For whoever asked, we have been to Denver before, but we said we would head out there 2 times throughout 2017 to spend more significant time there (and with more focus).

Make sure one of your visits is in the winter, like late January or sometime in February, when the snow is not all new and pretty but dirty and gross. (But really though...) 

[katyintx]

Dec 9, 2016 19:30:51 GMT -5 ste said:

I can't contribute much about the moving just because aspect, but the Denver area is nuts. The job market is ridiculous, and housing is obscene.

Definitely visit and do a lot of research.

Era admittedly I skimmed, so if you know this, ignore me.

This isn't my home base for posting but I felt compelled to post on this one. We did the move from Den to Hou just about 4 years ago, and the monetary aspect, job market, and housing markets are quite different. To give a little comparison, our house here is 1,000 sq feet bigger, and cheaper than our house was in Denver. Remember, no state income tax in TX. And we live WAY more comfortably here than we ever did in Denver. Financially, moving to TX was the best thing we could've done! 

That being said, the culture in Denver is way more suited to my personality, and I miss the mountains SO much. I'd go back in a heartbeat. 

I realize I didn't answer the questions you asked, but it's definitely a big aspect of the move that you'll encounter between these two specific locations. I've been here for 4 years and had lived there for 5, so if you have any questions I can help with, feel free to PM me! 

[ooglie26]

I'm considering moving back to my hometown in IL in the spring. It's only a few hours from where I currently live, but it's something I've thought about daily for the last few years.

Now that mom has passed, I just want to be closer to my family, after living 2+ hours away for the last 25 years or so.