This is such an amazing thing you are doing for your cousin! Can I ask some questions? If you don't want to answer that is fine.
How are your medical bills being paid? Does insurance know/care about the surrogacy? Will your cousin and her H have to adopt the baby after he or she born? Do you guys have a spoken agreement, or did you go through a lawyer to capture the details? Are you guys all local? Will they attend your doctors appointments? If you aren't local, are you planning to deliver at a hospital near you, or them?
Thanks!
So, I can only answer what I know so far, there are still lots of things to be determined. This is what I know -
We have both consulted with a lawyer. Their lawyer drafts the agreement, and my lawyer reviews it to make sure that I'm totally covered (although my cousin pays for both lawyers). Right now, we are working out how I get reimbursed for what I pay out of pocket (copays for prescriptions, pregnancy tests, anything like that that I purchase), and also how to handle medical bills. For example, I had blood tests and sonograms done so far. I'll get a bill for that, so we need to figure out still how that gets paid (I pay it and get reimbursed, my cousin pays for it directly, some other option?)
My insurance covers me as if it is my child, and so does my short term disability carrier. So technically I'll get maternity leave (I will only take off as long as I need to recover).
Not a spoken agreement - it is in the process of being drafted. And, from what I understand, around my 7th month of pregnancy, we will all have to go to court to get a "birth order," which will allow their names to be on the birth certificate, not mine.
We are all local. They'll come to whatever appointments they want to come to with me, and they offered to be there for all the testing I'm doing now, as well. I'll deliver at the same hospital and with the same OB that I did with my son 6 years ago.
Of course, all of this is subject to change, as it's still early in the process
I dont remember having to do a mock cycle but I may have? This was almost six years ago.
I'm thinking the mock cycle is to see how her body reacts to the hormones and stuff, since she doesn't have to go through the all that for egg harvesting.
I just pulled out my paperwork, and it looks like I take the estrogen for two weeks and I have to have an ultrasound to check the thickness of my lining. I do remember them saying that they don't want any surprises when it comes time to implant the embryo, they want to know what they're working with and how I react to it. It's so much information!
Post by UnderProtest on Dec 19, 2016 15:05:08 GMT -5
I was on Lupron which, as I just looked up, is a hormone suppressing drug. It made me feel like I was getting sick.....achy and tired, but tolerable. Part of that could have been mental/emotional.
I was on Lupron which, as I just looked up, is a hormone suppressing drug. It made me feel like I was getting sick.....achy and tired, but tolerable. Part of that could have been mental/emotional.
Lupron suuuuuuuuucks
My doc gives me letrozole to help with the systemic uptake of Lupron. It helps immensely.
This is such an amazing thing you are doing for your cousin! Can I ask some questions? If you don't want to answer that is fine.
How are your medical bills being paid? Does insurance know/care about the surrogacy? Will your cousin and her H have to adopt the baby after he or she born? Do you guys have a spoken agreement, or did you go through a lawyer to capture the details? Are you guys all local? Will they attend your doctors appointments? If you aren't local, are you planning to deliver at a hospital near you, or them?
Thanks!
So, I can only answer what I know so far, there are still lots of things to be determined. This is what I know -
We have both consulted with a lawyer. Their lawyer drafts the agreement, and my lawyer reviews it to make sure that I'm totally covered (although my cousin pays for both lawyers). Right now, we are working out how I get reimbursed for what I pay out of pocket (copays for prescriptions, pregnancy tests, anything like that that I purchase), and also how to handle medical bills. For example, I had blood tests and sonograms done so far. I'll get a bill for that, so we need to figure out still how that gets paid (I pay it and get reimbursed, my cousin pays for it directly, some other option?)
My insurance covers me as if it is my child, and so does my short term disability carrier. So technically I'll get maternity leave (I will only take off as long as I need to recover).
Not a spoken agreement - it is in the process of being drafted. And, from what I understand, around my 7th month of pregnancy, we will all have to go to court to get a "birth order," which will allow their names to be on the birth certificate, not mine.
We are all local. They'll come to whatever appointments they want to come to with me, and they offered to be there for all the testing I'm doing now, as well. I'll deliver at the same hospital and with the same OB that I did with my son 6 years ago.
Of course, all of this is subject to change, as it's still early in the process
Thank you for being so open about this, as it is really great info. I hope I don't come off as just a busy body, something like this may be in my future and I have been thinking on it for a while. Another question - how did this come about? Did you approach them offering to be a surrogate, or did they ask you? Are you done having children of your own?
Post by sapphireblue on Dec 19, 2016 15:25:24 GMT -5
I am really happy to see that all is moving forward well. I am thrilled that you will be updating us!
I am an IVF mom as well (actually IVF with an egg donor). I really had little to no reaction to either the estrogen (Estrace) that I took, or the progesterone shots, although I know some people do. It did cause me to gain a little bit of weight, maybe 8-12 pounds. I think that is pretty common.
My process the second time around was with a frozen embryo, which it sounds like is what you will be doing. So our protocols could be somewhat similar. I am happy to share any information I have with you.
My thoughts about implanting 2: what happens if one or both split? Are you willing and/or able to carry trips or quads? It's a rare possibility but it's something you, your cousin and spouse need to think about.
A friend of my sister implanted 2 embies. They both split and now they are the proud parents of 2 sets of identical twins. They were not comfortable with selective reduction and decided to take the risk of trying to carry them to term.
Also, one issue that pops up with surrogacy is what happens if there is something physically wrong with the fetus from something mild and not life threatening to very severe and life threatening.
My cousin and his wife were blessed with a surrogate to carry their child. He is a blessing and a true medical miracle.
My thoughts about implanting 2: what happens if one or both split? Are you willing and/or able to carry trips or quads? It's a rare possibility but it's something you, your cousin and spouse need to think about.
A friend of my sister implanted 2 embies. They both split and now they are the proud parents of 2 sets of identical twins. They were not comfortable with selective reduction and decided to take the risk of trying to carry them to term.
Also, one issue that pops up with surrogacy is what happens if there is something physically wrong with the fetus from something mild and not life threatening to very severe and life threatening.
My cousin and his wife were blessed with a surrogate to carry their child. He is a blessing and a true medical miracle.
That is WILD! I cannot imagine.
I am currently pregnant via IVF. We implanted 2 and have a singleton in there right now. Our RE said that putting the two in gave us a 55% chance of a pregnancy. She said if we put just the one in it would be closer to 45%.
I could not imagine if one, let alone both, of the embryos split! I am literally trying to pick my jaw off my desk because, just, wow!
So, I can only answer what I know so far, there are still lots of things to be determined. This is what I know -
We have both consulted with a lawyer. Their lawyer drafts the agreement, and my lawyer reviews it to make sure that I'm totally covered (although my cousin pays for both lawyers). Right now, we are working out how I get reimbursed for what I pay out of pocket (copays for prescriptions, pregnancy tests, anything like that that I purchase), and also how to handle medical bills. For example, I had blood tests and sonograms done so far. I'll get a bill for that, so we need to figure out still how that gets paid (I pay it and get reimbursed, my cousin pays for it directly, some other option?)
My insurance covers me as if it is my child, and so does my short term disability carrier. So technically I'll get maternity leave (I will only take off as long as I need to recover).
Not a spoken agreement - it is in the process of being drafted. And, from what I understand, around my 7th month of pregnancy, we will all have to go to court to get a "birth order," which will allow their names to be on the birth certificate, not mine.
We are all local. They'll come to whatever appointments they want to come to with me, and they offered to be there for all the testing I'm doing now, as well. I'll deliver at the same hospital and with the same OB that I did with my son 6 years ago.
Of course, all of this is subject to change, as it's still early in the process
Thank you for being so open about this, as it is really great info. I hope I don't come off as just a busy body, something like this may be in my future and I have been thinking on it for a while. Another question - how did this come about? Did you approach them offering to be a surrogate, or did they ask you? Are you done having children of your own?
I approached them about a year ago when I knew they were having trouble. I'm done having children of my own, and I didn't mind being pregnant and told myself that if someone I loved was ever having difficulty conceiving, I'd offer to help. It was a little bit awkward, so I just sent a text, and they told me that if it came down to it, they'd take me up on my offer. And now, here we are, a year later
My thoughts about implanting 2: what happens if one or both split? Are you willing and/or able to carry trips or quads? It's a rare possibility but it's something you, your cousin and spouse need to think about.
A friend of my sister implanted 2 embies. They both split and now they are the proud parents of 2 sets of identical twins. They were not comfortable with selective reduction and decided to take the risk of trying to carry them to term.
Also, one issue that pops up with surrogacy is what happens if there is something physically wrong with the fetus from something mild and not life threatening to very severe and life threatening.
My cousin and his wife were blessed with a surrogate to carry their child. He is a blessing and a true medical miracle.
That is WILD! I cannot imagine.
I am currently pregnant via IVF. We implanted 2 and have a singleton in there right now. Our RE said that putting the two in gave us a 55% chance of a pregnancy. She said if we put just the one in it would be closer to 45%.
I could not imagine if one, let alone both, of the embryos split! I am literally trying to pick my jaw off my desk because, just, wow!
Not quite the same (no double-splitting identicals), but this story is about my mom's first cousin. 4 embryos transferred, 2 into mom (who had had several failed ETs) and 2 into dad's sister/the surrogate. All 4 implanted and they are now 7.5 year old quasi-quads!
I am currently pregnant via IVF. We implanted 2 and have a singleton in there right now. Our RE said that putting the two in gave us a 55% chance of a pregnancy. She said if we put just the one in it would be closer to 45%.
I could not imagine if one, let alone both, of the embryos split! I am literally trying to pick my jaw off my desk because, just, wow!
Not quite the same (no double-splitting identicals), but this story is about my mom's first cousin. 4 embryos transferred, 2 into mom (who had had several failed ETs) and 2 into dad's sister/the surrogate. All 4 implanted and they are now 7.5 year old quasi-quads!
My thoughts about implanting 2: what happens if one or both split? Are you willing and/or able to carry trips or quads? It's a rare possibility but it's something you, your cousin and spouse need to think about.
A friend of my sister implanted 2 embies. They both split and now they are the proud parents of 2 sets of identical twins. They were not comfortable with selective reduction and decided to take the risk of trying to carry them to term.
Also, one issue that pops up with surrogacy is what happens if there is something physically wrong with the fetus from something mild and not life threatening to very severe and life threatening.
My cousin and his wife were blessed with a surrogate to carry their child. He is a blessing and a true medical miracle.
I asked the same question. Apparently, the embryo will be tested for things that range from mild to life threatening. So, they'll have some idea of the outcome before it happens. Which completely blows my mind. I told them that I would do whatever they asked me to do. I have myself in the mindset that it isn't my baby at all, I'm just the carrier. So I'll respect their wishes, in whatever they ask me to do.
She did tell me that if she had ended up pregnant and it was more than two babies, she would have reduced. I don't think it was safe for her to carry more than that.
Is a multiple pregnancy considered high risk? I'm also 36 years old, so I'm not really that young I worry about complications.
Yes. You need to talk to the RE and an OB/GYN who will map out what a twin pregnancy would entail for you and your body and the risk to the babies. While surrogacy is an incredibly self-less act, you do need to protect yourself and your own body from unnecessary hardship and stress. NOBODY reasonable would fault you for saying you do not consent to 2 blastocysts. It is risky. Please educate yourself to the fullest extent.
I'm not trying to scare you but I was SOOOO naive to twin pregnancy and the risk before I did IVF. I had blinders on and all I wanted was a baby or babies at pretty much any cost. It wasn't until I was carrying twins that I started reading and realized that I was not in for a normal pregnancy that resulted in two kids.
^ Yes, this. I had planned to do a consult with my OB before moving on to double embryo transfers (I insisted on singles for our first three attempts, even though my doctor recommended moving on after failed cycle #1), but I was so caught up in trying to get pregnant that I was willing to ignore the risks. My twins are happy and healthy and our pregnancy was relatively straightforward with minimal complications aside from GD and preterm birth, but sometimes I am still shocked and feel incredibly guilty about the risk I took.
ETA: Oh, and estrogen side effects -- it always gave me horrible headaches for several days. It was awful.
Last Edit: Dec 19, 2016 16:32:56 GMT -5 by belovedbride07
Trying for #3; FET 8/18 -- BFN. Leaving things up to chance for now... After three years, three IVFs, and two FETs, we finally have our miracle babIES!
IVF moms - connie0000, yourmother, egishere, UnderProtest, pooh8402, - so my next step is a mock cycle. I stopped BCP on Friday. They told me to get my period (which will probably happen Wednesday or so of this week) and then start estrogen pills. I think I start that the day that I start my period. I forget what the nurse told me the day that I was there (I was preoccupied with the fire that was happening in my uterus...lol). I did leave a message for her to call me back so I can clarify. Does any of that sound familiar to you? What does estrogen make you feel like?
Yes mock cycle is a test run to see how your body responds to estrogen for lining building. Your lining needs to be a certain thickness for transfer so they will have you take estrogen as if transferring and see if it needs more or less or different protocol to get the right thickness.
Personally I felt good on estrogen it was progesterone that kicked my ass and made me exhausted. Some people do have headaches so ask the RE what to take if you have headaches. Ibuprofen was a no-no when I cycled last but that was 7 yrs ago now so ask and see.
Post by shananagins on Dec 20, 2016 0:42:31 GMT -5
What an amazing thing to do for your family! I don't know anything about IVF, but I can tell you that I had a pretty uncomplicated twin pregnancy and it was still very scary. Most people don't realize that it is a high risk pregnancy with a lot higher chance of pre-term labor and premature babies. Plenty of people have easy twin pregnancies, but the chances for complications are higher so it is very stressful. You would have a lot more appointments than a singleton pregnancy. You would probably see both an OB and a Maternal/ Fetal Medicine specialist. The upside is you get lots more ultrasounds.
There is also a higher chance that you would end up on bed rest for a significant amount of time. I am a teacher and my doctor pulled me out of work at 28 weeks because she said I couldn't be on my feet anymore.
But, if they do end up with twins, they're pretty awesome. It's amazing watching them together and knowing that I grew them both at once!