Surrogate stuff update

[birdmom]

I'm getting really excited!  Things are starting to happen!  On Thursday, I had a saline sonogram, which was easy peasy, and an HSG, which felt like a blow torch being stuck up there.  But, it was all so cool!  I could see my uterus and everything on the screen while they were doing it, and it was determined that "an embryo could be put in there very easily" and my fallopian tubes are all clear.  All of my bloodwork came back great (which is good, because I usually have a testy thyroid and low vitamin D).

I stopped my BCP, and when I get my period this week, I have to start taking estrogen for a mock cycle.  They are going to retrieve her eggs at the end of January, so February or March is when I'll get them (I don't know all the proper terminology yet...lol).

I had lunch with my cousin and his wife for the first time since we all decided to go ahead and do this, and they are so grateful and excited that I know now, even more than before, that I have to do everything I can to make this happen for them!

Oh - and they brought up the issue of twins.  The doctor said that this is likely their only shot of having babies of their own (unless someone else would be a surrogate for them later).  They asked how I felt about implanting two embryos.  I didn't know that implanting two doesn't increase your chance of having one.  It only increases your chances of having two...lol.  Anyone have any insight here for me? 

[zaneyzoo]

I have no insight, but wanted to say that it is so awesome you are doing this. And thanks for taking us along for the ride.

One question did pop into my head - are you and your DH abstaining from sex until after you are pregnant? I don't know why I thought about that.

Anyway - fingers crossed it all goes great and easy

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 11:03:32 GMT -5 zaneyzoo said:

I have no insight, but wanted to say that it is so awesome you are doing this. And thanks for taking us along for the ride.

One question did pop into my head - are you and your DH abstaining from sex until after you are pregnant? I don't know why I thought about that.

Anyway - fingers crossed it all goes great and easy

We are just taking precautions.  I forget what the paperwork said, but there is a certain time period when they tell you to abstain (a certain time period before the embryo is implanted, I think), so I'm just trying to follow every direction to a T.  Before I start taking the estrogen, they told me to take a pregnancy test.  I was also blood tested two weeks ago for pregnancy and on Thursday, right before all the testing.    

With all of the crazy going on before Christmas at home and at work, sometimes it's not all that difficult to abstain during this time of the year...haha!

[awick14]

I am so excited that everything is moving forward so quickly. (I don't actually know if that is quickly but yay!)

[daisyfay25]

Well transferring two embryos definitely gives you a decent chance at twins. If they are wanting twins then I guess it's just up to you to decide whether you're willing to carry them. You are awesome for giving them this opportunity!

[leshoequeen]

This is awesome! Thanks for taking us along for the ride. You are a wonderful person.

[yourmother]

Just wanted to pop in and say you are giving such an amazing and selfless gift! As an IVF mom, I can say that your story really touches my heart and I have so much hope for you and your cousins that this goes as smoothly with the best outcome possible. Thanks for sharing your journey! You are in my thoughts!!!

[egishere]

That is so awesome you can give them this gift!

The chances for twins really depend on the quality of the embies. The RE will grade them. When I did IVF mine were all middle of the road quality basically and I only had three left on day 5. Dr gave me something like 20% chance for one taking and 5% chance for triplets...well they all took and I had triplets!

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 11:30:26 GMT -5 connie0000 said:

I have been following this and I think what you are doing is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone. You are amazing. As for twins, yes, it is possible. It happened to me LOL. I say be aware and informed of the possibilities and risks of it, but cross that bridge when and if you get there.
How many eggs they get, how many are mature, and how many fertilize, and then how many make it to a 5 days transfer (or possibly 3) are all questionable. For myself and others Out of 20 eggs the average number of 5 day embryos was 4. Then there were some to spare and freeze. Not always the case of course.
I wish you all the very best in this journey and please keep us updated.

The doctor said he'd never do more than 2.  I don't think they usually had too much more than that to work with, anyway.

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 11:36:33 GMT -5 @licia said:

I don't know how to put this better, but I am nosy as HELL and hope you'll pretty much Dear Diary this board with the whole surrogate process. Such a gift you're giving them, and I'm so happy for all involved that things are getting off to a great start.

I continue to hope that all will be well, and in the coming year (or early the year after) a healthy baby will be here and loved and so wanted.

I can definitely update throughout the whole process!  I'm happy to!

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 11:30:35 GMT -5 awick14 said:

I am so excited that everything is moving forward so quickly. (I don't actually know if that is quickly but yay!)

it's pretty quick!  At least, I think so!  They've been trying for at least three years, so no time to waste

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 11:37:09 GMT -5 daisyfay25 said:

Well transferring two embryos definitely gives you a decent chance at twins. If they are wanting twins then I guess it's just up to you to decide whether you're willing to carry them. You are awesome for giving them this opportunity!

They'd be super excited for twins, and I'm leaning towards transferring two and just seeing what happens!

[lust2hart]

Dec 19, 2016 10:53:51 GMT -5 birdmom said:

Oh - and they brought up the issue of twins.  The doctor said that this is likely their only shot of having babies of their own (unless someone else would be a surrogate for them later).  They asked how I felt about implanting two embryos.  I didn't know that implanting two doesn't increase your chance of having one.  It only increases your chances of having two...lol.  Anyone have any insight here for me? 

I'll admit that the statement that implanting two doesn't increase your chance of having one makes zero sense to me, lol.

Anyway, my brother and sil did ivf, and here's how their process went:

transferred 2, both implanted, one split (for triplets), lost the babies

transferred 2, one implanted, nephew #1

transferred 2, one implanted, nephew #2

transferred 1 (only had 1 left), implanted, niece

What an incredible gift you are giving your cousin. I wish you all the very best of luck. Thank you for keeping us updated and please continue to do so! 

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 11:46:53 GMT -5 egishere said:

That is so awesome you can give them this gift!

The chances for twins really depend on the quality of the embies. The RE will grade them. When I did IVF mine were all middle of the road quality basically and I only had three left on day 5. Dr gave me something like 20% chance for one taking and 5% chance for triplets...well they all took and I had triplets!

I think this is kind of the situation we're in.  She told me that she had very little to work with on day 5.  I'm hoping that I have your luck!

[Narwhal]

This is really awesome of you to do and I'm sure they are so thankful. Having had a twin pregnancy and a singleton, a twin pregnancy is rough. Really rough. I delivered at 29 weeks, so I can't say how the last trimester is, but I remember on my last day of work before the holiday break (I was about 28 weeks), I literally had to talk myself up to walk somewhere. "Walk to the auditorium and you can sit" "make it back to the classroom and you can rest". But obviously, people do have more pleasant pregnancies! Haha.
There is also the fact that you are high risk and have more ultrasounds, Dr apts., etc. And the risk for preemies, preterm labor and csections will increase. However, otoh, I can see where they are coming from.

Anyway, it's so cool you are doing this. I can answer any questions you may have about the difference in pregnancies!

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 12:04:10 GMT -5 Narwhal said:

This is really awesome of you to do and I'm sure they are so thankful. Having had a twin pregnancy and a singleton, a twin pregnancy is rough. Really rough. I delivered at 29 weeks, so I can't say how the last trimester is, but I remember on my last day of work before the holiday break (I was about 28 weeks), I literally had to talk myself up to walk somewhere. "Walk to the auditorium and you can sit" "make it back to the classroom and you can rest". But obviously, people do have more pleasant pregnancies! Haha.
There is also the fact that you are high risk and have more ultrasounds, Dr apts., etc. And the risk for preemies, preterm labor and csections will increase. However, otoh, I can see where they are coming from.

Anyway, it's so cool you are doing this. I can answer any questions you may have about the difference in pregnancies!

Is a multiple pregnancy considered high risk?  I'm also 36 years old, so I'm not really that young I worry about complications.

[calmcosmo]

What an awesome and selfless thing to do!

I did IVF back in 2008 so my experience isn't the latest and greatest. But I think my experience is worthy of sharing when it comes to twins and the decision to transfer.

Back then when I was struggling with IF I definitely got into the "two is better than one" mindset because I wasn't sure if we'd be able to do IVF again. It was honestly the wrong mindset. The best fertility doctors have the goal of a healthy singleton pregnancy. Any doctor who transfers two "hoping for twins" is not a good doctor.

I didn't realize back then the very real (and devastating risk) of twin+ pregnancy. We played it by ear in my cycle and ended up transferring two good quality 8-cell embryos at day 3 (I had low ovarian reserve and they were only able to retrieve 5 eggs total so a 5 day transfer wasn't possible at the time). The plan was to do a single embryo transfer of a 5 day blastocyst, but since I didn't have good numbers they went with a 3 day transfer of two 8 cell embryos.

Anyway, I ended up with twins. Sadly, one of my twins died at about 15 weeks gestation (no known cause, heartbeat stopped at around 13 weeks). Then that twin put my living twin at risk. My daughter ended up being born prematurely. She's fine now, but the whole pregnancy was absolutely terrifying. Very high risk, bed rest, bleeding, the devastation of losing a baby, the fear of having a preemie... I just can't stress enough that twin pregnancies for many people are not a stroll down a flowerly lane to two healthy babies.

If this is their only chance as you say, I would stress that the most optimal chance of a healthy baby is a singleton pregnancy. It is absolutely a gamble to wish for twins.

I would sit down alone with the doctor and have them explain the risks to you and your body. Twin pregnancies are much harder on the mother too with greater risk for many ailments (both during and after). Most of my friends who have had full-term twins (the goal) needed surgeries to correct hernias and diastasis recti. Are these things that your IPs are willing to cover?

Just think this through very carefully.

And GOOD LUCK! I really do wish you and the IPs the very best outcome.

[calmcosmo]

Dec 19, 2016 12:08:58 GMT -5 birdmom said:

Dec 19, 2016 12:04:10 GMT -5 Narwhal said:

This is really awesome of you to do and I'm sure they are so thankful. Having had a twin pregnancy and a singleton, a twin pregnancy is rough. Really rough. I delivered at 29 weeks, so I can't say how the last trimester is, but I remember on my last day of work before the holiday break (I was about 28 weeks), I literally had to talk myself up to walk somewhere. "Walk to the auditorium and you can sit" "make it back to the classroom and you can rest". But obviously, people do have more pleasant pregnancies! Haha.
There is also the fact that you are high risk and have more ultrasounds, Dr apts., etc. And the risk for preemies, preterm labor and csections will increase. However, otoh, I can see where they are coming from.

Anyway, it's so cool you are doing this. I can answer any questions you may have about the difference in pregnancies!

Is a multiple pregnancy considered high risk?  I'm also 36 years old, so I'm not really that young I worry about complications.

Yes. You need to talk to the RE and an OB/GYN who will map out what a twin pregnancy would entail for you and your body and the risk to the babies. While surrogacy is an incredibly self-less act, you do need to protect yourself and your own body from unnecessary hardship and stress. NOBODY reasonable would fault you for saying you do not consent to 2 blastocysts. It is risky. Please educate yourself to the fullest extent.

I'm not trying to scare you but I was SOOOO naive to twin pregnancy and the risk before I did IVF. I had blinders on and all I wanted was a baby or babies at pretty much any cost. It wasn't until I was carrying twins that I started reading and realized that I was not in for a normal pregnancy that resulted in two kids. 

[birdmom]

Dec 19, 2016 12:23:53 GMT -5 calmcosmo said:

What an awesome and selfless thing to do!

I did IVF back in 2008 so my experience isn't the latest and greatest. But I think my experience is worthy of sharing when it comes to twins and the decision to transfer.

Back then when I was struggling with IF I definitely got into the "two is better than one" mindset because I wasn't sure if we'd be able to do IVF again. It was honestly the wrong mindset. The best fertility doctors have the goal of a healthy singleton pregnancy. Any doctor who transfers two "hoping for twins" is not a good doctor.

I didn't realize back then the very real (and devastating risk) of twin+ pregnancy. We played it by ear in my cycle and ended up transferring two good quality 8-cell embryos at day 3 (I had low ovarian reserve and they were only able to retrieve 5 eggs total so a 5 day transfer wasn't possible at the time). The plan was to do a single embryo transfer of a 5 day blastocyst, but since I didn't have good numbers they went with a 3 day transfer of two 8 cell embryos.

Anyway, I ended up with twins. Sadly, one of my twins died at about 15 weeks gestation (no known cause, heartbeat stopped at around 13 weeks). Then that twin put my living twin at risk. My daughter ended up being born prematurely. She's fine now, but the whole pregnancy was absolutely terrifying. Very high risk, bed rest, bleeding, the devastation of losing a baby, the fear of having a preemie... I just can't stress enough that twin pregnancies for many people are not a stroll down a flowerly lane to two healthy babies.

If this is their only chance as you say, I would stress that the most optimal chance of a healthy baby is a singleton pregnancy. It is absolutely a gamble to wish for twins.

I would sit down alone with the doctor and have them explain the risks to you and your body. Twin pregnancies are much harder on the mother too with greater risk for many ailments (both during and after). Most of my friends who have had full-term twins (the goal) needed surgeries to correct hernias and diastasis recti. Are these things that your IPs are willing to cover?

Just think this through very carefully.

And GOOD LUCK! I really do wish you and the IPs the very best outcome.

Thank you for your feedback.  This is what I needed to hear.  I really do have a lot to think about in this regard.  

[Narwhal]

Dec 19, 2016 12:08:58 GMT -5 birdmom said:

Dec 19, 2016 12:04:10 GMT -5 Narwhal said:

This is really awesome of you to do and I'm sure they are so thankful. Having had a twin pregnancy and a singleton, a twin pregnancy is rough. Really rough. I delivered at 29 weeks, so I can't say how the last trimester is, but I remember on my last day of work before the holiday break (I was about 28 weeks), I literally had to talk myself up to walk somewhere. "Walk to the auditorium and you can sit" "make it back to the classroom and you can rest". But obviously, people do have more pleasant pregnancies! Haha.
There is also the fact that you are high risk and have more ultrasounds, Dr apts., etc. And the risk for preemies, preterm labor and csections will increase. However, otoh, I can see where they are coming from.

Anyway, it's so cool you are doing this. I can answer any questions you may have about the difference in pregnancies!

Is a multiple pregnancy considered high risk?  I'm also 36 years old, so I'm not really that young I worry about complications.

Yes, absolutely. There are varying degrees based on which type of twins, but all are high risk. I had the ideal type- Di Di, meaning 2 placentas and 2 sacks and I was still high risk and met with my MFM in addition to my OB. Like others have said, twins pregnancies are no walk in the park and up the risks for so many things.

[UnderProtest]

While twins are higher risk, you can still have a successful, healthy, and safe twin pregnancy. Just like you can have an unhealthy singleton pregnancy. For me, the biggest factor was the quality of embryo. On the first three IVF attempts, I had just okay embryos. On the fourth attempt, I had two good embryos (and a couple okay ones). The doctors were willing to transfer three based on my previous lack of success. But given the quality of the embryos, we went with two. I got pregnant with twins and delivered them full term with no issues. My SIL had her singleton at 32 weeks. One person's experiences won't necessarily be your experience so you have to do what you think is best for your situation and your body. Hopefully you can talk to the doctor (that you trust) to get more information that is applicable to you. Good luck and you are amazing for doing this!!

[fryjack2]

I know next to nothing about surrogacy and ivf but think its amazing that you are willing to try to help your cousin.

I have twins. Any pregnancy can have complications, but a twin pregnancy carries more risks. To you and the babies. I had severe pre-eclampsia, my labs were headed towards HELLP syndrome, my boys had pretty severe IUGR and were born almost 2 months early. I know plenty of woman who had easy twin pregnancies. Unless you have medical concerns prior to pregnancy, there's almost no way to determine who will do okay and who will have complications.

As PP stated, you will have more appointments and testing than a singleton and probably more because you are 36.

It sounds like things are moving fast and you are having the right conversations. I'm happy to answer any pregnancy/twin questions you may have. Good luck!

[Chiquitita]

Your amazing and they are so lucky to have you !

[pooh8402]

Dec 19, 2016 10:53:51 GMT -5 birdmom said:

 They asked how I felt about implanting two embryos.  I didn't know that implanting two doesn't increase your chance of having one.  It only increases your chances of having two...lol.  Anyone have any insight here for me? 

We conceived our son through IVF. We choose an elective single embryo transfer (eSET) for this exact reason. I am young with good quality eggs, and while I do have PCOS, my H has moderate-severe male factor infertility and that was the indication for IVF after multiple failed IUIs. We had no indication to transfer more embryos due to great quality, and we were dead set against multiples, so we transferred a single embryo, and were lucky enough that it took the first time and resulted in our son.

There is still the chance that an embryo can split into identical twins, and it is slightly increased in IVF over natural cycles, due to assisted hatching. I cared for a set of triplets about a year and a half ago. Their mother told me that she wanted to transfer only 1 embryo and her RE talked her into transferring 2. One split and all 3 implanted. So.

The way DH and I thought of it was this: if we transferred 2, we knew it was about a 50% chance of twins and a small chance of triplets or quads. If we transferred one, it was about a 3% chance of identical twins.



Fwiw, I think it's so great you're doing this! My SIL was a surrogate and she said it was a great experience at the time, except for the progesterone.

[birdmom]

IVF moms - connie0000, yourmother, egishere, UnderProtest, pooh8402, - so my next step is a mock cycle. I stopped BCP on Friday. They told me to get my period (which will probably happen Wednesday or so of this week) and then start estrogen pills. I think I start that the day that I start my period. I forget what the nurse told me the day that I was there (I was preoccupied with the fire that was happening in my uterus...lol). I did leave a message for her to call me back so I can clarify. Does any of that sound familiar to you? What does estrogen make you feel like?

[egishere]

I dont remember having to do a mock cycle but I may have? This was almost six years ago.

[pooh8402]

Dec 19, 2016 14:10:29 GMT -5 birdmom said:

IVF moms - connie0000, yourmother, egishere, UnderProtest, pooh8402, - so my next step is a mock cycle. I stopped BCP on Friday. They told me to get my period (which will probably happen Wednesday or so of this week) and then start estrogen pills. I think I start that the day that I start my period. I forget what the nurse told me the day that I was there (I was preoccupied with the fire that was happening in my uterus...lol). I did leave a message for her to call me back so I can clarify. Does any of that sound familiar to you? What does estrogen make you feel like?

I've only done a fresh cycle so far, not a frozen one, which is what you'll be doing. So my protocol was different in that I was prepping my ovaries in addition to my uterus. I started my estrogen a week after I finished my BCP, about 5 days after I started my period. I did not do mock cycle, this was the real thing.

[olivesyou]

This is such an amazing thing you are doing for your cousin! Can I ask some questions? If you don't want to answer that is fine.

How are your medical bills being paid?
Does insurance know/care about the surrogacy?
Will your cousin and her H have to adopt the baby after he or she born?
Do you guys have a spoken agreement, or did you go through a lawyer to capture the details?
Are you guys all local? Will they attend your doctors appointments? If you aren't local, are you planning to deliver at a hospital near you, or them?

Thanks!

[berbles]

Dec 19, 2016 14:13:04 GMT -5 egishere said:

I dont remember having to do a mock cycle but I may have? This was almost six years ago.

I'm thinking the mock cycle is to see how her body reacts to the hormones and stuff, since she doesn't have to go through the all that for egg harvesting. 

[yourmother]

I don't remember what side effects (if any) that the estrogen gave me. I will say that I was on so many drugs because I did the my protocol was different, and I do remember that I was a bloated mess because of the other drugs and the eventual progesterone.