Does your spouse make you a better person?

[hamster]

And, to you, what does that mean/look like?

I promise I'm almost done with the questions, haha. I've figured out a lot, but this one keeps coming back to me.

Oh, and I basically told H to piss off, I'm going to start taking my antidepressants. (OK, I keep coming back to how unsupportive he's been on this too).

Is it 2017 yet? Lol.

[melmel48]

Can I answer if I am not married, but was engaged at one point?

He did not make me a better person while we were together. However, he taught me what I want in a partner and what I deserve to have. Even though we didn't get married, we are still friends. We have a good relationship and I don't regret ever being in a relationship with him.

[Pom]

Yes, without question. He keeps me grounded but supports me in all things. He makes me kinder, gentler, more appreciative of life, love, new experiences.

[winnied]

Yes. He holds me accountable to the woman I want to be. He calls me out on my shit. He understands, appreciates, and respects my personal goals and helps me get there.

[Deleted]

With my exhusband...no. it's like he brought the worst out in me and I was this bitter woman and he immediately annoyed me even when he would just ask for the remote. So while it's not directly his fault, I hated the person I had become with him. And it was a huge lesson on what I needed in a partner.
I would love to be with someone who makes me a better person.

[VillainV]

Yes. We have been through a number of challenges, including multiple cross-country and international moves, miscarriages, a son with cancer, and sever depression. We have been married five years. We hold each other accountable to being the spouses we each want to be and need each other to be. It's been SO hard but we absolutely are committed to doing it together, and that has made us both better people.

[explorer2001]

ExH definitely didn't make me a better person.

Fiance definitely does make me a better person in so many ways it's hard to put words to it all.

[sarapocalypse]

Yes. There are some areas where we differ on our approach to things (I'm very type A, H... not so much) but that has been a good balance for us. He keeps me from getting too caught up in details or from over stressing about things I can't control. Together, we are a much more happy medium!

There are also areas where we are sometimes too similar (we are both very introverted, avoid conflict, etc.) but I feel like we've challenged each other in good ways and have both grown in a lot of areas. In areas where we are similar, I think we've been able to see those things reflected in the other person and realize where we can improve. We've been able to see where things just wouldn't function if neither of us work to improve in those areas. We've had to learn how to address conflict and learn how to be more outgoing in areas. Otherwise, nothing would ever be addressed since neither one would bring it up! It's forced both of us to examine our personalities and grow in certain areas. Sometimes I do more of the work to change and sometimes he's had to do more to change. But it's been us working together toward a common goal, which makes it work. If it was one sided, I couldn't see that working for us.

[ellipses84]

I've made him a better person, and he, his family and friends have all said that. I wouldn't say he makes me a better person, I thought I was a great person before I met him, lol. He helps balance out my personality in the things we are opposite in, often helps me see a different perspective,challenges me and helped me care less what other people think of me. We've had times where we bring out the best in each other and times when we are at our worst. Marriage and life has had some ups and downs for us. We're both really stubborn so I think we've helped each other grow, but it wasn't always easy for us to admit we needed the growth or to change.

[babsbunny]

Both. Physical activity (walking, hiking, anything) is important to him, so he helps me be less lazy, and he helps us eat better. He's also good at his job which motivates me to be good at my job. On the other hand, I am a more giving and helpful person to others (like staying a little longer to help clean up, or being patient waiting on someone). He doesn't discourage it, but he does not actively support it (because it's not his personality, so he doesn't quite understand how I can be so patient or want to help out).

We haven't been through many challenges. I'm afraid we would blow up at each other if faced with a team challenge like on reality tv, but we have been mostly fine doing projects together in the past, so I could be way off.

Between the both of us, we have had times where we were nagging the other person, thinking we were doing what's best for them. I'm not sure what stopped him, but I stopped myself by deciding that he's a grown man and can make his own decisions when they don't impact me. I think you did the right thing standing up for yourself and taking your meds. You know what's best for you, and if you're wrong, you'll take responsibility for any consequences. That's what grown-ups do.

[fernweh]

In some ways yes and in some ways no. He keeps me calm and grounded. He is the only reason I am even somewhat social and don't completely hermit myself away from the world.

He can be bad for my health though. I have terrible self control and he has no desire to eat healthy so it makes it hard for me to eat healthy (not blaming, it is my decision I know, but when he brings home cookies it's REALLY hard for me not to eat any).

Overall I would say yes though.

[tacom]

Without a doubt.

[hamster]

As a follow up, how important is this? There's a lot of things I think H can improve on, but I'm not sure this something that can be taught or fall into place.

Fwiw, he does make me better in some ways but I'd say more often doesnt.

[teatimefor2]

Without a shadow of a doubt. We just celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary and I can honestly say that he brings out he best in me in every facet of life. He pushed me to be better, do better and live better.

He, simple put, is my other half designed for me. We just fit together.

[Deleted]

If anything, my husband pushes me too much. He has has very HIGH standards that he holds both of us to, which I appreciate, but it makes it hard to relax sometimes.

However, I am also very Type A so I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want me to be my best.

[orangeblossom]

Nope. I fact, I almost busted out laughing when I saw Gus question because I could answer no,without hesitation.

[irene adler]

Because of dh I am calmer, less prone to anxiety, am more confident, and really love the happiness I get with stability.

But does he make me a better person? I don't know. I take fewer risks and am less ambitious. I have stopped doing things that stress me out and say no more often. I travel less. I think much of this would have naturally come with age, but I can get bogged down in laziness.

But I do miss how alive I felt during my life of the party years. I used to be so much fun.

[hamster]

Dec 31, 2016 22:27:55 GMT -5 irene adler said:

I take fewer risks and am less ambitious. I have stopped doing things that stress me out and say no more often. I travel less. I think much of this would have naturally come with age, but I can get bogged down in laziness.

But I do miss how alive I felt during my life of the party years. I used to be so much fun.

So much this!!

[krystee]

He makes me more curious about things (he knows so many interesting random facts, and I like to learn more after our conversations) and he makes me more silly/fun...but we are also in a phase where we are bringing out the worst in each other. Lots of bickering and irritation. I'm hoping it passes soon.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Uh no

Xh managed to bring every possible negative emotion out of me. It's super important to me to find someone who brings out the best in me ... finding him is a frustrating experience.

[insominac]

In pretty much all ways.

[tacocat]

Dec 31, 2016 21:08:49 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

Dec 31, 2016 20:54:45 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Yes!
At the core, Kirk and I have a pitcher/ catcher relationship.
We're great independent from one another, and even better together.
This is important to us, as it only strengthens our bond and our team.


More about the pitcher/ catcher relationship, from the manager of the best ball club around:
"Nothing in the game," Scioscia says, "is more important than the pitcher-catcher relationship. It's the foundation of any team."

"Everything starts with the pitcher-catcher relationship," Scioscia said. "How they communicate and interact, the rhythm and pace they establish, it sets a tone for the game. There is so much that goes into building that relationship, and it's critical to a team meeting its goals." 


It's a perfect metaphor for life together. 

I would say this applies to us as well. We often say that independently we are a force to be reckoned with but as a team we are unstoppable. We support each other in every way: from simple every day parenting decisions to major life changing ones (the day I came home and said "you know that job that brings in the only money and benefits for our family? I quit and I'm starting a completely new and different business!" He didn't even blink and even said "whatever it is, I'm behind you 100%"). We are very alike in many ways and very different in others - overall it works beautifully.
It's important enough that I will never settle for less.

I was just going to agree with the statement until I read this. We really do this. DH did the Same when I came home and said I was going back to school and would apply to school for my RN. He knew it would be hard but didn't even question me. He is my biggest supporter in so many ways. I could stI'll achieve the same goals without him but we do inspire each other to push harder and be better.

We still vmake questionable decisions though. Including spending money that isn't easily had for one more vacation before my new job starts and we don't see each other often. Lol, those balance out somewhat I'm sure.

[carrotsmakemefat]

Eh I don't think it's necessarily are you a better person because of your spouse. It's whether he helps you give a shit. If you don't give a shit...then you don't give a shit.

I'm sure there are a lot of reasons someone can provide that someone has made them a better person. But none of us need anyone to make us better or whole. If someone makes you "better" it's that they are enhancing your already existing awesomeness to new levels of awesome.

But you know if he does this for you or not.

[ally]

Yes, I think we both make each other better. I am emotional, quick tempered, and a complete homebody. He is the picture of calm, well thought out, and always wants to "do something". Somehow we balance each other and it works.

[Deleted]

Yes. We have complimentary strengths and weaknesses so we balance those out in each other and together it works really well.

[Deleted]

We both make each other better - and he has a few strengths in areas where I have weaknesses, and vice-versa.

Fun example: H knows a ton about the outdoors and nature - because of his interest in this, I know a lot more about wildlife (I can identify owls, birds, bugs, and plants that I never really "saw" before) - and we go camping and mountaineering together, things I adore now but never would have explored without him.  

This is a picture from our trip earlier this year on Mt. Shuksan - that's me heading to the summit pyramid

[steph96]

I thought about this a lot yesterday and my answer is no. Before we were together, I was outgoing and bubbly and I took great care of myself. Now I'm the opposite. He doesn't encourage me to be a better version of myself. He doesn't push himself or me. He's okay with everything being stagnant.

[wanderlustmom]

Yes he does. After 13 years married, I always feel this way with him. He's very supportive and encouraging

[shamrockshake]

Honestly no but I don't know if I mean that in a "bad" way even though ultimately it is bad for me. DH loves me no matter what and he wants to do everything for me. Meaning- I've gained a ton of weight and instead of trying to help me be better, lose weight, get healthy, he just loves me and tells me I'm perfect. And he'll literally do every damn thing around the house which makes me really lazy. He's done wonders for my self esteem given how much he loves me so I guess that's something? But he doesn't push or challenge me because he just thinks everything I do is perfect lol

[mbcdefg]

He's helped me stand up for myself more, not care so much what others think, and makes me feel like I'm not a loser. It's really hard for me to connect with people and he's the only person in the world with whom I am 100% comfortable. I can be myself with him, and feel good about it.

He says I help calm him down, prioritize things, not worry so much. And his parents have both died so we've gotten closer now too.

I'm still lazy, though, and I know he'd prefer that I wasn't.