I'm concerned about a potential "sister shit storm"

[flex]

So I'm heading to Oregon on Thursday.  On Sunday my sisters and I, as well as some of my aunts and cousins, are getting together at my mom's house to start going through her things.  I set this up because my stepdad wants to put the house up for sale in the spring, and he'll be moving to a small place.  

I'm not looking forward to this because...my middle sister is physically disabled and has a lot of mental issues.  She's very manipulative and jealous of practically everyone.  My little sister is getting out of an in-patient treatment center today, so she's going to be emotionally fragile to a certain extent.  

I knew better than to try to keep going through my mom's things between the three of us:: many hands will get the job done quicker, but the main reason is because I want "witnesses" to make sure there's no hint of "GIMME THAT!" shenanigans.  Oy.  Prayers and good thoughts will be welcomed.  lol

[tillie]

I'm sorry. It's already a difficult situation and those factors make it worse. I think it's a good idea that you will have additional family members there.

Sending good thoughts.

[bugandbibs]

Positive thoughts for a difficult situation.

My mom is still hurt that her sister took all of the family photographs and she didn't get any. She has offered multiple times to pay for copies or scanning, but her sister always delays. It sucks.

[flex]

Jan 3, 2017 17:28:32 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

If there's going to be a shit storm anyway can you go early and navigate some of the bigger land mines so to speak? Take care of anything that is going to spark the biggest arguments or controversy?

Not really, but I do understand where you're coming from.  I've asked my stepdad to start making a list (or put sticky notes on) of the items he wants to keep when he gets a smaller place.  That will be helpful so there's no heated discussion about furniture.  Mom's jewelry has already been divided, so at least that's out of the way.

For the record, I don't want any of it, except for the old china set my mom was saving for me.  I have plenty of furniture, plus Mom and I had entirely different tastes.

[flex]

I have decided that if there is a "tie" on any type of item, that names be put into a hat and the name drawn will get the item. Not sure if that's going to happen, but it's good to have a Plan B in place. lol

[chickadee77]

Oh, I'm sorry. It was hard enough dividing up my mom's things - I can't imagine having combative siblings in the picture. (Though we did have Dad's crazy gf who wanted all of Mom's stuff for some reason. And my crazy aunts. But that's different.)

Good luck with everything - sounds like you're going in with realistic expectations about the situation, which might make things a little easier.

[yellow23]

When we were recently splitting up my grandmas stuff we privately made lists of what we would like in order of priority. Then everything was compared and we tried to get everyone the things that were most important to them. We were lucky and it worked out that everyone ranked a different item as #1 so we all got what we wanted most. Then we went down the lists and tried to divide things evenly based on what was most important to each person. It probably took a bit more work than some methods, but it worked very well for keeping things fair. However, we were all easy to work with, I'm not sure how it would have gone if we were working with more difficult personalities.

[nicbreeful]

Jan 3, 2017 17:36:44 GMT -5 flex said:

I have decided that if there is a "tie" on any type of item, that names be put into a hat and the name drawn will get the item. Not sure if that's going to happen, but it's good to have a Plan B in place. lol

I'll be sending good thoughts and saying prayers!

What if any "tie" items go in the pile and then at the end of splitting the other items, each person gets a turn to pick something out of the "tie" pile.  That way everyone gets a chance to pick the most important item to them and they can't get upset about someone getting drawn more?  Just a suggestion.

[So_Fetch]

Jan 3, 2017 19:06:04 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Jan 3, 2017 17:36:44 GMT -5 flex said:

I have decided that if there is a "tie" on any type of item, that names be put into a hat and the name drawn will get the item. Not sure if that's going to happen, but it's good to have a Plan B in place. lol

I'll be sending good thoughts and saying prayers!

What if any "tie" items go in the pile and then at the end of splitting the other items, each person gets a turn to pick something out of the "tie" pile.  That way everyone gets a chance to pick the most important item to them and they can't get upset about someone getting drawn more?  Just a suggestion.

I was going to suggest this too. My mom and four of her sisters just had to go through this and one sister kept winning the draw. And of course she is the one who wanted everything.

[flex]

If this all goes "south", of course I'll come in and whine to all of you. Stay tuned.  lol

[jenna]

I get you. I picture this as being a source of chaos and frustration within our family.

Good luck.

[leshoequeen]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It does seem to bring out the ugly in people. My mom and her siblings recently divided my grandparents things and my mom ended up with a lot of hurt feelings over the way everything went.