Post by oneslybookworm on Jan 6, 2017 11:44:23 GMT -5
spearmintleaf tagged me in the New Year's post, so I thought I'd come over here and post (wasn't sure if I fit in here yet or not...but we're going for it!).
So, DH and I are matched with an expecting mother that's due at the beginning of June! We've spoken on the phone a few times and shared a couple of texts, and things sound like they're going well! I'm still scared shitless that this will all fall apart, but trying to remain positive! I figure, it'll suck regardless if it falls apart, so I might as well enjoy the ride, right?
I'm totally happy to answer any questions if you all have them!
Ha e you had any mor contact with your match? When will you find out the sex? You had plans to start on the nursery soon, right?
We've spoken on the phone twice now, and shared a few text messages. She's set to find out the sex on the 11th!!! She is very sweet, though not in a great situation, but I feel like we'll have a good relationship (hopefully).
We've already started on the nursery (slowly over time). The walls are painted and DH build the shelving in the closet already. We've picked out a crib, and DH wants to make the dresser, so he'll get started on that at some point. I've made the curtains, a few quilts, and a crochet blanket so far. Otherwise, that's about it!
Oh, and we have around 40 cloth diapers that we got from a friend who had twins. So, we're set there!
Post by thoseareradishes on Jan 6, 2017 12:45:59 GMT -5
Welcome! I'm so excited for you. I'm due in June too so we'll be on similar timelines.
I haven't done much to prepare yet, in terms of buying things, I'm still too nervous. But I have started some research. I want to cloth diaper too. What do you have in your stash so far? I'm thinking prefolds and covers for home, then trying out some pockets and AIOs for going out and visits.
Post by oneslybookworm on Jan 6, 2017 13:07:34 GMT -5
thoseareradishes, we have around 35 BumGenius 4.0 pockets from our friend, and 6-7 Blueberry Simplex AIOs. I need to repair the elastic on some of the BumGenius ones, but otherwise they're in great condition!
ooo I can talk cloth diapers. The 4.0s are really good. I liked the blueberries and simplex too, but didn't have as many (4 years ago they were 2 separate things?). I liked rumparooz with the double gusset a lot in the early months before solid food. My stash a lot of different kinds, but I never got into prefolds and covers. I did use newborn and small prefolds later as inserts in the pockets instead of the microfiber. I bought a bunch of velcro closure diapers to send to daycare, to make it easiest on them. oneslybookworm, thoseareradishes
OSB - do you and your husband plan to take maternity/paternity leave? how long would you get off?
Post by awkwardpenguin on Jan 6, 2017 13:24:20 GMT -5
AHHHHHHHHHHH, congratulations!!!! Have you thought about leave yet? How long do you have to travel to birth mom's home state for?
I am sure the waiting is very difficult, but I hope you are also able to enjoy this exciting time.
thoseareradishes, I don't want to hijack, but we did prefolds and covers and it's worked out really well for us. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have.
Post by oneslybookworm on Jan 6, 2017 14:04:14 GMT -5
mpc and awkwardpenguin, we're both eligible for FMLA (we work for the same company, so we'd split the 12-weeks), but since I'm not actually pregnant, I won't be eligible for salary reimbursement through short-term disability. So, we'll basically bank our vacation to cover some of the FMLA. We'll be spending 1-2 weeks in the birth state for ICPC to clear (it's about a 12 hour drive from where we live now), so that will eat up some time. Otherwise DH has 4 weeks and I have 3 weeks paid vacation, so we'll combine those and swap time spent with the baby. It's not ideal, but we'll make it work!
What parameters have you set for communication long-term? As in, once annually updates? How open or closed will it be?
We'd really like a semi-open to open adoption. Ideally, we'd send photos and letters every month or so (we have shared our cell numbers with each other, so we already text), and go from there. She said she wasn't interested in visits, but if she changes her mind, we'll make it happen.
mpc and awkwardpenguin , we're both eligible for FMLA (we work for the same company, so we'd split the 12-weeks), but since I'm not actually pregnant, I won't be eligible for salary reimbursement through short-term disability. So, we'll basically bank our vacation to cover some of the FMLA. We'll be spending 1-2 weeks in the birth state for ICPC to clear (it's about a 12 hour drive from where we live now), so that will eat up some time. Otherwise DH has 4 weeks and I have 3 weeks paid vacation, so we'll combine those and swap time spent with the baby. It's not ideal, but we'll make it work!
I have to use up my leave for my time off too. People acted so shocked that I only took one day off over christmas, but I find it hard to justify using leave now when I know I'll need it more in a few months. I mostly work with men who have probably never had to think about something like that before. I'm glad you'll get to take some time off, but I'm sorry it's not more. Any possibility to take some leave without pay?
mpc and awkwardpenguin , we're both eligible for FMLA (we work for the same company, so we'd split the 12-weeks), but since I'm not actually pregnant, I won't be eligible for salary reimbursement through short-term disability. So, we'll basically bank our vacation to cover some of the FMLA. We'll be spending 1-2 weeks in the birth state for ICPC to clear (it's about a 12 hour drive from where we live now), so that will eat up some time. Otherwise DH has 4 weeks and I have 3 weeks paid vacation, so we'll combine those and swap time spent with the baby. It's not ideal, but we'll make it work!
I have to use up my leave for my time off too. People acted so shocked that I only took one day off over christmas, but I find it hard to justify using leave now when I know I'll need it more in a few months. I mostly work with men who have probably never had to think about something like that before. I'm glad you'll get to take some time off, but I'm sorry it's not more. Any possibility to take some leave without pay?
I'd like to, and I might take a week or two, but not sure. Adoptions are freaking expensive, so even if I do take some unpaid time off, it won't be a ton.
What really cheeses me off is we're not allowed to roll over our vacation days from year to year, so...I had to use up all my vacation last year and can't roll any over to this year. BOO!
We'd really like a semi-open to open adoption. Ideally, we'd send photos and letters every month or so (we have shared our cell numbers with each other, so we already text), and go from there. She said she wasn't interested in visits, but if she changes her mind, we'll make it happen.
Wow, she doesn't want visits? Did she say why? Too painful? Wants to move on mentally? I can't help but think that's a good sign that she won't change her mind.
She has said that she wants us to hold the baby first so that she won't get attached...I imagine not wanting visits are for the same reason. She hasn't said exactly, and I haven't wanted to pry, so early into the relationship.
Wow, she doesn't want visits? Did she say why? Too painful? Wants to move on mentally? I can't help but think that's a good sign that she won't change her mind.
She has said that she wants us to hold the baby first so that she won't get attached...I imagine not wanting visits are for the same reason. She hasn't said exactly, and I haven't wanted to pry, so early into the relationship.
I'm so excited for you! It sounds like she knows it's going to be difficult, which seems like a good sign to me. Preparing for it probably makes it easier for her to stick with what I imagine must have been a very carefully considered decision.
She has said that she wants us to hold the baby first so that she won't get attached...I imagine not wanting visits are for the same reason. She hasn't said exactly, and I haven't wanted to pry, so early into the relationship.
I'm so excited for you! It sounds like she knows it's going to be difficult, which seems like a good sign to me. Preparing for it probably makes it easier for her to stick with what I imagine must have been a very carefully considered decision.
Yeah, I hope. I'm obviously terrified she'll change her mind, but DH and I want to be supportive of whatever she decides.
I'm so excited for you! It sounds like she knows it's going to be difficult, which seems like a good sign to me. Preparing for it probably makes it easier for her to stick with what I imagine must have been a very carefully considered decision.
Yeah, I hope. I'm obviously terrified she'll change her mind, but DH and I want to be supportive of whatever she decides.
Ok, every time I read something you post I start crying again, haha. This, this right here, this shows why you are going to be such incredible parents. I am so happy, I started tearing up today telling my friend about you and how happy I am (I'm such a weirdo).
I know it is going to be a nerve wracking 6 months, but try to enjoy it as much as you can!
Yeah, I hope. I'm obviously terrified she'll change her mind, but DH and I want to be supportive of whatever she decides.
Ok, every time I read something you post I start crying again, haha. This, this right here, this shows why you are going to be such incredible parents. I am so happy, I started tearing up today telling my friend about you and how happy I am (I'm such a weirdo).
I know it is going to be a nerve wracking 6 months, but try to enjoy it as much as you can!