Feeling down and blah.

[Deleted]

Feeling bored with my life at the moment. I know i have a great career and im thankful. I have pretty great people around me all day, but when i get home or on the weekends I'm generally bored. Not much to look forward to. I feel like all my friends are occupied with their husbands and/ or children and I feel so alone. I do see them sometimes, but their lives go on and I'm here feeling lonely and like crap. I know I'm still getting used to being single and living alone and I know there are advantages, but still. I think I need a friggin hobby or something. How did you get over feeling down in the dumps when newly alone? Any recommendations for hobbies? I dont want to miss out on life by feeling down, and I know I should probably see my therapist, but I've been avoiding it for fear of rehashing the past and feeling crappier. Blah.

[Deleted]

Sept 11, 2012 19:50:56 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

I picked up kickboxing, running, volunteering and intramural sports. There are a ton of leagues in your area for intramural sports! Its a great way to meet friends and have fun!

Yeah and that would be good to get my fat ass back in shape...I dont even wanna go to the gym lately...maybe I'll look into volunteering at an animal shelter or something first!

[Deleted]

Sept 11, 2012 19:40:00 GMT -5 dynamoo said:

Can you try to get involved with some meetups? Or start picking up new hobbies that you've been interested in? Meetup has just about any type of interest out there it seems. All the way down to ethnic dining, walking, etc....

is there a particular website for this?

[gozf]

What do you like to do? Revisit those things, and immerse yourself.

[Deleted]

Sept 11, 2012 20:37:30 GMT -5 dynamoo said:

I just sent you a link....

Got it, thanks!

[bullygirl979]

Meetup.com is great....or just ask yourself what you've always wanted to try and run with it.

I always wanted to start horseback riding so I had a fellow nestie help me find a stable and I am doing it. Before I always wanted to be a runner so I did couch to 5 k and then found a local running club.

Post what your interests/likes/desires are and we will give you some suggestions!

[Deleted]

I like to cook, want to learn to knit, gotta get my out of shape butt to the gym, I'd be interested in archery or shooting(but it's limited since I'm in NYC), maybe volunteering with animals. I'm a PA and I've thought of going on a medical mission for a week or two, but it's really pricey.

[gozf]

There are so many wonderful things to do in NYC! Holy crap. You are lucky!

Explore the things you listed above. Check out NY mag for their calendar listings. Wander. Interact. You'll be fine!!!

[Deleted]

Sept 11, 2012 22:23:00 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Sept 11, 2012 21:45:26 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

I like to cook, want to learn to knit, gotta get my out of shape butt to the gym, I'd be interested in archery or shooting(but it's limited since I'm in NYC), maybe volunteering with animals. I'm a PA and I've thought of going on a medical mission for a week or two, but it's really pricey.

I actually know of a good archery place in Queens. $20 gets you all day rental of a bow and arrow and a quick lesson. If you want, I'll send you the link.

Yeah that's cool....I know of one place, but never looked into it.

[Deleted]

Sept 11, 2012 22:20:00 GMT -5 dynamoo said:

I was getting so excited for you at the different groups in your area! This is seriously how I started getting out during my separation and I am still friends with a few of the folks who I met back then. I've kind of olive branched out from them but we have mutual friends now (I've met tons of people through them over the years and just clicked even more with people they knew due to similar outdoor hobbies, etc...).

If I didn't love where I live, I'd be green, green jealous at all of your options!!

I did a meetup search while visiting my family (in their area) and seriously, 4 groups in the entire state came up and they were all for SAHMs. SO glad I moved back here.

Lol I guess everyplace has its ups and downs...what city are u in?

[leahmel]

My biggest suggestion is to get busy! (I don't mean sex, but if that helps then by all means..)

I know the feeling, and I have been there. My solution was to grow myself as a person and fill up my own life, also have a lot of fun in the process. Try not to depend on other people to make your life fun and less boring. If you meet people, great, but make sure you are filling your life up on your own.

Things I did were join meetup.com, I met a good group of friends there too. I wound up finding people to travel with there as well. Join groups that genuinely interest you and try to find ones that don't just revolve around being social, but also around something else that you enjoy. I also joined a hot yoga studio, took dance classes, joined a gym. I picked up photography as a hobby and joined a photography meetup group. I like that it is creative and also something I can both do on my own and share with others as well, that way I always have it even when everyone is busy. I started making lists of things I wanted to do and places I wanted to go that were just for me. Some places I went to alone, some I found people to join me. I started pulling recipes and going to the farmers market for fresh ingredients and then cooking or baking. I also started a blog and doing some creative writing/journaling. I went to Michael's and bought stuff to make homemade birthday cards and thank you notes.

You don't have to do what I did, but do the things that make YOU feel good inside and make you happy. You will naturally meet people along the way and make friends and maybe find a partner too, but you won't always feel that loneliness because you'll be too busy living your fabulous life.

[leahmel]

It is SO cliche!! lol I am living proof that it works though. I was totally a debby downer with no direction a few years ago and now I am the happiest that I have ever been.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 11, 2012 21:45:26 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

I like to cook, want to learn to knit, gotta get my out of shape butt to the gym, I'd be interested in archery or shooting(but it's limited since I'm in NYC), maybe volunteering with animals. I'm a PA and I've thought of going on a medical mission for a week or two, but it's really pricey.

Check this out!

www.meetup.com/#find/?keywords=&userFreeform=new+york+city&mcId=&mcName=&gcResults=New+York%2C+NY%2C+USA%3AUS%3ANY%3ANew+York%3ANew+York%3Anull%3Anull%3A40.7143528%3A-74.0059731&categories=&view=masonry&sort=default&radius=25&offset=0&psize=30¤tpage=1&_suid=1347450065432043497905665138264

If you look on the left, there is a hobbies and craft tab with tons of knitting ones, a fitness tab and a food and drink one. Cooking? check. Get in shape? check. Knitting? check.

[starburst604]

You've gotten a lot of great advice. When I was in 10th grade I had a teacher who gave this reply when a student said they were "bored". "he who is bored is BORING". Now of course you're not boring but whenever I find myself feeling bored I think of that saying and realize I need to do something to challenge myself in some way. Last spring it was to train for a half marathon. A couple of years ago I started volunteering at an animal shelter for the same reason. I believe wholeheartedly in what Leah was saying, do what you enjoy and everything else will fall into place with it. Good luck with your new adventures!

[bowies]

Shit, I still struggle with this. When I was newly single, I was hanging out with a group of people that were also (mostly) single too, so everyone was into getting together for dinner and talking regularly. Then things started to get in the way - new relationships, demanding careers, relocations - and now I'm struggling to find another "family of friends" type of situation. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert, so it's harder for me to meet people. I also live in an area that is heavily populated by Mommy meetup groups. Around here, being a 32-year-old without kids is seen as exotic.

I know I need to get off my ass and start volunteering somewhere or find some kind of hobby. My job is at times demanding but doesn't afford a whole lot of social interaction, and I'm starting certification classes next month (which switched from classroom to online to save money, d'oh!), so I have to be conscious about not over-isolating myself but not over-extending myself either.

[blackkitty]

You've gotten some great advice but I just wanted to add... are you sure you are bored? Because I can't imagine living in NYC and being bored. Or are you more lonely or maybe mildly depressed? These are more just questions to throw out there, you don't need to answer. But they approach you might want to take might be different depending on what's really going on.

[Deleted]

Well, to answer Bowies and blackkitty....I struggle with going out alone. Yes there is tons to do, day or night here in NY, but I'm shy before I get to know people. Also everything is expensive--I have a good income, but still. And yes i know I'm a little depressed.

[gozf]

NYC is the best place in the world to be alone because no one cares! I mean it. No one cares. Only you. Get comfortable with going out by yourself, even if it's for a walk or to a coffee shop. People in NY are friendly! New Yorkers are the best people in the world. You'll make friends. Hang out in your neighborhood and strike up conversations.

As far as expensive, some things are. A lot aren't. Google "free things to do in NYC." Get out of your apartment and walk around. There are things EVERYWHERE, and a lot are free or cheap.

If you know you're depressed, go back to your therapist.

Honestly, it sounds like you're making a lot of excuses to stay stuck in this rut. You had my sympathy at first, but geez. You live in New York, and you're bored?! That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

Snap out of it!

[gozf]

Here: www.lonelyplanet.com/usa/new-york-city/travel-tips-and-articles/76493

Do you read The Village Voice? It's free and has lots of great events listed. Try that, too.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 12, 2012 13:02:54 GMT -5 gozf said:

Here: www.lonelyplanet.com/usa/new-york-city/travel-tips-and-articles/76493

Do you read The Village Voice? It's free and has lots of great events listed. Try that, too.

And a lot of the meetups are free or cheap!

[gozf]

www.clubfreetime.com/free-events-things-to-do-in-new-york-city.asp

[blackkitty]

Sept 12, 2012 12:43:41 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Well, to answer Bowies and blackkitty....I struggle with going out alone. Yes there is tons to do, day or night here in NY, but I'm shy before I get to know people. Also everything is expensive--I have a good income, but still. And yes i know I'm a little depressed.

The best suggestion I can give you is figure out the problem before you try to solve it. Depressed? Lonely? Bored? The solution is different for each of these.

[leahmel]

Do you have social anxiety issues? I definitely think the meetup.com and other groups like that are your best bet if you have a problem going out alone. Everyone is there for the same purpose and I promis you that others have the same feelings that you do. Eventually you'll get better at meeting new people and even doing things on your own, just like anything else it takes practice.

If not.. just walk around and explore the city. I would LOVE to live in the city. There has to be things that interest you and I promise you that there are so many other people doing their thing alone in NYC and loving it, so what are you worried about? Go to museums, grab lunch, walk around The Village or Soho and check out the cool shops, catch a free show. Explore your world, it's yours for the taking.

[Deleted]

Sept 12, 2012 14:05:14 GMT -5 leahmel said:

Do you have social anxiety issues? I definitely think the meetup.com and other groups like that are your best bet if you have a problem going out alone. Everyone is there for the same purpose and I promis you that others have the same feelings that you do. Eventually you'll get better at meeting new people and even doing things on your own, just like anything else it takes practice.

If not.. just walk around and explore the city. I would LOVE to live in the city. There has to be things that interest you and I promise you that there are so many other people doing their thing alone in NYC and loving it, so what are you worried about? Go to museums, grab lunch, walk around The Village or Soho and check out the cool shops, catch a free show. Explore your world, it's yours for the taking.

I'm definitely going to aim to do more things around the city. I don't live IN manhattan. I'm in one of the other boroughs about an hour away (by train or driving). I don't have social anxiety, I don't mind doing certain things alone, like shopping, having lunch, taking a class--just never did go out alone, like to a bar or even a museum. have always gone with friends or a bf or family. I've always been a great public speaker, I work in a hospital and educate patients, do presentations with doctors for other doctors and staff etc. I joined meetup and will look into some group activities.

[Deleted]

Sept 12, 2012 13:36:56 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Sept 12, 2012 13:01:39 GMT -5 gozf said:

Honestly, it sounds like you're making a lot of excuses to stay stuck in this rut. You had my sympathy at first, but geez. You live in New York, and you're bored?! That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

Snap out of it!

I agree! I would love to live in NYC and enjoy all the cool things there... Go see a taping of a TV show, go see the statue of liberty, go look at amazing art in a museum, go see some live music, go window shopping, go for a run.. I have spent time there by myself and loved all of it

I have family in the area and don't tell them when I go sometimes because I want to be alone and do whatever I want!!

I am so jealous!!!

I hear you-- I live about an hour from Manhattan. So you are probably imagining that I live there...on the weekends going into the city is fine...during the week, it's just a hassle after work. I actually work in acool neighborhood in Brooklyn and there are some meetups around here as well, which is awesome for happy hours! Where I live is quieter, but bcertain neighborhoods are cool too.