Help me understand this issue

[bullygirl979]

Sept 13, 2012 11:29:57 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 13, 2012 11:27:47 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Homemade or store bought?

Homemade
My favorite store bought are sweet potato and beet chips. B/c I am weird. I often will eat the whole bag.

Yeah, homemade are good.

I like popchips too. They are tasty, especially the jalepeno ones.

[jojoandleo]

Sept 13, 2012 11:25:10 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 13, 2012 11:21:32 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

How good dill pickle potato chips are.

I prefer kale chips
Yum

Um, Cheddar and Sour Cream are the best.

Jade-I think I get it now. Sometimes I want to sit on the couch and do nothing because the amount of homework/work work I have makes me anxious, but that's not a good way to go. It's much better to have a partner like my H who will ask if I have work to do and so on which kind of kicks me in the pants to just do it rather than procrastinate and get more stressed. I think the wording was bad. If he genuinely just wants you to give him a nudge now and then rather than be all "Oh, eat that 5th cupcake, no big deal" I get that.

[blackkitty]

[blackkitty]

[bowies]

Jumping in late -

I'm someone with zero willpower, so if I want BF's support in helping me stick to a healthy diet, I ask for it. I do also ask him to kick my ass out of bed in the mornings for yoga since I'd rather sleep. So I guess I kinda get what you/he are trying to say? I'm trying to make sense of this post, but I'm hella confused. It doesn't sound like he has the communication skills to ask for this from you directly so he's gonna be all Mr. Vague about it.

My BF is a naturally "you look awesome, sleep in with me" type too, but he knows that it's important to me that he provides that extra nudge of willpower, so he does. Most of the time. He's good at knowing when to nudge and when to encourage my laziness. If he was always encouraging me to blow things off, he'd know I'd end up resenting it.

To add, if you're always being Polly Positive ("Oh you don't need to exercise, you look great!!!") then it starts getting to a point where he doesn't believe the compliment anymore. So maybe what he's really asking you to do is to be more honest. I'm not saying that you should tell him those jeans make his ass look fat, but if he complains about a run time, then help him come up with a plan to improve it.

[jojoandleo]

Sept 13, 2012 17:10:41 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Sorry, for me this is just weird and sounds like a recipe for disaster.

What happens if/when he decides that he's not so into running anymore and just wants to enjoy all the great food and desserts or something? What are you supposed to do then? Talk him out of it or encourage what he now says he wants? If you're supportive of his new outlook, are you no longer pushing him to meet expectations? How are you supposed to know what's really the 'best he can be'?

Personally, I want a man that's self-motivated. I don't want to have to encourage him all the time to do the things that he should be doing to meet his goals. That's not to say I don't want to encourage him at all, but I don't want to be there at every single step going "No, put down the brownie. No, get off the couch. No, don't order that." If those goals are what wants to achieve then I want to be there to praise him for his successes, not be his mom, telling him to do his homework every day.

I don't think this is what is going on here. I think it is more like he says "Ugh, I don't want to run today" and she says "Don't then, stay with me!" and he wants her to say "You should run, you know you will feel better!"

Everyone has those friends, the ones you plan to work out with then end up drinking margaritas and the ones who you say, "Man, let's skip Piyo and get queso!" and they say "No, we need to go. You know how awesome you feel after!"

I think this board is too sensitive and too quick to pull the CONTROLLING! trigger. The way she worded the OP sounded funny, but with further explanation, I think he just doesn't want her to DISCOURAGE him from working out because "he looks great" but instead ENCOURAGE him to be healthy. It's a balance.

We all want a partner who will help us strive to be better rather than one who enables us to be one of those 600lbs people who can't get off the couch.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 13, 2012 18:14:34 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Sept 13, 2012 17:10:41 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Sorry, for me this is just weird and sounds like a recipe for disaster.

What happens if/when he decides that he's not so into running anymore and just wants to enjoy all the great food and desserts or something? What are you supposed to do then? Talk him out of it or encourage what he now says he wants? If you're supportive of his new outlook, are you no longer pushing him to meet expectations? How are you supposed to know what's really the 'best he can be'?

Personally, I want a man that's self-motivated. I don't want to have to encourage him all the time to do the things that he should be doing to meet his goals. That's not to say I don't want to encourage him at all, but I don't want to be there at every single step going "No, put down the brownie. No, get off the couch. No, don't order that." If those goals are what wants to achieve then I want to be there to praise him for his successes, not be his mom, telling him to do his homework every day.

I don't think this is what is going on here. I think it is more like he says "Ugh, I don't want to run today" and she says "Don't then, stay with me!" and he wants her to say "You should run, you know you will feel better!"

Everyone has those friends, the ones you plan to work out with then end up drinking margaritas and the ones who you say, "Man, let's skip Piyo and get queso!" and they say "No, we need to go. You know how awesome you feel after!"

I think this board is too sensitive and too quick to pull the CONTROLLING! trigger. The way she worded the OP sounded funny, but with further explanation, I think he just doesn't want her to DISCOURAGE him from working out because "he looks great" but instead ENCOURAGE him to be healthy. It's a balance.

We all want a partner who will help us strive to be better rather than one who enables us to be one of those 600lbs people who can't get off the couch.

QFT. Dude doesn't sound like a loser. Sounds like Jade is a bad influence

ETA: and it doesn't sound like dude wants a mommy to tell him what to do all the time but someone who will give him a kick in the ass every once in a while. Someone who will raise an eyebrow when he eats 3 big macs, not someone who will applaude him for it. I think there is a huge difference.

[blackkitty]

Sept 13, 2012 22:57:59 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Sept 13, 2012 18:14:34 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I don't think this is what is going on here. I think it is more like he says "Ugh, I don't want to run today" and she says "Don't then, stay with me!" and he wants her to say "You should run, you know you will feel better!"

Everyone has those friends, the ones you plan to work out with then end up drinking margaritas and the ones who you say, "Man, let's skip Piyo and get queso!" and they say "No, we need to go. You know how awesome you feel after!"

I think this board is too sensitive and too quick to pull the CONTROLLING! trigger. The way she worded the OP sounded funny, but with further explanation, I think he just doesn't want her to DISCOURAGE him from working out because "he looks great" but instead ENCOURAGE him to be healthy. It's a balance.

We all want a partner who will help us strive to be better rather than one who enables us to be one of those 600lbs people who can't get off the couch.

QFT. Dude doesn't sound like a loser. Sounds like Jade is a bad influence

ETA: and it doesn't sound like dude wants a mommy to tell him what to do all the time but someone who will give him a kick in the ass every once in a while. Someone who will raise an eyebrow when he eats 3 big macs, not someone who will applaude him for it. I think there is a huge difference.

This whole post really confuses me, but if what bully is saying is the issue I totally get that. I try to "internally motivate" myself to go to the gym all the time. But often I need a nudge. I'll usually text MCC to tell me to go to the gym and she will and I'll go. I just need a nudge some times. Not sure if that is what this guy is talking about?