Kinda stupid question

[firelight1210]

So, my h and I are starting to think about maybe having a baby. We're 33, been married going on six years, and my clock just activated, lol. There are a few cons (my h is bipolar, we have some debt) but we figure we're never going to be fully ready. We have decided we're not trying, but we're not NOT trying, ya dig?

My question is: how/where do we start? Should we go see a doctor? For bipolar, how hereditary is it? Do I start tracking my period more regularly? Where did everyone else start?

Any tips, advice or anecdotes appreciated!

[Monica Geller]

I have no advice on the bipolar issue.

I would recommend reading the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". That book should answer your basic questions about your cycle and how the biology works. Otherwise, the basics are to have unprotected sex then wait for your period to show or not. Good luck!

[nicbreeful]

Where to start?

Lots o' boning. Sans protection, obvs.

[smock]

I learned a lot from fertility friend and used their free app. I also made an appointment with my doctor to discuss preconception stuff--and turns out I needed an MMR booster so I'm glad I did!

[hopecounts]

TCOYF is a good place to start.
Definitely set up a preconception appt to discuss any questions or concerns and do some checks (like checking your MMR titers so you can get a booster if needed)

[ribollita]

Start folic acid!

[chickadee77]

Start taking prenatals and have all the sex. Chances are things will happen naturally, but if not, TCOYF is a great book, and OPKs are easy to use, too. Try not to get too crazy, ha, because you can find yourself analyzing every twinge. Or, you know, embrace it. Whatever - everyone's different. Good luck!

[livinitup]

Are you looking for advice on how to start :

* To make a decision on whether or not to add a child to your family, or

* To get going on making a baby

Because those are different things - and both worthy of some thought. And we have all been there - on both !!

[icedcoffee]

Go to your gyno. They can do preconception bloodwork, Pap smears and anything else you might need. Start taking prenatal vitamins. Have sex.

[isabel]

Start taking a prenatal vitamin now. Ideally, you'd be on it a couple months before getting pregnant. I'd also make an appointment with your OB and discuss any concerns.

[zzuvet]

Bipolar disorder is thought to run in families. My father, sister and I are all diagnosed as bipolar.

[Cioccolato]

Track your periods, use an ovulation kit.

[NandaB]

If your period is fairly regular and you have no medical issues that could affect your fertility you may not need to bother with detailed tracking, or peeing on sticks, or examining your discharge. I would have unprotected sex around the midpoint of my regular period for a few months before I got more aggressive about it. Especially if it is causing you stress

[Deleted]

I talked to my doctor and started folic acid. Nothing else special here, I wasn't invested enough I guess

I have no medical training, but I do feel there's a genetic component to mental illness. I just hope that by being open and honest with my children they'll recognize it and pursue help if they have it. To be honest my bigger concern would be how compliant the person with the illness is with medication and treatment. And I'd discuss with my doctor and partner what to watch for and what extra you may need to do to help them stay healthy.

For example, my anxiety is made worse by not sleeping well for extended periods. Which is hell with a newborn. To help me dh forgoes weekend sleep ins to let me catch up and sort of make up for the interrupted night sleeps. That's usually enough to prevent an attack. And my dr watches me extra close and asks extra questions around my mood, how I feel, etc. Maybe he does that for everyone but it helps that he checks in for every appointment (whether it's mine or baby's)

[macmars45]

If H and I waited until we were out of debt (SL & car debt) to have a kid we would've been at least 35-37 before even thinking about trying for our first. So, eh. There's never a perfect time to have a kid. Only you & your H can figure out if the amount/type of debt is a hurtle for TTC.

Read TCOYF, track your cycles, use OPKs, take prenatals, have lots of sex. Something to keep in mind with lots of sex is it can make you more pron to UTIs (I never had a UTI until H and I were TTC).

GL!

[kitkat1502]

What everyone else said about starting the prenatal vitamins now...by the time you confirm you're pregnant you're already a few weeks in so it's great to start those now. I really like Vitafusion gummies.

I also downloaded Fertility Friend app, I never used it to enter cervical fluid information just used it to see when my fertile days were each month, I was actually trying to avoid those days until the Spring haha. It gives you a 6 days block...3 of the days are soft green for a "you might get pregnant if you have sex here" and 3 of the days are bright green for "have sex here because you're probably ovulating one of these days". We had sex the day before the soft green days started and I got pregnant

[firelight1210]

Thank you everyone for the info.

Apparently, I misunderstood the conversation with my h. I'm ready, he's not and may never be. I don't know how I'm feeling.

I mean, I can't blame him. Up until a week ago, I was gung ho no babies ever. We spent a long weekend with some adorable babies and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it, so maybe that's where this is coming from?

I don't know. I don't feel like this is a deal breaker, but it's certainly a huge disappointment. And he's trying to be so considerate and kind about it, and he feels like shit too, and I don't know.

Fuck.