Anxiety Questions Again

[nicolewi]

Short version: how do I go about finding a therapist for my daughter to help with anxiety, if I decide to do it?

Long version: I posted a couple weeks ago about using school counselors as a resource for kids with possible anxiety issues. I talked to the counselor, and unfortunately they really don't have anything we can do through the school. They have to reserve their time for students struggling with serious issues and are split between 2 schools. She WAS going to send me some online resources but hasn't (I need to follow up). At the time, I didn't care b/c I kind of thought things were fine and I'd re-evaluate in fall. 

But, recently two things happened. First, DD has started having issues with her "friends" at school. Really hurtful stuff like she ran to play with her usual best friends not thinking anything was wrong and they said, "we need a break from you." They were also spying on her and leaving her out of group activities. She seems really upset. I know she can be very sensitive, too, so not sure what's really going on. 

Then, we also had DD's First Communion. She did awesome; it was a gorgeous day and lots of fun. At the rehearsal, though, I was with her and saw how TENSE and serious she seemed. She was really edgy and nervous all day the day before--worrying and asking tons of questions. When girls from her school smiled at her or said hi to her, she didn't even respond until I poked her. I've seen this before, too. Seems like sometimes she feels it's easier to pretend not to see someone wave, than to have to smile & wave back and be afraid of looking silly or getting embarrassed. I feel like she's probably acting really sensitive and shy sometimes and that is likely off-putting and makes her seem "stuck up." She can't seem to relax and just chat with other kids. Obviously this is not helping with the friend situations.

Plus we still have the usual--seems to have a harder time than most with anything new/different and just worries a lot in general; has some meltdowns when things aren't working out.

I'd like help with some of this before it goes too far. On the other hand, I still don't really KNOW what goes on at school, and it's not like she's having panic attacks or having daily stomach aches. AT home, she's a leader about what to play, very bright and chatty and fun. At school, I can't get a sense of how she's acting but often when I catch a glimpse she looks very reserved (she was much better in first grade; K and 2nd have been rougher).

I'm still in this zone of thinking she needs a little extra help but not sure if I am over-reacting. So, if I want to pursue extra help on my own, how do I do this? Do I call my pedi and ask for resources? How do I find a therapist?? Do I pay out of pocket, and about how much is it? Does insurance sometimes cover anything (I can call, too). 

[momin2013]

Honestly some of what you've described sounds just like how I was at that age (and older); I was always painfully shy as a kid, and didn't talk much except to people I knew very well.

I have no clue how it works/is paid for/etc., but, have you reached out to her teacher to try to get more info on how she is at school? Often since teachers have experience with lots of kids they can gauge whether she's within the range of "normal" as far as stress/anxiety/behaviours with other kids.

Beyond that, I think the pedi would be good place to start as far as a resource for a referral for services; he/she should also have info about costs, etc.

[Katiedid]

Hang in there! I'd touch base again with the school counselor. They should be able to give you information regarding therapists in the area. Also, send a quick email or phone your daughters teacher. He/she should be able to let you know where DD sits with emotional development compared to the other kids in the classroom.

What you've mentioned regarding friends sounds a lot like what my DD has gone through in 2nd/3rd grade. She is also 8. My DD's 2nd grade teacher would have lunch with the girls so they could sort out their disagreements - I think this only happened a few times. She also has a behavior area where the kids can go and talk through their issues. Keep listening and giving your DD Resources on how she can react to disagreements, kids being mean, etc. I know it's emotionally draining for you!

Hugs!

[expectantsteelerfan]

I've been to therapists for my ds (adhd issues though, we realized). Most therapists will accept insurance, but obv. it will depend on your insurance as to what you pay, I pay my usual copay for an office visit.

As for finding one, you could certainly ask your pedi. for recommendations, but if you have a local moms group it might be more helpful to ask them for recommendations. We've tried 3 different therapists so far and haven't found one that we're happy with yet (the first we liked, but we saw every week for over 2 months and saw NO improvement in behavior and I wasn't happy with her plan on what to do moving forward, the other 2 I've liked better but they are SO busy and booked that I'm having trouble getting him in. I switched from one thinking the 3rd would be easier to schedule with because I was told that, and she only wants to see him once a month because she's so busy.

But if you can't get recommendations from people, you can just google pediatric behavioral therapist and your zip code, and then call offices to find out if they are accepting new patients and take your insurance. Once you find one, they will likely have you fill out a questionnaire before an initial appt. and go from there.

[lexus]

It will probably depend on your insurance but in my experience we pay our normal copay. Dd was 3 when she went previously. We would start out all three of us to discuss any issues, the. The two of them would talk while they played a game or drew pictures together. Then they would come get me for a follow up. She recommended the While Brained Child and would help us with specific activities or ways to react to behaviors. We have another appt in June because dd is also displaying more signs of anxiety.

[nicolewi]

Ahh! She had a good day yesterday with friends and now I'm back to you, "I don't know, maybe we can still just wait and see." I'm really struggling with wanting to help b/c I'm sure she has some level of anxiety, but not being sure if I am going overboard with my reactions, b/c maybe it can be just be worked out at home. Thanks for the advice...I'm keeping a close eye on everything and may still touch base with my pedi.

[lexus]

May 2, 2017 10:45:34 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

Ahh! She had a good day yesterday with friends and now I'm back to you, "I don't know, maybe we can still just wait and see." I'm really struggling with wanting to help b/c I'm sure she has some level of anxiety, but not being sure if I am going overboard with my reactions, b/c maybe it can be just be worked out at home. Thanks for the advice...I'm keeping a close eye on everything and may still touch base with my pedi.

The thing with anxiety is that you want her to develop coping skills before she needs them.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

May 2, 2017 20:53:26 GMT -5 lexus said:

May 2, 2017 10:45:34 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

Ahh! She had a good day yesterday with friends and now I'm back to you, "I don't know, maybe we can still just wait and see." I'm really struggling with wanting to help b/c I'm sure she has some level of anxiety, but not being sure if I am going overboard with my reactions, b/c maybe it can be just be worked out at home. Thanks for the advice...I'm keeping a close eye on everything and may still touch base with my pedi.

The thing with anxiety is that you want her to develop coping skills before she needs them.

This. It's much better to be proactive than reactive.

Before your child starts therapy, they're going to meet with you one on one. You'll do some screening tools, share your concerns, and you'll find out if she qualifies. If she doesnt, you'll leave with some helpful advice on how to manage the issues you see. If she qualifies, you'll be intervening before things get to the point where they start significantly impacting her quality of life. You really have nothing to lose (outside of a office copay) by inquiring. You do have something to lose by waiting and seeing.