More Bus Trouble

[nicolewi]

DS just told me that the kid tried to kick him today on the way to school. DS was kneeling and talking to the girl in the row in front of them and his knee accidentally touched the kid's book. Book was on the seat again. Apparently, without a word, the kid leaned back and braced himself and tried to kick DS in the face. DS caught his foot and just looked at him and that was that. 

So, now I'm asking that DS be moved for the rest of the year, after all. My question is, would you now say anything to the parents in case they notice that there's been a change?

[nowa]

I'd call the school for sure and make sure they talk to the parents. If they were my neighbors I'd probably talk to them personally too.

Eta sorry your son is dealing with this. How is he taking it?

[dizzycooks]

I'd call the school and demand action be taken with the child. That is unacceptable.
Does the bus have cameras?

[lala]

1. tomorrow morning when he gets on the bus, speak to the driver, tell him/her what happened and that they need to be separated.

2. call the principal ASAP. This is a school problem.

[cjcouple]

May 25, 2017 19:30:05 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I'd call the school and demand action be taken with the child. That is unacceptable.
Does the bus have cameras?

Yup. No need to tell them yourself.

[momin2013]

Ditto PP's, call the school and demand that they be separated immediately. Leave it up to the school to explain why if necessary.

[dizzycooks]

Honestly the driver could ask the principal to review the tapes. It doesn't need to ever be said that your son said anything. "There was an incident on the bus and upon reviewing the tapes we've determined X needs a new seat and if this behavior continues he will be removed from the bus for 5 days." Done.
Call the school.

[nicolewi]

I don't think they are taped. Maybe, but I don't think so. I talked to the driver today and he said they will switch him, but I forgot to ask if the afternoon driver will know.

My son is not at all physically hurt, so that is good. The latest kick incident COULD have been more of a fake kick, b/c if he really tried to kick him I don't think DS could have blocked it that easily. But to me, whether or not he really intended to hurt him, the threatening behavior is unacceptable.

[chatterbox]

I'd try to find out if there are recordings since this is an ongoing thing. I would definitely call the school.

[lala]

Are you going to call the principal and have the school follow up?

[nicolewi]

I don't know about calling the school. B/c we know the family and will interact with them for years, I don't really want to go to the school. I would rather talk to the parents. I think I will talk to them next week after they get back from their weekend out of town.

[auroraloo]

You need to deal with this through the school. Calling the parents makes it seem like you're telling them how to parent.

Mention it in passing, sure "Hey, fyi, this happened, and the school may call you" but you don't call

[lexus]

May 26, 2017 15:01:05 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I don't know about calling the school. B/c we know the family and will interact with them for years, I don't really want to go to the school. I would rather talk to the parents. I think I will talk to them next week after they get back from their weekend out of town.

I'm sorry but this logic is ridiculous. You are letting potentially awkward interactions with other adults dictate whether or not your son feels validated and safe. He told you twice now that someone either hurt him or tried to hurt him and you are doing nothing. If he sees that you do nothing when he tells you that he isn't safe he will stop telling you things.

[lala]

May 26, 2017 22:53:15 GMT -5 lexus said:

May 26, 2017 15:01:05 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I don't know about calling the school. B/c we know the family and will interact with them for years, I don't really want to go to the school. I would rather talk to the parents. I think I will talk to them next week after they get back from their weekend out of town.

I'm sorry but this logic is ridiculous. You are letting potentially awkward interactions with other adults dictate whether or not your son feels validated and safe. He told you twice now that someone either hurt him or tried to hurt him and you are doing nothing. If he sees that you do nothing when he tells you that he isn't safe he will stop telling you things.

Yes. This is the school's jurisdiction.

[nicolewi]

The other school (different elementary; same district/same bus co.) said that they let the bus co. handle bus matters. They consider it school matters only when the kids arrive.

I didn't do nothing. He's not sitting with the kid anymore b/c we talked to the bus drivers and got his seat switched. The boys have typically not had any interaction while at school. DS is totally fine with things.

I'm trying to keep an open mind on going to the school or not. I'd be upset if someone I knew went to the school about my kid without talking to me at all about it first. I.e. got my kid in trouble, in a way, instead of letting me know what was going on. If he was doing ongoing bullying at school that would be different. I wasn't going to "tell her how to parent." I was just going to say something like, "You might notice that the kids' bus seats were switched. The boys were having some trouble on the bus and we thought it would be better to separate them." If she asks further, I would say, "there was an incident where DS said Kid hit him. I don't know exactly what happened but it was bothering DS."

I don't know. I could also just not say anything about it and let her ask about it if she even notices. Or I could call the school but still not exactly sure what the point of it is, since DS is no longer sitting with the kid and they don't have any trouble at school. IF the school even did anything (but what? talk to him? they have no proof that anything happened), it could just make the kid mad at DS for real instead of just doing random anger bursts.

[lexus]

May 27, 2017 0:08:14 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

The other school (different elementary; same district/same bus co.) said that they let the bus co. handle bus matters. They consider it school matters only when the kids arrive.

I didn't do nothing. He's not sitting with the kid anymore b/c we talked to the bus drivers and got his seat switched. The boys have typically not had any interaction while at school. DS is totally fine with things.

I'm trying to keep an open mind on going to the school or not. I'd be upset if someone I knew went to the school about my kid without talking to me at all about it first. I.e. got my kid in trouble, in a way, instead of letting me know what was going on. If he was doing ongoing bullying at school that would be different. I wasn't going to "tell her how to parent." I was just going to say something like, "You might notice that the kids' bus seats were switched. The boys were having some trouble on the bus and we thought it would be better to separate them." If she asks further, I would say, "there was an incident where DS said Kid hit him. I don't know exactly what happened but it was bothering DS."

I don't know. I could also just not say anything about it and let her ask about it if she even notices. Or I could call the school but still not exactly sure what the point of it is, since DS is no longer sitting with the kid and they don't have any trouble at school. IF the school even did anything (but what? talk to him? they have no proof that anything happened), it could just make the kid mad at DS for real instead of just doing random anger bursts.

He punched your kid in the face and you think that having his seat moved is enough punishment? His seat wasn't even moved until after that since he tried to kick your son too. This is a school matter because the school contracts the bus company. I'm sure you signed paper work that your kid understands how to behave on the bus. The other kid is obviously not following the rules and needs to be disciplined.

Reporting violent acts toward your child isn't you getting the aggressor in trouble, it's the appropriate response. If the parents blame you they are jerks for not realizing that their son's behavior is problematic. I wouldn't want to be friends with people like that anyway no matter where they live or how often I see them.

[L From The D]

Your son needs to come first...screw the other people's feelings and whether or not things become awkward.

[lala]

I am so confused.

[expectantsteelerfan]

May 27, 2017 0:08:14 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

The other school (different elementary; same district/same bus co.) said that they let the bus co. handle bus matters. They consider it school matters only when the kids arrive.

I didn't do nothing. He's not sitting with the kid anymore b/c we talked to the bus drivers and got his seat switched. The boys have typically not had any interaction while at school. DS is totally fine with things.

I'm trying to keep an open mind on going to the school or not. I'd be upset if someone I knew went to the school about my kid without talking to me at all about it first. I.e. got my kid in trouble, in a way, instead of letting me know what was going on. If he was doing ongoing bullying at school that would be different. I wasn't going to "tell her how to parent." I was just going to say something like, "You might notice that the kids' bus seats were switched. The boys were having some trouble on the bus and we thought it would be better to separate them." If she asks further, I would say, "there was an incident where DS said Kid hit him. I don't know exactly what happened but it was bothering DS."

I don't know. I could also just not say anything about it and let her ask about it if she even notices. Or I could call the school but still not exactly sure what the point of it is, since DS is no longer sitting with the kid and they don't have any trouble at school. IF the school even did anything (but what? talk to him? they have no proof that anything happened), it could just make the kid mad at DS for real instead of just doing random anger bursts.

Would you be upset if a teacher disciplined your child in the moment if they were misbehaving without talking to you about it first?  When you aren't with your kid, both on the bus and at school, it is the job of the other responsible adults to do the monitoring and disciplining.  This whole situation is bizarre...if something is happening on the bus, the bus driver should notice and take it to the principal, who should deal with contacting BOTH parents.  But since the bus driver didn't notice, it is your job as a parent to take it to the school to handle instead of telling the bus driver how YOU want it handled.  While I don't doubt what happened, it is up to the principal to get BOTH sides of the story to determine what the best course of action is.  If the school didn't take responsibility for what happened on the bus, then I'd really not feel comfortable sending my kid on the bus at all.

[nicolewi]

FWIW, I did talk to the school principal today and you were right. I should have started there. I'll know for next time, but hopefully we won't have any more issues. I don't know why the other school told me to go through the bus company--that's what really set me off on the wrong track.

[lexus]

May 30, 2017 13:48:53 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

FWIW, I did talk to the school principal today and you were right. I should have started there. I'll know for next time, but hopefully we won't have any more issues. I don't know why the other school told me to go through the bus company--that's what really set me off on the wrong track.

I'm so glad that you talked to the school.

[dizzycooks]

nicolewi I'm glad you know the path to take now. Hopefully you won't need to use it

[momin2013]

Good! I really think talking to the principal was the right thing to do.