Help me understand this....

[geekygirl83]

I usually lurk and hardly post (I can be shy) But I need some feedback on this issue and can't really talk to anyone in RL about it.

About 5 months ago a friend in my extended group of friends and I had a drunken make out session. The next morning we agreed it was heat of the moment and not to tell anyone.

Over the summer we continued to hang out (In a group) and there was chemistry between us but I was crushing hard on someone else and didn't pay much attention. It was obvious that he was trying to get me alone again but I never let it happen.

A few weeks ago we realized we were both watching the same show and started texting on a regular basis about it which led to other conversations and I started to look forward to our daily chats. This weekend we saw each other for the first time since we started texting regularly. There was an instant spark from the second he walked into the party.

At one point everyone but us went to smoke and we were alone. I had the overwhelming urge to kiss him mid-conversation, and I'm usually not a make a move girl, but I did. He was stunned, quickly recovered and kissed me back until we heard people coming. After he left he sent me a text asking if I wanted to hang out this Thursday (Today) and I said yes.

Never heard from him. Nothing since Saturday. I don't understand. He was pursuing me and I resisted his advances. Finally I make a move (Which he seemed happy about at the time) and then he disappears? I've had to deal with a lot of disappearing acts from men, but we are in the same group of friends, we are going to a concert a bunch of us in a few weeks. We can't avoid each other.

I guess I just wanted to vent more than anything because no one in RL knows. I feel stupid for kissing him. I feel like it was just the chase he liked and now he's bored. Sigh.

[Deleted]

I don't know where this is coming from, so it's hard to comment. How does this relate to starting over? Are you both single? Sounds like a hook up to me, nothing serious. If you haven't heard from him by now, I'd drop it and move on. If he's interested, he shouldn't have blown off set plans..if you even had set plans.

[geekygirl83]

Sorry, I told my back story when it was still the knot, and my name is different here. I know this isn't really a starting over issue. My husband left me November 2010, for my best friend. We were together 8 years, married 5 months. We still aren't divorced even though it's been almost 2 years because we are going through free lawyers so it's taking forever. I haven't really dated since the separation, mostly first dates.

I guess until the divorce is final I still feel like I'm starting over, I'm not really sure where else to post.

[mclovin]

Sorry your husband is an asshole.
As far as the guy, did you text him to find out what the hell happened to him? So weird.

[gozf]

My guess is that he was taken aback and feels weird b/c you previously agreed that the past hook up pretty much didn't happen. You changed the terms. It happens, don't feel weird about it. It probably just came out of left field for him.

[ECB]

Well, did you see him yesterday or not? My only thought is that he's been busy and/or maybe trying to distance himself in case YOU decide it was a mistake.... who knows. But I woujldn't write him off w/o talking to him first.

[jojoandleo]

I'm a little confused about what is going on here. You went out on Thursday? Yes? or was it supposed to be yesterday and you didn't hear from him? Have YOU contacted HIM? Anything could have happened. He decided it was a bad idea since you have the same friends, he was worried you weren't as into him as he is you, or the reverse, maybe he was waiting for you to make a move again because he HAD pursued you and was worried. The only way to know is to contact HIM. We don't know what he was thinking, we aren't mind readers.

[ECB]

Sept 14, 2012 7:02:40 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I'm a little confused about what is going on here. You went out on Thursday? Yes? or was it supposed to be yesterday and you didn't hear from him? Have YOU contacted HIM? Anything could have happened. He decided it was a bad idea since you have the same friends, he was worried you weren't as into him as he is you, or the reverse, maybe he was waiting for you to make a move again because he HAD pursued you and was worried. The only way to know is to contact HIM. We don't know what he was thinking, we aren't mind readers.

And all of this.

[geekygirl83]

No last time I saw him/talked to him was Saturday. After he left the party he sent me a text saying "Nintendo date Thursday?" (Cause I play a lot of Super Mario and keep challenging him) and I said "Sounds good " and then nothing. I know I could have contacted him but I felt like I did make my move when I kissed him ad now it was up to him to follow through.

Thanks for some insight, I know no one here knows what's going on in his head, but it helps to just talk about it out loud.

I'm not going to write him off but I'm not going to chase him either. I'll have to text him at some point next week for his help planning my brother's birthday so we'll see what happens then. Worst comes to worst we go back to pretending nothing happened.

[blackkitty]

I would try to avoid games and if you have plans just call him. And now just call him and say hey I thought we were getting together last night. Rain check?

None of us know what's going on in his head. It could be a gazillion things

[Deleted]

Maybe you could have a conversation with him about all this? That leaves the question marks out of it.

[ECB]

Sept 14, 2012 9:11:39 GMT -5 geekygirl83 said:

No last time I saw him/talked to him was Saturday. After he left the party he sent me a text saying "Nintendo date Thursday?" (Cause I play a lot of Super Mario and keep challenging him) and I said "Sounds good " and then nothing. I know I could have contacted him but I felt like I did make my move when I kissed him ad now it was up to him to follow through.

I think his saying "Nintendo date" WAS his "follow through" and to that, all you said was "sounds good". HE may be reading that as "why didn't she give me a time, then?".

WHere was this supposed to be? At your place or his? if at yours, even MORE reason why he may have been wondering why you didn't say anything else.

For the fact that he pursued you and you resisted, but NOW have expressed interest.... I think the onus is on you to make this happen. If you sit back and keep playing games like this, it's never going to go anywhere.

If I chased a guy and then "gave up" and THEN he expressed interest, I'd have my guard up!

If you overthink this too much, you may lose out. Again, to his end, you not mentioning anything and now that last night has come and gone- HE may be thinking that you actually aren't interested after all.

[jade28]

You should have just called to confirm plans. This sort of over thinking is going to get you nowhere fast. If you want something to happen, make it happen. I know some girls think guys should chase or make the move or show interest but most guys don't. Most guys have so much patience that they will wait forever before making plans and just let things happen (which I think is the opposite of how girls work). Just take control and do what you want. If he isn't interested, you will know sooner than playing the waiting game.

[geekygirl83]

ECB, I honestly never thought about it that way, that could be the case.

I really don't want to play games, but it just gets so confusing sometimes when you keep hearing "If a guy likes you you'll hear from him" and then on the other hand "Don't wait for him to contact you, go for it".

I recently really, really liked someone. There were so many mixed signals. Whenever we hung out it really seemed like he liked me but never made a move. I completely put myself out there texting him and making plans and made it very obvious that I liked him and then he finally told me he just wanted to be friends and likes someone else. So I guess I'm gun shy now.

I will write Mr.Nintendo date but I'm not sure what to say. I would like it to be light and jokey since that's the way we usually talk with each other. Something like "Hey you, what happened to our nintendo date? We're you afraid to suck horribly at it? "

[blackkitty]

Sept 14, 2012 10:44:26 GMT -5 geekygirl83 said:

"If a guy likes you you'll hear from him"

I'm pretty sure the quote is "if a guy likes you, you'll know it. If he doesn't you'll be confused"

And I have definitely found this to be true. If it's too much work and you have to analyze everything just ask yourself, is he worth all this work? Early on especially it shouldn't be work.

[ECB]

Giving it one more chance, I would write him (or maybe CALL!) and just say "Hey- what happened to our nintendo night? This week really got away from me! Can we find another night to do it soon?" (and perhaps say "I have a few nights this upcoming week open. Let me know")

[geekygirl83]

Yes, that's the quote! Oh how I wish I heard that months and months ago before wasting so much time on a guy who made me so confused lol

[geekygirl83]

Conversation went like this...

Me: Hey you, whatever happened to our nintendo date?
Mr.N:Oh yeah, why didn't you text me?
Me: I figured you'd text me haha. Raincheck then?
Mr.N: Of course.

So yeah I'm not sure what will happen from here, but I do feel better that I didn't just sit around waiting to hear from him.

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2012 16:56:10 GMT -5 geekygirl83 said:

Conversation went like this...

Me: Hey you, whatever happened to our nintendo date?
Mr.N:Oh yeah, why didn't you text me?
Me: I figured you'd text me haha. Raincheck then?
Mr.N: Of course.

So yeah I'm not sure what will happen from here, but I do feel better that I didn't just sit around waiting to hear from him.

OMG! You guys are back at the SAME spot. You need to follow up with "Okay how about my house at x date and time."

[geekygirl83]

ECB, just saw your post now. I am not a good phone person, I can hardly order pizza without fumbling my words and starting to sweat. Have I mentioned I'm shy?

[geekygirl83]

pdx18 I know! I'm going to follow up soon with "I'm free Thursday evening!"

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2012 17:02:15 GMT -5 geekygirl83 said:

pdx18 I know! I'm going to follow up soon with "I'm free Thursday evening!"

Still leads to the same situation. It's clear you both need a solid plan. Say I'm free Thursday. Let's meet and x time at x place.

[geekygirl83]

See I obviously need your help ladies lol

I met my STBXH in high school. Was with him for 8 years. Haven't had more than a first date since. Soo I'm very rusty as you can see.

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2012 17:09:45 GMT -5 geekygirl83 said:

See I obviously need your help ladies lol

I met my STBXH in high school. Was with him for 8 years. Haven't had more than a first date since. Soo I'm very rusty as you can see.

Well and dude doesn't seem very aggressive either which doesn't help. Someone just needs to make a DAMN move already.