I've got some questions about labor/hospital/etc

[King26]

Ok ladies, I have some questions and they are probably stupid but I've never been to a hospital while someone is in labor so I really don't know.   I know everyone is different and every hospital is different but help me out here.

1.  When did you call your family to let them know you were in labor?   Prior to going to the hospital?  Once they checked you in?  Later on?
2.   If your family came to the hospital while you were in labor were they in the room with you the whole time?   Did they sit with you for a while and then leave to give you a break?   Where did they wait?
3.   What was it like after the birth?  Did you let people in right away?  Did you spend some time with just you and the baby?
4.  Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth?   Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital?

DH and I are really clueless here.  My plan is to call my parents once I've been admitted to the hospital.  They are the only people we are planning on having there since my H's parents are deceased.  my mom is already panicking because they live an hour from the hospital...yesterday I finally said yeah, I live an hour from the hospital too, you'll be ok.   Plus my hospital recommends spending an hour or two with just the baby and my husband to bond after having the baby.  DH just asked me if my parents will be in the room with us the whole time and I was like I don't really know.  I can't imagine wanting them in there with me the whole time while I labor and I know I don't want them in there while I get cervix checks or when I'm pushing.  Then I'm wondering are they going to be there the whole 48 hours after the baby is born?  Won't that be a lot?  They already said they are getting a hotel which I think is dumb because they are both retired and only live an hour away.  So anyhow, tell me about your labor/birthing experience and the aftermath.

[grover]

1. When did you call your family to let them know you were in labor? Prior to going to the hospital? Once they checked you in? Later on? I was inuced, my mom brought me to the hospital and then left when H showed up 40 mins later. She came back the next morning around 11ish, once I had been on pictocin for a few hours..


2. If your family came to the hospital while you were in labor were they in the room with you the whole time? Did they sit with you for a while and then leave to give you a break? Where did they wait? Mom stayed while H got lunch. My dad showed up after work to say hi and go with my mom for dinner. Then when my mom came back up, H went to eat dinner with MIL. Mom and MIL then went to the waiting room when it came time to push.


3. What was it like after the birth? Did you let people in right away? Did you spend some time with just you and the baby? Our moms came back in for 30-40 mins once I was sewn up. At that point it was 1 in the morning, MIL had to drive the 3 hours back home to her B&B. My mom left at that point too. It was a huge thing that MIL was able to come down, since that was the original plan but then my FIL died two days after our shower. H was so happy his mom could be there, as he was feeling down that my family would be able to meet the baby so soon but his wasn't looking like they would be there.

4. Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth? Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital? Nope, once the moms left I think the only one who showed up at the hospital was my sister, but she offered us free newborn pics at her photography startup. The day we were released from the hospital, my parents came over with dinner, so my dad could meet the baby and so H and I didn't have to worry about food.


OH, and I also kicked the moms out during cervical checks.

[konapoppy]

I am so glad you posted this! I am already a little panicky about what to tell my mom (who has already been to four of my appointments) so these stories are great.

[shauni27]

I plan to let my parents and sister and in laws know once we go into labor. My sister has a 6 hour drive and wants to be here ASAP (we are BFF, so having her here is important to both of us). My aunt is also a masseuse who lives about 5 minutes away and has offered to massage me during labor, so I will probably have her come to my house while in early labor just to help me relax. Once we are on our way to the hospital, depending on my pain level and how far along we are, etc, I will again update our parents. Depending on what time it is and how I am feeling, I am sure at least the moms will come to the hospital. I can envision the parents and my sister being in the room while I labor up to a point but they have all been told that I am in control and if I want them out, not to take it personally and to give me space. They are all fine with that. There is a waiting room and things they can all do in the area while we deliver. They also all know that after the baby is born, a nurse will give them an update but that we will be alone as a family of three for a bit before anyone can come join us. I want to be all cleaned up before family comes in to see us.

I also fully expect to ask said family members to bring us food and stuff, as @daylily said.

Lastly, my local BFF and her kids will also be getting the invite to come to the hospital as soon as we are ready. She will also update the rest of our local group of friends.

[lms]

1 & 2 - I had a scheduled c-section with DS so I didn't have to worry about who was going to be in the room and worrying about people waiting. My MIL lives 4 hours away and my parents are 12 hours away.
3. What was it like after the birth? Did you let people in right away? Did you spend some time with just you and the baby? I told my parents and MIL that we were going to wait until the next day to have anyone visit. The only people that came up that night was my XH to bring DD up to meet her brother. I wasn't sure how I was going to be feeling afterwards which is why I wanted everyone to wait. I actually ended up feeling really good so I could have handled a couple visitors.
4. Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth? Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital? We don't have any family that's local. My MIL and parents came in that next morning. They aren't ones to just sit around a hospital so they were in and out a couple times each day. There was a slight issue with my MIL so after her initial visit I didn't see her until 2 days later when I was being discharged. I had a total of 5 co-workers that came up to visit me but it was during the work day so nobody stayed too long.

My parents and MIL met us at the house and stayed for a little while that first night home. They took care of DS and DD while I took a nap and DH went to get my prescriptions filled. My parents ended up going home the next morning and my MIL that day after that. Nobody stayed at the house with us. I work at a hotel so I just got them both rooms.

[thoseareradishes]

I can't give advice about delivery, since E's was an emergency. But the next day my parents and sisters came to visit; I was pretty out of it. My friends came a day or two later and thankfully only stayed for a short visit. I wasn't in any shape to deal with a a lot of people in my room all day. If you are breastfeeding and/or pumping, you will need privacy. Getting the baby to latch can be stressful and you will want your full attention on him. So I'd try to have other places for people to go so they aren't camped out in your room all day.

[thoseareradishes]

Also, I'm pretty sure my hospital had a rule that only parents could be with the baby for the first hour after birth, so that mom could breastfeed if she wanted, and just to have a time for the parents and baby to bond. If circumstances were different we would have definitely used that time to be with her.

[pooh8402]

1. When did you call your family to let them know you were in labor? Prior to going to the hospital? Once they checked you in? Later on?
2. If your family came to the hospital while you were in labor were they in the room with you the whole time? Did they sit with you for a while and then leave to give you a break? Where did they wait?
3. What was it like after the birth? Did you let people in right away? Did you spend some time with just you and the baby?
4. Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth? Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital?

...

This is really individual. I've seen several different things from patients over the years, and it mostly has to do with YOUR comfort level with visitors.

1. I was induced, and I called a few days ahead of time to let them know when to show up, so they could plan. I went in the night before, and my mom showed up at 0600, in laws at 0700, and dad missed it, showed up at 1000.
2. Yes, but only because I had my baby only about 2-3 hours later. Had it been a longer process, people would have gone to the waiting room if I asked. Everyone except DH stepped out for any private things (cervical checks). Only DH was there for the actual delivery.
3. Again, this is person specific, and sometimes hospital specific. We had about 30 minutes of family time before letting everyone in. Some hospitals do uninterrupted skin to skin time for a whole hour (my current one does), and some allow visitors during that time, some don't.
4. Nope. Because I generally asked people to stay away. Even my parents and in laws left a couple hours after E was born. I had some friends visit that night, and a few people the next day. I specifically requested no extended family visit in the hospital, only parents and siblings. I had some aunts that were disappointed by that but oh well.

Basically, if you don't want 5 million people in the hospital with you, make your wishes known. As a nurse, I encourage limiting visitors.

[dollyllama]

1. When did you call your family to let them know you were in labor? Prior to going to the hospital? Once they checked you in? Later on? Our plan was to send a text to everyone once we knew we were actually in labor and then our doula would call both sets of parents once we were admitted. The plan was no one would come until after the birth. Reality was that I had an induction date and ended up going into labor that morning. Everyone knew we were supposed to head to the hospital that night so when we started getting well wishes texts, we told them I had actually been in labor all day & just waiting for things to pick up so we could go in. The next day when labor stalled and we went in for a BPP, we texted our moms to tell them I failed and we were being sent to the hospital. I let them pass the word on and told them we would update once we were through triage.
2. If your family came to the hospital while you were in labor were they in the room with you the whole time? Did they sit with you for a while and then leave to give you a break? Where did they wait? We checked into the hospital around 3pm and my parents came by that evening for a quick visit and to bring a couple things I forgot. My parents and inlaws came again the next evening to visit and took off once we cranked the pitocin. My dad was apparently really nervous so he came over mid-afternoon on the 3rd day and my mom & sister came over in the early evening. They came in a couple times and visited but for the most part hung out in the waiting room because we were aiming for no pain meds so I was really trying to focus and my contractions were really intense on pitocin. My sister left around 11 pm because she had to be at work in 5 hours and I thought my parents went with her but they stayed. Our doula saw them later so she went out & told them once baby was born.
3. What was it like after the birth? Did you let people in right away? Did you spend some time with just you and the baby? We had about 30 minutes of stitching, cleaning, & nursing instruction and then it's hospital policy to have an hour of family time only. After that hour, the nurse came in and said my parents just wanted to stick their head in & say bye if that was okay. I said yes. There was a curtain in front of the door and my parents literally stayed behind the curtain and said bye. I told them they could come in & we told them it was a boy, what his name was, and who he was named after. It was actually a really special moment and it was so calm & nice because our room lights were still dim & it was quiet & peaceful. We got moved out of l&d around 430am & that's when DH texted his parents with our new room info. They came by around 730.
4. Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth? Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital? I didn't but probably should have. Without coordinating, my inlaws, parents, sister, brother, sister in law & 2 nephews all came around dinner time. It was funny watching DS get immediately thrown into the family chaos and nice to have all the visiting done at once. Because we went home about 30 hours after birth, everyone else visited us at home over the next couple weeks.

This time, once labor is intense enough that we have the doula come over, my mom will come pick up DS. Hopefully this will be a much shorter labor & we won't really see anyone until baby is here. We figured we'd text once baby was born and my parents and DS can start heading over. We're at a different hospital but they still have the "magic hour" policy. At the end of that hour, we'd like some time with just us, DS, & new baby. Once DS gets there, we'll text that we are open to visitors whenever. Hopefully, we'll only be staying about 24 hours again.

[linz]

1. When did you call your family to let them know you were in labor? Prior to going to the hospital? Once they checked you in? Later on?
Our original plan was to call parents after the babies were born. We did not want anyone else in the room while I labored or gave birth. Well, H was OOT 4wheeling so my mom took me to the hospital (water broke at 33 weeks). H called his parents once we knew the babies would be born that day. My mom waited in the waiting room all day and we text her once I was back in the recovery room. The babies immediately went to the NICU. H's parents and sister came after they were born.
2. If your family came to the hospital while you were in labor were they in the room with you the whole time? Did they sit with you for a while and then leave to give you a break? Where did they wait?
See above. We plan to not tell anyone right away for this next baby, except we'll need someone to watch our other kids. But not let anyone in the room while laboring and I want a solid hour after birth before people come in.
3. What was it like after the birth? Did you let people in right away? Did you spend some time with just you and the baby?
Our immediately family came up right away. We had another couple we are friends with who came up that night with their 2 kids to just visit me (I visited my friend when she had her kids). We didn't let many people see the babies right away. 
4. Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth? Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital?
 


Everyone will answer these questions different. Just don't be afraid to put your foot down even if it's while people are there. My mom had no problem being kicked out of the room since I told her that from the beginning. Some like an audience while giving birth but H and I both felt strong about not having others in there. 

[shauni27]

Also be prepared for your thoughts on this to change. I used to think that I wanted my parents and sister in the room when I delivered. But after our loss and delivery experience, I now feel really traumatized by it and only want my husband in there. I can see the appeal of having my sister in there just to kind of observe, as she is my best person and she might not ever have children of her own. But H would prefer just the two of us, so that is what we are going with.

I also have told everyone that if I decided during labor that we need to be 100% alone so I can concentrate then I may be rude and pushing people out the door. They all agreed that was fine :0

[hocus2]

We called family around 6:00 AM and only my sister came to the hospital. I asked her to be there for the labor. I didn't want any other family in the room while I labored and my first hospital had a cap on folks anyway. My parents and in-laws meet the new baby once we'd transferred to my postpartum. For my daughter who was born during the day it was a few hour gap. For my son it was longer since he was born shortly after 1:00 AM and most folks came in during regular work hours.

Some folks love have the support of their family but I personally didn't want many folks around during or shortly after. I was sweaty, messy and very tired, particular after my first labor which was longer. For me it was nice to get a break before we had visitors.

[whodey]

No good advice regarding labor and family. I had to be induced with DS and it was obvious pretty quickly (within a few hours) that baby wasn’t tolerating labor very well and we’d probably have to switch to a c-section.

As far as having friends/family visit after delivery, I’d wait and see how you feel. After DS, I wasn’t feeling that great with my high BP, had an allergic reaction to the betadine from the epidural, and was struggling with a small baby and breastfeeding, so I canceled all visits except for my immediate family. Some were disappointed, but honestly I didn’t care – there was too much going on and I felt like shit – I didn’t want to “visit” with anyone.

On the other hand, after DD’s unscheduled repeat c/s, I felt great and had lots of people visit on day 2 and day 3.

Plus, if you have a vaginal delivery, you're in the hospital for such a short time, it may just be easier for people to wait until you are home.

[loira]

I had a scheduled c-section. I spent the night at the hospital because we were the first surgery of the day. My mum drove H to the hospital in the morning because he wasn't sure he'd remember the way (we'd just come back from the UK). Obviously only H came in to the operating room. He did leave briefly once we were in recovery, just to let my mum know everything went well. My mum could have come into recovery, but we just wanted it to be us 3. By the time we were taken back to our room, my dad had arrived, so it was a nice little welcome. My parents came in and out during the 5 days we were there. I did not feel bombarded. We didn't have any other visitors except my sister.

[midwest07]

I wanted to add what might be an opposite point of view as others have given. I do think you can absolutely change your mind at any time and you can go into the process not knowing what you might want to do. Just tell everyone up front you reserve the right to change your mind, and tell the nurses whatever you want to happen if you don't want to tell everyone then!

I was induced, so our families knew when the labor would be starting. My mom came a few hours in and hung out, then later my dad came. At some point, my sister/BIL and nephews came to visit. Then it was getting late at night and so everyone left to get some sleep and I continued in labor. At some point, my mom, dad and sister returned and they were all in the room for the last hour or two of labor and the delivery (DD born around 3am, started induction at 8am prior day). My sister was right by my side with my H. Honestly, I felt super focused and was really only aware of the doctor/nurses telling me what to do and figuring out how to push most effectively.

I don't quite recall, but I think about 20 minutes after DD was born, my mom and dad and sister left and they finished with stitches and such, and H and I had about an hour just with DD. It seemed nice to me at the time.

My sister also had my mom and dad in the room when she delivered her boys, and also her mother in law, and I was there. It was such a neat experience. I know it sounds weird to other people, but I guess this is a family event for us. It is so incredibly special to be there when the baby is born. So I can see why some people want lots of people there and why others only want their partner.

The nurses asked me like a million times to tell them if I wanted people to leave. And if anything had been going wrong, then the staff would have cleared everyone out.

We had quite a few visitors while in the hospital. Looking back, I was exhausted and don't remember it. But I don't regret it at all, people were so happy to share in the welcoming of DD.

[pooh8402]

Jun 26, 2017 16:19:45 GMT -5 midwest07 said:

I wanted to add what might be an opposite point of view as others have given. I do think you can absolutely change your mind at any time and you can go into the process not knowing what you might want to do. Just tell everyone up front you reserve the right to change your mind, and tell the nurses whatever you want to happen if you don't want to tell everyone then!

THIS. Utilize your nurses. I don't mind being the bad guy that kicks everyone out.

[G22]

I texted my parents and siblings after I was checked into labour and delivery. My only family here at the time was my MIL and SIL.

I was checked into L&D around 2am, so I sent both of them and H home to sleep for a few hours since things were slow moving at first. They came back around 8am and hung out in (what would be) my post delivery room while I was in the early stages of labour and were a nice distraction. When contractions picked up, I was moved into the active L&D section. MIL stayed behind in the PP room and SIL (my doula) and H were with me in the room when I had Z.

Afterwards, it was just us for a bit while Z was cleaned up and I got stitched. My MIL was not brought back to the room until I was decent and ready for visitors. I have zero concept of how long that was. I was on an adrenaline high and then I almost passed out on the bathroom floor because I lost a lot of blood. But H and I had a little bit of time for just us and Z before MIL came in, I do remember that.

My ILs and H went home every night while I was in the hospital after having Z. They have a stupid rule here where even after an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, you still stay 3 nights afterwards. I hated it and I was so lonely when H went home and I was left by myself with a newborn who didn't sleep much. Also he wasn't allowed to stay because there wasn't room (I was in a shared PP room with another mother). It was my least favorite part of my delivery experience and I wish someone had been able to stay part of the night with me.

[awick14]

1. After DD was born. (About 30 mins, we each called our parents who were at family gatherings so it was nice and easy to tell everyone.)
2. My labour was too quick for that.

3. We ended up calling them and telling them they could come down, about an hr after she was born. We didn't plan to but because she was born just before 9am on Christmas Eve we wanted people to come see her then instead of interrupting people's Christmas Day plans. And we knew that if they came at 10pm they would leave shortly after, lol.
4. We only told MIL and FIL, because we live with them, and told them not to come and they listened. (I figured this would be a fight with MIL I was impressed with how well she did.)

The plan was to tell just parents and siblings when I got admitted. If I was progressing slowly they could come and visit. (But leave the room for all cervical checks and leave the hospital while I pushed and come back 2-3 hrs after she was born.

We ended up being admired just after 5-5:30, and by the time they got me settled into the room I was in no shape for visitors as my contractions were right on top of each other, and we started having complications because DD flipped at the very end of the pregnancy and wrapped the cord around her neck. With all that happening DH and I didn't even realize that we never called anyone, until after she was born.

It was about 9:30pm on Christmas Eve and we knew our familys would be still out at parties so we decided to call them and invite them up as long as they knew that they could only be there for 30-45 mins. All our immediate family's came except my brother and SIL as my brother was out of town for work.

In the end I am glad we were able to go with the flow and change things up because as much as I hated the idea of anyone there right after she was born it worked out great and we made everyone Christmas.

[awick14]

G22- I'm sorry that they didn't let your H stay. That's horrible. Here even in shared room they allow the men to stay. It's not comfortable for them really but they can stay if they want. I was in the hospital 3 nights and DH was able to stay which helped as it was hard for me to pick up DD out of the bassinet they had.

[G22]

Jun 27, 2017 0:10:25 GMT -5 awick14 said:

G22- I'm sorry that they didn't let your H stay. That's horrible. Here even in shared room they allow the men to stay. It's not comfortable for them really but they can stay if they want. I was in the hospital 3 nights and DH was able to stay which helped as it was hard for me to pick up DD out of the bassinet they had.

It sucked. It's alot harder to advocate for yourself when there's a language barrier. But if we happen to have #2 here, I'll definitely try to do a better job. Or leave earlier than the 3 day stay l.

[King26]

Thanks all! Good information. I think I just want my mom and dad at the hospital but I don't want them in the room the whole time and I want time alone with the baby after he is born. Our hospital recommends 1-2 hours with just the 3 of us so I think I'll take them up on it. We live away from all of our family so it's not like they can just stop over and visit so I think maybe the next day I'll tell my brother and SIL they can visit if they want. (The hospital is only an hour from my family and my house is over 2 hours from them)

[janegold]

1. When did you call your family to let them know you were in labor? Prior to going to the hospital? Once they checked you in? Later on?

We called everyone on our way to the hospital; I was 6cm at that point (had just come from a check-in with my OB).

2. If your family came to the hospital while you were in labor were they in the room with you the whole time? Did they sit with you for a while and then leave to give you a break? Where did they wait?

We did not have anyone come to the hospital while I was in labor.

3. What was it like after the birth? Did you let people in right away? Did you spend some time with just you and the baby?

We were in the L&D room for about 2 hours after the birth, and then we were moved to the recovery room.    ILs arrived basically the MOMENT I arrived in the recovery room which was not ideal from my perspective.  The nurse had to kick them out while she helped me go to the bathroom, get situated, etc.

4. Did you feel bombarded by people after the birth? Were people at the hospital the whole time you were in the hospital?  ILs were the only ones we had visit in the hospital (my family is OOT and arrived later in the week) and they visited the day he was born, the next day, and as soon as we got home.  So we weren't bombarded with guests, but you WILL be bombarded by people in general.  It's basically a constant stream of baby nurses, pediatricians, midwives, OBs, audiologists, med students wanting you to participate in research opportunities, people from the birth registry office, etc etc etc.  

[boiler717]

I had a 37w scare (was literally being prepped for a c section when they stopped), and then a scheduled c section at 39w. So I will kinda answer for both.
1. 37w, we had my dad go get my bag and cord blood kit because we didn't have it and they wouldn't let DH leave. 39w they knew we were going to have the baby and we told them we would call with news once he/she was born. We were very clear that we wanted NO ONE at the hospital until after we were ready.
2. No one at the hospital during this time. I would have hated it.
3. My c section was scheduled for 4 pm. We arrived at 2 pm, surgery started at 3:30, he was born at 4:15 (lots of scar tissue). I was in recovery at 4:45. He nursed for over an hour, then they did some newborn care stuff. Nursed again, I ate some crackers. DH had only held him for like 5 min when they wheeled us from the OR to recovery. We got to our room at 8 pm and it was the first time DH got to hold him for an extended time. Because my family was 5 min away and room service was closed they dropped off dinner for us. They stayed less than 5 min and only my mom held him. They said they we waited a long time for that moment and to enjoy it as our family of 3 and they would be back to see us in the morning.
4. A little bit but we were super clear on our wishes which helped a lot. The day after he was born my family was waiting in the parking lot for the okay to come in, but I didn't know that for months later. They never stayed for more than 30 min or so because of all the nursing.
That being said, we had a huge fallout with DHs family over this. They were adamant that they be there even before we arrived for the c section. We knew T needed a NICU eval and I wanted time to BF without pressure to let anyone else in. They tried to come anyways. They then decided to not visit us at all and they haven't even met T yet (he's 18m).

[azurely]

I found out I was getting induced at my appointment the day before, so we told everyone the night before.

Only my H was with me the whole time. I got induced in the morning and my parents came to the hospital in the afternoon. They came in and talked to us before I started pushing, but once I started pushing, they left. They were in the L&D waiting room right across from my room and spent some time listening outside the door, ha.

My parents came in almost right away after C was checked and we got to hold him. I was in pretty rough shape after 3.5 hours of pushing and bad tearing, and actually passed out trying to stand up, so I don't remember a lot honestly. C was born at 11pm, but my parents were already there and my ILs came up to see him too that night.

No, it was mostly just my H. My mom was there a lot, every time my H left, but I wanted her there so I appreciated it. My dad, ILs, and family/friends visited, but no one else hung out for long.