Babysitter questions

[acceptthegood]

So we have a babysitter that has requirements- we be home by 11pm, the food we want the kids to eat be readily available (like laid out on the counter or show her where it is in the fridge, it isn't enough to say-"heat up the spaghetti that's in the fridge"-you have to SHOW her the container), we need to be ready to leave when she arrives so the kids don't have a long transition period, she expects to be paid a certain amount even if we come home early and will ask where the other $10 is if we short her, etc.

2 questions:
1) is this excessive? It seems demanding, and we use her less and less because of it. I wanted to know what others' experiences/opinions were.

2)Separately speaking, do you usually tidy up and do the dishes before a sitter comes to your house? H and I disagree about the level of cleanliness that is polite to provide.

Thanks all, I appreciate any feedback.

[hocus2]

The time thing seems normal but overall she's pretty demanding.

I expect sitters to be able to do light meal prep like hot dogs, chicken nuggets, PBJ. My kid older child 7 and she can explain where everything is if I forget. We do generally leave when a sitter comes but sometimes I'm still getting dressed. That would be a real sticking point for me. If I want you here at 5 so I can shower than so be it.

In terms of pay -- I could see a sitter asking for min number of hours like 3 but usually we pay for the hours worked and don't pay for shorter hours. I have a summer sitter for a few hours a week and I pay her for what she works for the most part.

I don't clean when sitters come. I suppose we might do the dishes but that is about it. The whole point of a sitter is make your life easier.

[lilafowler]

How old is this person?

[tommygirl03]

Well, her requirements may seem excessive, but I would ask for the extra $10 if you shorted me, too. Why are you shorting paying her?

[Leeham Rimes]

Jul 25, 2017 13:46:05 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

How old is this person?

seconded.

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

Jul 25, 2017 13:48:02 GMT -5 tommygirl03 said:

Well, her requirements may seem excessive, but I would ask for the extra $10 if you shorted me, too. Why are you shorting paying her?

I'm assuming op is like us. Pays by the hour not a set fee for the night.

[Jalapeñomel]

Yes, if we come home early we pay for the entire time. The food thing is demanding. Transition time seems normal.

I expect the house to be neat and tidy when people come over, so I'd do the same for sitters.

[liverandonions]

Jul 25, 2017 13:48:02 GMT -5 tommygirl03 said:

Well, her requirements may seem excessive, but I would ask for the extra $10 if you shorted me, too. Why are you shorting paying her?

I read it as if they say they'll be gone 4 hours, and are only gone 3 she would still expect to be paid for 4 hours.

[Leeham Rimes]

the only thing that doesn't really seem weird to me is the pay, of course, you should pay her the agreed rate. Unless the reason your time was cut short is directly HER fault. but if you come home early just because, or the kids are not feeling well, etc, she should be paid for what you would have been out. (so if you were out from 7-9 but supposed to be out from 7-11, i'd pay her the 7-11)

unless im reading something wrong.

[specialk]

1). She sounds like she is demanding in the way she's phrasing things, but most of what she is asking for are things I personally wouldn't have a problem with, except for her needing us to be ready to leave when she gets there. Nobody dictates to me how long I am allowed to be in my own home, and if I wouldn't want to stress if I'm running a bit late. It's also rude of her to ask for extra money if you come home early, but personally I would be paying that to her anyway. Our sitter is great and she is giving up her night expecting to earn a certain amount of money for it, so I don't punish her if the night ends a bit early.

2) I do not tidy up too much. We always do the dishes right after using them, but I don't stress about toy clutter and things like that.

At the end of the day, you need to find a sitter that you are comfortable with and it sounds like this might not be the one for you. Even if what she's most of what she is asking for are things I would be okay with, if that's not the case for you, then you should find someone else.

[mala]

I always prep a plate for B and show her where it is in the fridge, that wouldn't bother me. Rushing me out the door would really annoy me. And wanting to be paid for hours not worked would piss me off. I usually am pretty generous to begin with.

If you like her anyway, I would overlook all that. If there's another option for a babysitter, though, I'd probably use the other person.

I always do at least dishes, but I don't really worry about the rest of the house being tidy.

[claudiajean]

Transition time is demanding, imo. It's one thing if she says "I think the long transition makes it harder on the kids" but to say "You must be ready to leave" is normal.

I think paying her for time you expected to be gone is pretty standard. The food thing I could go either way on. Maybe she's had bad experiences where families weren't specific enough and she was unsure what to do, etc. Will she do light meal prep if she knows exactly where the food is?

[Leeham Rimes]

oh and for question #2, i would do all the dishes/cleaning prior to her arrival. She's there for child care, not maid service. With that said, I would also expect her to help in tidying up the children's mess while she's providing care. Like put dishes in the dishwasher, ensure the children clean up the playroom before bed. Nothing like vaccuming or anything.

[mcsangel2]

Home by 11pm? Once or maybe twice, sure. But otherwise, no she doesn't tell you when to be home. If she has other things to do the next day, she shouldn't be available to sit.

Food out. I'm good with this one. Probably she had an experience where the indicated food wasn't there or the wrong food was eaten by mistake.

Ready to leave? Nope.

Minimum of hours payment? Sure.

ETA: I'm thinking the ready to leave when she gets there has to do with her pay. She might have had an experience where the family didn't start the clock until they left. If it's that, she should redefine it as the clock starts when she arrives.

[whitemerlot]

None of these things bother me and I would always leave a clean house for the sitter.

[friendz4eva]

The only thing that seems "excessive" is leaving out the container. Also, how is she delivering this message to you? Is she kindly requesting that you leave right away to lessen the children's anxiety, or is she saying GET OUT NOW! ?
I think the house should be tidy/clean before her arrival, with the expectation that she clean up after the kids during the hours she is employed (put dishes in the sink/dishwasher, pick up crumbs, etc.) I can understand her request to be paid that amount you originally agreed to. If you asked her to stay from 8 - 11 with the agreement of $60, I think it is reasonable for her to expect that amount.

[hocus2]

Jul 25, 2017 13:54:46 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

oh and for question #2, i would do all the dishes/cleaning prior to her arrival. She's there for child care, not maid service. With that said, I would also expect her to help in tidying up the children's mess while she's providing care. Like put dishes in the dishwasher, ensure the children clean up the playroom before bed. Nothing like vaccuming or anything.

If my house isn't tidy I don't request that sitters clean. My house is thoroughly cleaned 2X per week. I just don't think it is important to put away clutter before a sitter comes. I know others feel differently which is fine. 

[mom2twoboys]

Seems excessive to me. Our regular babysitter has a set price, but we don't have to pay if we come home early since we only give her an estimate of when we will be back. We always order pizza for all of them. That seems like a lot of requirements.

[Captain Catnip]

Not a parent, but I'm confused. Wouldn't babysitting be a job? Like, my sister waitresses. She may be scheduled from 12-8, but if they aren't busy she gets sent home at 4. She wouldn't be getting paid for those other 4 hours. If you have someone come cut your grass and they say it'll be 4 hours and cost $15 an hour so it'd be $60, and it only takes two hours, would you pay that additional 30 anyway??? That isn't making sense to me. Granted, it's been 18 years since I've babysat, but I was generally only paid for what I worked, I wasn't paid if they came home early...

[friendz4eva]

Jul 25, 2017 14:04:26 GMT -5 Captain Catnip said:

Not a parent, but I'm confused. Wouldn't babysitting be a job? Like, my sister waitresses. She may be scheduled from 12-8, but if they aren't busy she gets sent home at 4. She wouldn't be getting paid for those other 4 hours. If you have someone come cut your grass and they say it'll be 4 hours and cost $15 an hour so it'd be $60, and it only takes two hours, would you pay that additional 30 anyway??? That isn't making sense to me. Granted, it's been 18 years since I've babysat, but I was generally only paid for what I worked, I wasn't paid if they came home early...

For me, it is a matter of mutual respect.   I think the reasonable, respectful thing would be to pay for the hours you originally agreed to.  I mean, I am asking someone to mind my children. I need to fully trust this person and for that, I am more than willing to pay the extra $$.

ETA: I don't want to bargain when it comes to the welfare of my children. KWIM? 

[snipsnsnails]

Yes, this is excessive. I wouldn't use this sitter.

[glencoco]

My only real opinion is, that if she is paid by the hour and you come home earlier than you initially told her, then she should only be paid what she worked. That's how getting paid hourly works, unless she has a flat rate or something?

She kinda sounds like a brat honestly.

[Captain Catnip]

Jul 25, 2017 14:10:24 GMT -5 friendz4eva said:

Jul 25, 2017 14:04:26 GMT -5 Captain Catnip said:

Not a parent, but I'm confused. Wouldn't babysitting be a job? Like, my sister waitresses. She may be scheduled from 12-8, but if they aren't busy she gets sent home at 4. She wouldn't be getting paid for those other 4 hours. If you have someone come cut your grass and they say it'll be 4 hours and cost $15 an hour so it'd be $60, and it only takes two hours, would you pay that additional 30 anyway??? That isn't making sense to me. Granted, it's been 18 years since I've babysat, but I was generally only paid for what I worked, I wasn't paid if they came home early...

For me, it is a matter of mutual respect.   I think the reasonable, respectful thing would be to pay for the hours you originally agreed to.  I mean, I am asking someone to mind my children. I need to fully trust this person and for that, I am more than willing to pay the extra $$.

ETA: I don't want to bargain when it comes to the welfare of my children. KWIM? 

But it's not bargaining if they charge an hourly rate, is it? Wouldn't it just be paying hours worked? I'm not trying to be dense, and if they have a minimum charge or minimum number of hours, i'd completely understand.

[Crystal]

Just a couple of things come to mind.

Does she sit for children with severe food allergies? Or does your family deal with that? That could explain the food thing - just for her peace of mind that she doesn't mess it up or give the wrong thing.

The pay - totally understand wanting to be paid for what you agreed to.

Leaving when she arrives - does your child cling, cry, etc. I've seen kids get worked up the second they see a sitter because they know their parents are leaving. If that is the case, I can see her point.

Being home by 11 - if she doesn't have parents who are demanding this, she needs to STFU and just suck it up. She can work that into her fee if she wants extra pay. But unless someone is telling her what time she has to be home because she's a kid, whatever.

However, the way she phrased it - or the way you presented it - sounds demanding and unless her ass is Mary Poppins in disguise, I'd be finding someone less dictator-y to watch my kid.

[acceptthegood]

Jul 25, 2017 13:48:43 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Jul 25, 2017 13:46:05 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

How old is this person?

seconded.

25/26ish?

[Crystal]

Oh. And I don't really leave shit scattered everywhere, so I didn't address the cleaning thing. But when I was a sitter as a teenager, I didn't care if the kitchen was wrecked or not. It took the pressure off of me to feel like I had to be all neat and clean there myself!

[lovebeingmama]

Seems excessive.

I pay my sitters only for the hours worked, but I also pay a decent amount more than the average pay for sitters in my area. I also only use them occasionally, like date nights. If I was paying a sitter I had regularly (like every Tuesday from 6:00-10:00 or something), then yes, I'd likely pay for the agreed on hours if I came home early.

My sitters are awesome, and if something comes up and we will be later, they are fine with it. In these cases, I often pay a little more than the hours worked (round up or whatever)

I try to make it as easy as possible regarding food, but i think her demands there are a bit weird (unless there was a time when she made the wrong food and you got mad, or if there are food allergies and she wants to be extra sure she is preparing safe food).

My house, which is normally a disaster, is as clean as possible hen a sitter comes. But there have been a few times it's a mess, too.

And unless my kids were awful with the transition when I left, I would not be happy that she said I had to leave immediately. I like being able to finish getting ready when she arrives, and it gives me the opportunity to see her interact with my kids.

If this was an occasional date night sitter, I'd stop using her. If this was more like a nanny/regular sitter situation, I might be more flexible.

[BaliHai]

Is she saying you need to be home by 11, or is she saying SHE cannot stay past 11/11:30? Because wording is everything here, and I am trying to think of how I'd react to her telling me we need to be home by 11. I mean, in all likelihood we would be anyway for a run-of-the-mill date night, but I think I'd probably just laugh and laugh and then the other things would be a non-issue because it would end there. If she is saying she cannot stay past 11/11:30 (factoring in you getting home, asking how things went, paying her, her leaving), OK, fine. Maybe that's splitting hairs, but being given a curfew would put me right off.

I don't mind the food thing. I don't really mind her wanting you to be ready to go when she gets there. I would assume with both of those things that she had past bad experiences that have led her to setting those rules for future jobs.

The paying thing would depend on the circumstances that brought us home early, I think. If we ran out of things to do and decided to just go home, I'd probably still pay her for the hours we had originally asked her to sit. If she needed us to come home early for some reason, we'd probably just pay her for the time she was there.

We would straighten up and do/put away the dishes before a sitter came over, yes. As far as what we'd expect from the sitter in terms of cleaning up, I'd be fine with them putting away any toys that were pulled out and any dishes used in the sink or the dishwasher, actual washing nice but not necessary.

[acceptthegood]

Thanks for all the replies.

When I ask how much she charges, she doesn't say, just defers and says whatever your comfortable with. (So frustrating!) so usually we pay $80 from 6-11pm for 2 kids. But occasionally we get home at 9:30 pm, (movie ends early, or we are extra tired), or she starts late, so we pay her $70. Then she texts and says, hey you accidentally only paid me $70, do you want me to come back for the $10?

And I agree about have the dishes done! My H thinks I'm being demanding. I respond that he has never babysat, I have. And it is easier when dishes are out of the sink! That is totally reasonable.

to clarify, the $70 thing was only one time, now we just pay $80 every time.
she gives us the curfew if 11 pm. No food allergies ever. This is a Saturday night babysitter, my nanny is awesome and flexible and sees my house dirty.

[friendz4eva]

Jul 25, 2017 14:18:05 GMT -5 Captain Catnip said:

Jul 25, 2017 14:10:24 GMT -5 friendz4eva said:

For me, it is a matter of mutual respect.   I think the reasonable, respectful thing would be to pay for the hours you originally agreed to.  I mean, I am asking someone to mind my children. I need to fully trust this person and for that, I am more than willing to pay the extra $$.

ETA: I don't want to bargain when it comes to the welfare of my children. KWIM? 

But it's not bargaining if they charge an hourly rate, is it? Wouldn't it just be paying hours worked? I'm not trying to be dense, and if they have a minimum charge or minimum number of hours, i'd completely understand.

You're correct.  It's not bargaining (poor choice of words on my part). I just meant that I don't have a problem with paying a babysitter the full amount I originally agreed to. I suppose it is a matter of personal choice. My thought is that I come to work everyday and sometimes I may leave a little early, but my paycheck is not docked, so I do the same for our babysitter.