Weird Conversations you have had with your kids

[186momx]

I've had the weirdest conversations with DD lately.  

Anyone else???

[akafred]

C: We're all dead, you know?
Me: Oh?
C: Yeah. We're all just coffins for our souls.
Me: Open your mouth. (Peering inside) Kurt Cobain? Is that you in there?
C: Oh, mom!

[186momx]

Yesterday
DD-Can I have more veggies
Me-No, you have to eat your protein first
DD-but I don't want my protein
Me-you need to eat your 2 bites of protein then you can have as many veggies as you want
DD-eats 1 bite and asks for veggies
Me-No eat the other bite
DD-eats second bite
Me-give her the pan of vegetables and she proceeds to eat the whole thing

DD just called...how do you work the can opener, I explain, it doesn't work. OK get the old fashion can opener out of the draw below the microwave, DD why is it old fashion...because you have to hand crank it and it is old (my grandma's old can opener).

[mellym]

DD1, almost nightly - Why do we have to wear clothes outside? Why don't boys have to wear shirts?

DD1 and DD2 - Why can't we pee outside like boys? I wish I was a boy.

[erinshelley21]

The other night's edition of "Stalling at Bedtime" included the question "Where is the lid to my hamper?"

The hamper has not been on his hamper in like a year. But at 8:30 on a Thursday night felt like a good time to ask about it.

[HeartofCheese]

Aug 7, 2017 14:02:28 GMT -5 mellym said:

DD1, almost nightly - Why do we have to wear clothes outside? Why don't boys have to wear shirts?

DD1 and DD2 - Why can't we pee outside like boys? I wish I was a boy.

Overheard in the yard:

DD to DS: I just peed like you!

[rere]

I found Dd crying in her bed. I ask why she is crying. She says she is worried about her future in terms of career and success. She was 5.

[akafred]

Aug 7, 2017 15:21:38 GMT -5 rere said:

I found Dd crying in her bed. I ask why she is crying. She says she is worried about her future in terms of career and success. She was 5.

I had almost the same thing happen when DD was 5. She was so worried that no one would want to marry her when she grew up.

[phdmomma]

We drive past a cemetery on the way to daycare, DS and I seem to have mire conversations about death and what happens when we die due to passing it daily.

[mommyatty]

We give old toys and clothes to a battered women's shelter. This morning, DD wanted more information on the kids who get her old toys and clothes. So I got to try to find an age-appropriate way to explain domestic abuse to a 5 year old this morning.

A friend posted pics from a birthday party DD and DS attended while DH and I were in New York. Cute pic of DS, so I showed him on my iPad.

Me: Who is that?
DS: Spider-Man.
Me: That's you in your Spider-Man bathing suit.
DS: Oh, I was in my costume. I didn't recognize me.

[supertrooper1]

DS has just realized that he has a penis like dad and I don't have one.
DS: mom, you don't have a penis like me.
Me: no, I do not because I'm a girl.
DS: So, you pee out of your butt?
Me: um, no

[2chatter]

This was an hour ago...DS and I have three nights just the two of us and I asked him what he'd like to do.
DS: I think you can do a better job of encouraging me and growing my expanding mind.
Me: ok
DS: if we start now we can read half of the World War II encyclopedia before bed.
Me: ummm do you want a snack
DS: don't do that. This is important. We actually won't get to read that much because we have to go out to dinner, but if I bring it, maybe your friend or the waiter will read it to me and you can eat since that seems important to you.
Me: ok

[waverly]

You can't make this stuff up.

I've had so many I don't remember. One from toddler years is don't put the remote control in the toilet. Yes it was broken after being in the toilet.

[mommyatty]

Aug 7, 2017 16:53:24 GMT -5 supertrooper1 said:

DS has just realized that he has a penis like dad and I don't have one.
DS: mom, you don't have a penis like me.
Me: no, I do not because I'm a girl.
DS: So, you pee out of your butt?
Me: um, no

Oh my. DD and I have regular conversations about how boys have penises and girls have vaginas. (She refuses to say vulva, so we go with vagina.) DS calls DD's vagina her "girl penis". The joys of 2u2 spacing. No secrets in this house!

[thatsfancy]

DS: mommy, did you know if you know if you think really hard and sit very quiet, you can see your brain?

[thatsfancy]

We have also had our fair share of 'Mommy when are you going to grow a penis?' conversations.

[akafred]

2chatter, how old is your DS?

Tonight I had to tell my DD not to put wild animals in her underpants. I just...

[billie]

I had to explain birth control to my 4yo the other day. It wasn't my intention, but I mentioned that people should only get married and have kids if they want to. So then she wanted to know how do you NOT have babies.

Me: there are lots of different ways to not have babies.
DD: like what?
Me: um. You can take a pill.
DD: what else?
Me: there's an injection
DD: I think I'll go with the pill

[erinshelley21]

These are awesome

[supertrooper1]

DS told me tonight that my aim was bad because he wasn't catching the frisbee. It was bouncing off his hands.

[2chatter]

akafred - a very condescending five. He showed the waiter the book - opened to a page with feet in a line from a massacre. The waiter was like "that's a first" and I turned bright red and tried to turn the page but DS insisted I not skip any pages.

[akafred]

Aug 7, 2017 21:26:29 GMT -5 2chatter said:

akafred - a very condescending five. He showed the waiter the book - opened to a page with feet in a line from a massacre. The waiter was like "that's a first" and I turned bright red and tried to turn the page but DS insisted I not skip any pages.

Your son is concerned about his mental enrichment and reading encyclopedias, and my daughter is carrying slugs around in her underpants. Awesome.

[twinmomma]

We've been having a lot of "where babies come from" discussions lately. DH is not great at filtering - he dumbs things down, but still gives more detail than is probably necessary. Which then leads to very awkward conversations. A recent one involved DD1 and I discussing the logistics of how you decide you want a baby and then it gets in there. And so I was trying to explain that when you want a baby, the penis goes in the vagina, but it doesn't always happen right away. Her follow up? "You mean WHITE away, right? Get it! A Pun! Because of the white stuff?"

OMG. I died. Thanks DH. Maybe scale back the details next time around.

[HeartofCheese]

DS thinks penises fall off and become vaginas.

[mellym]

DD1 hasn't asked us yet about how babies are made but when we were signing the papers for our van, the credit lady was also pregnant. DD1 heard and said, how did you get a baby in your tummy? DH followed up with, "yeah, can you tell her how that happens?". She turned so red.

[mommyatty]

DD very obviously is curious yet uncomfortable asking about the birds and the bees. She asks very specific questions, but in the middle of these odd stream-of-consciousness sounding monologues that have obviously been carefully thought out. Like "When Grandpa died, Grandma was really sad because he was her best friend and a big helper with taking care of us. When we get a cat, I want it to sleep in my bed, but if it sleeps in somebody else's bed, I won't get mad about that. I'm big enough to share. So when we came out of your tummy, did you poop us out or what?" Real example.

[HeartofCheese]

Oh yeah. We watched Baby Boss Friday night which purports to answer the question of how babies are made. So Saturday comes and DS asks, "How are babies made?" We were at the park, so I punted and said, "Didn't Baby Boss explain all of that? Go play."

[librarychica]

Mom, I'm going to sing my song only to E.

Okay.

I am not going to sing to you. If you hear it you will take me when I'm a teenager and make me sing a boring song on a stage. On a stage!

Stop laughing at me!

[billie]

DD watched a paw patrol episode that had an alien. Cue four hours of conversation about aliens. Highlights:

- Mom, just like we watch movies about aliens, they watch movies about us

- Aliens are just like God, there's no way of knowing if they really exist

[phdmomma]

Dd is potty training, and is super curious that dh and ds stand while peeing and each have a penis. Except she calls it a "front tail", and wants to know why she doesn't have one.