Dear DH, Please don't be a dick. Calling the health department on our sweet daycare lady? That would be a dick move. If you are seriously considering that, I'm seriously considering punching you in the throat. Sincerely, Your parenting partner who realizes you're just looking for the back-breaking straw
Dear Sweet In-Home Day-Care Lady, Get the mold in the kids' bathroom cleaned-up/removed/excavated/whatever. NOW. I realize that my H just brought this to your attention yesterday, but by the sounds of it - it's pretty damn noticeable. I do not need my sweet babes breathing that shit in. Please thoroughly assess and address the issue. My H is pissed and a crazy person and is seriously considering calling the health department. And he's kind of over you. I love you. My girls love you. You love them. I want this to work. But you need to start taking my H seriously on his (typically-reasonable) requests. Because when you fight him on things, he just lets it build up. Then when something serious (like mold!) happens, shit hits the fan. Love, L & A's mom who is terrified of an impending break-up
Dear self, Get your shit together. How did you lose the stylus from your phone AND your paper, temporary license in the same night? You didn't even use the stylus! You're not going to be able to drink at the football game tomorrow without it, so you'll be spending the night tearing the entire house apart looking for the license. Good luck, Annoyed self
Dear DH, When you tell me that you're feeling anxious and stressed and irritable because you're not busy during the day and because school is starting, I don't know what to tell you. There is plenty to be done around the house. You're home with two kids all day and we have house projects you could deal with. Maybe you could spend some of your time doing prep work for the upcoming school year, so you're not freaking out at the last minute? Novel concept. I can see that you working on school stuff and getting back in the groove with some projects is making you irritable. Maybe it's a sign your job isn't the dream thing you think it is? But that would mean I'm right, so that can't be it. I honestly don't know how to respond, because telling you to "get over yourself" would not be productive. Go see a shrink and get yourself together. Love, Your wife who cares, but gets annoyed with your dramatics
I hope I don't see you for the rest of the week because I can't believe your antics in yesterday's meeting. It was disappointing to watch you run over your team and not be open to finding solutions. You put me in a very uncomfortable position when you started attacking my department. I only set up the meeting to help your coworkers who have been complaining to me every month about the lack of training for operations. It felt like a sucker punch when all of them cowered under you as well. I give up trying to help you and I can't wait for one of your next complaints to me.
Signed, Disappointed Coworker
Dear DH and Family, Thank you all so much for being on board with my plans about booking a vacation to Hilton Head Island next year. This beach house is going to be so relaxing. It's a year away but I'm so excited!
When I call facetime you right now I don't really care about you. I want to see my kid and talk to him. Give me 10 min with him. That is the max I am going to get anyway then I can talk to you. I miss my baby. A lot.
Dear DH, You seriously need to finish this insane basement project. Yes, we are putting my folks in a hotel this month, instead of staying down there, so that you can work. But when they visit next month, that basement better be done. I have been putting the kids to bed, doing the dishes, and picking up the house every night for the last two weeks to give you time to work on it. I have other things that I need to do, and I need my treadmill back.
Love, Your wife
Dear MIL, I know that planning ahead for travel isn't your strong suit. Thank you for understanding that we needed to book the spring break disney flight tickets yesterday, as we live in a college town, and this year the university's spring break and the publish schools align.
Your appreciative daughter in law
Dear DD,
Great job wearing big girl underpants to school yesterday. Now let's try to keep them dry for the whole day, and have no accidents. Your teachers are wonderful and on board.
You have about 3 weeks to finish potty training. Stop pooping in your pants. Now. I'm done being nice about this.
Love, Mommy Who Hates Potty Training
Dear Hubs:
If your mother cannot get on board and stop putting DS in Pull Ups, you are going to have to start being a SAH Dad instead of a SAH whatever you are now. YOur mom can't keep watching the kids if she won't follow the plan.
Dear Exh: I'm thrilled that you are really going on the trip. The girls would have been really upset. But send me the flight information! It's day three and I am legit questioning if there really are tickets or if you just don't want to share with me. Which I don't get. Why is this hard? I am missing something here and it's making me very nervous. Super reasonable exw
Dear New Teacher, Thank you for recognizing that DS is a kind boy who is drawn to boys that are...not, perhaps because his last experience. Thank you for separating he and the intense boy who clings to him. I sooo appreciate that you see this and want to and are protecting DS. I am so glad you were there to literally catch him when this boy shoved him off the slide. I hope this isn't a Kinder preview - all these years I've worried about the girls going for bad boys. I never guessed my son would be the one with a proclivity for the bad boys. Mom who is so relieved to see DS in a good place, and hoping he doesn't turn into a little jerk
Post by erinshelley21 on Aug 9, 2017 10:33:26 GMT -5
Dear DS, You were really sweet and listened really well there for a few days. What happened? I really love your independence and confidence, but you're really testing me the last couple of days. Enough with the lying too. I will not tolerate that or throwing toys. Or hand weights. Love, your mama
Dear DH, You cannot take a 3 year old's door off. You just can't. His bedroom is right in the kitchen and you just can't do dishes without making noise. Save that act for when he's 12. Love, your wife who loves your parenting style though.
Dear Self, You do not need a 3rd baby. You just don't. You did not handle this last pregnancy well and money doesn't grow on trees and your're a solo parent 3 nights and 6 mornings per week and the 2 kids you have are going to make you lose your mind enough that a 3rd would send you straight to the looney bin. You had 2 easy, textbook birthing experiences. Be satisfied with that damnit. Also, you've kept your cool through the lying, toy throwing and tantrums the last 2 days. I'm impressed. Keep it up since it's only Wednesday. Love, your less crazy self
Dear Buffalo Wild Wings Your service SUCKED yesterday. We arrive at 4:15 and want to get dinner before the 5:10 movie. We have to wait 10 minutes for a table and the dining room was empty as it was shift change. Then our waiter was slow and by the time we got our food and my margarita that had very little alcohol in it we had 10 minutes to scarf down our happy hour order. Annoyed Customer who did make it to the movie on time but had bad indigestion from eating too fast
Dear DD Please can you stop telling everyone that you are not going to go back to school because school is stupid and way to boring. Telling my clients yesterday who asked was kind of embarrassing especially as the two who came in both work for a school. Could you maybe look at 1st grade as a do over and go in with low expectations but an open mind. Mom
Dear School When I register next week I really hope that I can talk with the principle and maybe get an appointment with the counselor or her teacher before meet the teacher night to talk about DD's refusal to come back. I was hoping the bad Kindergarten year would have lessened in her mind and she would be happy and excited to get back into a routine but no she is dead set against 1st grade and has the why bother attitude it is boring. Not going to sit and wait and see this year
Dear Sitter I'm really glad you and DD have so much fun together and you are becoming best buds. But tomorrow there will be no painting or glitter. I got the paint off the carpet but glitter is still everywhere. I promise to find a cool project on Pinterest for you guys to be girly and creative with that doesn't turn my house into a glitter zone. Me who is glad you guys are having fun
Post by traveltheworld on Aug 9, 2017 12:11:14 GMT -5
Dear DD:
For the love of God - sleep! Being up from midnight to 4:30 a.m. is not cool.
Signed, Tired mommy
Dear DH:
You are eating crackers for me right now. Stop asking me why - I already told you why. I took the kids camping by myself, then wanted to sleep in before doing another 3 hour drive alone with the kids. But you couldn't even man up and keep the kids entertained for a few hours while I slept because you were "sick". Um...then you went out with your buddies till midnight. That does not spell "sick" in my mind. I already discussed this with you. Now just leave me alone till I get over it.
My MIL was just telling me a story about SIL and her first week at school. Apparently 5yo SIL went in there dead set on not going to school. The teacher tried to show her where she would sit and 5yo SIL said "I'm not staying" and stood in the back of the classroom with her arms crossed the whole day. This lasted about 3 days during which the teacher just went on with class activities around her, then SIL came around to participating.
I hope your stubborn little person is won over too!