Post by HeartofCheese on Aug 22, 2017 7:27:55 GMT -5
1. On a scale of 1-10, how much would you say you are in touch with yourself? I.e., the "you" who existed before all the demands and obligations you have now, the "you" who does something for yourself just b/c you alone enjoy it and benefit from it.
2. You have 3 wishes. What do you wish for?
BONUS: If you could change your SO's name, would you and what would you change it to?
Post by HeartofCheese on Aug 22, 2017 7:47:14 GMT -5
1. I would say a 1, but going on a 2. My kids and H have been all-consuming the last 4.5 years, and my H was all-consuming for the 9 years before that, and I didn't question it b/c I got something out of (a lot of) it. But I think it would have been better for all of us if I wasn't just checking off their boxes all day, but was showing some personality and bringing some fresh energy to their day. Talking mostly about my kids here. MH never seemed to appreciate what I brought to the table.
2.a. Money, obvs. Specifically, I would just want there to always be a 10k deposit into my savings every month. I don't want billions so that it changes the way I live or the way my kids grow up. I just want to never have to worry about money for a car, to pay the mortgage, to buy a bigger house, to send the kids to school, to take a vacation, pay someone to do my yardwork, etc. b. A good, loving role model for my kids who is hot in the sack and can fix shit and can support himself and laughs at my jokes. c. I'm going to save this one. I expect I will eventually need to bring someone back to life.
BONUS: MH's name is so generic, I would totally change it to maybe Sam or Justin or Nick or Mark or something.
1. Negative 4. But I'm working on it. I sewed a couple of projects this weekend and I've been spending time reading when I can. Like I let the kids play and I read on my Kindle.
2. Enough money that we could move to a tropical paradise and never work again, that we would all always be healthy, and that climate change wouldn't lead to catastrophe.
Bonus: I would change his last name. Our last name is phenomenally rare, and I feel terrible we saddled our kids with it. After two years at the same school, DD's teachers STILL don't pronounce it correctly. Hell, after 9 years at this job, there are people I work with who still don't pronounce it correctly. And it's not hard to say, it just doesn't look how it sounds.
1. Hmm do something for myself and not think about anyone else- maybe a 2. While I do some things most are in the context of what does H and the kids want. Probably more H. He either wants to go to the city and walk around forever- hard with kids. Or do projects on the house while I do all the practical stuff and watch the kids. I take them to the pool a lot which I enjoy but sometimes it's hard compromising. For example I wanted to take the kids to a school picnic, but he wanted us home so he could break up concrete in the yard. I'm not sure why we had to be home for that. It's a struggle.
2. More money Ongoing good health for everyone in the family I'll save my third wish as well
Eh I'm too lazy to change or think of another name.
1. Eh... 3-4 ish? I really try to do things for myself, but somehow even those things end up being an obligation for someone else. For example, "weekly quilt night" with MIL. I love to quilt, but now it's become just another chore on my busy schedule instead of some relaxing downtime. Same thing with training for my half marathon - should be me-time, but fitting the training into the household schedule just makes it stressful. 2. I'd wish for enough money to pay off our student loans. Without student loans, we could stop living paycheck to paycheck. The stress it would relieve would be huge. Wish #2 would be something or someone to help around the house when DH gets caught up in work. Like a personal assistant/nanny. Remember on the Brady Bunch? I want an Alice. And wish #3... I'm not sure yet. I think something to do with good health for our parents. I want all four of them to live long, long lives.
Post by erinshelley21 on Aug 22, 2017 8:05:54 GMT -5
1. I would say a 5. I'm really pretty good at ignoring responsibilities every once in a while and taking time for myself. That is one of the perks of DH's job. Yeah, there are 9 days a month that I solo parent, but I've made it a rule for myself that if one of those days falls on Friday or Saturday, that night is for me. I typically just watch tv, but I'm trying to get back into the habit of working on something while doing so. I'm also trying to read more during the week. 2. My dad. Enough money for us to build a very modest home (4 bed, 2.5 bath, less than 2000 sq feet, see I'm not asking for a mansion), allow DH to live out his dreams of farming and for me to open a boutique. For us all to be healthy. Bonus. I wouldn't. Him and my dad have the same first name and that made it very easy to pick a middle name for DD since there is a very common girl version.
Had to edit since I got too busy imagining my first 2 wishes that I forgot about the 3rd lol.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Aug 22, 2017 8:13:54 GMT -5
1. I think I'm in the negative category as well. I'm so bad, I don't even know what I like to do anymore. I need to change this.
2. Money to live comfortably; the knowledge of what I should do for a living - not just what sounds good or what I would make a lot of money doing, but something that would get me out of bed in the morning. I haven't had a job like that in maybe 20 years. Last wish - health for my family.
BONUS: I've never thought of this. My DH doesn't have a real popular name but it's not uncommon either. I like it.
Post by vavavictoria on Aug 22, 2017 8:16:56 GMT -5
1. I'm probably in the negative range here as well. I've been trying to read a bit more but that usually means I sleep less and I'm not sure that it's worth it. Maybe when the baby figures her sleep schedule out that will help. H is pretty willing to take the kids and let me have some me time every once in a while. I'm the problem bc I have so much trouble taking the opportunity and doing it.
2.1 good health for my whole family 2.2 enough money to pay off the mortgage and cars and be on the flush side of comfy 2.3 another wish saver
Bonus: nope. I like H's name the way it is. It's a pretty common name but it's his and I've never even thought about it being something different.
1. On a scale of 1-10, how much would you say you are in touch with yourself? I.e., the "you" who existed before all the demands and obligations you have now, the "you" who does something for yourself just b/c you alone enjoy it and benefit from it. I would say a 4. I do work out and spend time with friends as “me” time. I don’t spend time home alone now the same way as I used to. The pre-kid me would lounging on the couch enjoying a lifetime movie marathon. The now me is frantically running around the house, trying to clean, finish laundry, dinner, etc. I miss being able to sit around and just spend an afternoon doing nothing.
2. You have 3 wishes. What do you wish for? Good health for everyone in my family, more money, and contentment.
1. I'd say a 4, but that's only because the bar is set pretty low. Before kids, I didn't necessarily feel like there was a strong "me" that I focused on. And since I'm not working right now, I've had some time to catch up on some hobbies. I'm sure when I go back to working full time, this will be more like a 2.
2. A job that I enjoy in a convenient location that pays well. Good health for my family generally, and specifically that my parents (69 and 66) continue to be active and independent and live to see my kids grow up. World peace, or at least Trump realizing he doesn't want to be president and resigning.
Bonus: I would change his/our last name. Like mommyatty, it's not long or hard, but people rarely pronounce it correctly. Also, it doesn't go with many of the potential first names I like for kids.
Post by covergirl82 on Aug 22, 2017 8:35:28 GMT -5
1. Maybe a 4-5. I plan something with a friend about once a month, usually something like going to get coffee for an hour or two. Once or twice a year I'll plan a whole day or a weekend away with friends. I usually have about 30 minutes of "me" time at night just before bed, and usually I'll read a book. I used to play violin, piano, and classical guitar, and I still have all three instruments. I think I've played an instrument maybe a couple times a year, at most. I do miss doing that.
2. a) Money - enough that we could pay all our debts off and have so much leftover so as to not have to work again (both me and DH). Sometimes I'd just like to be a parent that can always drop off and pick up their kids from school every day, make it to every field trip, help out in school, volunteer at local organizations, and have fun with my kids over school breaks. b) That we'd all be healthy. c) I would save this wish as well.
Bonus - No, I don't think I'd change DH's name. It suits him.
1. Depending on where I am in the roller coaster of mental health I'd say a 7 or a 2. I'm generally at a 7 (thanks counselor) but sometimes slip into my old destructive habits.
2. Money. like HeartofCheese I'll take that 10k deposit every month Better family dynamic between my parents and siblings My dream home/land/neighborhood to magically appear before me and become mine
Bonus: My DH's first and last name are commonly misspelled. It's not too bad (especially considering how horrible my maiden name was) but is sometimes annoying because I can't say the name without also spelling it.
1. -1? I am swamped with keeping everyone else on track these days, and a crazy amount of work stuff. One day I will find some me time.
3 wishes 1-Figure out DD's mystery illness that we are currently working through all of the tests for, and hopefully it would be something either curable or easily manageable 2-I will go with the $10k monthly deposit, that would make so many things much easier 3-Getting tenure would be nice, I like my job and would like some more job security
Bonus: No, but I would change our super generic last name, into something that wouldn't always be taken for user names.
1. I am probably around a 6. Being a recovering only child means I actually have to choose NOT to read MY book, instead of reading to the kids, etc. This is with back to school. Summer I am a negative 6. All I do is run kids around and entertain them.
2. Money, for DH to be level like when we were dating, and I like the idea of reserving a wish.
I'd love to change his name as it has an unpleasant derivative that I associate with him when he is frustrating.
Post by greenmonkey1 on Aug 22, 2017 9:05:42 GMT -5
1. Sadly I'd say a 1-2. Recently I was thinking about all the cool stuff I used to do that has fallen to the wayside. I really just take care of the family and the house. That needs to change.
2. Better relationship with my inlaws. DH get a job with an employer rather than self-employment. Healthy kids.
3. DH has a legacy name that has caused some issues in the past because we live so close to his parents. Getting his Dad's mail is one thing, the bank depositing money in the wrong account is a whole other issue. So if I were to change his name it would be to be different from his Dad's.
1. I am probably at an 8. I give this credit to the Guard and my DH. When I am at Drill it is all about me. I don't have kid responsibilities and I don't have to worry about DH. We don't really talk while I am at drill or while he is at drill. I can go out and eat what I like, watch the TV I want at night and I am the boss so I don't have to answer to anyone else. I hate going to drill, but while I am there I really feel like I am in my element. Sometimes overwhelmed, but in a good way.
At home my DH is really good about giving me my time to go out with friends, or workout. What he is not good at is keeping DS away from me at home. If I am home and DS wants mommy then he gets mommy, even if I am sleeping, reading or trying to do a home workout. I have recently made friends at work that I can call and go out with. DH and I have started a weekly date night. Its at the house, but I have his undivided attention if I want it or we can watch TV together. I established this about 6 months ago, because I was having a really hard time connecting with him.
Now, when I leave the guard and when DS starts getting into more activities this might change drastically. I am afraid I won't be able to keep up.
2. I would love enough money to pay off our debt, without anyone getting hurt or killed in the process. Winning a small lottery should do the trick. I wish I could have the metabolism of a teenager for the rest of my life. Saving wish 3
Bonus: Nope. I love his name. It is a common name, but I like it.
1. 4ish.. My BF just told me last night that I'm a selfless person because I always put the kids and DH first. Everything that we do for fun is for them and we're always taking the kids places. I never really thought about it before but she's right. She called herself selfish because if she doesn't want to go do something like the zoo, park, etc then they don't go. But, I do feel like I get some me time - I take a lunch break now to get a walk in or read my book and try to take a half hour at night after the kids are in bed to myself. I can't remember the last time that I did something on a weekend for me for fun though.
2. Good health for our family, for DD1 to grow out of her dairy allergy, for my nephew to go into remission
Bonus. No - he has an uncommon name and I love it.
1. a 3...I was so much better at this when DD was a baby and in full time daycare and I had that one day a week where it was just me to do whatever needed to be done. I agree with mellym, that basically everything we do is for DD or DH and I go along with it all because it makes them happy or I plan it because I know they will like it.
2.1 To travel back in time and tell myself to not jump into marrying DH as it wasn't until after I married him all the crap came out 2.2 the $10K deposit sounds really nice per month which would allow us to pay for DD to go to private school 2.3 saving for a later date
Bonus-I would change the last name as no one can pronounce it correctly and both DD and I have given up correcting people and go with how it looks vs how DH and his family pronounce it.
1) 9. I know what I enjoy to do and make time to regularly see friends. Part of my balance comes from bringing sewing to work on during my lunch hour. It makes a difference in how I feel about the work/life balance.
2) A) all debt (student loans, mortgage, car payment) paid in full so there was a zero balance. B) mental and physical health to my loved ones C) catch my retirement up to reflect if I'd put 20% in the entire time I've been working.
Bonus I'd keep his name it's just weird to think of him by anything else.
Post by supertrooper1 on Aug 22, 2017 11:00:36 GMT -5
1. A 2 maybe? See my other thread. I do make exceptions and eat the food I want to eat. On my days off I try to grab lunch at a restaurant that I'm craving. Yesterday it was Taco Bell. Often it's restaurants I know DH won't eat at like Indian food.
2. To be wealthy, to be happy, and for DS to have a healthy, happy life.
Bonus: DH has a common first name but doesn't spell it the common way. I would change it so it's spelled the common way.
Post by traveltheworld on Aug 22, 2017 11:00:56 GMT -5
1. Probably a 7 or 8. I grew up poor and worked crazy hours, so the "before" me really didn't have much fun or time to do fun things. Now that I'm older and more established, I find that I actually have more time/resources to do things for myself. I have more free time now with 2 kids and a career than I did when I was 16. Over the past few years I discovered that it's not that I'm non-athletic, I just never got the chance to do that when I was young - so now we bike, hike, ski, etc. a lot and I greatly enjoy that, with or without the kids.
2. (a) Good health for everyone I love; (b) my parents finding some new purpose in life other than focusing solely on my kids; and (c) DH's career to take off; he deserves it.
Bonus: no, I like DH's name. It's generic, but since I have a super unique (and non-professional sounding) name, I'm glad he has a generic name. We gave our children generic names too.
Post by sandandsea on Aug 22, 2017 11:19:53 GMT -5
1. Hmm. Probably a 3. My life purpose now really revolves around my family and I'm really happy and fulfilled. But I have no me time and I like family activities so I sacrifice alone time for family time but it does make me sad I don't just have me time. 2. That we are able to raise my sons to be amazing men who are strong in their convictions, kind, and wise. That we had endless supplies of money so we could afford our dream lifestyle and focus on changing the world. And idk #3. Freedom for the genie?
Nah. While dh has a very common/generic Hispanic name, I don't know what I'd change it to so I'd just leave it.
1. Before June, I'd say I was at a 0. I would never see friends or take any time for myself, because I felt so guilty about being away from my kids for work. And not just "away" - I always handled that well - but "not present". Ever. I was always preoccupied. So everything I did was work, kids, DH at a distant 3rd, then me waaaaay back in last place. Quitting my job put me at probably a 5, but I still don't do much for myself. I'm totally focused on making up for lost time with my kids, and helping DH get his gig off the ground.
2. 3 wishes... 1. Power Ball jackpot winner - all by myself. It would cover expenses for us, our extended families, friends, with plenty of money left over to set up a charity and manage it. 2. Related, housekeeper. I got spoiled, and really do not enjoy cleaning bathrooms. Also a chef periodically. I like to cook, so not every day, but a few times a week. 3. health and long lives for my loved ones. There has been a lot of death and sickness among our loved ones over the past few years. FIL's death was devastating for MIL. It's been 2 years and she's no where near out of the fog yet.
Bonus: I wouldn't change it. It suits him. An extremely Irish-American name for an extremely Irish-American guy.
1. I would say a 6 possibly. I got married and my first first child fairly young so I never really figured out who I was. I did later on in life but I never had the experience of growing into and adult, instead I forced it upon myself with my life decisions. I do "me" stuff almost daily with working out but I do have to haul my little one along with me so it's rarely alone time. I do sneak away for quiet time but I need so much more than I get.
2. You have 3 wishes. What do you wish for? 1. Have two houses, one in San Diego near the beach and one in western NC. 2. Financial freedom to travel between the two houses whenever and basically just be well off with no money worries in sight. 3. My family to be healthy with no health scares.
Bonus: H's name is common but I like it so I wouldn't change it.
1. I would say 2. Besides playing on my phone on occasion I don't do anything for myself without thinking of H's and DS'S needs first. It tends to result in me blowing up at h on occasion.
2. A slightly bigger house (1700 sq ftish), my school loans to be paid off, more friends that are local.
Post by freezorburn on Aug 23, 2017 2:23:22 GMT -5
1. I think I'm at a 2.5, up from negative infinity a year ago. Last year I was in the middle of getting divorced and everything else revolved around my son and his autism related behaviors. There wasn't room for anything else. This year I'm back working PT, which I really enjoy, and I've been able to take bits of time here and there for self-care. Still a long way to go to get back to myself, but at least things are finally trending in the right direction.
2. First is probably controversial and something I probably need to work on in therapy: I wish my son were neuro-typical. Second: funds to pay for a regular housecleaner. Third: funds to hire a household manager. I have a backlog of stuff that needs organizing/purging and I would love for someone to take care of it so that I can focus on parenting and not carry all these chores around in my head.
BONUS: I don't have an SO. If I ever have one again, I just hope that he's kind and honest and worthy of my trust. And as long as I'm making a list, a little romance would be nice too. What's in a name?
Post by mustardseed2007 on Aug 23, 2017 4:59:00 GMT -5
1. On a scale of 1-10, how much would you say you are in touch with yourself? I.e., the "you" who existed before all the demands and obligations you have now, the "you" who does something for yourself just b/c you alone enjoy it and benefit from it.
Actually I feel like the "me" that existed before husband and kids is very different from the "me" now. Triathlons were kind of my crisis of getting in touch with myself. If anything I'm more distant from my husband now than I've ever been (not particularly good honestly). My kids continue to be very consuming, though, so maybe a 6?
2. You have 3 wishes. What do you wish for?
Money Health for the family Confidence
BONUS: If you could change your SO's name, would you and what would you change it to?
I'm not sure. His name is a very very common one for the year he was born. He has a good friend with the same name, his brother has 2 good friends with that name and my cousin (who is about my husband's age) also has the same name. On the other hand, I don't think I'd change it. It's how I know him. By the way his middle name is basically the classic guy middle name also. His parents were seriously lacking in creativity.
Now my kids...I could give you a few names I that maybe we should have used.