Post by downtoearth on Aug 22, 2017 13:39:54 GMT -5
I so want Sylvia's account on this! You know she saw the list of teachers and was all, "Oh, that dude. Bet he's still single and an asshole." Three years together and two of those living together and he his biggest concern is how he might lose friends... "To make the situation worse, the expat community here is very small and tightly knit so teachers also socialize a lot"
What are the chances of ALL the schools in ALL the world that they end up at the same school? I mean, sure, if they are still living relatively close to home, they may cross paths again. But someone run the statistics and tell me how likely it is that they would end up together half way around the world? This is either made up or Sylvia actually knew the letter writer was at that school when she applied. I'm leaning toward made up, like 90% of all AAM letters.
"We were together for three years and lived together for two of those years. I know that ghosting is not a way to end the relationship but I cannot do much about it now."
What are the chances of ALL the schools in ALL the world that they end up at the same school? I mean, sure, if they are still living relatively close to home, they may cross paths again. But someone run the statistics and tell me how likely it is that they would end up together half way around the world? This is either made up or Sylvia actually knew the letter writer was at that school when she applied. I'm leaning toward made up, like 90% of all AAM letters.
I had the exact same thought. Of ALL the schools in ALL of the world....
I feel like SO many of the letters ring false to me and I wonder if they're truly made up or if they are based on a true story and then embellished to make it even more jaw dropping.
Wow, that Sylvia sounds like a real piece of work, contacting his friends and family like a psycho instead of drawing the obvious conclusion that she was dating a ghost.
i read it as a woman too. But I didn't see gender mentioned.
Oh, you're right. there's no gender mentioned. How hetero-normative of us to assume Sylvia was dating a man. Oops.
I know I'm stereotyping, but I just can't see a woman treating a partner this way unless there was some kind of abuse going on. We tend to care about others' feelings a bit too much to just move out on a LTR without saying anything!
I think that's why I assume it was a man writing the letter. Seems so much more like something a man would do than a woman.
What are the chances of ALL the schools in ALL the world that they end up at the same school? I mean, sure, if they are still living relatively close to home, they may cross paths again. But someone run the statistics and tell me how likely it is that they would end up together half way around the world? This is either made up or Sylvia actually knew the letter writer was at that school when she applied. I'm leaning toward made up, like 90% of all AAM letters.
Aren't a lot of teachers at international schools assigned through certain programs, though? It's not really that big of a coincidence if they are both from the United States and teaching internationally. It's probably fairly likely that if they were once using the same agencies/programs for assignments and placements, they would be using them again. As the letter writer stated, the expat teacher communities in foreign countries tend to be pretty small.
Oh, you're right. there's no gender mentioned. How hetero-normative of us to assume Sylvia was dating a man. Oops.
I know I'm stereotyping, but I just can't see a woman treating a partner this way unless there was some kind of abuse going on. We tend to care about others' feelings a bit too much to just move out on a LTR without saying anything!
I think that's why I assume it was a man writing the letter. Seems so much more like something a man would do than a woman.
Oh, you're right. there's no gender mentioned. How hetero-normative of us to assume Sylvia was dating a man. Oops.
I know I'm stereotyping, but I just can't see a woman treating a partner this way unless there was some kind of abuse going on. We tend to care about others' feelings a bit too much to just move out on a LTR without saying anything!
I think that's why I assume it was a man writing the letter. Seems so much more like something a man would do than a woman.
Yeah... no.
I get it that people assumed it was a man for the fact that the subject is a woman. But this ^^^ didn't cross my mind at all. Women are absolutely perfectly capable of doing cruel things to people!
I really want to know what letter writer's parents did/said when they found out their kid had ghosted this poor woman. Like, wtf? Of course she contacted family and friends!
eta: This part sticks out to me too: " I learnt that our fantastic school director suddenly resigned due to a serious family situation and had to move back to her home country over the summer."
It's like he/she is trying to put down Sylvia and say that she's not really qualified for this role and just happened to get it because the 'fantastic' director had to leave. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into it, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
I know I'm stereotyping, but I just can't see a woman treating a partner this way unless there was some kind of abuse going on. We tend to care about others' feelings a bit too much to just move out on a LTR without saying anything!
I think that's why I assume it was a man writing the letter. Seems so much more like something a man would do than a woman.
Huh?
In general, is it not true that women are more communicative and more likely to think of others' feelings than men? Of course there are many, many exceptions to any generalization. But with an unspecified gender, a female partner, and behavior that is more frequently attributed to men than to women...it's not hard to see why one would assume this was a man without thinking too hard about it.
In general, is it not true that women are more communicative and more likely to think of others' feelings than men? Of course there are many, many exceptions to any generalization. But with an unspecified gender, a female partner, and behavior that is more frequently attributed to men than to women...it's not hard to see why one would assume this was a man without thinking too hard about it.
I'm going to suggest you lurk more. We've had numerous conversations about why this mentality is problematic.
I really want to know what letter writer's parents did/said when they found out their kid had ghosted this poor woman. Like, wtf? Of course she contacted family and friends!
eta: This part sticks out to me too: " I learnt that our fantastic school director suddenly resigned due to a serious family situation and had to move back to her home country over the summer."
It's like he/she is trying to put down Sylvia and say that she's not really qualified for this role and just happened to get it because the 'fantastic' director had to leave. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into it, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
No, I had this exact thought! Like he really couldn't wait to work at the school because of the phenomenal director, for whom he appears to have 100x more sympathy than his obviously unqualified live-in girlfriend of three years who he ghosted like it was totally, understandably NOBIGPHUCKINGDEAL!!! This guy has made me rage-y 😡
What are the chances of ALL the schools in ALL the world that they end up at the same school? I mean, sure, if they are still living relatively close to home, they may cross paths again. But someone run the statistics and tell me how likely it is that they would end up together half way around the world? This is either made up or Sylvia actually knew the letter writer was at that school when she applied. I'm leaning toward made up, like 90% of all AAM letters.
I am usually on Team Someone Made This Up, but this instance I don't think it's the case. Because the part that makes the story outrageous -- that they lived together for two years --- was not even included in the original letter. The original letter is actually kind of boring.
I think it's possible that the international school part is made up. I usually assume that the industries or some other facts are changed to protect people from having their colleagues recognize them.
I really want to know what letter writer's parents did/said when they found out their kid had ghosted this poor woman. Like, wtf? Of course she contacted family and friends!
eta: This part sticks out to me too: " I learnt that our fantastic school director suddenly resigned due to a serious family situation and had to move back to her home country over the summer."
It's like he/she is trying to put down Sylvia and say that she's not really qualified for this role and just happened to get it because the 'fantastic' director had to leave. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into it, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
No, I had this exact thought! Like he really couldn't wait to work at the school because of the phenomenal director, for whom he appears to have 100x more sympathy than his obviously unqualified live-in girlfriend of three years who he ghosted like it was totally, understandably NOBIGPHUCKINGDEAL!!! This guy has made me rage-y 😡
HTF would he even know if she's qualified? He hasn't seen her in a decade. You know why? Because he's totally that guy who went out for a pack of smokes and never came back.
Oh man. Sylvia should show up looking fabulous and fire this person in a publicly humiliating way on day 1. Or, show up looking fabulous and not even give this person the time of day and allow him/her to sweat it out indefinitely. This could be some delicious, delicious revenge. A dish best served cold, indeed.
I am usually on Team Someone Made This Up, but this instance I don't think it's the case. Because the part that makes the story outrageous -- that they lived together for two years --- was not even included in the original letter. The original letter is actually kind of boring.
After spending some time on the online dating scene in my 30s, I believe that this is possible.
A friend of mine dated a man for 1 year, and spent loads of time and holidays with his parents, brother and nieces and nephews. He flew to another country to meet her parents and attend their 50th anniversary celebration. And then he had the nerve to suddenly break up with her with a brief text and refused to discuss it further. There was no abuse or any poor behavior going on. He lives the next town over -- she has run into his family at the supermarket a couple times since the breakup. The dating pool is full of cowards.
Oh man. Sylvia should show up looking fabulous and fire this person in a publicly humiliating way on day 1. Or, show up looking fabulous and not even give this person the time of day and allow him/her to sweat it out indefinitely. This could be some delicious, delicious revenge. A dish best served cold, indeed.
I only agree with firing for cause, and being a dick in personal life is not cause imo in this scenario.
So, I fully support passive aggressive revenge. Look great, don't remember this person.
Agreed with those who say it's not a ghost after 2 years cohabiting.
Post by followyourarrow on Aug 22, 2017 16:04:39 GMT -5
What a dick. I hope karma comes calling. I was recently ghosted on after dating for 3 months, so I can't imagine 3 years. Initially I did the stalking thing, because I was sure something bad had happened to him, as he'd ended up in the hospital a month prior. I'm rather hopeful karma will extract it's revenge on my ex as well, but sadly we don't work in the same field, so I'll never end up as his boss.