What's the weirdest/dumbest way you've ever gotten injured?

[mrs.jacinthe]

Today, after swim practice, I was headed back into the pool to drop off my check for my semester parking pass (I swim at a college) and somehow managed to kick a stick with my left foot in such a way that it (mildly) impaled my right foot.  I literally pulled a hunk of stick out of my foot about the size of a sharpie.  (Only about 1/4 inch of it was actually in my foot, FWIW.)  

My first 2.4, I broke a toe while walking up the exit out of the water.  Tripped over a damn rock.  How does this shit always happen to me?  This is why I swim, though - I'm about as graceful as a drunken wildebeest on land.

Share your weirdest self-injury story!

[juliabug]

The pool doesn't have rope between the lanes so crowded morning swimming gets a little nuts. The swimmer next to me and I were too close together and, while going opposite directions, our hands collided. I sprained my thumb and it really hurt.

[jade]

Just got my new bike, still getting used to the higher saddle etc of a road bike. Going super slow, distracted, bike tire slipped off the sidewalk. Tried to put my foot down to stop and balance and apparently was on a hill so the ground was a lot farther away than I thought, and I literally just fell over down the hill with the bike on top of me. Hyperextended my ankle and ended up with a mild sprain. Best part is I was at work and rode home before I realized that I had really hurt it. Fortunately no one saw!

[eponinepontmercy]

When I was younger, I broke a finger playing catch with a tennis ball. I didn't live that one down for a while.

2 or 3 years ago, I had to take a few extra rest days after a banana bread injury. I let DD stir by herself, and the heavy glass bowl fell off the counter and landed right on my foot. It hurt so much I went for an xray - no break, but it was swollen and bruised for a few days.

[mrs.jacinthe]

Aug 28, 2017 17:13:23 GMT -5 eponinepontmercy said:

2 or 3 years ago, I had to take a few extra rest days after a banana bread injury. I let DD stir by herself, and the heavy glass bowl fell off the counter and landed right on my foot. It hurt so much I went for an xray - no break, but it was swollen and bruised for a few days.

OMG, lol! I think you might have won here.

[venice2007]

I threw my back out lifting up a box of pillows. Took two weeks of rest
🤦🏼‍♀️

[emilyj]

If you ever decide to have sex on a couch that has two cushions, you can dislocate your hip bone from your spine if your butt is between the cushions.

So....sex. That was fun to explain to the doctor.

[melmel48]

I was on a first ( and last!!!) date with this really cute guy. We went to sit on the beach to see the stars. To get to the beach we had to walk down a wooden walkway and stairs. I tripped going down the stairs and fractured my foot. In the process of falling my keys also fell out of my pocket and I lost them.

So I have a fractured foot and no keys! I had to call a friend to come get us; drive me home to get my spare keys and back to the beach to get my car. 

He never called after that. I also called my ex to borrow his crutches. 

[libbygrl109]

Spraining my ankle while recording my son's first soap box derby race. There was a step that jutted out from the curb because the sidewalk was farther below, and I didn't see it.

I broke my finger punching the bag at Kickboxing. Not at the knuckle at the base of the finger, but the one above it. I would never have known that that was what it was except I finally saw a specialist because I suddenly couldn't get my wedding rings on.

[keweenawlove]

I did a swim before work one morning. While getting ready for work, I put on an open cardigan and when I was reaching back to get my second arm in, I completely dislocated my shoulder. I had to call H who was in a meeting at work to drive me to urgent care. The doctor there didn't believe that it was out because "that doesn't just happen to young, healthy people" and I had to wait an hour for an x-ray to confirm it was out.

[Susie]

I feel like I ONLY get injured in stupid ways.

- Broke a toe at a swim meet, kicked/tripped on part of a ladder on deck.

- Broke a wrist in a backstroke finish in a pool I wasn't used to, came down hard right on the gutter.

- Sprained an ankle getting up from the table while on maternity leave. I tripped over one of my dogs.  To be fair I've had lower extremity nerve problems and loss of feeling since my pregnancy with Hobbes, but it still sounds really dumb.

- A little over a week ago I slept on my shoulder funny, and couldn't move it for like 5 days. I was too embarrassed to mention it to my sports med MD when I was there about my spine last Thurs. He's an Ironman. "How'd you hurt yourself this time?" "Oh, sleeping..."  Fortunately it was newly on the upswing by then! 

[mrs.jacinthe]

Aug 28, 2017 18:04:33 GMT -5 emilyj said:

If you ever decide to have sex on a couch that has two cushions, you can dislocate your hip bone from your spine if your butt is between the cushions.

[whiteorchid]

This is so stupid that I'm almost embarrassed to share. I was making biscuits one day a few years ago and had the genius idea to cut the butter into the flour using my stick blender. This seemed like such a great plan. It was going really well until some of the butter got jammed under the blade and wouldn't come out. I stuck my finger up there to get it out and hit the power button while my finger was in the blade. Just typing that out makes me cringe. It took forever to heal. I should have gone to urgent care for stitches, but it was Sunday night and I didn't want to go out.

The story gets even dumber because two weeks later, I did the same damn thing again with a different finger on the same hand. I can't remember what I was making the second time. I just remember laughing through my tears at how stupid it was. Needless to say the stick blender is used exclusively by my husband now. I swear this is kid related degradation of my brain.

[mrs.jacinthe]

Aug 28, 2017 20:02:16 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

I fell out of a tree stand during archery season and broke my whisker biscuit.

But ... how?  I mean, I don't need a detailed description or anything, but how does that even happen?

[eponinepontmercy]

Well. My banana bread injury doesn't seem so embarrassing now.

[wawa]

You guys I'm crying laughing.

I've taken off the tips of both of my index fingers, but not with my mandoline, just a regular chef knife. One of my dearest friends is a "safety professional" (she manages lab safety compliance programs for Penn. Or something like that.) and when she bought me the mandoline for my wedding shower, she also got me the cut proof glove that goes with it. And I wear it EVERY TIME. Because yeah...finger tips. One was slicing lettuce of all goddamn things.

I sprained my ankle when I stepped in a hole in my brother's backyard and then his very large dog jumped on me. I came inside teary eyed and covered in dirt and my brother thought I'd been mugged or something and was ready to run out the door and beat somebody. I had to yell after him that it was just the dog....

I have scars on my knees that have faded with time, but were pretty gnarly through high school from....duck duck goose. Rough game.

I think this takes the cake though @vtcupcake

I fractured my wrist sword fighting with pool noodles.

[wambam]

Aug 28, 2017 20:02:16 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

::flexes fingers and cracks knuckles::

In 2000, I fell down one stair and broke my ankle

In 2008, I fell down one stair...and broke the same ankle.

My FIL stepped down harder that normal onto the stair and shattered like a bagillion bones in his foot. I still don't understand how!

[wawa]

this thread is making me realize that with the exception of minor flesh wounds and constant bruises, I've somehow managed to stay relatively unscathed despite a lifetime of riding horses, climbing shit, sometimes then jumping off of it, power tool use, general clumsiness and a tendency toward minor "hold my beer" type behavior.

*knocks frantically on all the wood*

[wawa]

Oh, this one is sorta funny -
Freshman year of college I ended up with a pair of really horrendous looking welts and deep bruising around them across both of my forearms. People would see them and ask what the HELL I did to end up with those - and I started making up bullshit answers just to see their reactions (they're rope marks being my favorite. with no elaboration.) because people didn't believe the real answer anyway. (I was climbing out a window and slipped, and the marks were from where my arms slammed against the window sill when I caught myself. disclaimer: IT WASN'T A HIGH WINDOW! I just dropped down from there after I caught myself, and it was only a few more feet to the ground once I was dangling, but it would have been bad to just tumble out and land on my back/head.)

Maybe this isn't funny. After writing that out I'm kinda judging 18 year old me right now. God I was an idiot.

[labbie]

My senior year of college I slipped and fell down a short flight of stairs while walking along with my advisor (who I had a huge crush on) and fractured my ankle. I was so mortified I popped right up, insisted I was fine and hobbled outside. Had to call my roommate to take me to emergency. I'm not sure if the ankle or my ego hurt worse. So embarrassing.

[labbie]

Aug 28, 2017 20:02:16 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

I fell out of a tree stand during archery season and broke my whisker biscuit.

I hate to laugh at other's injuries and pain, but I can't stop with this one.....

[rondonalddo]

I gave myself a terrible ankle sprain following my kid down the stairs of some playground equipment at a birthday party a few years ago. I was crying, and my kid just ran off, and some very nice little girl I didn't know ran off to find my husband because I couldn't even get up off the ground.

In elementary school, I tripped over a tree root on the playground and broke an arm. Later in the year, I climbed up onto the bathroom counter to make funny faces at myself in the middle of the night, fell, and broke my other arm.

Last week, I messed up my neck while getting dressed. I don't even know what happened. I was fine, put a dress on over my head, and then I couldn't turn my neck in certain ways.

[brooke77]

When I was 18, I went rollerblading with my German Shepherd. She saw a squirrel and yanked me so hard that I broke my nose.

[arterr0]

I skinned my knee really bad (like it bled, and I have a scar) on a spin bike. Yes. On. A. Spin. Bike. We were riding out of the saddle, and somehow my left foot came unclipped and my knee got caught under the handlebars. I felt like such a moron walking out of spin class with a bloody knee.

[kams]

Well, my story isn't nearly as fun as most of these, but I'm 95% sure I broke my pinky toe today. I moved dd2s high chair to a different room and then kicked it while I was walking by bouncing the baby. So swollen and stiff, yeouch.

[CallingAllAngels]

This weekend I tried riding my 7 year old DD's bike and whacked the shit out of my knee because (spoiler alert!) the bike was too small for me. I should have read this thread earlier because I have been feeling really dumb all week. Apparently I am in good company. 

[Pibs]

I've thrown my back out having vanilla sex in bed, and putting on a Frye boot.

[hannahb]

Aug 30, 2017 18:38:19 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

Aug 28, 2017 20:13:34 GMT -5 mrs.jacinthe said:

But ... how?  I mean, I don't need a detailed description or anything, but how does that even happen?

Oh shiiiit that wasn't even the worst! I had forgotten entirely about the other time! (Mostly due to memory repression so THANKD A FREAKING LOT)

I took a field hockey ball straight up the alleyway when I got knocked to the ground in a tough rivalry match in high school. I was wearing a tampon. I could...not remove said tampon and had to go to the ER.

I have no words.

[mrhanky]

I sublexxed my knee in a modified child's pose of all things.

[emilyj]

Aug 30, 2017 18:38:19 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

Aug 28, 2017 20:13:34 GMT -5 mrs.jacinthe said:

But ... how?  I mean, I don't need a detailed description or anything, but how does that even happen?

Oh shiiiit that wasn't even the worst! I had forgotten entirely about the other time! (Mostly due to memory repression so THANKD A FREAKING LOT)

I took a field hockey ball straight up the alleyway when I got knocked to the ground in a tough rivalry match in high school. I was wearing a tampon. I could...not remove said tampon and had to go to the ER.

So what you're telling us that you basically have a glass whisker biscuit now. ;-)