@ need help with my child's mental health concerns

[georgeglass]

I'm so sorry. I didn't want to read and not post, but I'm trying to track down our school counselors here to see what they recommend. I'll update once I hear.

[mbcdefg]

I'm sorry - I have no useful advice but it sounds like you've done all the right things. I hope everything will be OK. You're doing a good job.

[MarmeeNoir]

When I was in adolescent inpatient unit they had young children in there as well. My niece started on Zoloft at at 9 or 10 I can't remember.

I would talk to his Theripist

[redshoejune]

My kid is 7 and has been occasionally saying things about hurting herself, letting a car hit her, jumping out a window...
It sounds a little different because she didn't come to me the way your son did, more like she shouts these things when she's out of control. She has gone through a phase in the past where she would bang her head on things though so I've been taking it seriously.
I have done the same thing as you, told her counselor and her teacher. I also told her doctor because we are in the process of starting some other mental health evaluations.
The teacher told the school social worker, who called me. They said they have some kind of evaluation they can do at school, but they usually only do it if the kid is saying those kinds of things at school and I didn't have them do it.

I don't know if I've done enough either, but that is my experience.
I think if they tell you they have a plan or know how they would do it, you are supposed to take them to the er.

[bex]

I don't have any real advice other than to say that I think a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist likely won't hurt. Calling the school counselor was a good idea too. I'm sorry you all are going through this.

[1yeartogo]

First, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what your family is going through. My ds of a similar age has some challenges as well and it can be overwhelming and make you as a parent feel helpless about what to do.

Second, I also have training in mh (MSW) and absolutely make the therapist aware. He should be able to do a quick status test to look for depression (which often goes hand in hand with anxiety). One of the most important things he can do is help you come up with an action plan for what to do if this occurs again (call him/local hospital, etc) he can also help you indentify whether these thoughts are more passive like (I wish I wasn't here, or was never born) which has less risk or active (I plan to do xyz to kill myself) which is much more dangerous and would likely require at least short term inpatient care until he is not at direct risk to himself.

Therapy can be helpful and for most people they want in the least restrictive environment possible so outpatient care for the most part. However, the therapist may not be the right fit, or he may need more extensive therapy (outpatient/partial care), or may need a combo with a psychiatrist for medication assessment. Or last he may possibly need short term inpatient to stabilize.

At this point the therapist is your best jumping off point for next steps. Remember to take care of yourself and other family members. He isn't feeling this way because you have done anything wrong. I wish your family the best and hope you can find a good action plan for his needs soon.

[AndyCohen]

I have no advice, I just wanted to say I'm sorry he's going through this. It's good he came to you and now you can look into what he might need.

[wambam]

I don't have advice, but as a former depressed kid with suicidal thoughts, I think you did the right thing by keeping communication open but not overreacting. You did good and I know you will make good decisions for him!

[londoncalling]

Please pm me. We had juvenile mental health issues last year as well.

[tiramisu]

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that your son is as well. I'm also in mental health (and work with children). One thing that research is starting to show is that anxiety has a higher correlation with suicidal thoughts than depression does. I think telling his therapist is a very important first step. You say he's gone off and on to therapy; does this therapist have a consistent schedule?

A child psychologist might or might not do anything all that different with your son (unless you're looking for testing). A child psychiatrist might be a good idea and I'd talk with both your pediatrician and therapist for referrals. He might not need to go on medication but it could also be helpful. I think bringing it up to the therapist will help with guidance on that.

It sounds like you're doing the right things for your son. I'm really glad he talked to you about what he was thinking and that you're talking it seriously whole also not shaming him.

[emoflamingo]

I'm so sorry. I spent a lot of my childhood anxious and depressed and wish I had felt comfortable talking to my parents and getting help a lot sooner. You're doing a great job advocating.

If the therapist can't see him soon, can they get you in touch with a psychologist for an emergency appointment? My DS (5) sees one for ADHD and their clinic has open appointment hours for emergencies so maybe they have a clinic like that near you? Ours is pretty big place but not a residential treatment facility.

[pinotgrig]

@chilerelanos

I'm so sorry your ds is struggling.

[somersault72]

I don't have any advice, unfortunately, but I do want to say I'm sorry for what you (and he) are going through. I hope you can get him the help he needs. I hate to hear that he is having these thoughts/feelings.

[fryjack2]

Sept 28, 2017 10:07:23 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

I'm so sorry your ds is struggling.

I don't think the poster you tagged has posted in this thread. 

[pinotgrig]

Sept 28, 2017 10:13:54 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

Sept 28, 2017 10:07:23 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

I'm so sorry your ds is struggling.

I don't think the poster you tagged has posted in this thread. 

She hasn't, but I think might have some insight here. I hesitated tagging her because while she was discussed before, I also didn't want to call her out/put her on the spot. Happy to delete.

[onomatopoeia]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. One of my kids has some MH issues, it's scary and everything feels so uncertain. It's also one thing to be familiar with the system, and another thing entirely to be living in it. So don't feel bad that you feel paralyzed.

Honestly, I would do all the things. Tell his therapist, consult a child psychologist, make an appointment with a child psychiatrist. Start looking into this now - these providers can be very difficult to get in with, so even if you make an appointment now you might not get in for weeks anyway. Call your pediatrician and ask for referrals, advice, etc. Write down everything everyone tells you, and document everyone you call (otherwise the info will all start swimming in your head). Information is a powerful thing and the more you reach out, the more you'll have. Trust your gut and chose a course that seems like the best fit (medication, a new therapist, etc).

Try not to stress. While it should be taken seriously, it's also not uncommon for young kids to wonder about death and what it would be like to die. Is that the phrase he used? "Suicidal thoughts"? It seems old for an 8 year old and I wonder if he picked it up somewhere and is using it to describe such thoughts. Or was it more specific?

[zelda25]

Sept 28, 2017 10:13:54 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

Sept 28, 2017 10:07:23 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

I'm so sorry your ds is struggling.

I don't think the poster you tagged has posted in this thread. 

No, but chilerelenos has been dealing with this issue herself for a long time; I'm sure pinot paged her so she would see this--she probably has some advice.

OP--I'm sorry you're going through this. That your son feels like he can talk to you means you're doing everything right. Hugs.

[fryjack2]

pinotgrig and zelda25- gotcha.

OP- I hope your son's therapist is able to help. I don't have experience in this situation, but it sounds like you handled it really well. I imagine its hard to hear your child say those things so I hope you are doing ok. Hugs to you.

[picksthemusic]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice, but it looks like you're getting some good ideas already.

I will be thinking of you and your family.

[mrsukyankee]

Sending tons of hugs and a big lady glass of wine.

Definitely get a call into the therapist. I always have appointments available for emergencies and this would qualify. I would most likely also suggest a child psychiatrist for an evaluation as quickly as possible.

You're doing well with a tough situation.

[downtoearth]

Hugs. I think you reacted just right.

My sister has a kid who has said some of these things in anger and in quiet, sad times. The quiet, sad times of openness are way more scary for her. My nephew is seeing a therapist and is doing WAY better after just a month of routine visits. He loves his therapist and has found new coping mechanisms and seems more joyful. The therapist is also a family friend, so if you want more info on her type of therapy or specialty, let me know and I will share. Good luck.

[anonymous]

My DD suffered a traumatic event and one day said something like you wouldn't be sad if I killed myself. She had been seeing a therapist weekly for about a year and half straight at that point and even though she was going weekly her therapist wanted to see her that day as an emergency situation even though she didn't think that much of it. It turns out she was feeling shame about what happened to her but didn't know how to express what shame was. Could he see a therapist regularly rather than off and on? It may be that therapy is sufficient if it occurs more regularly? but it also may not be.

I am so, so sorry-I know how crushing it is to hear your child say something like this. When my dd's therapist said she needed to come in as an emergency i was beside myself.

[JayhawkGirl]

It sounds like you've reached out to the right starting points - pediatrician, therapist and school.

Sending supportive thoughts to you both.

[OscarQ]

I don't have any first hand experience with this but a friend of mine went through something similar with her son recently. They were able to get him into an outpatient program and he seems to be doing very well. I think he did two weeks of daily therapy and then I'm not sure what the follow-up has been since that time.

[penguingrrl]

I have no firsthand experience, but my brother had some severe issues as a child and being suicidal was part of it. It sounds like you're handling is very well and seeking help. Sending hugs!

[mishy]

He didn't just start having these thoughts, so while I know it can be upsetting, the fact that he vocalized this to you is a really good sign.

If he has a good relationship with the therapist, I'd definitely work with the therapist on the next steps, as you are able to. Reaching out to his PCP and/or a child psychiatrist would be good as well. I don't see a particular need for a psychologist at this point unless you are unhappy with the therapist. The therapist can assess/diagnose depression, and should be just as equipped to help your son (unless you need more formal psychological assessment, which you can ask the therapist about).

My child has said some things about feeling so sad and wanting to go to sleep and not wake up, so I feel you. Many times that kids have such thoughts, it's hard for them to say something, so again, remember that him telling you about them is a good indicator. It's ok to tell him how devastated you would be if anything did happen to him. Sometimes kids think their parents would be sad but would get over it pretty easily.

[tiramisu]

Sept 28, 2017 9:59:25 GMT -5 throwawayae said:

Sept 28, 2017 9:12:52 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that your son is as well. I'm also in mental health (and work with children). One thing that research is starting to show is that anxiety has a higher correlation with suicidal thoughts than depression does. I think telling his therapist is a very important first step. You say he's gone off and on to therapy; does this therapist have a consistent schedule?

A child psychologist might or might not do anything all that different with your son (unless you're looking for testing). A child psychiatrist might be a good idea and I'd talk with both your pediatrician and therapist for referrals. He might not need to go on medication but it could also be helpful. I think bringing it up to the therapist will help with guidance on that.

It sounds like you're doing the right things for your son. I'm really glad he talked to you about what he was thinking and that you're talking it seriously whole also not shaming him.

I could get him in more consistently but the issues that we originally brought him in to see her for didn't seem to be a problem and with summer, it just wasn't working out with our schedule. I will try to get him on a regular schedule now obviously.

Oh I definitely understand. I know some therapists don't have consistent availability so that's why I asked. You really are doing the best things right now and I hope you're hearing that from all of us. You can always PM me with questions too.

[anlo]

Sending good thoughts and hugs. It sounds to me like you are doing the right things. Take heart that he felt comfortable coming to you.

[tiramisu]

throwawayae I think it absolutely makes sense to get him evaluated with a child psychiatrist. It's easy to doubt yourself. You're not doing this as a punishment, it's a way to make sure you're giving him all of the resources you can to continue helping him.

[zarapipe]

Gosh I'm sorry your apts didn't go as you had hoped. That is really concerning they didn't take it seriously.

I would contact the school first thing tomorrow. Last year dd started having horrible anxiety and I wanted her to see the guidance counselor. The guidance called me back an hour later as she wasn't in the office when I was there and we talked for a long while. Apparently our school district has a partnership with an area behavior health agency and the guidance officer refered us to her. The psychologist actually comes to the school to give dd therapy. We had to go to her office for the intake but that's it. I was shocked and would never had know any of this had I not contacted the school. This agency also has psychiatrists as well that will do a more complex exam and prescribe meds as needed. I hope your school can give you more recesses than you have already. So many schools are focusing on the whole school, whole child approach and can help you get you the help you need. Good luck.

Eta. We are also In a rural low income district.