3.5 month old sleep help

[gerberdaisy]

I've tried to search for old threads and read those, but nothing is working, I need help!

DS is almost 4 months old and I can count on one hand the number of good nights we've had.  He wakes up every 2 hours like clock work and I'm starting to lose my mind with not having uninterrupted sleep.

Anything you see that I can try? Please help me troubleshoot

A typical night-

7:30-8pm-put him to bed, goes down drowsy, not sleeping

10-first wake up.  His wake ups are little cries that progressively get louder, he barely opens his eyes.  I've been either nursing him back to sleep or giving him a bottle.  This one is very quick, usually just nursing

12-second, now I get up and give him a 4 ounce bottle.  He drinks almost the whole thing, so was hungry, then goes back to sleep.

2-third wake up- nurse again, goes back to sleep kinda easily

4-fourth wake up- same

5-now I try another bottle, rocking, anything cause I'm freaking exhausted

6-7-either he goes back to sleep and is out, or wakes up for the day around now.  This is when I' m getting up and ready for work.

Things I've tried.

-He's congested right now, so have humidifier going and sleeping in RNP

-He's swaddled, happily

-White noise, either fan or app

-Tried putting him in our bathroom, thought we were keeping him up, no dice

-Tried moving to crib, disaster

-Tried magic sleep suit, disaster

-He eats 16 oz at daycare, plus nursing in the morning then another 6ish ounces in the evening.  He seems to wake up hungry and I'm trying to get as much as possible in him during the day, but it isn't working

We are both exhausted, not to mention my breastfeeding relationship is really suffering because I've been trying more bottles to hope he sleeps longer.  Last week we had a good week, but that lasted 2-3 days of only 3 wake ups.

SOrry this was a novel, I'm desperate.

[gerberdaisy]

Oh and he doesn't seem gassy and isn't crying excessively when he wakes up, just wants me.

He'll take a pacifier from other people sometimes, but isn't a huge fan. I can try that more.

[scm1011]

Hugs. I had (have) a shitty sleeper too and I understand the desperation. For us, 3.5-5 months was the absolute height of awfulness. Is your DH taking the bottle feedings? I would try and alternate the nursing with bottle feedings (done by DH) so you can both good a decent stretch of sleep. If you're still nursing multiple times a night I doubt your breastfeeding relationship will suffer too much. You might just have to wait out the 4 month wakeful and sleep train when you feel he's ready. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. I'm sorry

[Blue Moon]

Your son sounds just like mine, but mine is almost 6 months. It’s torture to be so sleep deprived. I just limped along trying to do whatever to survive until a 6 wake up night this Sunday when I said enough is enough and now we’re CIO. I’m in no position to give advice but i didn’t want to read and not comment.

Anyway, the biggest thing that I did to help was to involve my H. Can your H handle the 10 pm wake up with a bottle, rocking etc? That’s what I make mine do.

Also, if he’s congested have you considered a pedi appt just to rule out an ear infection?

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk/vent more!

[jene]

DS2 went through a similar phase. Have you tried bumping his bedtime up a little bit? We ended up putting him down at 6 around that age and it helped some. Hugs. It is so frustrating.

[jene]

Also, can your H take one if the wakeups so you can get a bigger block of sleep?

[patches31709]

Have you tried to do a dream feeding for the 10pm wakeup, getting to him before he starts crying? Then have your DH give him the midnight bottle, so you can get a stretch of ~4 hours in there.

We had a crappy sleeper too. It was around 4 months where she started getting a little better, so I'll hope your little one does the same.

[scm1011]

Nov 7, 2017 10:36:07 GMT -5 jene said:

DS2 went through a similar phase. Have you tried bumping his bedtime up a little bit? We ended up putting him down at 6 around that age and it helped some. Hugs. It is so frustrating.

This is a good suggestion. DS also started sleeping a bit better when we moved up his bedtime. At nearly 12 months he still goes to be at 5:30pm.

[lala]

Maybe a bit of reverse cycling? I would try an earlier bedtime.

[gerberdaisy]

scm1011, jene, I haven't really tried it. Part of me is scared to get even less sleep than I am now, which sounds crazy. He comes home from daycare exhausted and usually sleeps in the car on the way home. I'll try to get a bottle in him then put him to bed earlier tonight.

I remember DD went to bed about 6:30 every night, but don't know when we started that. She was a dream sleeper though, I'm trying to not compare too much, its depressing.

[scm1011]

Nov 7, 2017 10:51:25 GMT -5 gerberdaisy said:

scm1011 , jene , I haven't really tried it. Part of me is scared to get even less sleep than I am now, which sounds crazy. He comes home from daycare exhausted and usually sleeps in the car on the way home. I'll try to get a bottle in him then put him to bed earlier tonight.

I remember DD went to bed about 6:30 every night, but don't know when we started that. She was a dream sleeper though, I'm trying to not compare too much, its depressing.

Girl, you are not crazy. I SO understand this. When people would tell me to cut out a MOTN nursing session or 2 because he didn't need to eat so much overnight I was just too exhausted to even try. When its 4am and you're up for the 4th/5th time you will do ANYTHING to get them (and you) back to sleep as quickly as possible, even if you know its not what's best in the long run. I do think trying an earlier bedtime is worth a shot though. I know when for whatever reason DS is up later than 6pm he ends up having a really crappy nights sleep because he's overtired.

[gerberdaisy]

Nov 7, 2017 10:56:46 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Nov 7, 2017 10:51:25 GMT -5 gerberdaisy said:

scm1011 , jene , I haven't really tried it. Part of me is scared to get even less sleep than I am now, which sounds crazy. He comes home from daycare exhausted and usually sleeps in the car on the way home. I'll try to get a bottle in him then put him to bed earlier tonight.

I remember DD went to bed about 6:30 every night, but don't know when we started that. She was a dream sleeper though, I'm trying to not compare too much, its depressing.

Girl, you are not crazy. I SO understand this. When people would tell me to cut out a MOTN nursing session or 2 because he didn't need to eat so much overnight I was just too exhausted to even try. When its 4am and you're up for the 4th/5th time you will do ANYTHING to get them (and you) back to sleep as quickly as possible, even if you know its not what's best in the long run. I do think trying an earlier bedtime is worth a shot though. I know when for whatever reason DS is up later than 6pm he ends up having a really crappy nights sleep because he's overtired.

Thanks, I needed to hear this. He doesn't sleep well at daycare either and just looks so tired when I pick him up. I feel bad for the little guy.  As much as I know sleep begets sleep, I'm not firing on all cylinders right now.

[jene]

Nov 7, 2017 10:51:25 GMT -5 gerberdaisy said:

scm1011, jene, I haven't really tried it. Part of me is scared to get even less sleep than I am now, which sounds crazy. He comes home from daycare exhausted and usually sleeps in the car on the way home. I'll try to get a bottle in him then put him to bed earlier tonight.

I remember DD went to bed about 6:30 every night, but don't know when we started that. She was a dream sleeper though, I'm trying to not compare too much, its depressing.

I totally understand this. Here's what happened for us:

Put him down at 6:00

He will sometimes wake up an hour after I put him down and want to eat again, for the first couple of days, I would need to go back in a couple of times. He would usually sleep until midnight, wake to eat, and then go back down. Usually another wake up around 4:00. The time change is now screwing with things a little bit, but he seems to be adjusting ok.

We still have some rough nights, but it has gotten significantly better since we moved his bedtime forward.

I hope you find something that works!

[tiki]

Does your DS like gripe water? A lot of times when DD (2.5 mo) wakes up at night her wubbanub will get her back to sleep, but if she's already frantically crying her mouth is wide open and she won't know the pacifier is there. We've found a few drops of gripe water (we use an eyedropper or 1mL syringe) on her tongue gets her attention & gets her to close her mouth. At that point the wubbanub goes in, and hopefully she goes back to sleep.

[lifetaketwo]

We did CIO so that she'd go back to sleep easily, but unfortunately she just had to grow older to stop waking up so much. She was every 2.5 hours until 7 months or so when she switched to a 5hr, 4hr, 2-3hr block. She did that until 12mo. She still doesn't sleep through the night. It totally sucks. The thing that saved us was teaching her to fall asleep on her own so the wakeups were quick.

[midwest07]

When you say moving him to the crib or trying the sleepsuit were a disaster - how many nights did you try? The sleepsuit was pretty magical for us, but it still took about 3 nights to really take effect and it was when DD was around 4 months old. She still woke up at least 1 time per night, but much better than what you are dealing with.

The crib also helped us, not so much to decrease night wake-ups, but just so we weren't hearing every little sound and could at least sleep during the non wake-up times.

Also, ditto everyone else who says to get your DH involved.

[ktw]

I'm so sorry. Sleep deprivation is the worst. We're still working on getting my almost 7 month old to stop nursing every 3 hours overnight, so I feel your pain. I think earlier bedtime is definitely worth trying. It seems to be helping my DS. I know it's hard to have the brain space to change things up, but if you can, I'dstart working on getting him to put himself to sleep without nursing, in the hopes that once he's able to, he'll skip waking you up unless he's actually hungry. I'd also work on moving him out of your room so that the sleep you do get is less interrupted - but I'm a light sleeper so maybe it's not as important for you. Hang in there.

[ktw]

Oh, and definitely get your H involved. My DS doesn't like bottles, and fights them especially hard at night. So I basically handled all of the wakings until he was about 6 months old. Now that we're cutting back his feedings and it doesn't have to be me, we switch off every other night, and things are so much better.

[littlemisssunshine]

I'm so sorry. I was in your shoes 11 months ago and I think I did a similar post. It's sucks. I have a 15 month DD who was been sttn (7pm to 7:30am) since 7 months. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

So what do you want to accomplish? Baby going to sleep independently? Cutting back on night wakes? Weaning night feeds? At 4 months DD was waking 3x a night to feed and was taking 3 to 4 nursing sessions with in the first several hours of nighttime to fall asleep. I was nursing her to sleep and she didn't know how to stay asleep. It was Christmas time so I struggled thru until she was 5 months and we were past having house guests. At that point I did some sleep training. I'm now pregnant and will probably train even earlier at 4 months if need be with the new baby.

At 4 months we did set a bedtime (7pm) and a bedtime routine. She was also sleeping in her crib in her own room. I had read that if you room share they can smell you and wake up more often. Who knows but I was up for anything to try! I also got her on a day time schedule. Her nap duration times were all over the place but I kept her wake times consistent. Precious Little Sleep has a blog that was by far the best help. They have a very useful wake time chart that I tweaked a little. I might not do full on CIO at 3.5 months, but I wouldn't definitely let him fuss it out for up to 15 mins before responding to see if he goes back to sleep on his own.

At 5 months we did CIO to get her to learn to fall asleep independently. I moved nursing to at least 20 mins before placing her in the crib so she went down wide awake. And then I resolved not to go in for 5 hours. She was typically giving me 4 hours so it wasn't too hard of a stretch. First time she cried 8 mins and was out. The most she cried was about 30 mins. With in 1 week she had figured it out and was going to sleep without crying I still did 2 night feedings and slowly weaned her off them by 7 months.

Definitely check out the Precious Little Sleep website, it was a valuable resource.

Good luck!! Hopefully this will all be a distant memory for you soon.

[lo]

Ugh I’ve sooo been there. Actually I’m still there some nights. DD is slowly getting better now (5.5 months) and the only thing that helped was time. That sucks to hear, believe me I know. But she now mostly sleeps in bassinet (not RnP that much anymore) and tolerates the sleep suit (she HATED at first so I put it away for a few weeks and tried again). I do nurse every time she wakes up and I don’t think it’s setting up any bad habits. I did the same with my older DD and she eventually turned into a good sleeper, so I’m gonna try the same for this kid. Good luck and hugs.

[y4m]

I am by no means an expert at this...but one thing I didn't see mentioned: how long do you wait before you go to him when he wakes up? If you haven't tried giving him 5-10 minutes to fuss first, I would try that. That might get you out of that 2am barely awake; easy to settle one at least.

Also if you aren't already, I would definitely recommend splitting the night here. One spouse takes everything up until ~2 (other goes to bed EARLY and takes the early hours)

[Susie]

The one thing I can suggest is to send your H for the bottle feedings. You shouldn't have to shoulder all of this yourself. Plus, if he just wants you, maybe a bottle from daddy will address the hunger but not encourage so many wakeups?

[icedcoffee]

Nov 7, 2017 12:26:02 GMT -5 midwest07 said:

When you say moving him to the crib or trying the sleepsuit were a disaster - how many nights did you try? The sleepsuit was pretty magical for us, but it still took about 3 nights to really take effect and it was when DD was around 4 months old. She still woke up at least 1 time per night, but much better than what you are dealing with.

The crib also helped us, not so much to decrease night wake-ups, but just so we weren't hearing every little sound and could at least sleep during the non wake-up times.

Also, ditto everyone else who says to get your DH involved.

I was wondering the same. Every time we change something it takes DS a few nights to adjust. I would recommend doing the sleepsuit in the crib for a few nights. Also, this might be unpopular but at that age I did CIO to drop a few feedings. He would fuss for 10-15 minutes and then fall back asleep If he's waking up to eat after only 2 hours I would guess he's not really hungry especially for that 10pm feed. I don't think eating a bottle is always a good indication of hunger. My kid would devour a bottle every 2 hours if offered just because he loves them.

I would also move bedtime closer to 7. My pedi told us cortisol surges around 8 pm and after that happens it makes it much harder to fall asleep. I'm not sure if that's true, but whatever.

[gerberdaisy]

Thanks for all the advice! The last two nights we've put him to bed at 6:30 and he's gone to sleep really easy. First night wake ups were about the same, last night was a little better, first one wasn't until 12, then were spread out a little bit. Seems like earlier to bed is helping for sure.

I brought him to the doctor just to make sure the stuffiness and cough weren't anything that had to be treated since it had been going on about 2.5 weeks. Most likely was back to back colds. I think he would have slept longer last night, but would cough and wake up, then wanted attention.

As far as the sleepsuit and crib. We have not given it a good enough chance yet. Right now though, I'm waiting until he isn't so stuffy. The other thing that I haven't mentioned is that he will be sharing a room with DD, so its tough to put him in the crib. We have a mini pack n play in our room which I will give a real try with the sleep suit once the congestion clears. He really does like being swaddled, but his startle reflex isn't as strong and its time to change.

H needs to help more, that's a whole different battle. He keeps offering, but then in the middle of the night he's less than helpful.