WDYT? Re: my ring

[sweetchix]

Sept 17, 2012 15:19:21 GMT -5 naeljun said:

I think you need more clarification on the abandonment rule. Are you planning on selling the house and splitting equity? Is he buying you out? What's the deal with it?

I didn't think you could order him out because I couldn't.

I think you need to ask your attorney these questions.

You are absolutely correct. I texted my attorney and he said we can't order him out unless he gets nasty with me. And by nasty I mean more than just arguing, it would mean pushing or shoving, hitting, anything like this in front of the girls... I just can't believe that couples who are divorcing have to continue to live with each other. I've never heard of anyone having to do this until I've gone through it. Seems very odd to me. Especially when there are children involved. We haven't told them yet, but I'm sure they can tell that something's not right.

I really don't know what's going on with the house. We both put in that we want to keep it, so my guess is that since it seems neither of us is budging and will let the other keep it, then it'll have to be sold and we split the equity. We have court on Thursday so hopefully some things will be resolved then, but I highly doubt it. I'm almost 100% sure we'll be going to court for EVERYTHING!!!

[gozf]

Maybe this warrants an actual meeting where you can sit down and actually communicate instead of texting back and forth. This isn't asking someone to pick you up coffee and a bagel, ffs. This is your living situation and your children's living situation. I can't believe how blase you are.

Jesus.

[naeljun]

Did either of you file for divorce yet?

[doriswe]

Sept 17, 2012 15:46:40 GMT -5 gozf said:

Maybe this warrants an actual meeting where you can sit down and actually communicate instead of texting back and forth. This isn't asking someone to pick you up coffee and a bagel, ffs. This is your living situation and your children's living situation. I can't believe how blase you are.

Jesus.

*whispers* I love you

[sweetchix]

I just met with him last week and we have a court date this Thursday. I would love for our living situation to change, and the sooner the better, but it seems my hands are tied.

And yes, I filed for divorce back in March.

[naeljun]

So when you go to court on Thursday will that be it? Is this to finalize an agreement? Forgive me if I sound "dumb" but I filed in November, went to court in April with an agreement and then 3 months later it was final. Our lawyers negotiated terms of the contract with each other based on our wants and that was that. I am not sure how things in other states work except for MD because my BFF lives there.

[sweetchix]

So guess what was miraculously found under my dresser... Yep, my ring. It took him all of 5 or so minutes to find it. He moved my nightstand and it wasn't there and then he moved my dresser and lo and behold there it was! Funny thingnis my mom and i never actually moved the furnitire but there was no reason to. However, my mom did say she stuck her hand underneath and felt around and out dog had just peed on that edge of the dresser this past weekend so I had to reach under to clean it up and there was no ring then. Also odd is that if he was so concerned about a "false" claim on the policy, why didn't he come upstairs last night to look around??? Probably because he had to all his mom to bring it back this morning when she came over to watch the girls.

He even tried setting me up beforehand. He said he's seen my ring all over the house when I was wearing it, meaning I'd take it off and just leave it lying around. Which isn't true. Sure, I'd take it off when I showered but I'd put it back on when I was done. When I wasn't wearing it for a long period of time, during my pregnancies and after when it wamy too tight. I put it in my nightstand.

I told him I still didn't believe that it had been there for months, it wasn't even that dirty. I'm not buying it at all! But, I am glad it's back in my possession and I don't have to file a claim or police report. Now, I'm taking it to get looked at to make sure the diamonds haven't been switched and then off to a safety deposit box!

[doriswe]

Well I'm not surprised it magically appeared, to be honest. Get it looked at, locked up and hopefully get on with the divorcing!

[sweetchix]

Sept 17, 2012 18:44:42 GMT -5 naeljun said:

So when you go to court on Thursday will that be it? Is this to finalize an agreement? Forgive me if I sound "dumb" but I filed in November, went to court in April with an agreement and then 3 months later it was final. Our lawyers negotiated terms of the contract with each other based on our wants and that was that. I am not sure how things in other states work except for MD because my BFF lives there.

Oh, I wish it would be to finalize an agreement!!! But we haven't come to any agreements aside from some of the furniture. I have a feeling that we will end up going to court to have them decide everything for us. I've come up with several scenarios (re: custody, living situations, visitation) but he's said no to every one. He wants nothing but what he wants and he won't agree to anything less. And I am having a hard time understanding how he has so much control, why can he just say no, and I have to follow that. I'm so frustrated and it feels like there is nothing I can do!

[explorer2001]

Ok, I might have been overreacting earlier. It's been a crazy week and I'm super cranky about certain people who won't own up and do what they need to do because their hands are tied and blah, blah, blah. I can't discuss it because of confidentiality issues, but I've run out of patience. If you're safe and the girls are safe, great. Ignore my last rant.

How are you still in this mess just getting a court date if you filed in March? I filed in mid July and everything was final the beginning of October.

Also document all of this, you checked, your mom checked, you contacted your lawyer about filing a claim and police report, you told your STBX and he magically finds the ring where you had already checked. It might not buy you anything but it could demonstrate a pattern in court if he starts fighting over every last thing. My ex tried to claim he had rights to stuff I had gotten as Christmas presents when I was a kid. When I asked if I should bring the Christmas pictures from my 7th birthday to court, he gave up because he knew he didn't have a leg to stand on, adn that the court would laugh at him. Good luck.

[naeljun]

Is your attorney a divorce attorney? Again, someone correct me but don't you have to go to court with an agreement? Does the court/judge have the authority to decide?

Glad you found your rings.

I would like to know what is so outrageous that he is refusing to agree to it.

[sweetchix]

Sept 18, 2012 13:07:39 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Is your attorney a divorce attorney? Again, someone correct me but don't you have to go to court with an agreement? Does the court/judge have the authority to decide?

Glad you found your rings.

I would like to know what is so outrageous that he is refusing to agree to it.

Yes, he's a divorce attorney. When I say a court date, it's not actually court in front of a judge, it's our attorneys meeting and we have been asked to be there too, in the waiting room, to answer questions that turn up. It's at the court building, but I it's not truly a "court" date.

STBX won't settle for anything that isn't what he wants, which is why he won't agree to any of the suggestions I've come up with. You might remember from a previous post of mine that I wanted to move the girls and me in with my mom and stepfather while I paid off bills and saved some money to get a place of our own, but they live about 20 miles away. He said it's too far and it doesn't have the community feel that our current house has. I then found an apartment that was closer to where he would be and had the same community feel, and more, than our current house, but he still said no. He wants everything, the house, the girls, apparently my ring too, so he's not going to agree to anything and force the courts to decide for us. He even admitted that he wants the girls because "he doesn't want the divorce so he has to protect himself".

[polarbearfans]

By not agreeing to anything he may be hurting himself in the divorce. Make sure you get everything in terms support that you need take care of yourself and your girls

[naeljun]

Sept 18, 2012 21:05:57 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Sept 18, 2012 13:07:39 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Is your attorney a divorce attorney? Again, someone correct me but don't you have to go to court with an agreement? Does the court/judge have the authority to decide?

Glad you found your rings.

I would like to know what is so outrageous that he is refusing to agree to it.

Yes, he's a divorce attorney. When I say a court date, it's not actually court in front of a judge, it's our attorneys meeting and we have been asked to be there too, in the waiting room, to answer questions that turn up. It's at the court building, but I it's not truly a "court" date.

STBX won't settle for anything that isn't what he wants, which is why he won't agree to any of the suggestions I've come up with. You might remember from a previous post of mine that I wanted to move the girls and me in with my mom and stepfather while I paid off bills and saved some money to get a place of our own, but they live about 20 miles away. He said it's too far and it doesn't have the community feel that our current house has. I then found an apartment that was closer to where he would be and had the same community feel, and more, than our current house, but he still said no. He wants everything, the house, the girls, apparently my ring too, so he's not going to agree to anything and force the courts to decide for us. He even admitted that he wants the girls because "he doesn't want the divorce so he has to protect himself".

I remember reading that and commenting and I was wondering if you were the same person. Your lawyer certainly has his work cut out for him. I didn't think you were being unreasonable at all and I still don't. Your STBX sounds like a nut case.

Good luck tomorrow and keep us posted.