Post by sweetchix on Sept 16, 2012 20:38:23 GMT -5
Right after we got engaged, back in 2002, STBX sent me an email stating that he would continue to pay the insurance on the ring of we agreed the ring was his, but if I took over the payments then the ring was mine. I was quite shocked by this and never responded. We moved in together shortly after so I assumed that our combined money was paying the insurance so I never mentioned it again. After we were married I had the rings (custom wedding ring) soddered together.
FF to when I was pregnant with DD1, I had the get the rings cut off because they got too tight. Got them fixes afterwards and when I got pregnant with DD2 I took them off right away and put them in my nightstand with my other jewelry. After she was born, I'd put them on occasionally but since I'd gained weight I ended up taking them off and put them back in my nightstand.
Since filing for divorce I went to get them to show someone and they were gone. I know I didn't move them so of course my first thought was that STBX took them because he thinks they're his. I don't want to believe that he would take them, but bases on that email from 10 years ago I could totally see it happening, but I just don't know.
I mentioned it to him back when I first noticed and he got all defensive and denied taking them. My mom came over Labor Day weekend an we searched through all my stuff and didn't find them. I asked him again tonight and he again denied it. I asked if maybe he had someone else take ten and he said no. When I told him I wanted to call the insurance company he said they weren't listed on our homeowner's insurance policy. I also told him I was going to call the police, on advice of my attorney, because clearly someone came into our house and only took my ring. He said if I don't stop asking if he, or someone he knew, took them that it would be harassment.
I seriously don't know what to do or what to think!
On the other hand, is it really worth it? What are you going to do with the rings anyway?
I actually thought about using the diamonds and having jewelry made for my DDs for when they're older.
I'm scared to call the police. I'm worried that the ring will suddenly turn up and then would I face insurance fraud or filing false claims??? I at least had my mom here to look through all my stuff in my room, and I mean everything, and we could not find them anywhere.
ETA: and by suddenly turning up, I mean if he really does have them, I file the claims, and then he puts them back or somewhere I will find them.
On the other hand, is it really worth it? What are you going to do with the rings anyway?
I actually thought about using the diamonds and having jewelry made for my DDs for when they're older.
I'm scared to call the police. I'm worried that the ring will suddenly turn up and then would I face insurance fraud or filing false claims??? I at least had my mom here to look through all my stuff in my room, and I mean everything, and we could not find them anywhere.
ETA: and by suddenly turning up, I mean if he really does have them, I file the claims, and then he puts them back or somewhere I will find them.
Are you living with him? Does he have access to your place?
Stop asking him. Call the police and file a report. Call your homeowner's insurance and double check if they are listed or not.
Yes.
He had access to the rings and you asked him if he had them or gave access to anyone who might have them.
He said no.
So, how is filing a police report harrassment to him?? What does that even mean?
Your diamond rings are missing, you need to make a claim with insurance and contact the police. Doing so may or may not reap an insurance pay-out or a recovery, but those are your only optoins - and good ones.
You didn't ask, but based on your post, I think he has them. And that's really shitty. I know the e-ring can be a grey area (in terms of ownership) if you don't get married, but once you got married - it was your property. If he wanted to split the value or split posession of the bands he could have made a case in the divorce decree/court. But being sneaky and just taking them is totally shitty and illegal.
It doesn't matter if he sent you some email 10 years ago. He gave you an engagment ring, paid for it, insured it and you got married. It's your ring. It's not communal property and you certainly don't deserve it to be stolen.
Okay, then I say, you follow your attorney's advice. You did what you needed to do - you looked for it, you had help looking for it, you asked him if he knew where it was. All leads you to believe it's gone.
On the other hand, is it really worth it? What are you going to do with the rings anyway?
I actually thought about using the diamonds and having jewelry made for my DDs for when they're older.
I'm scared to call the police. I'm worried that the ring will suddenly turn up and then would I face insurance fraud or filing false claims I at least had my mom here to look through all my stuff in my room, and I mean everything, and we could not find them anywhere.
ETA: and by suddenly turning up, I mean if he really does have them, I file the claims, and then he puts them back or somewhere I will find them.
They will "just show up" - because he won't want to get into a sticky, murky battle with the insurance company.
If/when this happens, you report the discovery to the insurance company. Let me point this out: You are not, in fact, reporting a false claim. YOU are reporting a REAL loss - to both the police and insurance company.
Be honest about the last location and people who have access to it. They will ask your STBX, too. DO THIS. BRING IN OUTSIDERS.
I think it would be powerful for YOU to not be a doormat on this. He may hide them forever or he may stash them for a reveal.
And trust me - you're not the first lady to be getting divorced who finds her e-ring and wedding band gone. Its not a huge leap for them to ask him some questions. Your X is will have to answer for this. Or duck the obvious.
Stop asking him. Call the police and file a report. Call your homeowner's insurance and double check if they are listed or not.
Yes.
He had access to the rings and you asked him if he had them or gave access to anyone who might have them.
He said no.
So, how is filing a police report harrassment to him?? What does that even mean?
Your diamond rings are missing, you need to make a claim with insurance and contact the police. Doing so may or may not reap an insurance pay-out or a recovery, but those are your only optoins - and good ones.
You didn't ask, but based on your post, I think he has them. And that's really shitty. I know the e-ring can be a grey area (in terms of ownership) if you don't get married, but once you got married - it was your property. If he wanted to split the value or split posession of the bands he could have made a case in the divorce decree/court. But being sneaky and just taking them is totally shitty and illegal.
It doesn't matter if he sent you some email 10 years ago. He gave you an engagment ring, paid for it, insured it and you got married. It's your ring. It's not communal property and you certainly don't deserve it to be stolen.
I'm thinking he meant if I kept asking him if he or someone he knew had them, that that would be harassment. I only asked him twice. I asked him when I first noticed they were missing, which was several months ago. And then I asked him again tonight. It seemed like a quick response to me, almost like he had it planned as a way to shut me up if I asked again. Maybe he thinks I'll just forget about them and move on. Of course, this is only Oslo he really does have them.
Post by sweetchix on Sept 16, 2012 22:29:56 GMT -5
One other thing, if it does just suddenly turn up, I will be taking it to the jeweler's who made the custom wedding ring to be sure the diamonds weren't replaced.
So he reluctantly gave me the insurance information this morning and said he's not convinced and that he wants to look through all the places I may have kept it. I told him the only place was in my nightstand and took him to it and showed him all my other jewelry and no ring. He said he wants to double check before I make a potentially false claim, as he said, under an insurance policy that his name is on. So he's trying to turn it around on me as if I'm the one who has it somewhere else and plan on blaming him. I told him the only place in the house where I ever kept it was in my nightstand. And just in case, my mom an I checked all my drawers and my boxes in the closet. Nothing. I don't keep things anywhere else.
Just got off the phone with the insurance company. They are not scheduled, or listed specifically, on our policy; however, there is a general jewelry category. I'd have to pay a $500 deductible and then I'd get whatever money the insurance company will give based on bill of sales, pictures, or any other proof I have of the worth of the rings. I didn't file a claim yet, but just got the information.
Next call is to the police, but for some reason that is the call that really scares me.
I'm going to look around again tonight, see if STBX "finds" them, and if not, tomorrow I file the claim and call the police.
Post by explorer2001 on Sept 17, 2012 8:42:46 GMT -5
Why are you still living with him? He sounds unstable. If you file this claim and police report, which you should,do you feel like you will be safe continuing to live with him after everything?
What can you do too get him out or your own place?
Why are you still living with him? He sounds unstable. If you file this claim and police report, which you should,do you feel like you will be safe continuing to live with him after everything?
What can you do too get him out or your own place?
I've asked this many times myself. But, I can't move out. He won't let me leave with the girls and I'm not leaving without them.
I've asked this many times myself. But, I can't move out. He won't let me leave with the girls and I'm not leaving without them.
Really? Says who? WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THIS MAN INSTEAD OF YOUR ATTORNEY?! Get a backbone, woman!
This is also based on what my attorney says. I've even asked him if I could file for temporary custody and move out. But he said it's not doable now (DD1 started kindergarten earlier this month).
However, it's getting to the point where I think one of us will be ordered out by the courts as things are starting to get ugly (not just this situation). Not a very healthy living situation for any of us, especially the girls. And here I thought this could all be done amicably
Well he can't have it both ways. So are you able to afford a new place and move out? I wouldn't be staying at the house just because he wants you too. It will be so much easier if you aren't living together.
Well he can't have it both ways. So are you able to afford a new place and move out? I wouldn't be staying at the house just because he wants you too. It will be so much easier if you aren't living together.
I agree 100%; however, I will still be responsible for part of the bills for the house, until he were to buy me out (if he were to keep the house, although it looks like the house will need to be sold) and I just can't afford to keep 2 places.
Post by explorer2001 on Sept 17, 2012 11:10:33 GMT -5
OMFG! Seriously talk to your attorney again or fing one who doesn't have their head in the clouds! You STBX needs to move out or you do. Don't let money (I can't afford two places), let this escalate to the point that you or the girls are physically harmed. It's already unhealthy. Do something!
This is coming from someone who had to kick her ex out because he was abusive. Ex came back to.try to kill me. I guaranty I'd be dead if I hadn't stood up to him. Your and the girls safety and well being need to be the first priority. Screw some debt while you are getting divorced, you can manage that. You can't undue the damage he is inflicting or stop it if you don't stand up to.him!
OMFG! Seriously talk to your attorney again or fing one who doesn't have their head in the clouds! You STBX needs to move out or you do. Don't let money (I can't afford two places), let this escalate to the point that you or the girls are physically harmed. It's already unhealthy. Do something!
This is coming from someone who had to kick her ex out because he was abusive. Ex came back to.try to kill me. I guaranty I'd be dead if I hadn't stood up to him. Your and the girls safety and well being need to be the first priority. Screw some debt while you are getting divorced, you can manage that. You can't undue the damage he is inflicting or stop it if you don't stand up to.him!
I think you may be over-reacting a bit. Sweetchix never gave us any indication that her STBXH was abusive or would ever be abusive to either her or the girls.
I'm not sure about what your state laws are but I could not get my H out of the house without having to lie and file a restraining order. I did NOT do that because he wasn't physically abusive towards me.
It doesn't sound as though your lawyer is very good though or you are not listening to the advice he/she is giving you. I don't see why you can't move out with your children. What does your lawyer say about that? Is it because if you do and you have to sell the house, you wouldn't get anything from it due to abandonment? Have you filed for separation yet?
I think before we all start to jump to conclusions, we need more information.
As far as the rings are concerned, I would go to the police sooner than later. This may actually help you in getting the douche bag out of your house too.
OMFG! Seriously talk to your attorney again or fing one who doesn't have their head in the clouds! You STBX needs to move out or you do. Don't let money (I can't afford two places), let this escalate to the point that you or the girls are physically harmed. It's already unhealthy. Do something!
This is coming from someone who had to kick her ex out because he was abusive. Ex came back to.try to kill me. I guaranty I'd be dead if I hadn't stood up to him. Your and the girls safety and well being need to be the first priority. Screw some debt while you are getting divorced, you can manage that. You can't undue the damage he is inflicting or stop it if you don't stand up to.him!
I think you may be over-reacting a bit. Sweetchix never gave us any indication that her STBXH was abusive or would ever be abusive to either her or the girls.
I'm not sure about what your state laws are but I could not get my H out of the house without having to lie and file a restraining order. I did NOT do that because he wasn't physically abusive towards me.
It doesn't sound as though your lawyer is very good though or you are not listening to the advice he/she is giving you. I don't see why you can't move out with your children. What does your lawyer say about that? Is it because if you do and you have to sell the house, you wouldn't get anything from it due to abandonment? Have you filed for separation yet?
I think before we all start to jump to conclusions, we need more information.
As far as the rings are concerned, I would go to the police sooner than later. This may actually help you in getting the douche bag out of your house too.
I think it would be considered abandonment if I were to leave the house without the girls. I believe I am entitled to half the equity on the house regardless of whether or not I am living there up to when it is sold.
He has never been abusive towards the girls or me. Although he has been getting very manipulative lately, and actually with all this going down now I'm looking back and he's always been pretty manipulative and controlling in some aspects of our relationship.
I texted my attorney and asked if there was any way we could order STBX out of the house while it's on the market and he said it's impossible unless he causes marital strife (sp?). However, I'm not sure why I can't move out with the girls and file temporary custody (other than the financial reasons I stated above).
I think you need more clarification on the abandonment rule. Are you planning on selling the house and splitting equity? Is he buying you out? What's the deal with it?
I didn't think you could order him out because I couldn't.
I think you need to ask your attorney these questions.