This topic is definitely one that is close to my heart because it is a huge part of my job and everyday life. I converse with 13-14 year olds about social media multiple times per day. It is almost never positive.
Snapchat and instagram cause a lot of anxiety. Snapchat, in particular, gives kids a false sense of security (they really think the messages disappear forever). I’ve seen first hand really nice kids be completely different behind the screen - sexual harassment, bullying, etc. I’ve seen the dopamine hits that the positive interactions give to kids (it’s why this stuff is addictive) but even if only 1/10 is negative, I’ve seen that ruin a kids whole week.
I’ve seen so many parents fail to parent for fear of ending their kids Snap streaks and other nonsense like that. It’s absurd. Parents often seem powerless to parent technology because they are worried about the social life of their kid. Meanwhile, their kid is anxious and depressed because of what is going on in that world.
The whole idea of being afraid to lay down the rules and enforce them for fear of, what, jeopardizing their social life, fails to compute. That shit doesn't make sense to me. I remember when pagers were the It thing in middle and high school, but most didn't have them. I always wanted one, but yeah, my mama said it wasn't going to happen. I did eventually get my own landline at 15, and my first ancient tracfone my senior year of high school. But there were rules and not much wiggle room considering their limited function compared to today's technology. My mother was pretty breezy, but had no problem laying down the law for my own well-being and safety.
My oldest doesn't have much of a social life, but she's pretty introverted and keeps to herself with solitary activities. This is actually something my MIL commented on recently when she asked her about making new friends. But even before the school switch, her group of friends came from strict families that limited SM access. Two of her four friends didn't have cell phones, and the two with FB accounts were also friends with relatives. They rarely messaged/texted each other, and I know two were quite busy with family obligations and extracurricular activities. But even before middle school, we had extensive talks about bullying and the social dynamics of middle and high school. I didn't shy away from the meaty issues. We watched documentaries on bullying and had many talks about internet safety.
She knew Snapchat was off limits before middle school. I explained to her the type of shenanigans and bullying that is so prevalent. But beyond that, we had long and frequent talks about the kind of people she wants to associate with and the kind that are toxic. She observed and dealt with mean girl types in grade school. She knew who to associate with or distance herself from. She's distanced herself from peers or "friends" that exhibited questionable behavior and beliefs. I've stressed since grade school that she needs to be observant and selective about the people she associates with. That just because she shares classes with peers or is in close proximity to them, doesn't make them friends. She's avoided peers that have made fun of or shamed others, and bigoted asshat kids with their low calorie racism and diet bigotry.
I have these same talks with my 11 year old, who was bullied in lower grades, along with her old best friend. She's dealt with some pretty harsh mean girls, and has been picked on for being "odd" and having "weird" hair, for wearing glasses and being unusually quiet (she has ASD). So the issue of social dynamics is not lost on me and is something I've discussed with them extensively early on in the friend-making process. At this point, I'm fine with dd1 having access to certain SM, but given her lack of use and social life, it isn't a "thing" now. There aren't any classmates she communicates with outside school. She's always been pretty straightforward about her observations at school and the things she's observed in other peer groups. I make sure to ask questions and engage dialog because it helps to reinforce their observations of people's behaviors and attitudes. My 11 year old has only called one peer her actual friend. She tolerates most kids in small doses, and has come to us with questions about whatever she's heard at school. She's even pointed out that while she talks to them on occasion and will socialize with a few peers, she knows they're not her friends. She's pretty skeptical by nature and tends to question the things she hears in passing or in other peer groups.
Open dialog from an early age is absolutely key, and avoiding the whole "kids need to socialize and make friends indiscriminately," because this does little to encourage and facilitate critical observations and thinking as it relates to social dynamics, which should be an important process of making friends. I don't like everybody and like a lot of people in small doses. I don't feel the need to be friends with everyone in my proximity because we shared classes, work together, share a due date, or have kids of similar ages. I've learned to be observant and selective of the kinds of people I interact with. If adults can make these decisions, surely kids can be taught to be mindful and selective. If we can model desirable behaviors like empathy and compassion at the earliest of ages, surely we can also use the same approach and build on that through ongoing dialog and open communication on making friends and social dynamics. My older two know not to tolerate bigotry, racism, covert or otherwise, xenophobia, anti-Blackness, anti-LGBTQ, ableism, and early hints of misogyny and sexism. They same applies to the many facets of bullying in today's world. These issues should be part of ongoing discussions starting at a young age with a zero tolerance for asshattery and general fuckery. I trust that my kids aren't cozying up to racist Beckys and Chads, and this extends to other toxic behaviors and attitudes.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
So you know that the TOS are 13 and older and you're just like "Taylor and Skylar and everyone else has it, so YOLO"?
I don't care to get into an argument over this but I teach 8th grade. My students are all 13.
No, I mean the people who have 11 and 12 year olds and are fine with it. I have relatives whose 9 year olds are on IG and I judge the fuck out of it. Parents need to say no more often.
I don't care to get into an argument over this but I teach 8th grade. My students are all 13.
No, I mean the people who have 11 and 12 year olds and are fine with it. I have relatives whose 9 year olds are on IG and I judge the fuck out of it. Parents need to say no more often.
Totally agree. Parents need to understand that they are the grownups and these are children. They can say no any time they want.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I don't care to get into an argument over this but I teach 8th grade. My students are all 13.
No, I mean the people who have 11 and 12 year olds and are fine with it. I have relatives whose 9 year olds are on IG and I judge the fuck out of it. Parents need to say no more often.
I’m sure our common feelings on this are getting comments “they don’t have kids, so they don’t understand”. That’s bullshit. I WAS that 12-13 year old who was inquisitive and it nearly cost me getting almost abducted. I was one who was talking to someone who i thought was my age, but was really an adult who preyed on kids.
It’s wnough pressure as a 33 year old woman not to want to be instagram perfect like everyone else seems to be. I finally realized how all families are screwed up, some just hide it WAY better.. at age thirty-three. No kid needs that kind of pressure.
No, I mean the people who have 11 and 12 year olds and are fine with it. I have relatives whose 9 year olds are on IG and I judge the fuck out of it. Parents need to say no more often.
I’m sure our common feelings on this are getting comments “they don’t have kids, so they don’t understand”. That’s bullshit. I WAS that 12-13 year old who was inquisitive and it nearly cost me getting almost abducted. I was one who was talking to someone who i thought was my age, but was really an adult who preyed on kids.
It’s wnough pressure as a 33 year old woman not to want to be instagram perfect like everyone else seems to be. I finally realized how all families are screwed up, some just hide it WAY better.. at age thirty-three. No kid needs that kind of pressure.
My mom was just very much "because I said so," especially when I was a preteen and a teenager. Usually followed up by "I'm not one of your little friends" when I would backtalk. She was a single mom and she told us it was her job to raise us, not be our friend. Now that I'm an adult, we're very close and I appreciate that she set boundaries.
I’m sure our common feelings on this are getting comments “they don’t have kids, so they don’t understand”. That’s bullshit. I WAS that 12-13 year old who was inquisitive and it nearly cost me getting almost abducted. I was one who was talking to someone who i thought was my age, but was really an adult who preyed on kids.
It’s wnough pressure as a 33 year old woman not to want to be instagram perfect like everyone else seems to be. I finally realized how all families are screwed up, some just hide it WAY better.. at age thirty-three. No kid needs that kind of pressure.
My mom was just very much "because I said so," especially when I was a preteen and a teenager. Usually followed up by "I'm not one of your little friends" when I would backtalk. She was a single mom and she told us it was her job to raise us, not be our friend. Now that I'm an adult, we're very close and I appreciate that she set boundaries.
We were a computer in the living room, the cord got cut if we mouthed off and she knew every password. We did stuff behind her back. This is why i don’t understand why kids have tablets, iPads and iPhones. I never will because i only got mine at 17 when i drove and was working since 16. Why can’t parents say no? Oh and same here with the single mom and how i can appreciate the boundaries she set. Unfortunately since my hysterectomy i won’t be having children of my own, but i can appreciate what she has done.
Post by nicbreeful on Nov 22, 2017 17:41:35 GMT -5
Y'all should watch out for Twitch too.
I live stream on Twitch and I've gotten 7, 8, 9 year olds.. And my stream is definitely not appropriate for younger audiences. Kids don't care that the start of my stream says it's for mature audiences, they just click OK and boom, there they are.
I live stream on Twitch and I've gotten 7, 8, 9 year olds.. And my stream is definitely not appropriate for younger audiences. Kids don't care that the start of my stream says it's for mature audiences, they just click OK and boom, there they are.
What do you stream? For some reason I always thought it was basically just for video games.
I live stream on Twitch and I've gotten 7, 8, 9 year olds.. And my stream is definitely not appropriate for younger audiences. Kids don't care that the start of my stream says it's for mature audiences, they just click OK and boom, there they are.
What do you stream? For some reason I always thought it was basically just for video games.
It is. But most streams have face cams (mine does) and I interact with the people talking in my chat. Or I have side streamers that are playing the game with me and they can all be heard by the viewers too.
It also has IRL channels. Some people do art, cooking, workouts, etc.
Post by nicbreeful on Nov 22, 2017 18:40:28 GMT -5
Right now, one of the top IRL streams is a girl in lingerie, decorating a Christmas tree. She walked up to the cam, bent over, and shook her breasts at the camera.
Entertaining for adults, for sure. Maybe not so much for kids, lol.