I'm in labor :( update#4

[sproctopus]

Update #4: By some absolute Christmas miracle, my cervix is tough and somewhere around 1.9/2 this morning. I'm hesitant to be thrilled, but finally having an appt where the news wasn't bad is helping me a ton mentally (I've only been sleeping 4 hrs-ish a night). My weekly appts are twice a week now. I'll be taking an antibiotic in the case theres a subclinical infection that triggered the contractions, Procardia to relax the uterus, heparin shots daily, Makena injections weekly, progesterone suppositories nightly and bedrest is in trendelenburg except for a couple showers (gross) weekly and bathroom breaks. My husband is going to have to take leave from work to care for me, which is scary bc we just relocated to NYC and now neither of us is going to be working, but I don't even care about it-- I'm laser-focused on making it to 28 weeks (that's our major target right now). I seriously can not thank you all enough for your positive words and thoughts ❤❤


Update #3: No contractions since I went off the meds, but no improvement in the cervix. 0.8 cm with the sac funneled past the stitch. The 0.8 still looks closed, but I lost a full cm of length in just 1 week. They're sending me home today. I am so angry at everything. I want everyone to try to save him as if he was their own. My doctor has a 94% success rate of live birth with cerclage. I feel stupid for ever hoping I wouldnt be the 6%. I'm mad when they do an ultrasound and they giggle when he kicks and moves away. All I can see is the perfect baby my body can't keep alive. Our first son was born hours before he qualified for a death certificate instead of being medical waste. I can not bear the thought of losing this baby again so close to a milestone.

Update #2: I had a few contractions yesterday, but otherwise this were mostly quiet. I am still on the medicine though. I will stop it at 2 pm today and then they will start watching how I do unmedicated. If they come back, we're out of options. The MFM doesnt seem to think a 2nd cerclage is the best idea. She said that data isnt clear that it is beneficial in a situation where labor is happening and the risk v reward ratio isnt great. I think we're back in a place where I have to hope my body does the right thing and I have 0 confidence in that happening. Thank you all for your incredible support and words of encouragement.


Update: The contractions seem to have stopped. I have to speak with the MFM this morning, but I think the plan is to bring me off this medicine (its not very safe for baby) and see if things are still calm. Then I hope they'll do the second surgery, although its very high risk at this point. If that goes well, I hope they just keep me forever because I feel safer and less anxious at the hospital (which is awful bc who likes hospitals?! The bed is insanely comfortable here though, so that feels like a win).


I have so appreciated everyone's support here during my uber depressing updates. I went into labor this morning with contractions 3 minutes apart and was admitted. The cerclage has failed now and there isnt much we can do this early except hope they calm enough to do a 2nd emergency cerclage. He's perfectly healthy and absolutely adorable, but I just can't see to keep him (or any baby) safe inside long enough to be ok on the outside. 

I'm weirdly calm for the time being and just trying to enjoy my time left with him. Thank you again for the messages of support.

[oliviapope]

I am so sorry.


So many hugs to you.

[Leeham Rimes]

Oh sproctopus, I’m praying hard for you and the baby. Real, real, hard.

[sarahbear]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

[dancingnancy]

I am so, so sorry.

[venice2007]

I’m so sorry. Prayers to you xoxo

[cinco]

I am so sorry. Sending you thoughts and prayers.

[meowmaps]

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your baby.

[shopgirl07]

Oh no. I’m so, so sorry.

[ladystardust]

So many hugs. I’m so sorry.

[Alps79]

I am lifting you and your baby up in prayer. Sending all good thoughts. Wrapping you in hugs. I am so so sorry and will pray for the best possible outcome.

[iamgrace]

I'm so sorry.

[nsl]

I'm so incredibly sorry.

[AutumnRose25]

I’m so sorry.

[CloudBee]

So many hugs.

[jinkies]

I'm so so sorry.

[killercupcake]

I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking about you.

[nextbigthing]

All of my thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby!!

[lessel]

Hoping for the best for baby and you. Hugs.

[05heel]

I’m so sorry. We’re here for you.

[mom2twoboys]

I’m so so sorry.

[jenny1223]

I am so sorry. Thinking positive thoughts for you and baby.

[sparkythelawyer]

Love and Light and prayers for you.

[miso]

Keeping you guys in my thoughts and sending you so much love.

[fivechickens]

I am so sorry.

[cville]

I will hold you both in my thoughts. Love and strength to you.

[pandora89]

I am so sorry I am praying so hard for you and your little boy. This isn’t fair.

[noodle]

I am so sorry.

[womet]

I am so sorry. I am thinking about you and your sweet boy.

[pumpkin]

I'm so sorry! My prayers are with you!