What are your rules for kids and phone/facetime/texting?

[minty]

My kids are still a few years away from having their own devices, but dd is 7 and has a friend (the daughter of my friend) who wants to call/facetime/text dd through my phone and I’m finding it super annoying (calling me at awkward/early times, repeatedly when I decline). They FaceTimed on our iPad last night, and I realized dd doesn’t have the maturity to edit what she’s showing her friend- like one of us getting out of the shower.
I think I need to tell friend that dd can only be contacted via the iPad, and I want to limit her time to maybe half an hour/day? Also need to have a talk with dd about facetime and respect for privacy.
When I was this age I remember calling friends occasionally. I want to allow dd to do that too, but without it being obnoxious for me and the rest of the family.
What are your guidelines for your kids without their own devices?

[circa1978]

Our son is almost 7 and knows how to Facetime but we only do it with each other (if we're OOT) or with my parents. He hasn't asked to call a friend yet - I don't think it would even occur to him. I was ALWAYS on the phone as a teen but I don't think it really started until I was 12 or 13.

[bittybomb]

My older two, 9 and 7, facetime and imessage with their cousins. They each have an ipad mini. Ipads are to be kept in the family common rooms, and I have allllllll the restrictions on them. I have shut down facetiming and imessaging with their friends because its just not necessary now.

[snapoutofit]

DS is 8. We FaceTime with family only or his dad when he is OOT so it’s always been supervised. I have the kik app on my phone and he’ll do that with his 9 y/o cousinn sometimes which basically consists of them sending each other one million emojis lol. I’m always close by for that as well because her mother is....not attentive so I make sure I see what his cousin is sending. He gets no unsupervised time with my phone/iPad yet.

[irie]

My daughter is 8.5 and has begun texting and video chatting with friends. Who she can contact is limited by us and it is only certain family and friends. She knows now not to pester people if they don't respond. We had an issue with that at first. She knows if she is talking the burden is on her to go somewhere in the house where she will not be in the way of others aroud her. If she chooses to talk on the phone during her TV time, she cannot expect to use her brother's TV time instead. She knows that texting and chatting is a privilege that can be taken away. She uses facetime and messenger kids.

[Alps79]

dd is 9 and also does not have her own device. She is allowed to use mine, while supervised. She can send texts to her BFFs- but really she's texting their moms' phones bc none of them have their own devices. It's usually if we're planning on getting together or if they're having a sleepover. They'll text about which American Girl doll to bring, what PJs or swimsuits to wear etc- totally harmless and fun. They don't text just to chitchat but I'm sure that's not far off.

[Kristinmo]

DS is 8 - he is only allowed to text/call/Face Time DH, my parents, and my sister.

[penguingrrl]

My girls are 10 and 8 and not yet at the calling friends stage. Usually friends parents text me if the kids want to make plans, and otherwise they talk at school. My older daughter occasionally emails with a few friends through their school accounts and I monitor those as well.

When we hit the talking/FaceTiming stage it will only be in public areas of the house. No bathrooms or bedrooms and we’ll have long discussions on what can be visible (I.e. don’t get me getting out of the shower!). At this point even though both have tablets and the oldest has a phone I want communication done through me still (oldest isn’t allowed to have friends numbers yet).

[cereal K]

C is 7 and loves to text and FaceTime. I have her iPad locked down to only allow family, though. She's asked about communicating with friends, and I always say "I'll have to talk to her parents", and then it just drops. If she really pushed, I'd probably connect with her friend's parent(s) - if the friend has an iCloud account, we might try texting, but I'd be checking logs regularly. Like you, I wonder about her tech maturity. We've had MANY discussions about what is okay/not okay when talking to others, she knows that I can look at anything on her iPad anytime, and that anything deemed not okay results in losing the ipad/privilege.

[Leeham Rimes]

X is 7 and only allowed to text with H when h is at work. There’s an app we downloaded for it, I don’t remember the name. He’s asked to be able to talk/text with friends but I say no, and other parents in our circle don’t seem to let their kids text friends either, so it’s not like he’s missing out.

X is absolutely not mature enough to handle the access to texting that he desires.

[formerlyak]

At 7, ds was only allowed to facetime or email family. He got his own phone at 11 before he started middle school. Now the rules are no phone at school (school rule, though I agree with it) and he can only use it between 9 am and 9 pm unless there is an emergency or to listen to music as he falls asleep. He also has to leave the password something I know and I am allowed to check it at any time. I also do not allow any social media apps yet. Terms of service on FaceBook, Insta, etc say 13 so I told him we could discuss it when he is 13.

[cjcouple]

My 8yo son does not do any of that. If he wanted to call a friend that would be fine but they just don't do that.

My 11yo son has a cell phone. He was only allowed to give out his number to friends I know. They call, text, and use duo (like FT). No social media (Snapchat, FB, Twitter, Instgram - none of it.)

He honestly is not on it a ton. He does play Madden with his friends on it. Phone goes off during school hours, during sports, during meals and bedtimes so really he doesn't even have a lot of time. He has a good friend that they call/video chat each other after school because his friend is home alone and I think it makes him feel better to talk to people. I have seen them video chatting and working on homework together once in a blue moon (they share all classes).

In your case, I would set up a time after school or after dinner that works for them both and that's it. If the friend tries to call or FT just answer and ask if she needed something, explain that DD cannot get on the phone now and to call again during agreed upon times.

[eddy]

Lord have mercy I hope this does not become a thing soon. It sounds super annoying.

DS1 is 10 and we only FT with family. He doesn't text or anything with friends. He has a kindle, but that just stays in the family space. It doesn't go up to his room or anything. And I regulate it like I regulate screen time. Have to ask permission, it isn't something he is entitled too etc.

[jreeds]

We only let them call/FT with family. It's only recently come up as an issue with DD ( 9) because some of her friends have devices or use their parents phones to FT. One of her friends apparently has unfettered access to the mom's phone and she has started calling or texting constantly. It annoys me mostly because she texts to ask if she can come over to our house, or asks if she can come spend the night. For example she text me last week "can I come over and play?" I wrote back that I we had plans, maybe another day. 2 hours later "are you still busy, can I come over now?" I made an exception over break and let DD call her and talk (not FT) for about 20 minutes. DS (6)has zero interest.

[fancynewbeesly]

Reese is 6 but FaceTimes with her friends a lot. Although we have a SS situation where she has been in the hospital for 3 weeks so it is a way for her to feel connected. Usually it is just close friends and family but most of the time prearranged. So I text the parents to make sure it is a good time too.

The cutest was when her and her best friend were playing with their stuffed animals over FaceTime together.

[CloudBee]

DS turns 5 in March. There are two friends he FaceTimes with. One of which is Jalapeñomel's son - they actually FT'd last night. My main rule is that he stays on screen. Within reason... I usually set him up with my laptop at the dining room table.

The first few times he FT'd with friends he would run off to get something, leaving his friends hanging. Now I try to have him pick out a few toys or items to show his friends before he connects.

I don't like the idea of a child walking through the home while they are FT'ing. No one else in the house should have to sensor what they are doing in other rooms / hallways just because someone else is on video and wandering around. DH and I are cautious of this ourselves when we FT with family. If I'm in a public area (living room) I always tell him I'm going to be FT'ing before I connect.

[Jalapeñomel]

Jan 2, 2018 15:22:04 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

DS turns 5 in March. There are two friends he FaceTimes with. One of which is Jalapeñomel 's son - they actually FT'd last night. My main rule is that he stays on screen. Within reason... I usually set him up with my laptop at the dining room table.

The first few times he FT'd with friends he would run off to get something, leaving his friends hanging. Now I try to have him pick out a few toys or items to show his friends before he connects.

This was a great idea, and definitely something we will do next time we FT! They are pretty funny, and D really enjoys it.  

[HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan]

Nobody touches Dick's phone!

[kayl84]

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

[erbear]

My kids don't have access to a device; therefore, this is a non-issue. They can FT my parents or my sister on my phone with my permission.

[pantsparty]

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

[Jalapeñomel]

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

So you didn’t use the phone as a kid?

[cville]

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

My kids just have coal and the back of a shovel for entertainment. Good enough for Lincoln, good enough for them.

[fancynewbeesly]

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

Yep. Mine has had one since she was three. We just had to replace it 4 years later. It was given to her by different foundations. The first time was for her diagnosis of leukemia because driving an hour and a half one way once or twice a week with a three year old is tough.

She recently got a new one since her leukemia relapsed this December. She uses it to FaceTime her class, her teacher, Grandma, her friends since she is not allowed visitors at the hospital and we have been here for three weeks straight.

[beefjerky]

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

Well, let’s get you your fucking prize for being a judgemental jerk. Oh wait, nothing new from you 🙄

[minty]

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

Our kids don’t have their own iPads, they use/share the family one. They’re not “responsible” for it in the same way they’re not responsible for our $1000 television, yet they use that all the time. And it’s fine. They’ve used them since toddlerhood with no problems. I have friends with kids with ASD and their kids are very physically hard on their tablets, yet they get so much out of the various apps, and with the right case they take a licking and keep on ticking.
So yeah, you definitely need to take a seat with the non-parent judgement here.

[pinkdutchtulips]

DD can use my phone to watch YouTube but the rules are if anyone texts me, i get my phone back and her ability to use it is up to me. At 8, she's not texting friends or facetiming but she does get impatient when people don't respond immediately and i have to remind her NOT to pester people. they'll get back to her.

she wants her own phone but that's a big OH HELL NO from me ... nope. i'm thinking 11 when she starts middle school and it won't be an iphone either. she'll have to live with the disappointment.

[Shreddingbetty]

DD is 7.5 and has my old iPad and my old android phone. She uses the iPad as her TV mostly watching films/cartoons in our minority language and also has some minority language magazine on there. She has free reign over that. She can watch Youtube but only preapproved videos and she knows to ask before she moves on to something new (she likes the French super nanny and some cooking videos mostly). She doesn't know yet that she could erase the history on that . She does not go onto the internet (she wouldn't know what to do with that yet luckily) and I took of Facebook and messenger. On my old phone she mostly listens to audiobooks and has a couple of educational apps and she likes the drawing app (its an old note3 so it has a stylus to draw) to draw and write stories. Again, no social media or texting apps out there. Two of her friends have an old phone and iPod touch with texting apps and will text each other. I won't allow that for the foreseeable future. She has face timed a couple of times with her friend but that is rare. They don't even talk on the phone yet either. We have skyped with family and friends in Europe although she's usually to goofy for that to be very productive and I do most of the talking. She has no email yet.
My niece (who lives with us) got her first phone (non smart one) in 8th grade and then she only had very limited time to txt or call (we had it set up that she could only use it certain times, she could call certain safe number 24/7 but none of those were friends lol) . When she first came to live with us at almost 10 she had a pay as you go phone and was texting her little boyfriend. There was a lot of I love yous at 9 and not much else haha. She got her first smart phone this last summer when she turned 18. She has freee reign over that now and no restrictions since she is a senior in HS. I'm glad she didn't get one earlier. She is always on there watching NCIS and Snapchatting. That's how she studied for her calc final. It's pretty distracting for her but she is managing to keee her grades up. I'm glad that when I wa in college smart phones weren't around (hell I got my first phone in 1999 when I was commuting a lot while finishing school) because it was hard enough studying for my boards a couple of years ago. I would've been way too distracted. 
Personally I don't feel like they need to be texting at this age. Occasional supervised text on moms phone fine but not their own stuff, they have got the rest of their teens and life to be addicted to that like their parents 😂😂. Hypocritical I know but really they don't need to be getting addicted to that sort of stuff at this age.

[gastro]

Jan 2, 2018 21:49:40 GMT -5 fancynewbeesly said:

Jan 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Wait some of your kids have their own iPad’s? This is all so mind blowing. I feel like at that age how can you be responsible for an item that costs $500-$1k, but not responsible for handing in homework?

Reason #609987 why I am glad I had a hysterectomy. We had a CPU desktop in the living room, with dialup, so mom could see everything we did at any moment. Don’t get me started o. Social media. I don’t understand the parents who let their kids on it, though TOS aid 13 and there’s so so much they don’t need to be exposed to so damn young.


Ok off my kid-less soapbox.

Yep. Mine has had one since she was three. We just had to replace it 4 years later. It was given to her by different foundations. The first time was for her diagnosis of leukemia because driving an hour and a half one way once or twice a week with a three year old is tough.

She recently got a new one since her leukemia relapsed this December. She uses it to FaceTime her class, her teacher, Grandma, her friends since she is not allowed visitors at the hospital and we have been here for three weeks straight.

I am so sorry. How is she doing? And you? Thinking of you and Reese.

[somersault72]

Lol. DS does have his own iPad (mini), but it cost $200 and he's had it for like 4 years. He does not FT on it, he and his friend will text or talk occasionally on mine and his mom's phone. It's always about whatever video game they're playing.