I miss my friend so much

[periwinkle]

My BFF passed away in November after a terrible battle with cancer.  I spent a lot of time with her in the hospital and hospice and was able to be there with her a few days before she died to say my final goodbyes.

I can't believe how much I miss her.  I've lived out of town for years but we always set time aside to catch up on the phone or hang out whenever we could.  I think of her every single day and my FB is torture because at least every week there is a memory that pops up with her in it.  On the other hand I love seeing the pictures and reading her comments but it is just so sad. 

I just want to pick up my phone and text her and I can't. 

In the spring when it's warm I'm going to leave a little something on her grave that was a joke between us, I know she would laugh about it because anyone else who sees it will be like "whaa?"

I don't even know what I want from writing this, I just want to be so angry that she's gone but I know she wouldn't want that.

[Bernadine]

I'm so sorry, I'm sure it's really difficult.

[janegold]

I'm so sorry

[sparkythelawyer]

I'm so sorry. I'd love to learn about her if you would like to talk to us about your friend.

[suzubell]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’d also love to hear about her if you feel like sharing.

[redwino]

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

[BaliHai]

I'm so very sorry. ((periwinkle))

[AHappierHour]

I’m so sorry!

[icedcoffee]

I'm sorry.

[cmeon]

It sounds like you had a great friendship. I hope we're all lucky enough to have someone who means so much to us with us at the end. I'm sorry you're hurting!

[balletofangels]

I'm so sorry. I think that often times writing out my feelings, like you did here, helps. hugs!

[latte]

I’m sorry. That’s really hard.

[clippy]

I'm so sorry. I understand about the FB memories - it's a great thing, but man can it be torture sometimes.

[mryrcn]

Hugs

[NewGirlNic]

So sorry about the loss of your BFF. Cancer fucking sucks.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hate cancer.

[gogadgetgo]

I’m so sorry

[periwinkle]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it.

What got me this morning was my local radio station announced a Bon Jovi concert. We shared a mutual love of 80's music, especially Bon Jovi. We went to few shows together in college proudly wearing our Slippery When Wet t-shirts (lol) and just saw them again a few months before she died. I reached for my phone when I heard about the show today because I was ready to text her to say "Let's go!".

Here is a picture of us at the Bon Jovi concert this past summer. This was in August, she went into the hospital at the end of Sept so it was the last pic of us together. She had already known at this point that the cancer was back but never said a word that day. I had no idea until I got the call that she was in the hospital. I don't know why she didn't tell anyone, maybe she just wanted to have fun that day and not think of anything else. We had a blast and I cherish this picture and my memories of that day.

PDQ the pic, I will DD later.

*poof*

[mountaingirl]

I’m sorry you lost your friend. It sounds like you guys had an amazing friendship 💕
Sending hugs your way

[galaxy8227]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had a great friendship and a lot of wonderful memories.

[circa1978]

That's so hard. I'm sorry for your loss.

[brooke77]

I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like such a special person.

[goldengirlz]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Fuck cancer.

[sapphireblue]

I am so sorry.

My best friend, MOH at our wedding, died of cancer in July 2009. It does get easier. It's hard to put into words because I definitely still think of her every day, and it is so unfair that she didn't get to live longer. She was only 24 when she was diagnosed and 27 when she died. But I guess maybe I am just used to the idea that she is gone now?

But then, about a month ago, over 8 years after she died, I was walking downtown and two women were walking toward me. For a second one of them looked so much like her and I thought it was her, even though she lived on the opposite coast. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks a second later that of course that isn't her, she is gone. So it never goes away entirely but I promise it gets easier to live with as time goes by.

That is a great photo of the two of you! Many hugs to you, I know it is so hard.

[periwinkle]

Jan 11, 2018 13:01:27 GMT -5 sapphireblue said:

I am so sorry.

My best friend, MOH at our wedding, died of cancer in July 2009. It does get easier. It's hard to put into words because I definitely still think of her every day, and it is so unfair that she didn't get to live longer. She was only 24 when she was diagnosed and 27 when she died. But I guess maybe I am just used to the idea that she is gone now?

But then, about a month ago, over 8 years after she died, I was walking downtown and two women were walking toward me. For a second one of them looked so much like her and I thought it was her, even though she lived on the opposite coast. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks a second later that of course that isn't her, she is gone. So it never goes away entirely but I promise it gets easier to live with as time goes by.

That is a great photo of the two of you! Many hugs to you, I know it is so hard.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend as well.  27 is so incredibly young.  Thank you, I know in time things will get easier or at least less raw.

My friend was my MOH as well, your post made me remember that I can watch my wedding video and see her speech.  I may do that this weekend, I want to hear her voice. 

I know what you mean about seeing someone who looks like her.  Her DD is the spitting image of her, her H just posted a video on FB this past week and it's like looking at her twin. 

[sapphireblue]

Jan 11, 2018 13:15:13 GMT -5 periwinkle said:

Jan 11, 2018 13:01:27 GMT -5 sapphireblue said:

I am so sorry.

My best friend, MOH at our wedding, died of cancer in July 2009. It does get easier. It's hard to put into words because I definitely still think of her every day, and it is so unfair that she didn't get to live longer. She was only 24 when she was diagnosed and 27 when she died. But I guess maybe I am just used to the idea that she is gone now?

But then, about a month ago, over 8 years after she died, I was walking downtown and two women were walking toward me. For a second one of them looked so much like her and I thought it was her, even though she lived on the opposite coast. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks a second later that of course that isn't her, she is gone. So it never goes away entirely but I promise it gets easier to live with as time goes by.

That is a great photo of the two of you! Many hugs to you, I know it is so hard.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend as well.  27 is so incredibly young.  Thank you, I know in time things will get easier or at least less raw.

My friend was my MOH as well, your post made me remember that I can watch my wedding video and see her speech.  I may do that this weekend, I want to hear her voice. 

I know what you mean about seeing someone who looks like her.  Her DD is the spitting image of her, her H just posted a video on FB this past week and it's like looking at her twin. 

I still have voice mails from her on my phone so sometimes I listen to them. Usually, even now, it is too painful and if I accidentally get to one of her voice mails in my saved ones I quickly save it again and move on but it is nice to know they are there.

How heartbreaking that she had to leave her daughter! It seems so unfair and I am so sorry for you and her H and her daughter and everyone else mourning her. Hugs to you. It is so sad.

[isabel]

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry.

[foodiemom]

I’m so sorry, I lost my Childhood bff of this year myself, only suddenly. It’s been awful and I’m not sure what to say except that you are not alone. The memories are hard, as are the dropping realizations that she is really gone.

[periwinkle]

Jan 11, 2018 13:40:46 GMT -5 foodiemom said:

I’m so sorry, I lost my Childhood bff of this year myself, only suddenly. It’s been awful and I’m not sure what to say except that you are not alone. The memories are hard, as are the dropping realizations that she is really gone.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, hugs to you.

[Crystal]

So sorry for the pain you're feeling from losing your friend. It sounds like you two had a special bond.