Nowhere else to talk about this.

[copzgirl1171]

Kids involved?

[Deleted]

I agree with you. I wouldn't throw away pics, even of an ex.

[pixy0stix]

Throwing them away isn't going to cut the woman out of his life. It's an empty symbolic gesture.

[Daria Morgandorffer]

I'm making that teeth-bared "EeEeeeEEeeeeeee" face. This does not sound like the start of a healthy relationship.....

[jlt19]

I still have pictures of all my exes, in the photo albums pertaining to that part of my life. I don't plan on ever throwing them away b/c they're my memories.

[ECB]

Sept 17, 2012 14:49:37 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Throwing them away isn't going to cut the woman out of his life. It's an empty symbolic gesture.

Yup. If she has problems w/ the fact he has an ex wife, getting rid of the photographic evidence isn't going to get rid of her.

I think it's a sign of deeper issues.

[pixy0stix]

Sept 17, 2012 14:49:49 GMT -5 Daria Morgandorffer said:

I'm making that teeth-bared "EeEeeeEEeeeeeee" face. This does not sound like the start of a healthy relationship.....

LOL! Right?

[copzgirl1171]

Sept 17, 2012 14:50:12 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

Sept 17, 2012 14:48:56 GMT -5 @copzgirl1171 said:

Kids involved?

No.

I can kiiiiiiinnnnnda see her requesting that then.

I would side with you if they had kids, and I have no idea why this is tipping my scale in your friends favor.

Gut reaction, maybe?

[NitaX]

I'm now remarried. I still have my wedding album from my first marriage. I never had the urge to just pitch it. I threw out other old pictures and memorabilia, but the wedding pictures were harder to say bye too. Not for any sentimental reason, but it was still a big day and part of my life. I don't ever look at them, but I'd feel some kinda way if they were pitched.

[Deleted]

How many of them does he have?

IDK how I feel about this because I'm pretty sure I have no pictures of my wedding to douche. He took as many as he could find when he left and most of pinky's baby pictures to boot. But I don't miss them. The wedding pictures I mean.

What I will say is that if you want to give up the pics on your own, fine. But it strikes me as incredibly douchey, self centered and immature to insist that your SO get rid of his shit. If she's not cool with a guy who likes to keep that kind of stuff, then she shouldn't date one.

[marie427]

I don't know whether it's weird or not that he still has those photos (I'm leaning towards no, not weird at all), but right when I read that part, I thought her demanding that he throw them out shows relationship insecurity on her part.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

Yeah...why on earth was she so upset about there being pictures? Not like they were hanging up around the place, right? Throwing the pictures away doesn't mean the wedding didn't exist.

[bcv513]

I can see her asking them not to be hung on the wall, but to throw them out? Girl's got some control issues and some self-esteem issues

[marie427]

So she may be persuading him to throw them away to forget about her once and for all. I still don't think it's her place to tell him to throw them out.

[ECB]

Sept 17, 2012 14:57:05 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

He says (according to her) that the reason he hasn't done it until now is because he just didn't want to have to think about her. Because he hates her so much...

If he truly wanted to do it anyhow, o.k., fine. But still. You say she said she had to "persuade" him to do it...??

[NitaX]

SBP -
Welp. In that case, if he wants to throw them out do it. I'd just respond with "Good for him. Sounds like he's doing some cleansing." Leave it at that.

ETA: And don't offer any real advice in this situation. I'd be very generic with everything. Sounds like professional help is needed for ole' boy at some point.

[copzgirl1171]

As someone who regrets their divorce BUT has moved way on, I can tell you that not dealing with those memories is sometimes easier than staring at them in the face.


He truly could just not want to deal with them. Out of sight out of mind, that sort of thing.

[pamela]

I have an ex-fiance, not an ex-husband, and I have gotten rid of everything I run across with him in it for DH's sake. Only exception is a build-a-bear that DS saw as soon as I opened the box and claimed before I could get rid of it. There is nothing on it though that would indicate to DH who it was associated with. And I have a picture of me from our engagement photo where my mom cut him out so that I'd have evidence of my haircut at the time to try to reproduce late.

I don't see any reason for him to keep pictures of an ex-wife he hates. Maybe an ex he has kids with. Definately a wife that died and he's moving on. But in this case? Yeah, I see no issues with him tossing or her requesting them be tossed. She may be crazy/controlling/whatever for other reasons, but I don't think this is one.

[suzyp]

This is kinda weird to me. My DH still has some of the professional pictures from his first wedding in a box somewhere (hates the ex, no contact and no kids). It's part of his life and honestly, NBD. I can see the throw away camera pics, but I don't know, it just seems like the issues here are deeper than the pictures.

[laurenpetro]

oh, um... hmmm.

i'm not down with getting rid of everything, ever. even with my ultra-douche ex, i still have pics of trips we took. my friends recently took the liberty of ripping up the last remaining pic of the 2 of us (at my request) but i still didn't get rid of the group pics and stuff.

there are people in those pictures that will eventually die that have nothing to do with the marriage. i'm not down with destroying pictures of those people.

so, in conclusion, i say ditching pics of the ex is ok, wiping all photographic evidence of the wedding from the face of the earth is not.

[ringstrue]

I'm still stuck on "having a rough time getting used to each other being there all the time". What does that even mean? Like, they don't like being around eachother?? I'm guessing they are her words not yours but it just sounds like this is a weird relationship from that alone.

[ringstrue]

You can't be intimidated by pictures. Putting them away - fine, I get it. Having them out to display is sort of odd if its a past you don't want to hold on to and hate. If DH was ever like THROW OUT THE PICTURES OF ALL YOUR EXS I'd just make the hairy eyeball at him and probably suggest talking to a counselor.

[Chirp]

IMO, it sounds like he's not over the ex yet and is only throwing the pics out because your friend is demanding it.

Hm. This could end up in a very interesting place.


Otherwise, reply generically and don't encourage her.

[pixy0stix]

I think she needed to stay the hell out of it. Not her demons to handle, kwim?

[starlily]

Sept 17, 2012 14:52:57 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

What I will say is that if you want to give up the pics on your own, fine. But it strikes me as incredibly douchey, self centered and immature to insist that your SO get rid of his shit.

This is where I am at. MH was married briefly in his 20s. I met him 10 years after he got divorced. By that time, he had already thrown out any pictures of the ex-W, on his own volition. He had kept 1-2 pictures of his step-kids, but when he moved in after we got married he threw those out too, again of his own choosing, while purging his stuff.

[Chirp]

Sept 17, 2012 15:17:47 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

Sept 17, 2012 14:59:21 GMT -5 ECB said:

If he truly wanted to do it anyhow, o.k., fine. But still. You say she said she had to "persuade" him to do it...??

SHE says she had to persuade him to do it. He was more than happy to just leave them in the basement. I don't even understand why they were a problem if they were in the basement.

She's one of your BFFs so I don't want to talk smack about her. However, if you think hard enough you'll come up with the answer to this on your own.

Hint: She's feeling an emotion that rhymes with schmealous.

[basilosaurus]

I think I wouldn't know who's right in this situation unless I were actually the couple being discussed. She could be unreasonable and insecure. He could really be stuck and need prodding to move on. I just don't know.

I can totally relate to the not used to being together. We deal with this multiple times a year. I get used to my month or 2 alone, then someone invades my space. It's funny how it only takes me a week before I'm sleeping diagonally across our king bed instead of staying on my side. I don't think that's a relationship killer. It's totally natural IMO.

[2vermont]

I don't know enough about the couple to make a judgment call. She did say she persuaded him to do this, not insisted or demanded that he do it. Although there could be a jealousy/insecurity issue here, she may also be looking out for him as well (ie. trying to help him move past things).

[2vermont]

Sept 17, 2012 15:22:04 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

I think I wouldn't know who's right in this situation unless I were actually the couple being discussed. She could be unreasonable and insecure. He could really be stuck and need prodding to move on. I just don't know.

I can totally relate to the not used to being together. We deal with this multiple times a year. I get used to my month or 2 alone, then someone invades my space. It's funny how it only takes me a week before I'm sleeping diagonally across our king bed instead of staying on my side. I don't think that's a relationship killer. It's totally natural IMO.

Or, yeah I could have dittoed Sibil.

[msmerymac]

Nooooo you are not wrong. A marriage is a pretty big thing, and that's a big part of his past. She can't just sweep it under the rug.

A photo of his ex-wife on the mantel? Too far. A disc of photos or wedding album? Absolutely fine, unless HE wants to get rid of them.

Something tells me that in the future he'll refer to her as his crazy, overbearing ex girlfriend who made him throw away all his wedding pictures.

But maybe not. Maybe he really did need a push to get rid of them and it's what he wants to do, deep down. I sure hope so. I mean, some couples are cool with each other being friends with exes. Some aren't. That doesn't mean there's one right way to handle it.