Work vent: would this bother you?

[noodleoo]

I'm trying to figure out if my pet peeve is irrational or not. We have the equivalent of small half cubes at work. Most people who come to talk to me about work stuff will stand in the doorway to talk to me, which is the most comfortable for me. If they need more time or need to work on my computer with me, I'll invite them in and they can sit next to me or whatever. But if is a quick question, they stand in the doorway.

We hired a new guy and I feel like he is *always* in my personal space. He'll come over to ask me a 2 second question (when I'm working on something else) and immediately sit behind me (which is weird, since standing he can't see my monitor but the only chair basically puts him sitting behind me looking over my shoulder at my computer).

It really bugs me because he's just too close. He also just left for the day, walked by my door to say bye, but then walked into my cube to throw something in the trash that is under my desk (again, he was in space about 1 foot behind my back).

Am I being oversensitive? Or do you feel like your cube is your personal space? No one else does this and I've had to ask him to tone down other things he does (like asking me questions the second I walk in when I still have my coat/purse on and haven't even turned on my computer yet). He's gotten better about that but I don't' know how to bring up a personal space issue without it sounding weird.

[rosiedozie]

That's really odd, I don't think you're being over sensitive about it.

[Deleted]

That would annoy me. It kind of sounds like he's making himself a little more comfortable at this point than he should be. I'm pretty close with some of my co-workers so I wouldn't mind if they tossed something in my trash can or came behind my desk. That said, someone new or someone I don't work closely with...? No thanks.

[noodleoo]

Okay, that makes me feel better because it *really* bothers me. He's young and super enthusiastic, but he definitely has a few quirks that seem like he hasn't really worked in an office before. Do you think I should say something? He's been here 2 months now. He only really does this to me and I feel bad saying something. Oh yeah, I also had to ask him to stop CC-ing my boss on every email he sent me. Seriously!

[thumper55]

I don't think any of it is a big deal. It wouldn't bother me unless he was creepy

[livinitup]

When he sits down start saying "Is this really something you need to sit down to ask/talk about?"Ask every time. I think it puts it back on being productive at work/ reducing distractions rather than a personal work-space issue.

I think its really annoying when people take up more time than they need to ask me a question. Having someone sit behind me to ask a questions is really annoying and distracting. And yes, its obviously a cramped work space - its not professional to be cozy for every. little thing.

And I'd start to leave things on my chair and only remove them when I invite someone to sit down. If he reaches to move it I'd block him with"Sorry, is this goign to be long? Because if you can just ask, I can talk now - but if you need longer, I;'m going to have to ask you to come back."

[Pilsy]

Whether it's rational or not, I can't say for sure, but it would bother me!
Honestly, it sounds like he's painfully obtuse. CCing your boss on every email? C'mon. How did it go when you addressed that? If you were successful and it didn't seem to have any terrible side effects, I'd take the same approach in letting him know you appreciate a little space at your desk.

ETA: Throwing stuff in your trash can would be one thing if the can were by the cube entrance. If he needs to come in and around you to access it, I think that's rude.

I think this stuff boils down to respect. You are at work, but it's not unreasonable to want a little control over the space assigned to you.

[Deleted]

I like lots of personal space, so yes, this would bother me.

[diceeyes]

Somebody's got a crush.

[MadamePresident]

It seems like he hasn't quite figured out work etiquette yet. I would probably say something to him nicely. It odd that he only does this to you.

[dexteroni]

Sept 17, 2012 16:18:36 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

He'll come over to ask me a 2 second question (when I'm working on something else) and immediately sit behind me (which is weird, since standing he can't see my monitor but the only chair basically puts him sitting behind me looking over my shoulder at my computer).

"Hey, can you please do me a favor and stand over here when you have a question instead of coming in and sitting behind me? Every time you do that I have to stop working to talk to you and it makes a 2-second question take longer. I don't have time to do that 20 times a day. Thanks!" That sends a two-part message = get out of my cube, and why are you here so often anyway. The second part might be too subtle for him to get, but as long he stays out of your space, mission accomplished.

Or, if you want to be more direct, you can just level with him. "Hey Jeff, I'm not quite sure how to bring this up, but I want to talk to you about offices and personal space. I'm sure you don't realize this, but people don't like it when you pop into their cube unnecessarily and repeatedly. If you look around at how other people interact, you'll notice that they generally remain at the doorway, use their own trash cans, etc. You're a super nice guy and I know you're just being friendly, but in an office setting, people tend to keep more of a physical distance." How well this approach works will depend on your delivery, your office, and your working relationship with this dude, so take all of that into consideration if you're thinking of going this route.

[ECB]

I haven't read all the replies, so sorry if this has been mentioned. You have a "guest" chair in your cube? If so, keep stuff on it so that he can't sit down!

[steph96]

I would keep stuff in the chair.

Have you tried saying "can you make this quick? I'm sort of busy!".
Be short with him (being short doesn't mean being rude).

Turn him away a few times so that he knows he can't constantly come to you about everything.

[Deleted]

The problem is that you've allowed this to happen more than once, and now, if you say something, it will be awkward.

Let this be a lesson to voice your dislikes immediately next time.

What would Miso do? "Hey, back out of the cube, man. Give me some space." LOL.

But, really, this only works the very first time.

[stephanie305]

It definitely would bother me. I think some people just don't understand personal space. I like the suggestion that you put something on your guest chair. If he still gets too close, it's time to say something.

ETA: I used to have an office, and once a coworker came around my desk to throw something out in my trash can. We were friendly, but it was still weird. I said something like, "Whoa, buddy! What's wrong with your own trash can?"

[dexteroni]

Sept 17, 2012 18:58:58 GMT -5 steph96 said:

I would keep stuff in the chair.

Have you tried saying "can you make this quick? I'm sort of busy!".
Be short with him (being short doesn't mean being rude).

Turn him away a few times so that he knows he can't constantly come to you about everything.

IMO it's just better to be up front than to be oddly short all of a sudden. That's PA BS.

Another thing you can say is "Hey you can just call me with these quick questions, you know. It'll save us both time." But it won't solve the problem of him coming in when he does come over to your cube.

[diceeyes]

I would also just be direct about it to the effect of: hey buddy, this is my fort, and I am wicked territorial. Please don't invade my space unless specifically bidden.

If that doesn't work for you, a more passive approach would be to hang a sign saying that you are "out," and then make it known that when this sign is displayed, drop-bys are not welcome.

I've done both of these in different situations.

[vanillacourage]

I have a CWer who does something similar - she'll walk into my office without knocking and launch into whatever she needs at that exact moment. I've started interrupting her and saying that I'm right in the middle of something but if she can call me in 30 or send me a meeting maker for later in the day then I'd be happy to chat. She then says "oh I'll just send you an email"...yes, exactly!

OP, if you have a guest chair then that sort of sends a message that people are welcome to sit in it. I'd move it, or re-train the guy away from thinking he can just come in and plop down.

[dexteroni]

Sept 17, 2012 20:04:49 GMT -5 diceeyes said:

hang a sign saying that you are "out," and then make it known that when this sign is displayed, drop-bys are not welcome.

Hanging up a sign at all times just because you can't be forthright with one person is way weirder than just being up front one time. And who has time to make sure their sign is always correct? That sounds like more of a distraction than one visitor.

[diceeyes]

It really depends on your work culture/temperament. Lots of folk had one of these where I worked, and none of us seemed to have difficulty maintaining it or respecting boundaries. (I also just described my work area as a "fort" in the preceding sentence, so yes, weird is integral.)

Gotta do what works. And you are being forthright when you "make it known" how you'd like to use the sign.

Sept 17, 2012 22:21:58 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Sept 17, 2012 20:04:49 GMT -5 diceeyes said:

hang a sign saying that you are "out," and then make it known that when this sign is displayed, drop-bys are not welcome.

Hanging up a sign at all times just because you can't be forthright with one person is way weirder than just being up front one time. And who has time to make sure their sign is always correct? That sounds like more of a distraction than one visitor.

[noodleoo]

Thanks for the advice, guys! I realize this is definitely an issue since I have let it happen for so long. We have a really small office, so I feel bad being too up front with him. I was about the CC-ing my boss thing within the first week he was here (and I was pretty stern on that one because it definitely seemed like he was doing it to make himself look better with the side effect of making me look bad). I also had to talk to him about the bothering me before I took my coat off, which was SO annoying because he only does it to me and it seems like such a common sense thing! I'm the one he works most closely with. Sigh.

Haha to the crush thing, he's 10 years younger than me! I think that's the problem, he's young and seems to lack some common sense and professional experience.

I'll try putting stuff on the chair (good idea!) and try to figure out how to nicely ask him to keep things short without being rude.