Need advice about rude coworker and when to speak up

[chchchia]

Ok..I’m in an odd sit at work. We just got a new employee, a Puerto Rican, and at this point she is one of 3 prf’s we have in this office ( I count my self as half maybe only bc I pass so much, but I am proud, and a rightful 50% Hispanic, you just can’t tell on most days.
So she was talking in Spanish the other day about that I must be one of those missionary bitches who think they can convert and save all the brown babies of the world. She had only heard I had been in pr and dr doing relief efforts for my family and I guess she doesn’t know I speak and listen very well.
So should I tell her or let her keep going thinking I’m just some white chick?

[sugarbear]

Yikes. Do you have an HR department to consult?

[sofamonkey]

Damn! I presume your coworkers are aware of your background, including your ability to speak Spanish?

But yeesh, this sounds messy and very crappy for you. I’m sorry. ,

[chchchia]

Apr 23, 2018 23:35:16 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Yikes. Do you have an HR department to consult?

I don’t think I want to go there yet, I do want to give her the benefit. Am I an asshole for that?

[chchchia]

Apr 23, 2018 23:42:09 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Damn! I presume your coworkers are aware of your background, including your ability to speak Spanish?

But yeesh, this sounds messy and very crappy for you. I’m sorry. ,

Yes they do and more than once she’s been told things aren’t always how they appear. The sad part for me was even though I “pass”, you still have to find a way in both worlds and for some reasons my Hispana hermanas have always been able to pick me out as one of the tribe.

[chchchia]

As much as I love the marrying of our two cultures, it is truly a beautiful thing, I am trying not to let detractors take it away. I’ve heard from whole life I’m too white to be Spanish and too Spanish to be white. None of this in my family but the taunts were hell.

[nancybotwin]

What is the benefit of her thinking you’re a white chick?

[chchchia]

Apr 24, 2018 0:47:36 GMT -5 nancybotwin said:

What is the benefit of her thinking you’re a white chick?

I guess to let her keep on talking shit about me that shit thinks I don’t understand. I know it’s mean but it’s like damn girl you have me no chance and you’ve done to me what everyone else has done my whole like growing up, since I’ve entered the workforce it’s been so much better. She took me to a place I guess.

[chchchia]

Do I have an obligation to tell her? Do you think?

[sofamonkey]

Apr 24, 2018 0:41:03 GMT -5 chchchia said:

Apr 23, 2018 23:42:09 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Damn! I presume your coworkers are aware of your background, including your ability to speak Spanish?

But yeesh, this sounds messy and very crappy for you. I’m sorry. ,

Yes they do and more than once she’s been told things aren’t always how they appear. The sad part for me was even though I “pass”, you still have to find a way in both worlds and for some reasons my Hispana hermanas have always been able to pick me out as one of the tribe.

I think while this is about you passing, it’s also about her being immature and an asshole. I’d be tempted to let her do it a time or two more, and just interject in their conversation in Spanish.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t think you’re an asshole to not want to bring this to HR either. You are clearly being the bigger person and trying to think of the larger picture. I hope that your coworkers have your back too.

[chchchia]

Apr 24, 2018 1:20:00 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Apr 24, 2018 0:41:03 GMT -5 chchchia said:

Yes they do and more than once she’s been told things aren’t always how they appear. The sad part for me was even though I “pass”, you still have to find a way in both worlds and for some reasons my Hispana hermanas have always been able to pick me out as one of the tribe.

I think while this is about you passing, it’s also about her being immature and an asshole. I’d be tempted to let her do it a time or two more, and just interject in their conversation in Spanish.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t think you’re an asshole to not want to bring this to HR either. You are clearly being the bigger person and trying to think of the larger picture. I hope that your coworkers have your back too.

They do and they are cool with it, she is young, so I don’t imagine in her worldview people look like me that may (shocking I know) share the same background as her. She really just took me to a place where I wasn’t going to be nice then I thought about, I have 2 very white looking kids and 3 very Hispanic looking kids, I could not be a good parent if I didn’t do the right thing but man did I want to do the really wrong thing. Ugh, Catholic guilt.

[nancybotwin]

Apr 24, 2018 1:15:13 GMT -5 chchchia said:

Do I have an obligation to tell her? Do you think?

No, you owe her nothing. She is a racist bitch and you are not obligated to do anything.

If you WANT to tell her, that is different.

[bowies]

I would speak in Spanish to her the next time you see her. That gets the point across without you having to explain anything to her. Frankly she needs to be the one who is explaining things to you, not the other way around. You owe her nothing, and certainly not your family genealogy. Let this serve as a life lesson for her, which seems to be the route you want to take. I don’t blame you for your choice. I imagine she’s been through a lot this year and it would leave me pretty bitter too.

[orangeblossom]

I would respond in Spanish. If she has any sense she’ll be humbled and apologize. If not, she’s on notice to watch what she says

[cookiemdough]

Apr 24, 2018 4:20:27 GMT -5 orangeblossom said:

I would respond in Spanish. If she has any sense she’ll be humbled and apologize. If not, she’s on notice to watch what she says

This

[mbcdefg]

“Hablo español.” And walk away.

That was my immediate thought, but of course as others have said you owe her nothing or could go to HR if you want.

Hopefully she’ll be mortified enough into learning a lesson about talking shit at work/in general.

Sorry you experienced this. Very unfair and mean of her.

[vicky]

I’ve never been in this situation at work, but it happened to me a lot in high school. It hurts and I’m sorry.

I’d engage with her in Spanish the next time I saw her though. Make her feel awkward and small, but remain polite.

[kath16]

"soy puertorriqueña" and let her sort it out. This is not the same AT ALL because I am whiter than the snow, but when I was traveling a lot I was close to fluent. there is no reason anyone would assume I could speak Spanish, but I understood a lot. at the airport, two guys in front of me were very blatantly talking about me in a derogatory way in Spanish right in front of me - practically to my face. I listened (it wasn't threatening. it was just douchey) and then someone else walked by and I made a polite comment in Spanish and the guys looked like they were going to pee their pants. I just caught their eye. I avoided direct conflict and got my point across very clearly.

I'm sorry you're in this position. You're handling it with class.

[iammalcolmx]

Apr 24, 2018 4:20:27 GMT -5 orangeblossom said:

I would respond in Spanish. If she has any sense she’ll be humbled and apologize. If not, she’s on notice to watch what she says

AND I would most likely be clapping back while I goose-necked.

[chchchia]

It just takes me right back to the place where I don't fit in either world...argh. I hate feeling like this, I think I'll let it go til Friday and right before we get off, I'll show off both my spicy pr side and my fiery irish side to give her something to think about this weekend.

[MeMyselfandI]

I agree with the responding in Spanish. When I worked for our local EPA we got a complaint about open burning. A coworker and myself responded and the people burning where Hispanic. Apparently they started talking crap about us, but what they didn't know is that my coworkers husband is Cuban. She's fluent. So when they stopped talking she responded to them in Spanish about the ordinance they were breaking, told them to put out the fire and off we went. They looked like deer in headlights.

[rosiebear]

You owe her nothing, but wtf to your coworkers? She called you one of those savior-complex bitches and all they said back was “things aren’t as they appear?” Thats .... not cool.

[msmerymac]

Apr 24, 2018 6:24:11 GMT -5 vicky said:

I’ve never been in this situation at work, but it happened to me a lot in high school. It hurts and I’m sorry.

I’d engage with her in Spanish the next time I saw her though. Make her feel awkward and small, but remain polite.

This. I wouldn't necessarily interject into the conversation you're overhearing, but I'd look for an opportunity to talk to her in Spanish or speak in Spanish in front of her. Does you office have a lot of Spanish speakers or clients? Do you guys have the need to speak in Spanish often? How long has she been there that she doesn't know this?

[downtoearth]

Maybe because I know white fluent Spanish speakers (from Spain and US), so I’m not sure that just letting her know that you speak Spanish is the same as letting her know that you were offended because you are from DR.

I don’t have good advice, just that I know my white fluent friend has overhead some Spanish conversations criticizing her, and letting them know she speaks stops it from in front of her, but maybe not the criticism.

[pixy0stix]

You owe her nothing. She’s acting like an ass at work. Who talks like that about a new coworker? I’d be tempted to shock her, but I’d also be tempted to let her continue to dig herself a hole until she finds out eventually that you understand everything she’s been saying. I’d support either of those.

[pixy0stix]

Apr 24, 2018 7:32:45 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

You owe her nothing, but wtf to your coworkers? She called you one of those savior-complex bitches and all they said back was “things aren’t as they appear?” Thats .... not cool.

I wonder if they just don’t want to spread her business around, and are subtly warning the newbie who just isn’t getting it to back off.

[Michelle]

O like the suggestion to say “soy puertoriquena” (sorry if I misspelled that) and walk away. Or, if you have any family in Puerto Rico, maybe bring a dessert for the team and say it is just like what grandma in Puerto Rico makes. Say it in Spanish, to her, of course.

[pixy0stix]

Frankly I'm surprised no one has suggested burning her cubicle down. Isn't that the usual GBCN recommendation? LOL!

Seriously, though, I'm more than a bit floored that she's burned a bridge with you and your coworkers already.

[StrawberryBlondie]

I'd say something in Spanish to her sometime.

[ECB]

Apr 24, 2018 0:37:34 GMT -5 chchchia said:

Apr 23, 2018 23:35:16 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Yikes. Do you have an HR department to consult?

I don’t think I want to go there yet, I do want to give her the benefit. Am I an asshole for that?

Not going to HR doesn't make you an asshole. 

But I'm not sure what "benefit" you're looking to give her.  She's made it pretty clear what she thinks of you without making any effort to learn about you.  You don't owe her a single thing in this scenario, she hasn't earned any benefits here.