Sibling age gap?

[hamster]

Everybody loves a good clicky poll, right?

For the clicky portion, answer between your first and second child. Bonus points to those who comment on what they like, didn't like, etc. 

I'm doing this partly out of curiousity, and partly because there's been some feeler conversations and we clearly have some differences in opinions. H is all get it done! And I'm all STAY AWAY FROM ME. 

[Yankees21]

Mine are 2yr9m apart. We were aiming for closer to 2 years, but it took 6 months to conceive DD. It’s been pretty perfect, my son was old enough to understand and be helpful, and they are close enough in age to play well. I think part of it is his personality though, he was never jealous and wants 20 more babies, haha.

[krystee]

2 years 10 months and I couldn't have planned it better if I tried (which I didn't. DS2 is a surprise pregnancy several months after failed infertility treatments). I love this age gap. DS1 is so independent and helpful, and adores his brother. There wasn't much interaction until this week, and now both of them are crazy about each other. The baby is almost five months and starting to get fun.

[minniemouse]

3 years, 10 months. It’s the perfect gap for us. We only had 1 year of 2 in daycare. The girls get along pretty well, and it’s easier to tell dd2 that dd1 gets more privileges because she’s almost 4 years older. Friends with kids closer in age seem to struggle with that more. Things I don’t like- we have way too much stuff. Big plastic toys like the play kitchen have been in our playroom for like 7 years straight. I have so many bins of clothes I saved for dd2 that she will probably never wear.

[HoneySpider]

Baby #2 isn't here yet but they will be 23 months apart.

After it taking 4 years to conceive DS, I didn't think the second one would come so quickly (and I actually had a m/c before this pregnancy or I would have had kids 19 months apart). I like the fact that I am about to be DONE with TTC/pregnancy/loss.

[lessel]

On mobile so can’t see the poll, but our age gap will be 3y3mo.

No clue if it’ll be good or terrible. But DS does seem to comprehend baby brother is coming soon, so that’s nice. He’s also a great helper, so I’m hoping to use and not abuse that when DS2 is here.

[linz]

9 minutes

3 years 4 mos between twins and DD. I love it

[sporklemotion]

18 months apart. I was 40 when I had DD1, so no sense waiting if I wanted another. Overall, I think it’s a good way to do things.
Pros: DD1 doesn’t really remember being an only; easier to find activities that are age appropriate for both. It’s nice to have a shorter span of diapers, etc.
Cons: so much whining! It’s physically tough. Neither kid is big enough to be the bigger person when fighting. sleep is a shitshow.

ETA kids are 3 and 4.5 now.

[Mrs.flang]

Ours will be 28 months apart. I don’t think we would have wanted to wait any longer because DH is 41 and I’m 37 and babies are freaking exhausting. So far I’m relived that the hard part of pregnancy and breastfeeding will be done and over with. Pregnancy does not treat me well.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Mine are 2 years 2 months apart. I liked that they were both little at the same time...when we did kid activities, I never felt like one of them was 'too old' or 'too young' for most of them. And I liked being able to be DONE with baby stuff and move on to big kid stuff for both of them at the same time for the most part. I do think it would have been easier dd's first year if ds had been a year or so older, but since then it hasn't been hard...the only hard things now I can think of is that they are both involved in sports and often have things at the same time, but it hasn't gotten too bad yet. And maybe it's kinda rough for dd, because I do treat my kids the same 90% of the time (ds is immature for his age, dd is mature for hers), but that other 10% ds gets to do things first because he's older, and she hates that.

[clseale]

Jun 4, 2018 18:12:50 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

Ours will be 28 months apart. I don’t think we would have wanted to wait any longer because DH is 41 and I’m 37 and babies are freaking exhausting. So far I’m relived that the hard part of pregnancy and breastfeeding will be done and over with. Pregnancy does not treat me well.

Forgive me in advance for stalking your pregnancy and growing family. LOL If we decide to definitely go for number two (& it were to happen in the ideal time frame I have in my mind) this will be us almost exactly. I am 36 (almost 37), DH turned 40 in April and dd is 15 mo. I have told DH that I would like to maybe try by this fall or not at all, so we’ll see.

[devonpow]

I have 5 years between mine. I love it! I’m not an infant person - I find it very hard, so there’s no way i could have had kids close together. I loved having so much individual time with each (5 years alone with DS1, and then he was in school when DS2 came so i had all day alone with him). Loved having a few years of good sleep and no diapers before plunging in again. Love that we won’t need to pay for colleges at the same time

I don’t like having to store 5 years worth of hand me downs, though.

[mccallister84]

They will be 19 months apart. It is what it is for us. H wanted to be done before he was 40 - he turns 39 next month - and I wanted the option for a 3rd on the table (we wouldn’t have a 3rd before he was 40 but if we were going to go for it would have started to TTC next summer, I’m pretty sure we are done with this one though). The girls will only be a year apart in school and right now I SAH so technically this gets me back to work a little quicker, although I’m not sure I’ll go back when they start kindergarten.

As we count down the days - 10! - of DD’s only childhood it does make me sad because she still seems so little and I fear that we are making her grow up too fast. But I also didn’t want to be too far removed from babyhood when we started over.

[atarianna]

It took us 3 years and multiple miscarriages to get pregnant with #1, so it was a huge shock to find out I was pregnant with #2 before even having a post partum period. They are a year apart.

Don’t do that.

It was trench warfare for 4 years straight where we were all barely surviving. Finally we were pretty confident our marriage and all would survive and really had a good routine going when I found out that #3 is on its way.

I think a two year gap is most ideal.

[Velar Fricative]

3y8m between our two and we’re done. I seriously love this age gap - DD1 was potty trained and super verbal so that was helpful. She knew to be gentle with the baby and was/is great at independent play. Bonus - only one year of two daycare tuitions (done in September!) and as long as DD1 graduates in four years, we won’t have to pay for two in college at the same time, lol.

I had an unplanned pregnancy when DD1 was 15 months old though, which would have made them exactly 2 years apart. That was never the plan since we wanted 3+ years, but I warmed up to it when I realized we would be done wh diapers, daycare, etc. much sooner. Then we TFMR at 21 weeks along due to chromosomal abnormalities and then I had a natural miscarriage when we were finally ready to try again. DD2 was conceived the cycle after the miscarriage. So ultimately we got the age gap we wanted but I realized there are pros and cons to various gaps and there’s no wrong number.

Also, age was never a huge factor. I was 31 and 35 for each kid and DH was 37 and 41. It’s pretty typical around here so we didn’t feel old.

[elliemonster21]

15 months. So it def was difficult and still is with a 2 year and 9 month old and I’m sure I’m going to have a glorious year with a 3 year old and a 2 year old. BUT. I honestly love it...we are done now and the idea of them being so close in age and enjoying the same things is very nice. And bonus points that when DD was born,DS was only 15 months so didnrfully get it. Now that he’s 2, he’s soooooo jealous so I think a newborn now would be terrible.

[estrellita]

They are 2 years, 9 months and like 10 days apart. I love and hate it, lol. I know it'll be better once A gets older but we were dealing with a really rough toddler stage while I was pregnant and dealing with a newborn. It was super stressful and still is sometimes. This is pretty much the age gap we wanted. I wanted 2-3 years in between so we started TTC a couple months before E turned 2. Got pregnant about a month after he turned 2. There is a small part of me that wishes we had waited until E was older just because DC is so expensive and he would have been even more independent but overall I wouldn't change it!

[pooh8402]

I was hoping for less than 3 years apart, and if my first FET last summer had worked, E and hypothetical #2 would have been about 2y9m apart.

If this IVF cycle works, they would be 3y8m apart.

Tbh, I'm kind of glad because E will be a bit more independent by then. He's a handful now and I would be so much more stressed if I had him at this age and a newborn. I am NOT a good toddler mom. I preferred newborn to this, lol.

Those of you with kids close in age have my props!

[noodleoo]

Mine will be 3 years and 5months apart. We always said we wanted kids 2 years apart, but when the time came to try for that we were both not ready. When she turned 2, almost every one from my new mom group was either pregnant or already had a second kid. It is funny how I felt behind, even though I knew we weren’t ready. When we finally were ready to try, H’s BIL planned his wedding and we kind of stupidly waited 3 months to avoid bmissing it due to a pregnancy or newborn. So anyway, long story short, this was a longer spacing than I initially wanted, but I think it will work out well. Dd has been so much easier since about 2.5, she’s potty trained, super verbal and even excited about DD2 coming along. I think the most important thing is to be on the same page as your partner. Try not to let peer pressure freak you out (it definitely did for me as I felt left behind by the other moms). It will all work out either way!

[Mrs.flang]

Jun 4, 2018 18:24:16 GMT -5 clseale said:

Jun 4, 2018 18:12:50 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

Ours will be 28 months apart. I don’t think we would have wanted to wait any longer because DH is 41 and I’m 37 and babies are freaking exhausting. So far I’m relived that the hard part of pregnancy and breastfeeding will be done and over with. Pregnancy does not treat me well.

Forgive me in advance for stalking your pregnancy and growing family. LOL If we decide to definitely go for number two (& it were to happy in the ideal timeframe I have in my mind) this will be us almost exactly. I am 36 (almost 37), DH turned 40 in April and dd is 15 mo. I have told DH that I would like to maybe try by this fall or not at all, so we’ll see.

I think we always sort of knew we wanted more than one. DD took a while to conceive so after she turned one we were like, guess we should get started! We half heartedly tried for a few cycles but it ended up happening faster than I expected. I still sometimes wonder if/how we’ll be able to handle two!

[Blue Moon]

Mine are slightly shy of 2y9months apart. I found out I was pg with DS at DD’s 2nd birthday party. I’m happy with this age gap. It’s what we wanted. I had a really tough time going from 1-2 kids, but it wasn’t a result of the age gap. Now with a 12 month old and a nearly 4 years old they are starting to play together and it’s awesome to see. They really love each other.

[joy]

My baby is 21 months and I have ZERO desire to have another. None. Actually petrified of it happening so I double up on birth control.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for a second, but if I am, it’ll be when my first is older and more independent. My own sister is my best friend and five years old than me so I have no strong feelings on age gaps. We also struggled to have our first so a second on a timeline it not a given.

[thebreakfastclub]

I think I'd wait until the first kid was potty trained, could walk while holding your hand without a fuss, and enjoyed watching tv, so 3 years or so. Anything shorter seems too hard, and if you wait too long, starting over would just drag out the annoyances of young kids too long.

I'm oad, so my interest in kids is limited as is.

[biogirl21]

My hypothetical second will be at least 5 years and 4 months younger than my first. Possibly more, depends on how long it takes to get pregnant. It’s not really what I wanted, but it’s how life worked out. Though now I think it will be pretty awesome. James is getting very independent and I think that he’ll be great with a baby. I do plan on having a third with a much smaller gap between two and three.

[jenna]

Special Snowflake. Mine are 10 years apart. Stepson is 17, son is 7.

Since I was 37 when my son was born, I was one-and-done re: being pregnant. My youngest didn't sleep well until age 2. I could not do that (the no sleep thing) all over again.

[lessel]

Velar Fricative - Save a few months here and there, our ages and kid ages (even the loss) are all very similar. Kinda weird.

[madringal]

I sing it from the roof tops that my 3 girls are all 4 years apart. I think its the perfect spacing. I REALLY get some great one on one time with each kid, they "help" with the littler ones, I don't have the clingy toddler/newborn neediness...it seriously is the best. Financially, it spreads out the cost of childcare, braces, proms, cars, college, etc. My personal anecdote is that my older sister is 6 years older then me and my younger sister is 3 years younger then me and we are all VERY close. So I never believed that close in age = close relationships.

[Velar Fricative]

Jun 4, 2018 20:07:52 GMT -5 lessel said:

Velar Fricative - Save a few months here and there, our ages and kid ages (even the loss) are all very similar. Kinda weird.

Creeeeeeeepy.

But, I'm sorry for your losses and that we have that similarity. Can't wait to hear the update when baby boy comes along soon though!

[bittybomb]

My first two are 27 months apart. Which was great. My middle and my third are only 15 months apart. So I had all three within 3 1/2 years. Because of the way their birthdays fall, they are two grades apart so I have a 4th going into 5th, 2nd going into 3rd, and K going into 1st. It was definitely a whirlwind, especially the 18 months following my third’s birth, but now we are in a great place (and really have been for the most part for awhile). I’d wanted a 4th but my husband never got on board and honestly even if he had, I would’ve wanted another 2 year or less difference. Once I got out of diapers after being in for 7 straight years, I was not about to go back. The first few years are still a blur though so I’m glad I took plenty of videos and photos.

[bdubs419]

21 months apart. I found out I was pregnant just after DS1 turned 1. It was not planned. My periods were all screwed up and DS2 ended up being somewhat of an accident. We knew we wanted another so obviously so we weren’t being super careful but at least it took the guess work out of planning another child. I think had it been more thought out it, they would have been further apart.

Personally, it was super hard. I am not a baby person and I really didn’t get a “break” in between kids. However, since I am not a baby person I was happy to get that phase over faster. I think if I waited too long it would have been hard for me to go back.

That said my boys already have a love/hate relationship. They love each other but fight like crazy also. They are into the same things as the same time, which can be good (playing together) but realistically it means fighting together a lot. They are 3 and 5 now... I am hopeful there will be more playing and less fighting as they get older.