Tell me what you would do in this situation.

[eav2c]

I feel weird posting this here because I started out posting about all my dad drama on TB but I really don't want to post this there because it's a sensitive issue.

So, for those of you that are up to speed on my dad issues. I talked to my dad today multiple times. He's trying to play it cool now because earlier today I told him that we really need to move him somewhere near me. He then told me that his 28 year old "girlfriend" is coming WITH him.

This woman is sucking him dry. She gives him pity stories about how shes poor. We suspect she's stealing his pain meds. She has caused so much conflict between my dad/brother/myself that I don't even feel like we're family anymore. My dad will lie and say he's not talking to her because she's crazy and OD'd on drugs and was in the hospital physc ward. Then he pities her. Everyday it's a new sob story. The day C was born he made me talk to this bitch. I was SO pissed off. I've never met her. She knows I hate her.

This story could get elaborate but I wont bore you. H and I pay my dads cell phone bill so we happen to have this cunts number. I'm tempted to call her and give her a piece of my mind. Tell her to leave my dad alone and that I don't trust her. I told my dad that I was going to call her and he ignored it. Would you call? What would you do? We know she is up to no good. A 28 year old woman does not hang out with a 80 year old man ALL DAY EVERYDAY. She even had my dad waking at 3am to call her to wake her up for work. She is an ADULT with a child (who got taken away!) and needs an 80 year old man to be her alarm clock??

Would you call and give your mind? I'd be nice, or as nice as can be, but she is using him. We all know it.

[eta] Also, did I mention my dad told me that he couldn't get C a gift because he gave this woman money? Yeah.

[christidee]

This is a really tough situation. I honestly don't know what I would do. Can you block her number so he can't dial or receive calls from her. I mean, it is probably only a temporary fix, but it is worth a shot.

I think the best thing you can do would be to become the person in charge of his trust/estate. I also think you should be his medical guardian. I don't know what it is really called, but that way you get to call the shots with where he goes and the care he receives.

Is there anyway you can 100 percent take over his finances too? That way you could pay for all of his expenses, and not let her suck him dry?

I think you need a lawyer.

[charlielove]

I know I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like she is probably being emotionally and financially abusive to your father. Your dad is in denial about all of it if that's the case. You can talk to her, but being that she is manipulative, she will probably spin the whole situation around on you.

Have you contacted Adult Protective Services by chance? I have reported situations very similar to this one to them before. They can do a welfare check on your dad and get the lowdown, and offer additional services like case management (at least that's what they do here). Then you know someone will be checking in on a regular basis and maybe the chick will hit the road so she doesn't get caught for stealing meds/money from him.

[eav2c]

I just read this to my H and he got a big "dun dun dun" look on his face and was like "OOOO we need to do this." I didn't know about adult protective services and I will be looking into it.

As for taking over everything, we are looking into it but it sounds like itll be pricey. We are hoping my dad will reliqunish everything to me without issue. He seemed more interested today but he might be playing a game with me. Which he is known to do.

I really want to call her. I feel like my mamabear claws are coming out and I'm ready to POUNCE

[spaghetticat]

I didn't see your original post, but this sounds like something straight off of Intervention. I definitely would not call her because I am sure it would get you no where. Why do you pay his cell phone bill? Do you pay his other bills? I feel like that could give you some leverage to get him closer to you. The other girls just gave good advice. I think this is out of your scope at this point. I think you need outside help. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[eav2c]

Sept 18, 2012 17:53:33 GMT -5 spaghetticat said:

I didn't see your original post, but this sounds like something straight off of Intervention. I definitely would not call her because I am sure it would get you no where. Why do you pay his cell phone bill? Do you pay his other bills? I feel like that could give you some leverage to get him closer to you. The other girls just gave good advice. I think this is out of your scope at this point. I think you need outside help. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

He's on our plan. It would cost him $50 or more to have his own plan so he's only an extra $10 to us. We pay no other bills.

Today he was out of it and said "Well, do they have garage sales where you live?".... Does that sounds like a NORMAL question? I dont know maybe I'm not paitent or something. But then two hours later he sounded fine. There is more going on here than I realize, I think.

[charlielove]

Has he been to the Dr. at all about the things you're concerned about?

Also, if you do call APS, be sure to really emphasize the financial abuse and stealing of his medication - and use specific examples if possible. That may get a better/faster response.

You also may want to keep notes with dates regarding times you know she has taken money/meds, etc. or times your dad has seemed particularly out of it and what he said to make you concerned. It may help in the future if you contact a lawyer or if something else happens.

[panicked]

Sadly, there isn't much you can do, until and unless you get a power of attorney and medical proxy. If this lady is stealing his pain meds, is there someone that you and he know or could hire that will dose out his pain meds to him and hide the rest?

[eav2c]

Sept 18, 2012 18:08:41 GMT -5 panicked said:

Sadly, there isn't much you can do, until and unless you get a power of attorney and medical proxy. If this lady is stealing his pain meds, is there someone that you and he know or could hire that will dose out his pain meds to him and hide the rest?

No, not really. My brother is notorious for stealing my dads meds too. He's a gem but I won't even go there tonight. My dad claimed the VA is stealing his pills ^o)

[mamasaurus]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap. I'd wait til she was driving somewhere with his pills in her purse and you know where she's going. Call the police with a tip about erratic driving. Hopefully getting busted by the cops will get her into rehab and get your dad to see the truth.

[eav2c]

Sept 18, 2012 18:08:26 GMT -5 charlielove said:

Has he been to the Dr. at all about the things you're concerned about?

Also, if you do call APS, be sure to really emphasize the financial abuse and stealing of his medication - and use specific examples if possible. That may get a better/faster response.

You also may want to keep notes with dates regarding times you know she has taken money/meds, etc. or times your dad has seemed particularly out of it and what he said to make you concerned. It may help in the future if you contact a lawyer or if something else happens.

I don't know. He's a vet so he sees a doctor via the VA. It can be difficult to get an appointment. His primary care doctor, whom I met, hes good and has known my dad for years so I feel like he would notice if my dad was off. My concern is that my dad is GREAT at putting on a show. He can talk himself out of any situation. I believe there is some form of dementia going on or something. For instance he doesn't remember C's name half he time, doesn't remember things we discusse the conversation before, etc.

My dad is 850 miles away so I would have done something much sooner willing distance wasn't an issue. I've done everything I could possibly do from afar. I send him, very occasionally, gift cards to his grocery store and panera (right next to where he lives) but I haven't been able to do much more but make sure he is well fed. My brother, who is 8 years older than me, and lives down the road is in denial about my dad so I cannot rely on him.

[panicked]

I would HIGHLY suggest calling your dad's doctor. Let him know what your concerns are. If he's a decent doctor at all, he'll make an effort to see your dad more often.

[charlielove]

It sounds like you are absolutely doing everything you can, such a difficult situation. Also remind yourself there's only so much you can do right now. You can give your dad the options and empower him with information regarding the abuse it sounds like he is dealing with, but as of now he's the one that has to make the decisions.

Zombie hugs! ({) (})

[eav2c]

Panicked, I will do that. I hope that I don't get a total side eye from the office. I am by no means bashing VA but I feel my dad gets lost in the crowd sometimes. They get shuffled in like cows in a slaughter house.

Charlie, thanks for your support. It's just a hard situation and I don't have anyone to lean back on other than my H. My H is as naive as naive can be. He hasn't really ever experienced sickness, death, etc. so he really gets flustered about all of this.

Thanks again everyone :heart:

[lookafteryou]

I really don't have advice but t&ps for you...

[hass2001]

Ugh, I am sorry you're dealing with this. I feel really bad for your dad. I really feel like he's being taken advantage of. I would most definitely confront the bitch. Can you call the cops on her for stealing your dads pain meds?

ETA: I really love your avatar picture. You are very pretty