Potty Training regression

[vtdiamond]

I’m hoping for some ideas/help with an issue we are having with my son. DS is 3 (turning 4 in Nov), he’s been potty trained for almost a year. The last month he has had a major regression and is having accidents all the time. He will not even attempt to use the potty, just pees in his pants and doesn’t say anything, doesn’t seem to bother him being wet. Sometimes he will pee in the potty and he always poops in the potty. We’ve had him tested for a UTI which was negative, tried positive reinforcement/bribes, tried doing time outs for accidents, but nothing seems to be helping. He’s changed rooms at daycare around the same time, but this seems to happen at both daycare and at home.

We’re going to try going back to basics with potty training this weekend as he had a ton of accidents at school today. Basically he finally decided to start using the potty when they told him he couldn’t go to the multipurpose/playroom. We are beyond frustrated as he definitely knows what to do but just doesn’t give a crap anymore.

Any ideas?

[luv2rn4fun]

C is the same way and recently has decided that he can pee wherever he wants. Just this week he tried to pee on a PNP sitting on our family room floor (I caught him before he actually did anything) and then purposely peed on a lego train because he thought it was like rain. The next day he peed on his fire truck while outside. He has also had random accidents here and there.

I give timeouts where appropriate and remind him he won’t be going to preschool next month if he’s not potty trained. We actually told him the train was going in the trash can (it’s on the side of the house...I think it needs to be thrown away but my DH thinks it’s unfair to DS2...so I guess it’s in a long timeout).

I honesty just think it’s testing boundaries and laziness. He’s also super into his penis right now (and pee...he will literally try to touch his pee while going...gross!)...not sure if it’s all related or what is going on but I hope it ends soon! For you too! Good luck!!

[isabel]

DS1 did really great for several weeks and then had a regression. It's sort of ok, but he's having the occasional accident and I don't feel like I can trust him to just go on his own. He fights it every time I tell him to go even though he ends up peeing 99% of the time. I am so, so frustrated. I decided I needed to stop yelling, so we're doing a sticker chart. 10 times using the potty gets him a reward (matchbox car, dollar bin toys, bath bombs, etc.). It's helping in that he's stopped arguing when I ask him to go, but it doesn't really seem to be helping with getting him to go on his own.

In short, I feel you.

[isabel]

vtdiamond , any luck with the potty training regression?

I honestly don't know what to do. DS1 just will not consistently use the toilet. Nothing works: sticker charts, praise, time out, making him clean it up, taking away toys, telling him he can't do certain things when he asks... I'm seriously at a loss and am so angry about it. I'm debating putting him back in diapers because I just cannot deal.

I left him naked all day today and he still had accidents!

[dcn]

Aug 4, 2018 18:48:35 GMT -5 isabel said:

vtdiamond , any luck with the potty training regression?

I honestly don't know what to do. DS1 just will not consistently use the toilet. Nothing works: sticker charts, praise, time out, making him clean it up, taking away toys, telling him he can't do certain things when he asks... I'm seriously at a loss and am so angry about it. I'm debating putting him back in diapers because I just cannot deal.

I left him naked all day today and he still had accidents!

Have you tried setting a timer and having him go every 20 min? Then stretching out the time?

I can’t give advice though bc when my kid regressed and peed everywhere and sobbed bc he wanted diapers I put him back in Diapers for a few months. Shrug.

[isabel]

Aug 4, 2018 19:59:36 GMT -5 dcn said:

Aug 4, 2018 18:48:35 GMT -5 isabel said:

vtdiamond , any luck with the potty training regression?

I honestly don't know what to do. DS1 just will not consistently use the toilet. Nothing works: sticker charts, praise, time out, making him clean it up, taking away toys, telling him he can't do certain things when he asks... I'm seriously at a loss and am so angry about it. I'm debating putting him back in diapers because I just cannot deal.

I left him naked all day today and he still had accidents!

Have you tried setting a timer and having him go every 20 min? Then stretching out the time?

I can’t give advice though bc when my kid regressed and peed everywhere and sobbed bc he wanted diapers I put him back in Diapers for a few months. Shrug.

Do you actually think that would be effective? My concern with that is that he's not learning to listen to his body and react, he's just responding to a timer. I intentionally didn't prompt him to go today. The first time he went on his own without issue. The second time he peed a decent bit on his chair and then stopped himself and finished in the toilet. Just now, I saw him looking down and asked if he was peeing and he said yes and that he needed to "stop and go right away" (thanks, Daniel Tiger). He peed just a very small amount this time and finished on the toilet.

I know he knows how to do this and I know he understands what it feels like when he needs to pee. He's also very good at stopping himself when he starts peeing. I asked him if he wants to wear diapers again and he said he doesn't. I don't know what to do.

After you put him in diapers for a bit was he better the second go around?

[dcn]

Aug 4, 2018 20:12:59 GMT -5 isabel said:

Aug 4, 2018 19:59:36 GMT -5 dcn said:

Have you tried setting a timer and having him go every 20 min? Then stretching out the time?

I can’t give advice though bc when my kid regressed and peed everywhere and sobbed bc he wanted diapers I put him back in Diapers for a few months. Shrug.

Do you actually think that would be effective? My concern with that is that he's not learning to listen to his body and react, he's just responding to a timer. I intentionally didn't prompt him to go today. The first time he went on his own without issue. The second time he peed a decent bit on his chair and then stopped himself and finished in the toilet. Just now, I saw him looking down and asked if he was peeing and he said yes and that he needed to "stop and go right away" (thanks, Daniel Tiger). He peed just a very small amount this time and finished on the toilet.

I know he knows how to do this and I know he understands what it feels like when he needs to pee. He's also very good at stopping himself when he starts peeing. I asked him if he wants to wear diapers again and he said he doesn't. I don't know what to do.

After you put him in diapers for a bit was he better the second go around?

Yes, he had one accident and that was it the second try. It was totally a control thing for him. I was like 9 months pregnant when he sobbed for diapers and had no energy to push through it. He was in diapers another 4 months or so. Once he was telling me when he was peeing in his diaper and asking for a dry one I was like ok kid, you can pee in the potty now.

Some kids just need more prompting and reminding I think. The timer would just be a tool to get him to stop and think and notice. Sounds like he’s getting there!

[isabel]

Aug 4, 2018 21:00:06 GMT -5 dcn said:

Aug 4, 2018 20:12:59 GMT -5 isabel said:

Do you actually think that would be effective? My concern with that is that he's not learning to listen to his body and react, he's just responding to a timer. I intentionally didn't prompt him to go today. The first time he went on his own without issue. The second time he peed a decent bit on his chair and then stopped himself and finished in the toilet. Just now, I saw him looking down and asked if he was peeing and he said yes and that he needed to "stop and go right away" (thanks, Daniel Tiger). He peed just a very small amount this time and finished on the toilet.

I know he knows how to do this and I know he understands what it feels like when he needs to pee. He's also very good at stopping himself when he starts peeing. I asked him if he wants to wear diapers again and he said he doesn't. I don't know what to do.

After you put him in diapers for a bit was he better the second go around?

Yes, he had one accident and that was it the second try. It was totally a control thing for him. I was like 9 months pregnant when he sobbed for diapers and had no energy to push through it. He was in diapers another 4 months or so. Once he was telling me when he was peeing in his diaper and asking for a dry one I was like ok kid, you can pee in the potty now.

Some kids just need more prompting and reminding I think. The timer would just be a tool to get him to stop and think and notice. Sounds like he’s getting there!

He was doing this when we decided to potty train. Actually, what prompted it was that his class does splash day on Fridays and he took off his diaper to put on his swim trunks. Once outside, his teacher said he got a weird look on his face. She asked what was wrong and he said he needed to pee. She told him to just go because he was wearing a diaper. He told her he took it off and wasn't wearing one. 

He did just great the weekend we potty trained and for about a month after that. Since then, he mostly does fine at school with an accident a couple times a week (he goes 3 days), but at home he has accidents if we don't prompt him to go regularly. 

Maybe I just need to recognize that if we prompt and he doesn't have accidents that that's a win? Right now I feel like that's a bad habit to get in because he's not choosing to use the bathroom himself. I don't know if that makes sense. I just don't want him to develop a habit of only using the bathroom when he's told to do so.

[estrellita]

E is having a regression right now. Mostly poop but he's also peed in his underwear a couple times. It's usually at DC when they're outside. They take potty breaks. He just waits so long that he goes in his underwear and then doesn't tell the teachers. But he also did it today twice. Once this morning, then at my parents house. Again didn't tell anyone. We've put him back in pull ups. He's been in underwear since mid Sept last year. Occasional accidents are fine, but he's pooped in his underwear almost every day for the last 2 weeks. The only thing that's changed is that he stopped wearing a pull up to bed but idk what that would really have to do with it.

I made a chart now and I'm really hoping it helps. I'm going to mark a box every day he goes without an accident. After 3, he gets underwear back. After 10, he gets a prize. After 20 he gets a bigger prize. Not sure yet what the prizes should be but I'm hoping that motivates him enough. He seemed pretty interested when I was making it but then pooped in his underwear later so... ugh.

[vtdiamond]

Aug 4, 2018 18:48:35 GMT -5 isabel said:

vtdiamond , any luck with the potty training regression?

I honestly don't know what to do. DS1 just will not consistently use the toilet. Nothing works: sticker charts, praise, time out, making him clean it up, taking away toys, telling him he can't do certain things when he asks... I'm seriously at a loss and am so angry about it. I'm debating putting him back in diapers because I just cannot deal.

I left him naked all day today and he still had accidents!

DS did really well this week. After a lot of transition with teachers at daycare they now have a great permanent teacher in his class and she was on top of him this week with constant reminders. He had no accidents Tues-Thurs and just had one at nap time on Friday. He’s done pretty well this weekend too, so I’m hopeful he’s going to get over the regression soon.

[boiler717]

estrellita when my son has poop accidents it’s almost always because he’s constipated and has a hard time pushing it out on the potty, doing it while moving around instead. We stopped giving bananas and give a fruit cup a day and it helped tremendously.

[joy]

Aug 4, 2018 21:30:06 GMT -5 isabel said:

Aug 4, 2018 21:00:06 GMT -5 dcn said:

Yes, he had one accident and that was it the second try. It was totally a control thing for him. I was like 9 months pregnant when he sobbed for diapers and had no energy to push through it. He was in diapers another 4 months or so. Once he was telling me when he was peeing in his diaper and asking for a dry one I was like ok kid, you can pee in the potty now.

Some kids just need more prompting and reminding I think. The timer would just be a tool to get him to stop and think and notice. Sounds like he’s getting there!

He was doing this when we decided to potty train. Actually, what prompted it was that his class does splash day on Fridays and he took off his diaper to put on his swim trunks. Once outside, his teacher said he got a weird look on his face. She asked what was wrong and he said he needed to pee. She told him to just go because he was wearing a diaper. He told her he took it off and wasn't wearing one. 

He did just great the weekend we potty trained and for about a month after that. Since then, he mostly does fine at school with an accident a couple times a week (he goes 3 days), but at home he has accidents if we don't prompt him to go regularly. 

Maybe I just need to recognize that if we prompt and he doesn't have accidents that that's a win? Right now I feel like that's a bad habit to get in because he's not choosing to use the bathroom himself. I don't know if that makes sense. I just don't want him to develop a habit of only using the bathroom when he's told to do so.

I think prompting is going to help him also get in the habit of going. Kids don’t want to stop playing so even if they realize “oh, hey! I have to pee!” many are going to just ignore it because who wants to stop? My parents prompted me to pee before leaving the house until I was ten. Lol. I don’t think prompting or a timer will make him dependent on one; I think it will help him incorporate stopping, thinking, and considering going to the potty into his day. The novelty of a new skill wears off so you need a new way to reinforce.

[estrellita]

Aug 5, 2018 5:30:39 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

estrellita when my son has poop accidents it’s almost always because he’s constipated and has a hard time pushing it out on the potty, doing it while moving around instead. We stopped giving bananas and give a fruit cup a day and it helped tremendously.

I'm not sure if this is the case or not.. he had a 3rd poop accident last night while my parents were watching him and my mom said it was kind of loose. Plus has been going daily, 3 times yesterday, so who knows. He never tries to poop if you bring him to the bathroom. He 99% of the time will run around until he either just goes or runs to the bathroom and barely makes it (when he does go in the potty, which has been like once or twice in the last couple weeks).

[luv2rn4fun]

isabel- sometimes we have to prompt C, 3.5 yo and potty trained for a year. He has had some regressions...when he started preschool at the end of Jan and then recently he purposely thought it was cool to pee on things (LEGO train, fire truck coupe, PNP). Whenever accidents (or anything peeing/pooping not in a toilet) start happening I always go back to prompting and bribing/rewards. It takes a day or two mostly and we are back to normal. I have noticed that sometimes he just waits til the last minute...I ask if he has to go, he’ll usuallt say he doesn’t...I wait a little and respect his wishes but if he clearly has to go I gently remind him he can go and then come back to what he is doing.

[lolo]

I wonder also if he's constipated. I would rule that out and, in the meantime, go back to pull ups.

[dcn]

Aug 4, 2018 21:30:06 GMT -5 isabel said:

Aug 4, 2018 21:00:06 GMT -5 dcn said:

Yes, he had one accident and that was it the second try. It was totally a control thing for him. I was like 9 months pregnant when he sobbed for diapers and had no energy to push through it. He was in diapers another 4 months or so. Once he was telling me when he was peeing in his diaper and asking for a dry one I was like ok kid, you can pee in the potty now.

Some kids just need more prompting and reminding I think. The timer would just be a tool to get him to stop and think and notice. Sounds like he’s getting there!

He was doing this when we decided to potty train. Actually, what prompted it was that his class does splash day on Fridays and he took off his diaper to put on his swim trunks. Once outside, his teacher said he got a weird look on his face. She asked what was wrong and he said he needed to pee. She told him to just go because he was wearing a diaper. He told her he took it off and wasn't wearing one. 

He did just great the weekend we potty trained and for about a month after that. Since then, he mostly does fine at school with an accident a couple times a week (he goes 3 days), but at home he has accidents if we don't prompt him to go regularly. 

Maybe I just need to recognize that if we prompt and he doesn't have accidents that that's a win? Right now I feel like that's a bad habit to get in because he's not choosing to use the bathroom himself. I don't know if that makes sense. I just don't want him to develop a habit of only using the bathroom when he's told to do so.

I definitely prompted more at the beginning, and even now at almost 6 I remind him to go before we leave the house and most nights have to remind him to go before he gets into bed.

The timer would just be a reminder for him to stop and see if he needs to go, before it’s too late. If he doesn’t have to go then he can keep playing or whatever. He’s still choosing!

[isabel]

I really appreciate all the feedback. I’ll keep prompting and set up a timer for him. I think the threat of going back to diapers may help with the whining when we ask him to go. I’m really tired of arguing with him about it when he clearly needs to go.

[boiler717]

Aug 5, 2018 6:21:15 GMT -5 estrellita said:

Aug 5, 2018 5:30:39 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

estrellita when my son has poop accidents it’s almost always because he’s constipated and has a hard time pushing it out on the potty, doing it while moving around instead. We stopped giving bananas and give a fruit cup a day and it helped tremendously.

I'm not sure if this is the case or not.. he had a 3rd poop accident last night while my parents were watching him and my mom said it was kind of loose. Plus has been going daily, 3 times yesterday, so who knows. He never tries to poop if you bring him to the bathroom. He 99% of the time will run around until he either just goes or runs to the bathroom and barely makes it (when he does go in the potty, which has been like once or twice in the last couple weeks).

My son was actually going 2-4 times a day and it didn’t seem hard or anything (he’s always had looser stools). I thought for sure he couldn’t be constipated, but everything I read about it said kids with poop accidents are almost always from constipation, regardless of frequency or consistency (which was something I had never heard before). So we figured we’d try it and it was true for us. I even remember reading they can still have loose stools because if they have a blockage the part that gets around it will be loose. It took him making it (again) a few times in the potty to get the confidence to try waiting to poop again.

[boiler717]

Aug 5, 2018 8:58:21 GMT -5 isabel said:

I really appreciate all the feedback. I’ll keep prompting and set up a timer for him. I think the threat of going back to diapers may help with the whining when we ask him to go. I’m really tired of arguing with him about it when he clearly needs to go.

I was at my wits end about this. I felt like every time it was a battle. I want to trust him when he says he doesn’t have to go, but he will wind up having accidents. I totally changed when we had a heart to heart about him not listening and how it made me sad. We gave him examples of listening. Now he gets super excited to “listen” and we make a huge deal of it. Silly kid.

[isabel]

Aug 5, 2018 11:47:32 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

Aug 5, 2018 8:58:21 GMT -5 isabel said:

I really appreciate all the feedback. I’ll keep prompting and set up a timer for him. I think the threat of going back to diapers may help with the whining when we ask him to go. I’m really tired of arguing with him about it when he clearly needs to go.

I was at my wits end about this. I felt like every time it was a battle. I want to trust him when he says he doesn’t have to go, but he will wind up having accidents. I totally changed when we had a heart to heart about him not listening and how it made me sad. We gave him examples of listening. Now he gets super excited to “listen” and we make a huge deal of it. Silly kid.

You have no idea how much hope this gives me. Every.single.time is such a battle. Literally nothing I do seems to help. I try to be really positive and encouraging, we sing the Daniel Tiger songs. None of it matters. He gets so upset every time I ask him to use the toilet, even when he hasn't gone in hours and I *know* he has to pee.

He has this calendar thing where you choose your mood and he's been doing a lot of asking us if we're happy or sad. I'm going to try to find a calm time today to sit down with him and talk about how it makes me sad when he doesn't listen.

[boiler717]

Aug 5, 2018 14:32:26 GMT -5 isabel said:

Aug 5, 2018 11:47:32 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

I was at my wits end about this. I felt like every time it was a battle. I want to trust him when he says he doesn’t have to go, but he will wind up having accidents. I totally changed when we had a heart to heart about him not listening and how it made me sad. We gave him examples of listening. Now he gets super excited to “listen” and we make a huge deal of it. Silly kid.

You have no idea how much hope this gives me. Every.single.time is such a battle. Literally nothing I do seems to help. I try to be really positive and encouraging, we sing the Daniel Tiger songs. None of it matters. He gets so upset every time I ask him to use the toilet, even when he hasn't gone in hours and I *know* he has to pee.

He has this calendar thing where you choose your mood and he's been doing a lot of asking us if we're happy or sad. I'm going to try to find a calm time today to sit down with him and talk about how it makes me sad when he doesn't listen.

Let me know how it goes. I think acknowledging to him that listening and following directions can be really hard for him helped, too.
To give you some actual examples, before I ask him to do something (and not just potty), I’ll say “T, do you want to LISTEN?” (In a super exciting voice). He gets so excited and say “MAMA! Mama I am listening! Say the words!” Then I tell him to do something. As soon as he does it I’m like “T, you are listening!! Thank you so much! You are such a big boy for listening! I’m so proud of you.” He’ll get so excited and say that he’s listening over and over again.
He needs encouragement that listening is the right thing to do even when it’s hard. Maybe that’s being too permissive but I think kids don’t innately know how to follow directions and it’s my job to teach him to do so and that can be hard to learn.
Now when I ask him to go potty and he says he doesn’t have to, I can trust it’s because he really doesn’t have to go and not because he just doesn’t want to follow directions.