Classroom placement drama vent (Updated again for laughs)

[starburst604]

Quick backstory: I'm friends with about 7 other moms of kids in L's classroom. For the last year or so we've gotten close and have girl's nights and do stuff with the kids together, etc. We have an ongoing text chain about life, daycare, whatever. All of our kids turned 3 between April and June.

We just got an email with our classroom placements for their preschool class starting in a few weeks. Of our 8 kids, my DD and one other boy (P) are together, and the rest are in another class together, and they're not buddy rooms. DD and P are good friends so I was happy they are together, but his mom and the rest of the moms are flipping their shit on our text chain that they "split the kids up". They feel that because they are all good friends they should have stayed together. I'm personally fine with her getting exposure to new friends and it's not like she won't see her old buddies on the playground. But they have already started making phone calls to the director, who said it was based on age. Ok, L and P are the oldest, but her other best friend is only younger by 5 days and is in the other room. So P's mom is lobbying to have him moved to the other room. 

Now, this has me feeling like I HAVE to say something or L will be on her own in a new room if P gets moved, but I really don't want to. I was ok with the original plan. Ugh wtf. It's not unusual for kids at preschool age to not all stay in the same room right? These kids have been in the same or buddy room for the last 2 school years. Should I be more worked up about this? 

UPDATE: Well it's official, P has been moved to the other room with the other 6 kids. I'm kind of irritated at his mom for doing that and just feel like keeping my distance from her right now. L will start in the new class on Monday and they've been doing lots of talk about it in circle time, she's met her teachers and so far she has a lot of excitement about it. I also hear really great things about her new teachers, one of them seems to be a really coveted teacher to have. She'll be the youngest, possibly by a decent margin but I've talked with her current teachers and they really think she'll thrive because she loves being around older kids. I know a couple of the kids in her current buddy room will be in her new class and she likes them. I'm going to allow myself some extra time at drop off next week in case she needs to ease in a bit, but overall I'm feeling good about it and have confidence that she'll do well. 

UPDATE #2/FINAL UPDATE:
Yesterday was the first day in the new classrooms. P's mom texted me after school "P is really upset that he isn't in L's class anymore. I can't get it right."

head/desk

[countthestars]

I would leave it be, even if L is in the next room by herself. I think P's mom is being ridiculous. Even if there's only a 5 day difference, the line has to be drawn somewhere for ratio reasons and it doesn't sound like there is some sort of personal vendetta out for your group. L will make new friends where ever she ends up, and you can remain friends with the other moms regardless of which classroom everyone is in.

ETA: I actually think it's highly beneficial to be in the classroom either alone or with just P for the new friends reason alone. We just got Kindergarten assignments and the school purposefully split up all of DD's preschool class and all of the kids in our neighborhood.

[joy]

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but these mothers seem crazy.

[dcn]

They are 3? I can’t even with classroom drama at 3.

I would shrug and move on. They will all make new friends. They will be fine.

[starburst604]

Ok good. I finally had to mute my phone at work because it wouldn’t stop going off.

I can remember when I’d move up a grade, sometimes I’d be with my BFF and sometimes not, and it would be like oh bummer and then I’d meet and make more friends.

Totally agree that L will benefit. I just started to doubt myself when I was the only one who wasn’t worked up over this. Well I do have a side text with one other mom who is my running/marathon buddy and agrees with me. Her son and L will end up back together for pre-k since they group them by town for that.

I’m going to a preseason football game later with P’s Mom and another Mom, maybe I can talk them off the ledge lol.

[redheadk]

So, I chose a different day combination for DD when she was 3 than my other friends and again when she was 4 so she was rarely with her established friends in preschool. It was great. She has learned to make friends really easily. The others actually ended up switching to her class mid-year in 3s (from 2 days to 3 days) and while DD was happy about it, she still hung out with her new friends, too. I think it was good for her. I would just ignore it. She will quickly make new friends and you can still hang out with the old. You'll probably make some new friends, too.

[joy]

starburst604, I’m most bothered by this idea that the rules don’t apply to them over something so silly. Who cares if a group of three year old “friends” are broken up? They’ll be fine. This idea that they’ll call, complain, and expect to get their way bodes ominously for the future of dealing with them.

They’re three - it’s not that serious. Thank you for being the sane one.

[starburst604]

Aug 9, 2018 15:59:23 GMT -5 joy said:

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but these mothers seem crazy.

This made me laugh!! You are right. I won’t get embroiled in drama over 3 year old classroom drama.

[noodleoo]

Yeah, I have to admit this would make me think less of this group of moms. They are helicopter parenting the kids already at age 3!?! It might be good for you and L to expand your circle. 😜

[starburst604]

Aug 9, 2018 16:21:27 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Yeah, I have to admit this would make me think less of this group of moms. They are helicopter parenting the kids already at age 3!?! It might be good for you and L to expand your circle. 😜

Honestly there are 2 ringleaders who “go to the director” about evvvverything. The latest was that they were no longer allowed to store any breast milk for their infants beyond what they would eat that day, and daycare won’t wash BM bottles when they do wash FF bottles. Head/desk

The only time I have discussed anything with the director was when a teacher gave L food she’s allergic to.

[dcn]

Maybe my experience is coloring this but my kids are with a new group of kids every 6-12 months due to moving rooms and/or kids moving away or moving here (my h is military) and it’s barely a blip.

They are both open to new kids and making new friends and are inclusive to new kids. It’s a really cool thing to watch. New kids and new groups are good!

Of course it’s great to develop and maintain friendships. But mixing it up is generally good in our experience.

[campermom]

These are the kind of parents whose kids have a really hard time being resilient when things are not perfectly ideal.

Parents of elementary kids are no better when they complain about their kids not being together. They need to model coping skills, how to be a friend and make new friends, and how to handle disappointment.

3 year olds, please. I am shaking my damn head over here.

[raangoli]

These women need to take a deep breath. It will be OK. Kids can still be friends if they are in other class rooms, it is not the end of the world.

[luv2rn4fun]

C started preschool mid year last year (they created a new class for all the wait list kids). It was W/F and those were the only days available. The kids all loved each other and C was particularly close with 2 out of the 10 (so 3 of the boys total were best friends). Well, the two he really liked have moved preschools for next year (both because the new schools are more convenient). I also found out that a lot of the other parents switched to T/Th...so I don’t know if C will know any of the kids in his class this next year. He’s super shy so I am a little sad for him...BUT, he will get over it! No way am I about to switch him to T/Th for the sake that he can be in the same class as his friends. Besides, this is a private preschool...he will be there the next two years and then start kindergarten at the public school, which will likely be a whole new set of friends. This is all part of life and I think it will benefit him in the long run.

[starburst604]

Aug 9, 2018 16:47:23 GMT -5 milsaroo said:

Assuming the class sizes are 24 students or less, these moms want to dictate 1/3 of the class?! Yeesh.

Also, this is why I probably don’t have many Mom friends and won’t as my kids reach school age. I can’t get it up for something so nonsensical.

(Out of curiosity starburst604, why don’t they wash BM bottles vs FF bottles?)

I’m not sure about the bottles. L was FF and As I remember it, I left 2 bottles and her can of formula at daycare all the time, and they mixed it for her. They would put them through the dishwasher after use and I never brought them home. I think because they can’t store BM there (probably for some kind of safety purpose) and have to bring thawed BM fresh each day, they just send the bottles home with them.

[ECB]

Yeah, you shouldn’t be worked up over this.

When DS went into K, he knew 12 kids going into his school. I couldn’t wait to see who would be in his class. Out of 3 classes, NOT ONE of the 12 kids ended up with him.

I was nervous and thinking maybe i should do something. Then i said “wait, this is only K” and realized it would be good to meet a lot of new kids.

He’s going into 4th. We just got teacher assignments today. Of his 4 closest buds, none are in his class this year. He’s bummed about it but in a “oh well, life goes on” way.

He’s done PERFECTLY fine every year and continues to do just fine. Resilience is a good life skill to learn!!

[readyin07]

I think expecting 8 kids to be kept together is not reasonable. Especially because this is not even Pre-K right??? They are super little.

When my youngest was going into Pre-K he had two close buds and they one of them got put into another room where no other boys from their class were going. His mom asked for him to be moved and was accomodated. That doesn’t really bug me.

Every year we are allowed to request the” type” of teacher our kids do best with. In the past I have asked that ds be put into a class with one friend (and given a list of names). He has a history of anxiety and it makes everyone’s life a little easier if he has a familiar face. It doesn’t have to be his whole group. Last year and this year I haven’t asked because he knows enough kids that there is usually someone he is friendly with.

[penguingrrl]

That’s bizarre and completely unreasonable. My kids sometimes know nobody they know in their class, and they survive and make friends. In fact, usually I prefer that because they have a chance to meet new friends.

[ECB]

Our school is run rampant by women like this. One even said once that she and her crew “run” the school because the principal listens to them.

We got a new principal this year. I’m REALLY hoping he puts an end to this attitude.

[abs]

Tell them to chill. They are THREE. They will make new friends and be just fine. Alao letting it go will be excellent practice for elementary school.

DD is going into 2nd. She had yet to have any of her close friends in her class. She’s always sad and then promptly makes new friends.

[momin2013]

Absolutely unreasonable to expect them all to be kept together. And honestly, I think kids really benefit from expanding their friend group rather than sticking with the same buddies through the years.

This is going to happen from now until the end of their school days, so it's just not something to fret over.

[erbear]

Tell them that we teachers mock parents like them incessantly. Completely ridiculous.

[clseale]

They feel because they are all good friends, the school should give a shit and keep them together? Like they’re the only 8 special, precious little kids in the school with insane parents and entitled requests. I’m picturing them stomping their feet as they are talking to the director. Grown ass adults.

[patches31709]

They're 3! I'd bet money they hardly notice their "friends" aren't there. And I put friends in quotes not because they aren't friends, but again....they're 3!

[jackie011]

This is my reality, unfortunately. Parents A & B want their children together, but not with child C. Child C’s parents want to be with A & D, but not B and so on and so on. I’ve also never understood the argument that “these are all of our friends, and we hang out all the time” as a reason to spend even MORE time together at school. We’ve slowly tried to change the culture, but every year there’s a few squeaky wheels that we have to remind that it’s just preschool!

[noodleoo]

jackie011, see that is why this whole premise bugs me! It feels very clique-ish and the precursor to middle school “mean kid” behavior. I actually think it is good to split up the groups so the kids are exposed to new friends. The fact that the parents are setting this example now, in freaking preschool, is nuts.

[isabel]

Aug 9, 2018 20:07:23 GMT -5 patches31709 said:

They're 3! I'd bet money they hardly notice their "friends" aren't there. And I put friends in quotes not because they aren't friends, but again....they're 3!

I want to preface this by saying that we did not say a single word about it, but DS1 had a *really* hard time when he moved to the next classroom and his best friend was too young to move too. He honestly didn't really fully integrate into the classroom until his friend moved up and I'm 90% sure the school moved him early so that DS1 would feel more comfortable. He wasn't quite 3 at the time.

All that to say, I guess if one of these kids is like that, I can *kind of* see being upset. But, like others said, this is the time to model behavior about it being ok to express emotions and how you handle those. It's crazy to talk to the director about this.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

This is actually funny. I was thinking about venting here today because DS' new class assignments today split him up from his 2 BFFs that he's been with since before they all could talk & walk. I wanted to ask if they could all have one more year together since they will all go off to separate kindergarten in 2019 but I don't want to be "that mom". Intellectually I know the separation would be handled just fine by the kids but emotionally I know DS is going to be devastated. I'm also having a hard time swollowing this last tuition hike. So our daycare is kind of on my shit list right now.

[starburst604]

WOUNDTIGHT do I recall correctly that we go to the same daycare?? I don’t envy the director’s job today!!

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Aug 9, 2018 22:55:26 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

WOUNDTIGHT do I recall correctly that we go to the same daycare?? I don’t envy the director’s job today!!

Yes I believe we do! J has a lot of work on her hands tonight I'm sure. The other 2 parents of our 3 mustakeers have asked for them to be put back together. I am not going to push it but in all honesty i was thinking of pulling him out and putting him somewhere more near us in the south side of town, that costs 20% less than our center. The rates have gone bonkers, I'll be paying more per week there for pre-k than I was paying for infant care at his first center when we lived in Quincy.