Post by starburst604 on Aug 31, 2018 10:44:35 GMT -5
I really think that an experienced doula is a must for you, regardless of what route your next birth goes. The positive is that you like your OB, and if you are delivering at the same hospital, a doula can help you through the nurse thing. They will know what is and isn't ok and what you can refuse and ask for. I also like pinotgrig idea of talking with a patient advocate of some kind at the hospital beforehand.
It sounds like we had very similar deliveries, with getting to 9cm after a long labor and then stalling and getting the CS. But I had a much more positive experience with the medical professionals who handled my care and I can see the differences as you describe each step. Like the epidural - I was told I could have it but no one pressured me at all. I decided to get it because I couldn't think of another internal exam without one, then regretted it because I couldn't move or eat after that. Had I known how long everything would end up taking, I would have fought the discomfort for a longer time. But that was on me. Same with the shower issue - I don't remember the exact conversation, but I know someone told me I could shower because I remember getting instructions to just dab my incision lightly when toweling off.
I hope you get the birth you want next time and it will give you some peace.
Post by hopecounts on Aug 31, 2018 10:55:54 GMT -5
Honestly the nurses and anesthesiologist are going to have way more impact on your L&D experience than your OB. I would personally switch hospitals. I"d find a VBAC supportive OB at the other hospital and proceed from there. I switched OBs and hospitals because of better VBAC stats and they had better emergency services should a VBAC attempt go bad. Baby boy is breech so that's all out the window BUT their overall CS policies, nursing, etc are more Mom friendly
starburst604, my issue with the epidural is that nobody told me about the risks of it not working. And apparently obesity and edema increase the chances of issues with it, which of course nobody mentioned. I didn't really feel pressured into getting it. I always kind of thought I would get one. But I just wasn't offered assistance in any other sort of pain management. Nobody said, hey, why don't you try X position or getting in the shower or whatever. And I just had zero instincts at all. I was so anxious I could barely function - I spent the entire day of misoprostol basically just crying and saying I wanted to go home. When I hadn't made any progress after the second dose, I basically lost it and never recovered mentally. And given the complications of the epidural, I will always wonder if things would have progressed better if I'd actually stood up and done some things like walk, squat, etc., to help the baby engage and move down. I suspect I still would have eventually gotten the epidural, but if I could have done a little more first, I think I'd feel better about the whole process.
Post by outnumbered on Aug 31, 2018 11:26:34 GMT -5
the nurses will not be hands-on and that if they are going to need assistance, they should hire a doula
The above really struck a chord with me. I had my first two children in a hospital setting with a midwife. The midwives stayed through the entire birth. My third was born in a hospital with an OB. It was a vastly different experience. My water broke at 36 weeks and I had to go right to labor and delivery. With no contractions I was induced. After I was set up there was almost no medical support. The nurses periodically came in the room, but then left. My husband and I were on our own. It caused me a lot of anxiety especially with an early baby. I could not believe I was experiencing a major medical event without the help of a professional. I am sorry you experienced such a traumatic birth. I think you should get a doula and press the hospital for them to be allowed in the surgery. Any thought to a Certified Nurse Midwife? They might be allowed in the OR since they are medical professionals.
I don’t think a history of gestational hypertension with postpartum hemorrhage is a good candidate for midwife care.
But I am absolutely getting a doula next time. And if they won’t let my doula in the OR, then fuck them, I will find someone who will.
I am sorry if I was insensitive about mentioning a Midwife. I suggested one because my midwife practice was in hospital and took all patients because they coordinated care with an OB. I probably got lucky and did not consider that in my response.
One of the best parts of the doula service they offered was post partum care. She helped in the hospital after birth and even came to my apartment for 6 visits. That was a life saver for me, after my 1st my anxiety was skyhigh.
But I am absolutely getting a doula next time. And if they won’t let my doula in the OR, then fuck them, I will find someone who will.
It’s often an issue of space and protecting the sterile zone. Some hospitals have remodeled to accommodate 2 support people in the OR so that’s a great question to ask when looking at hospitals Mine was rebuilt a few years ago and they designed the OR to allow mom 2 support people if she wants.
Not a repeat, but I just had an unplanned non-emergent cesarean for failure to descend and opted for surgery sooner rather than later in part to make sure the experience was as “gentle” as possible
1. The surgery went according to plan we discussed while laboring. So it was a rough plan. I requested skin to skin, my husband’s presence, and a clear drape to see him come out. I got all of those things. My husband got to hold him almost immediately and cut the cord, which i hadn’t requested but appreciated. I had hoped to try breast feeding in the OR but I just wasn’t physically up for trying and felt like it wouldn’t be safe with all the shaking. I do wonder if I hadn’t labored for 26 hours and pushed for over 4 if we might have had a better shot, but my kid had trouble latching until a week after birth anyways.
2. I had an epi so no spinal. My husband was invited into the room after the epi was prepped for surgery.
3. Can’t compare recovery personally, but my OB was adamant that a scheduled cesarean next time (skipping brutal labor) would be much easier on my body. They did mention that going through the labor process is good for baby’s lungs though.
4. I was freezing and shaking the whole time, but I never felt nausea.
5. My hospital allows a doula in addition to your support person, but we didn’t have a doula.
6. We talked very briefly about placenta previa, hemorrhage, uterine rupture and the risk of hysterectomy. I was in crazy pain, exhausted, and wanted baby OUT, so no in depth conversation. After surgery, my OB suggested we schedule an appointment when I’m ready to think seriously about future children to calculate my likelihood of having a successful VBAC and to review my options.
7. Things that I hadn’t expected - spending so much time in recovery with minimal support for my baby and exhausted husband and poor pain management (so nurse dependent, and I really disliked the L&D nurse who was there for the birth — the rest were great! Bad timing. Would likely hire a doula to help).
8. Things I want next time - 1) to see if there’s any drug combination that won’t leave me shaking uncontrollably and afraid to hold my baby 2) to make more of an effort to breast feed immediately 3) to determine if any hospitals near me will allow for a clear drape throughout surgery (not just a quick lift at the end) so I can better connect with the process and not feel so detached
I had an elective c-section due to trauma from labour and delivery with my TFMR. I was expecting resistance because I moved countries in the middle of my pregnancy, and though all my records in the UK gave me no problem with an elective c-section, I thought I might encounter resistance in Canada where, 2 years later, I "seemed" pretty fine about my past. Luckily I was completely wrong and got no resistance whatsoever. Everyone was super understanding, though my Canadian maternity GP was a little more blasé than I'd have liked.
In hindsight, I wish I'd had the gentle c-section, but at the time I think I was afraid something else might go wrong and I was not sure I'd be able to cope if I could actually see that happening. My c-section was really great, a totally different experience from my labour, though some of that was because of the obvious reason of birthing a live baby. It was on time, and I remember hearing the surgeon tell his team going in to treat me with extra care because I'd been through a really rough time. So even though I'd only met this doctor once (just how it works here - you have maternity GPs and OB surgeons are separate) he was wonderful.
I got my spinal by myself, though I was really nervous about it. It was a bit cold, but not awful. I had told the anesthesiologist beforehand that I am really prone to the pukes, so she gave me the strongest anti-nausea meds beforehand and told me to tell her if I was feeling at all sick.
My H was allowed in the OR. I believe hospital policy was 1 support person. My mum waited back at my hospital room.
My DD was given to me right away, though not skin-to-skin, but I hadn't thought to request that, so they might have done it. I breastfed in recovery, and was back in my room after an hour. It took about 24 hours for the spinal to wear off and the catheter to come out, but afterwards I was off most pain meds and moving around.
I am completely happy with my c-section because I know it was the right choice for me, but I did agonize over it for months prior, wondering what was better and safer because I was so terrified of losing another baby... All this to say that it's a hard decision - huge hugs.
If you are interested in a midwife (and I think it sounds like it would really comfort you), see if you can find an OB practice that has midwives as well. I had twins and GD, so not really a midwife candidate. But I saw the midwife for most of my appointments, saw the OB occasionally, and also saw a MFM specialist throughout. But my midwife was a huge source of comfort for both of us and an advocate for me and our babies in the hospital. She held my hands and looked in my eyes while they did the spinal. She hugged me and my husband while we cried about our son's lung issues. She listened to our concerns about nursing staff and left and made sure we didn't see a specific nurse again until our kids were discharged. She was a true advocate for me and I'll always be grateful to her. Maybe if you could find an office that would give you that resource in addition to an OB, that would be helpful.
I'm not going to ask about this because I know it's super personal, but I will tell you that therapy was immensely helpful for me in getting over my traumatic birth. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 5 months post-birth and the treatment for that has really helped. It doesn't erase what happened, but it helped me cope with it.