Bring on the flames! (Guy #2)

[letyourselfgo]

If you read my post in FFFC, I said that if the guy who is dating someone long distance did ask me to hang out.....I would.

Well, whattaya know? He did.

We were yapping on FB about various stuff, including WOW. He plays. I am attempting to try to play.....provided my internet stops cutting out randomly and throttling on me during the download. I said that to him.

He says: If you need a faster download, come to my apartment. I am paying for Charter's top speed. Come over after my class.

I've decided to go. It's just an invitation to download, right? It's possible to just hang out with a guy without anything going THERE, right?

Flame away!

[BlueBayou]

You also said you need to keep your distance !! And you are right! Especially someone who claims to have "someone" however insignificant it may seem. AND given you say you have feelings for him. Im gonna say this is a VERY BAD idea and hope you come to your senses by morning (keeping fingers crossed double time)

[letyourselfgo]

We talked for several hours. And it was clear to both of us that our friendship is just that.

There are many things (not negative....just dealbreakers for me in general for someone that I see potential in.) that he disclosed about himself. He made it clear that he wasn't into me in that way, and I saw (for the first time) that often times.....our crushes aren't based in reality.

We just talked and played WOW and ate pizza.

[Deleted]

No flaming from me. Guy friends are just that, guys who are friends. As long as YOU know it isn't anything more and HE also knows it isn't anything more, then carry on and have game night. Heck, even invite people over for it. You could make a nice raiding party out of it, if thats your thing.

[kaneen]

Sept 19, 2012 3:47:36 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

We talked for several hours. And it was clear to both of us that our friendship is just that.

There are many things (not negative....just dealbreakers for me in general for someone that I see potential in.) that he disclosed about himself. He made it clear that he wasn't into me in that way, and I saw (for the first time) that often times.....our crushes aren't based in reality.

We just talked and played WOW and ate pizza.

Dealbreakers? What? Like maybe that he is seeing someone else?

[baa1981]

I'm just curious if his girlfriend knows you two are hanging out?

[jojoandleo]

Sept 19, 2012 7:53:49 GMT -5 baa1981 said:

I'm just curious if his girlfriend knows you two are hanging out?

I heard this on here before-that an opposite sex friend should be a friend of the relationship, so, I hope she does!

[Deleted]

Sept 19, 2012 7:58:22 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Sept 19, 2012 7:53:49 GMT -5 baa1981 said:

I'm just curious if his girlfriend knows you two are hanging out?

I heard this on here before-that an opposite sex friend should be a friend of the relationship, so, I hope she does!

If not, the OP could always say, "Hey, I'm a girl, and I know that things can often look bad, so please let your girlfriend know we are hanging out if you haven't already." If they become good friends, or the girlfriend asks to, next time she is in town they can all meet or whatever. Problem solved.

[dakotadangerdog]

Sept 19, 2012 7:35:32 GMT -5 kaneen said:

Sept 19, 2012 3:47:36 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

We talked for several hours. And it was clear to both of us that our friendship is just that.

There are many things (not negative....just dealbreakers for me in general for someone that I see potential in.) that he disclosed about himself. He made it clear that he wasn't into me in that way, and I saw (for the first time) that often times.....our crushes aren't based in reality.

We just talked and played WOW and ate pizza.

Dealbreakers? What? Like maybe that he is seeing someone else?

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

[achase123]

Sept 19, 2012 9:56:50 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

Sept 19, 2012 7:35:32 GMT -5 kaneen said:

Dealbreakers? What? Like maybe that he is seeing someone else?

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

QFT. Why even GO there? It sounds like you're flirting with disaster here but seem adament you want to do it. Don't be surprised when he makes a move on you.

[letyourselfgo]

I'll tell him to tell her and we're just going to have to get on Skype and talk about this together.

Among the dealbreakers is, that he is in a relationship. There are others, mostly that he won't even be living in this country a year from now and never plans to return. Why bother pursuing someone who isn't even going to be in the same hemisphere in such a short time? I don't do LDR's, even when the party in question is single....which he is not.

[baa1981]

Sept 19, 2012 10:39:31 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

I'll tell him to tell her and we're just going to have to get on Skype and talk about this together.

Among the dealbreakers is, that he is in a relationship. There are others, mostly that he won't even be living in this country a year from now and never plans to return. Why bother pursuing someone who isn't even going to be in the same hemisphere in such a short time? I don't do LDR's, even when the party in question is single....which he is not.

Get on Skype and talk about what together??? That you're "friends" with her boyfriend???

[letyourselfgo]

Sept 19, 2012 10:41:34 GMT -5 baa1981 said:

Sept 19, 2012 10:39:31 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

I'll tell him to tell her and we're just going to have to get on Skype and talk about this together.

Among the dealbreakers is, that he is in a relationship. There are others, mostly that he won't even be living in this country a year from now and never plans to return. Why bother pursuing someone who isn't even going to be in the same hemisphere in such a short time? I don't do LDR's, even when the party in question is single....which he is not.

Get on Skype and talk about what together??? That you're "friends" with her boyfriend???

Exactly. Having opposite sex friends while someone is in a relationship shouldn't be an issue. At least not to me. If it is to her....then bye bye friendship.

[letyourselfgo]

Sept 19, 2012 10:44:11 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Sept 19, 2012 10:39:31 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

I'll tell him to tell her and we're just going to have to get on Skype and talk about this together.

Among the dealbreakers is, that he is in a relationship. There are others, mostly that he won't even be living in this country a year from now and never plans to return. Why bother pursuing someone who isn't even going to be in the same hemisphere in such a short time? I don't do LDR's, even when the party in question is single....which he is not.

Just because you are thinking about a relationship with him doesn't mean he is... he might just want to hook up while he is in another country and his GF will never know? When I was in Australia I hooked up with a guy for months even though we both knew I was leaving and we weren't going to do a LDR

I'm thinking about relationships.....but NOT with this guy. I said that I liked him and felt attracted to him.....but not that I wanted a relationship. Besides, he's already IN one.

He also is from the US and so is his SO. He plans to leave the US and go live in Korea for the rest of his life.....long story. No, he's not Korean. That's what I meant about living in another country.

I'll admit that being alone with him wasn't the best idea. Will I do it again? No.

However, that leads into the question: Is it appropriate to be friends with someone of the opposite sex who is in a relationship? I'm getting the impression from here and elsewhere IRL, that this is something that is frowned upon.

[letyourselfgo]

I just need to make new friends, I guess. It's just been like pulling teeth. I was initially frightened of coming to this school anyway because I knew NO ONE. The only two people that I knew were guys that I liked....

fear realized.

[jojoandleo]

Sept 19, 2012 19:12:20 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

However, that leads into the question: Is it appropriate to be friends with someone of the opposite sex who is in a relationship? I'm getting the impression from here and elsewhere IRL, that this is something that is frowned upon.

You can be friends with the opposite sex if they are in a relationship. You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for when they are in a relationship. You only got backlash because you admitted to being attracted to him and then went to his house...alone. That is playing with fire.

To be friends with the opposite sex you need to be a "friend of the relationship". This does NOT mean you have to be friends with HER, but you can't be the person he comes to bitch about his GF to, or be the person who rags on her. You have to encourage the relationship, not undermine it. Otherwise, you get in a sticky situation where, you may grow attached to him, him you as his confidante, or the GF may hate you because all you do is talk shit on her and she can make you go away.

I would not blink an eye if H's coworker came over to our home while I was out of town just the two of them, but that is because she and I are cordial (but not friends), she supports our relationship. She would never do anything that makes me uncomfortable. (I doubt she ever would do such a thing, though.)