@...kid timing

[emyinpink]

Forgive me...I'm drinking wine.

DH and I were at his coworker's baby shower on sunday, and got talking about babies. We know that we want to have 1 kid (well, I'm afraid that I'm going to be a horrible mom, but DH is convinced I'll be fine, lol). I really want to start my own company in a few years (and continue to stay in the startup world for at least 10 years or so). DH wants us to have our kid before he's 30 (he's 27 now, turning 28 next year).

Somehow we got to thinking TTC next year (with a goal to be pregnant summer of 2014) would be the best option. That way by the time I start my own company our kid's in school/preschool. We're both planning on staying working, but he'll probably dedicate more time to the kid stuff (I do want to be a mom, but I also really care about my career).

I don't know what I'm looking for here, just had to tell somebody. The thought of it is freaking me out, but I do think the thought of a kid is something we want. I'm honestly terrified of how to balance kid + career. Especially since my career isn't something that's going to ease up in my early thirties. And DH feels extremely strong about having kids young (his dad had him at 24).

[georgeharrison]

Having a kid is often scary planned or not. There is nothing wrong with freaking out about the thought. If you are both sure that you want to have a child, try to figure out when you think it would be reasonable and then go for it. There will never be a perfect time, but that doesn't mean that you can't try to plan a good time for it (and of course, TTC could take a while, which I know you know).

I'm sure you'll be a great mom. There are lots of awesome moms who have awesome careers. It sounds like you have a real advantage in this area with how supportive you envision your husband being in his parenting role.

Good luck in your thoughts and decision. It's not something to be taken lightly, but you are such a smart lady so trust yourself and your husband.

[tacocat]

You can do it! Can your husband WFH or anything like that? I am sure you will make it work..

[emyinpink]

ya, DH can definitely work from home. he's really good at taking care of the pup (he's basically primary doggie caretaker, lol). our industry tends to be pretty flexible, but the folks who do startups and have a kid definitely tend to be men. the few women (if they have kids at all) typically have them much later.

it's just a weird thought because I kept thinking that we'd be able to wait years and years, we started realizing that maybe it is better to have our child sooner rather than later.

[Deleted]

Honestly I think even if you wait you won't feel ready for it... I don't think you ever do. I know there's days that I think to myself that we could have waited longer and I'd have been okay with that. That being said, it is easier to have a child when you are younger.. that way when you get older they need less time and attention. I'd say if your H is all for staying at home caring for the child or taking the primary care-taking position and he feels like he is ready for it then go for it. In the end you both need to be okay with it though! Good luck!

[jennlin]

there's no such thing as a perfect time...and if you wait for it, you'll never get to it.

[karebear219]

Don't worry you'll be fine. You can have a baby and accomplish your goals. The biggest thing is having a supportive husband and it sounds like you have that. It's not easy, but like the other girls sad, there is no perfect time to have a baby.

[picksthemusic]

Sept 18, 2012 23:40:52 GMT -5 georgeharrison said:

Having a kid is often scary planned or not. There is nothing wrong with freaking out about the thought. If you are both sure that you want to have a child, try to figure out when you think it would be reasonable and then go for it. There will never be a perfect time, but that doesn't mean that you can't try to plan a good time for it (and of course, TTC could take a while, which I know you know).

I'm sure you'll be a great mom. There are lots of awesome moms who have awesome careers. It sounds like you have a real advantage in this area with how supportive you envision your husband being in his parenting role.

Good luck in your thoughts and decision. It's not something to be taken lightly, but you are such a smart lady so trust yourself and your husband.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[sarack]

today, i think having children is more important than work.. but that's besides the point.

you two can totally do it. i wouldn't have a child just for his satisfaction though. i'd make sure that you want it too, and you'd be willing to put in time. i agree that we'll never be fully ready, and i think everything always works out, but you should have the desire and confidence that everything will be ok. my opinion, obviously. don't do it just for your h, you should want it equally.. so there isn't ever any resentment. a baby will change your body, your life,e verything. remember that.

[emyinpink]

thanks so much everyone, your thoughts have really helped. I think you're right, there really never is the perfect time. I do really want a kid, and I'm totally blessed to have an extremely supportive husband who will either be the primary, or at least an equal caretaker. I just also can't help the fear, and knowing what pregnancy does to your body, and worrying about sacrifices.

I know it's not logical that work feels just as important as children, but honestly, I couldn't imagine not working and not giving my all to my work. I know I'll have to make some sacrifices and I'm okay with that, it's just so damn scary.

[karebear219]

The fear for me was a lot more scary than it actually is.

On the body thing... I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant and it helped a lot
in getting back into shape after. I'm still not where I was, mostly because of injuries, but also do to the fact running sprints at six am is about as appealing as a root canal. I'm pretty close though.

All joking aside, if you are committed to being healthy after you'll be able to get your body back.

[kwpnjumper55]

Taking the step to have children is very scary! I was fairly young when we decided to have children but I don't regret it one bit.

[emyinpink]

Sept 19, 2012 23:23:57 GMT -5 karebear219 said:

The fear for me was a lot more scary than it actually is.

On the body thing... I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant and it helped a lot
in getting back into shape after. I'm still not where I was, mostly because of injuries, but also do to the fact running sprints at six am is about as appealing as a root canal. I'm pretty close though.

All joking aside, if you are committed to being healthy after you'll be able to get your body back.

honestly, this is a really selfish reason for me to have kids sooner rather than later. I work out a ton now, and definitely plan to continue working out during pregnancy (and after). but this is really good to hear. DH also promised a boob lift/tummy tuck if needed, haha.