Getting older and less desire to have kids

[Bernadine]

Yes. Xh and I tried to get pg for years.

Now, I'm not so sure. Like you said- it's SO much work. And money. And it seems like such a huge stress on a relationship. I'm not sure anymore that I want to deal with all of that.

[Deleted]

I have never really wanted kids and the older I get the more convinced I am of that. I honestly see nothing appealing about them. Sure they can be cute and what not, but I like having my nieces and nephews for that "fix" then giving them back when I want my own life again.

[stephbfan]

Sept 19, 2012 13:20:32 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Sure they can be cute and what not, but I like having my nieces and nephews for that "fix" then giving them back when I want my own life again.

This is exactly what my sister says. She also adds that she can be more of a friend to DD because its not her job to discipline her.

[dakotadangerdog]

Dude I'm only 25 and I'm seriously questioning it. I've never been on the baby train really, and after reading so much shit on ML and here and just seeing how much my parents have to deal with my sister and blah blah blah it just sounds fucking OVERWHELMING. I think I'm good with just getting with a guy who A) has no desire for kids B)has em with someone else if they aren't crazy, and I don't have to be their parent.

[starburst604]

Sept 19, 2012 13:27:01 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Right now I know I want kids but my ovaries aren't aching like they were when I was TTC with XH. Kids are tough sure but I know I've always wanted them. I have a feeling once I find myself settling with someone, the urge to have a family will creep back in. Right now though, the thought isn't even in my mind because I'm not at a place for children in my life. I definitely always knew I wanted them and still want them on day.

Definitely this. I've gone through phases of seriously wanting them, usually when I was in a relationship, but my psyche seems to have a way of looking at the kids completely differently when I'm single. Really, it's probably a good mindset to have, rather than being so clouded by wanting kids that you make a bad decision on a partner.

[chrissie3416]

Im actually on the complete other end of the spectrum. I just turned 32 and my desire to have another child just keeps getting stronger. I have one awesome DD and I can't wait to have another child. However, I have vowed to not have another one with a dumbass. So I'll wait as long as I have to in order to meet a guy who I love, and is stable.

[Deleted]

So a little off topic, but does it seem to anyone else that being a parent seems to be so much harder these days? I mean I hear all about these exhausted/frazzled mothers, but that didn't seem to be the case like say 20 years ago did it? Or did no one talk about it? I remember my aunts having kids and it didn't seem like nearly as a big of deal as my friends are making it out to be.

[Deleted]

I was JUST thinking about this today. I was in line at Chipotle for lunch and the woman in front of me had a newborn in a carrier and a little boy about 3 running around in circles. And I thought to myself - "That does not seem desireable to me."

I mean, yes, I know that when you have kids, they are your greatest pride and accomplishment, you can not imagine life without them, and it's a totally different kind of love that I couldn't comprehend as someone who is not a mother. But I guess I have never felt the urge or need to reproduce - but maybe that's also because I wasn't with the right partner and I knew that.

I have said that moving forward now that I am single again (I am 30), I could see my life going either way. I can see myself having children and being happy and I can also see never having children and being happy. I think a lot of it will depend ultimately on the partner I end up with for the long haul.

[Bernadine]

Well, a lot of women work now, and are still the primary caregivers/housekeepers. So most are trying to do everything women had to do 20 years ago, and work a full-time job.

[aerochyck]

I think that today there are somethings that can make it more difficult but ultimately it is perception and attitude.

[leahmel]

I was just "meh", about having kids, and now I am with a guy who has a kid and is an awesome father, it definitely elevates my wanting to have one. I am warming up to the idea of a family a lot more now. I am in NO rush, but I know that having a partner who will be a supportive co-parent makes it seem way more desirable.

[hainesherway]

My desire to have kids never kicked in until after I was married to XH (31). It went away while I was going through a divorce, and now that I've been with L for 1.5 years and see what a great father he is to his DD, my baby fever has come back. The arrival of my nephew has increased it even more. I agree it seems like a lot of time and expense, but I think the joys outweigh that.

[heavenly]

I was age 34 when I had DS. You couldn't get me to hold a baby before I had him. Now you can't get him out of my arms lol!

I used to be so gung ho on wanting baby no. 2., even through and right after my divorce. But as DS is older and being a single working mom, I don't want baby no.2. It might change if I do meet the right kind of man in the right timing. If not, I am really am more than okay with just having DS.

[dakotadangerdog]

TOOO MANY NON-BENEFITS

[roselis]

When I was married I wanted 2 kids. I've wanted 2 kids for as long as I can remember. Now....I am perfectly happy with just A.

[Deleted]

Sept 19, 2012 14:04:08 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Well, a lot of women work now, and are still the primary caregivers/housekeepers. So most are trying to do everything women had to do 20 years ago, and work a full-time job.

Well that's the interesting thing. My friends who stay at home seem to be REALLY stressed. As in my friend demanded her husband come home early from work because her one kid was sick. Ummm?

[explorer2001]

My exH pressing for us to hurry up and have kids when he was being completely irresponsible and we didn't have enough.insurance to cover any maternity care was part if what started the wheels rolling about things not being right in my head. I have always wanted kids. I love kids and borrow my friends' kids whenever I can because they are great. I'd love to have my own someday but I won't do it without the right partner. Sadly I just had this conversation at a work event last night.