How far in advance do you plan holidays?

[fernweh]

I called my parents this morning to find out what time Christmas Eve dinner is and what she wants me to bring. She was annoyed and hadn’t given it any thought since it’s still early. It’s two weeks away!!

H works retail and has to work Christmas Eve. He can set the time he wants to be there but has to do so this week. This is in no way new to my family as until recently several members worked retail. I feel like it’s reasonable to have at least a time decided on two weeks out.

I guess this is more of a vent then anything else. My mom has been driving me nuts lately.

[cabbagecabbage]

Deleted the first part. I totally read wrong.

Neither of you is wrong. That said, my mother breathing makes me want to scream right now, so I totally understand how you feel and validate your annoyance. I'm hosting family Christmas the weekend prior and have no menu or plan at all.

[eddy]

If it were a small gathering I would not be ready to say a specific time two weeks out. But your reasoning is valid, so I would hurry up my mental process to figure it out.

For family we keep it casual. We nail down lunch or dinner and then figure out time and details a couple days ahead of time.

[redheadk]

We've had ours roughly planned since Thanksgiving week. Our families all live roughly in our area. Seeing everyone requires coordination. I get wanting to keep things loose but if we are going to fit everyone in, decisions need to be made regarding days/times.

My mother drives me nuts, too. I get you.

[penguingrrl]

You’re not wrong. We generally do the same thing every Christmas Eve, but times and such are confirmed by Thanksgiving weekend at the latest (and work schedules discussed as part of the discussion as we have a lot of family members who work in the medical field). Given that your H needs to make work arrangements you’re being beyond reasonable.

[TR]

Well, we have to fly so we have general plans months ahead. And then we’re at the mercy of the people hosting so I’m not sure when they nail down times.

I do think they should be understanding to your H’s situation. Could he just request the earliest shift and that way he’ll be off as soon as possible to work around any time for dinner? Or is it like, maybe they’ll do brunch, maybe they’ll do dinner kind of thing?

[cjcouple]

I don't have anything planned yet either other than who is coming. I will probably figure it out 3 or 4 days beforehand but I also don't ask for anyone to bring anything except maybe grab a dessert to share if they ask. I do think 2+ weeks is early.

ETA: I missed the part about your DH working. I would want a time nailed down too.

[fernweh]

Dec 9, 2018 12:58:08 GMT -5 fernweh said:

I called my parents this morning to find out what time Christmas Eve dinner is and what she wants me to bring. She was annoyed and hadn’t given it any thought since it’s still early. It’s two weeks away!!

H works retail and has to work Christmas Eve. He can set the time he wants to be there but has to do so this week. This is in no way new to my family as until recently several members worked retail. I feel like it’s reasonable to have at least a time decided on two weeks out.

I guess this is more of a vent then anything else. My mom has been driving me nuts lately.

Dec 9, 2018 13:44:33 GMT -5 TR said:

Well, we have to fly so we have general plans months ahead. And then we’re at the mercy of the people hosting so I’m not sure when they nail down times.

I do think they should be understanding to your H’s situation. Could he just request the earliest shift and that way he’ll be off as soon as possible to work around any time for dinner? Or is it like, maybe they’ll do brunch, maybe they’ll do dinner kind of thing?

it will definitely be dinner but the time varies from year to year. We live about an hour away so by the time he gets off and we get there it would be nice to have him arrange his schedule so we aren’t showing up as everyone is eating. I think I’m more bothered at how annoyed she got me asking. She knows tour situation we’ve been together 12 years it isn’t new...

[minionkevin]

It depends on the holiday and who we’re spending it with. On Christmas Eve, one of my cousins rides around town dressed up as Santa on the fire truck starting at 5, and my mom’s house is the first or second stop bc my kids are the youngest of those he visits, so we either have to be done eating at 5, or eat after he leaves. Since I have to work 8-noon on Christmas Eve, my kids still nap, and we live 45 minutes away, we will probably eat around 5:30. Planning the meal for 4, let’s say, with those constraints is difficult. This, however, was like a 2 minute conversation with my mom maybe 3 days ago, not something that requires a bunch of thought.
When my MIL was alive and I was hosting (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas breakfast after the kids were born, sometimes Easter), if I didn’t have a time and a menu set a week to 10 days ahead of time, she would literally call my H 2x a day until I threw my hands up and figured it out. Even if I changed it (which was often), I had to have something in mind so she wouldn’t be an absolute PITA.

[Deleted]

We travel most holidays, so it's planned far out. If we stay home, it's just us so it doesn't matter. We like to eat at noon, though, then go for a long walk to feel like it wasn't a 12452116 calorie meal.

[bex1973]

We pick the day a couple months in advance so everyone can coordinate. I don't think it's unreasonable to have a time set in advance given your H's schedule. We picked our time because of work schedules as well. But it's pretty common for my family to advance plan because of so many differing schedules.

[Eagles]

Every year it's a to do about where we're going and when, so I've asked H to please nail down our Christmas Eve plans already. We used to have to make multiple stops on Christmas and last year I was like "no more."

[turnipthebeet]

I plan everything as far in advance as possible, including menus, assignments, times, and other meals before/after.

And yes, I am a lot of fun at parties :-)

[Gato]

I don’t really plan. I might have a menu a few days beforehand, and if people are coming from out of town, I’d certainly have ideas on where they’d sleep and what we may like to do. And if someone said they needed to know times in order to schedule their work hours, I’d definitely nail that down for them. But in general, we don’t have set times for anything, we just go with the flow.

[ssmjlm]

I think give the work schedule, that asking now would be reasonable.

Also DH and I just discussed what time to have people over because it will depend on what food I serve. And I don’t want to be shopping for everything the weekend before.

But I’m a planner and everyone knows it at this point, lol.

[Leeham Rimes]

We don’t plan, ever, which can be frustrating and leads to issues. Yaaaay family.

[wineandcheese]

Normally I plan weeks in advance. My MIL and my mom have been asking since Thanksgiving what I am planning. I just don’t have the motivation this year. MIL gave up asking and just said she is bringing desserts.

If I knew someone had to work, I would make more of an effort to plan.

[yentl]

I mean, I know where I'll be on Christmas Eve and Christmas but I have not thought ahead to any specific times. I'm also one of those people that gets annoyed/stressed when someone asks me details I haven't really thought about. It happens a lot, I don't get the motivation to really plan until that adrenaline rush hits that I might not get stuff done. But I think you have a reasonable request.

I'm going away for the weekend for my birthday which is 8 months away and I have basically the date and location picked. One of my friends was asking me the itinerary and where we might go for dinner, etc. I had to basically tell her to chill because there's no way I'll be even thinking of any of that for another 7 months. I was feeling pretty good about myself for having started the process until she chimed in haha.

[Jalapeñomel]

We love so far away from family, so unless we are traveling, we don’t plan.

[m15]

We live far away, so we plan. However, our "plan" is always staying at home. Our families come at different times. We rarely go home because there is too much drama about who sees the kids first, where we stay, and what we do. I hate it. This year, my mom asked if she could be here on xmas morning and I told her no. We have lived here for 17 years and she has never once been here on xmas day. The 4 of us do our own thing and she has been on my last nerve the last few times I've seen her so i'm not ruining my xmas over it. Sorry...turned inti my own rant. 🤣 When we are home, my family has had xmas eve celebration at the same exact time for the 39 years I've been alive.

[macmars45]

We figure it out by Thanksgiving so everyone can figure it out with their work schedules well in advance.

[icedcoffee]

I like to know plans at least a month out. You’re not being unreasonable at all.

[galaxy8227]

We plan DH's family party before Thanksgiving to coordinate with people's work schedule (both myself and BIL work Saturdays). SIL usually asks us early in that week to bring stuff, but it's generic (like a dessert and beer/wine) so that's plenty of time.

[msmerymac]

Oh, my mom planned all her menus for the entire week in October. That's also when she buys gifts.

Since we live 300 miles away, I tell my parents what days we will be there and then they plan around that. We don't need to coordinate times, though, since I stay at my mom's house and then just go over to my dad's house on Christmas eve whenever he says it's convenient.

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

No.

[circa1978]

My side of the family would be totally fine sitting down with a calendar and spreadsheet and planning the next 10 years in one go. My ILs once showed up at my door with no warning, despite living two time zones away.

[litskispeciality]

I think you're well within a time frame, esp if you need to know for your husband's work schedule.

We know my husband's schedule a year in advance and yet we still plan 2 weeks or less before the holiday, it's super frustrating. My BIL actually invited us to something on Christmas Eve this year but isn't sure if he has to work that day. I'd rather hold a day/time than get a last min invite and then be a bad guy for not going.